The "What are you doing now" question

[NeilDH]

My wife and I are 7 months into ... whatever we or people want to call what we're doing -- retirement, semiretirement, on sabbatical, FIRE. When we took a voluntary buyout from our employer (we worked at the same place), we hadn't used the R word, but others started using it for us! We are in our low 50s. So the question is, how did y'all face that question we've been getting endlessly, "What are you doing now?" It's more loaded for me than I might have thought. (My wife is less worried about it.) I can answer that I'm taking a course in preparation for possible part-time or seasonal work later, tending to our lives, tending to extended family, getting involved locally, volunteering. But the whole question, especially from peers, suggests we must be seeking new work or purpose. I still have some guilt about that -- and guilt about discussing our nicer lifestyle with peers who still are toiling. You?

 

[Dash man]

When I retired eleven years ago at age 56, all I ever said when asked was “whatever I want.”
I found plenty to do and enjoyed down time reading books and studying investments. I was and still am very involved with my church. We did a lot of traveling and bought some real estate. I got into better shape and lost weight in the process. Unfortunately, heath issues have since caught up with me, causing a reduction in travel. But having our kids and grandkids nearby makes up for that.
I haven’t been bored even one day in retirement. I can’t say that for the years before retirement.

 

[5Miler]

I have never understood all the angst over this issue. I left the corporate world 12 years ago at 58 and let it be known I retired if anyone asked. I didn't really care if they approved or not. What I do with my time is for me to share only if I feel the need like with my immediate family and some friends. All others get a vague reply. I don't do this to be unfriendly or rude, it's just none of their business. DGF retired 10 years ago at 55 and shares a similar attitude.

Now that I'm about to turn 71, people don't ask anymore.

I will say that after just returning from a 5 week vacation, it is amazing the number of people we ran into at our resort that were still working in their 70's and had to get back home for work after their week of time off. I say no thanks to that. When most of them learned we were there for 5 1/2 weeks, they acted amazed at such a thing.

 

[CO-guy]

People have been asking me that same question. When folks find out I'm no longer with my former employer, I tell them the truth: I run my own business, which gives me the time to do what I enjoy.

 

[donheff]

I'm twenty years in. I go on international bike tours every year. Did the Grand Canyon rafting two years ago and Antarctica last year. I year ago, I began an engaging fascination with deep space astrophotography. Today, I was querying an AI large language model on how it stores and processes information. There are endless things to do.

 

[tmitchell]

Funny just yesterday I was at the dentist and my hygienist asked "so what do you do all day??" I found myself stumbling over myself trying to give a "good" answer, listing off hobbies, exercise, classes I'm taking. I felt weirdly uneasy.

Maybe I should have just said "I'm retired" but also in my 50s I feel a bit odd saying that. Of course, I was very tied up in my work identity, so just slowly letting that fall away has been a piece of work.

I think my issue is I feel a bit like I'm bragging since I don't know anyone in my peer group who's been able to make the jump yet. Maybe I need a job LOL.

 

[pacergal]

We retired at age 60, well DH was 59 as he retired 6 months before me. My co workers heard all year prior that I was retiring to play with grandkids, travel and do what I wanted when they asked!
And we have done exactly that.
I did go back to work on call several times to train new supervisors, but never more than 1-2 days a week, longest stint was 9 months.
Now at age 67, if anyone asks, I reply with a short answer: stay busy doing what I enjoy every day.

 

[Jerry1]

Answers it by first not reading anything into it. “What are you doing?” Well right now, I’m taking a class and living life.

Simple. Just view it as a conversation starter. No different than - Hey, how’s it going? You are what you are. Nothing to be defensive of. Just own it.

Personally, I’m good with telling people something like - Not much. I’m not real driven. I enjoy my golfing and pool in the summer and I enjoy the down time in the winter. The rest is basically just household chores like yard work, shopping, cooking . . . you know, life.

 

[NeilDH]

Funny just yesterday I was at the dentist and my hygienist asked "so what do you do all day??" I found myself stumbling over myself trying to give a "good" answer, listing off hobbies, exercise, classes I'm taking. I felt weirdly uneasy.

Maybe I should have just said "I'm retired" but also in my 50s I feel a bit odd saying that. Of course, I was very tied up in my work identity, so just slowly letting that fall away has been a piece of work.

I think my issue is I feel a bit like I'm bragging since I don't know anyone in my peer group who's been able to make the jump yet. Maybe I need a job LOL.

This is about exactly what I'm going through, tmitchell. It's especially weird since I'm in my low 50s, whereas people may, I don't know, respect the situation more for people in their 60s.

 

[Koolau]

Relatively few people ever asked me, but I never worried about it. If anyone asked what I do all day, I simply told them "whatever I feel like that day."

 

[Dalton]

This is about exactly what I'm going through, tmitchell. It's especially weird since I'm in my low 50s, whereas people may, I don't know, respect the situation more for people in their 60s.

It's more respectable to me, that you were successful enough in your career and in living a lifestyle, that has allowed you to retire when you are younger and can take advantage of that success. You've won the game, celebrate it.

I busted my tail (working too much and dealing with high stress work) and saved for just short of 40 years. I'm proud that I can tell people that I'm finally able to sleep and relax, and take the trips that were so often derailed by project deadlines. None of my friends have retired early, so that was the first big lesson (I'd have more fun during the week if a friend or two were available), and when they ask, I just assume they are trying to picture not having to go to work. I have gotten better at not rubbing it in so much.

 

[Gumby]

I retired when I was 60, so not that early. The very few times I've been asked, I've had no problem saying "I'm retired". That sometimes leads to the question "How do you spend your time now?" So I tell them what I do - work in my garden, pursue my never ending list of chores that comes with having a very old house, help out around my church, read books, do genealogical research, travel with my wife, putz around on this board. In my experience, people are just trying to have a conversation. Once or twice, someone has said "Wow, you're lucky." And I have always replied with gusto - "Yes, I am!"

 

[Aerides]

"what do you do all day?"
- whatever I want!
- whatever my spouse wants us to do
- I workout/run/build-model-airplanes/argue-online a whole lot more

take your pick. Have a short sweet answer. End of conversation.

Anyone who pries beyond that must be a close friend or family member, and you can give them more details, but typically they'll get bored and move on.

 

[sengsational]

I like to say I relax into the things I used to rush through on the weekends, and somehow, no matter how hard I try, there's always another thing I'm interested in that I "need to get to some day."

 

[Koolau]

I haven’t been bored even one day in retirement. I can’t say that for the years before retirement.

Yes and even bored in retirement is better than "engaged" at w*rk!

 

[street]

My answer is just living LIFE and stay busy with all the things in life that are important to me. Never a dull moment.

 

[Rianne]

Think of it as summer vacation, but all year long.

 

[Koolau]

Think of it as summer vacation, but all year long.

Heh, heh, especially in the "Land of Ever Summer" where I live. We rarely look at the weather report and can make "plans" on a whim. That's my idea of retirement - very little in the way of a schedule. YMMV

 

[NeilDH]

Well, I do know a few things for sure: I was right to leave my job, I know I don't want a new full-time job -- and if some sweet offer did come, I would insist on supreme flexibility -- and I do like being able to take advantage of good weather, as May is upon us now. I basically plan around it. I'm not giving up time outdoors, and I *love* not rushing.

 

[MarieIG]

Yes and even bored in retirement is better than "engaged" at w*rk!

The thing is - although I'm not jumping out of airplanes or skying the Swiss Alps, I haven't been bored. I really appreciate my retirement time and relish even the very quiet activities.

 

[Dtail]

As one gets older, they will typically be asked less frequently what they do all day, as they are expected to be retired.
Many folks who ask are of the same age and haven't retired yet, so kind of a self fulfilling excuse why they haven't retired yet.

 

[Walt34]

... -- and guilt about discussing our nicer lifestyle with peers who still are toiling. You?

At 74 now it's been quite a while since I've been asked that question. But I retired at 52 from a public safety job, everyone knew it, and "early retirement" is expected. With some rare exceptions you really don't want 65-year-old police officers or firefighters still working. It's a young person's job, "young" being defined as mid fifties at most.

 

[Retired Expat]

It's more respectable to me, that you were successful enough in your career and in living a lifestyle, that has allowed you to retire when you are younger and can take advantage of that success. You've won the game, celebrate it.

I busted my tail (working too much and dealing with high stress work) and saved for just short of 40 years. I'm proud that I can tell people that I'm finally able to sleep and relax, and take the trips that were so often derailed by project deadlines. None of my friends have retired early, so that was the first big lesson (I'd have more fun during the week if a friend or two were available), and when they ask, I just assume they are trying to picture not having to go to work. I have gotten better at not rubbing it in so much.

Been retired some 13 years now. I used to tell folks I still maintained one important client who now got 100% of my attention. Me and my family.. that i still did projects in my field but for us. Health became a priority and a focus on our investments and expenses. So when they ask how it is going 12 years in I can tell them I am healthier and happier than ever before and I more than doubled our net worth in retirement. Best thing I ever did was refocus all that skill and energy that benefited employers and clients for us!

 

[jekbrown]

Considering the consistent dedication, sacrifice, and discipline required in order to retire young, telling people that you're retired should be a source of pride I would think. I'm about 6 years away myself, but I'll get there!

 

[Ronstar]

I don't get asked what I do all day anymore, but I did when I was newly retired. Those asking were people still working, but thinking about retiring. I think that they wanted to know what I (and others) did so that they could prepare themselves for what seemed to be endless hours of free time that they would have when they retired.