What rules govern your giving money to your children? When do you stop?
Do you pay for their devices?
Do you pay for their vacations?
Do they live rent free?
Do you give them free university?
Buy them a car?
Down payment on a house?
Our kids are in their 20's (23-28). Both dh and I knew we could count on our parents, yet I don't think we've been horribly entitled or screwed up our lives. So we will do the same with our kids. My husband borrowed about 5K for his first house back in the day, and when he sold his first place and bought a new one and tried to pay his parents back they wouldn't accept it. When I bought my first place my parents bought be a fridge and washer & dryer as a housewarming present.
We paid for college and a car (usually one we bought from credit union used rental car sales.
All three have a job and youngest ds is moving out next week to his first apartment. We've helped the kids with their new apartments in that they can take furniture or other items we no longer need and we co-signed for the two older kids for their first place (and both never had an issue).
Of course, there are things we wish they'd do different ( and I'm sure dh's and my parents felt the same, lol) but I feel they are acting responsibly. The two with 401k's are putting in 15% and the one who doesn't maxes out his IRA contribution. AFAIK, none have credit card debt.
My idea is to give support that won't result in the kind of dependence described in "The Millionaire Next Door", basically subsidizing a lifestyle beyond their limits.
So we still pay for their phones, because it's not that expensive on our plan. We will probably have them start to reimburse us one of these days though. We have had a family vacation every year or so and we pay (although it's honestly getting harder and harder because they all have different opportunities for vacation on their jobs). What we will likely do is separate weekend getaways with each kid once a year, accommodating to their schedules and we will pay. If we go out to dinner, we pay for their meals.
We don't subsidize apartments/cars/etc. When oldest ds wanted to buy a car, he couldn't afford the one he really wanted (some SUV). He ended up with a Jeep instead. That was hard for me....he's a good kid and I wanted to help him out, but we didn't. I also know, though, that when he buys his next car (and hopefully he can afford what he wants) he will have the pride in that achievement and I don't want to take that away.
My husband has a family reunion every year and it's a priority for dh and I that our kids still connect to the family, so we pay for their hotel and meals for that weekend.
I've told all three kids that if they have a child, dh and I will babysit the first year or two, even if we have to relocate temporarily to do so. My mom babysat my kids and I know what a blessing that was to us.
I think dh and I will also help when the kids want to buy a place, but I don't yet know what that will look like.
Having said all this, we do help out dh's sister and daughter a little. His sister has made some poor choices in her life and her daughter had some developmental disabilities. We send more generous monetary gifts, for example and help pay for their attendance at the family reunion. When they moved, dh helped drive them across the country so they weren't alone.