Who will handle your finances when you can't?

L

LA_Newsboy

Recycles dryer sheets
Joined
Jan 7, 2003
Messages
53
Anyone have experience or advice on ways to handle both short- and long-term finances in very old age? I'm talking about everything from handling the checkbook to handling the investment portfolio. If my wife goes first, I'll be confronting this challenge.



Various options might include: Family member? Daily money manager? Public fiduciary? Trust company? Are there others I haven't heard of?



I'm sure some of the smart folks on this board have given this some thought, and I would appreciate your sharing your approaches.



Thank you.
 
One of the very best things you can do is to get this book, use it, and let your wife and anyone else appropriate know of its existence and where it's located:

Erik A Dewey, PhD - The Big Book of Everything

Obviously the answers to the other questions are very personal and highly variable depending on your unique situation.

Personally I'd go with a trusted family member first if at all possible. Keeping investments as simple as possible is also very much on our minds. Right now we're down to 5 index funds with a clear IPS (Investment Policy Statement) indicating rebalancing triggers and where assets are held. It also contains a note to my wife saying that putting everything into Wellesley or Vanguard LifeStrategy Income fund is fine if need be should I go first.

Moving into those or other "fund of fund" options at the first inkling of cognitive decline if not before makes a lot of sense to me.

Others will doubtless have wiser thoughts to share.
 
This is a concern for me. I will be simplifying investments as much as possible, and have some things automated. But we will need a bill paying service and someone to do taxes. There aren’t younger family members who can take on these roles.
 
i've been doing it since the day we were married (coming up on 51-yrs). try as i might my smart, womderful, beautiful wife just doesn't have the interest needed. so, as i am statiscally likely to go first we are embarking on simplifying the finances for her. and should the need arise we have vested certain individuals with financial POA.
 
All depends.

For example, my inlaws have a decently large estate and save money from their pensions/Social each month. F.I.L., was the financial person, but prior to age 90, he was hit by dementia; M.I.L. is not up to/interested in their finances.

We are the geographically closest "kids" at 8 hour drive. 2 S.I.L.'s have team viewer access to their computers and track bills. But, most of the oversight/day-to-day is from the trust company.

OTOH, when my mom's dementia progresses, and when/if her second husband can't do it, my silblings all live less than 1 mile from them and will step up. (Mom has social security and essentially nothing else....)
 
My wife handles most of the finances now, so not a problem. My kids are both responsible adults, and could handle things properly.
 
LA_Newsboy said:
Anyone have experience or advice on ways to handle both short- and long-term finances in very old age? I'm talking about everything from handling the checkbook to handling the investment portfolio. If my wife goes first, I'll be confronting this challenge.

Various options might include: Family member? Daily money manager? Public fiduciary? Trust company? Are there others I haven't heard of?

I'm sure some of the smart folks on this board have given this some thought, and I would appreciate your sharing your approaches.

Thank you.
Click to expand...
We handled all of the in-law finances and record keeping for last 15 years of their lives. Spouse paid the bills, managed assisted living facility, and the bulk of work. I kept records, drew up yearly summary, and made recommendations for taxable brokerage.

There are four children, and one always stepped up when necessary. That is how so much work came to us. Since the M-I-L assigned executrix to a different sibling, that caused much friction along the way. What I suggest is that you get children together, and explain your expectations so that all are on the same page.

With our two children we can see that daughter will inherit more work for several reasons. She is the executrix, on checking accounts, and local. Both children are well off and capable, so we don't expect any significant management problems in the future. Both children are familiar with our financial institutions, and won't have difficulty interacting with them along the way.

I've been able to spend more time with daughter and introduce her to our instructions, various sites and my money spreadsheets. Fortunately her friend is a tax CPA and she'll navigate our 1st world problems.
 
This is also an issue of concern for me. For now, I plan to simplify our investments, put as much on auto-pilot as I can and leave detailed instructions for the young wife, who will likely survive me. The trickier part will be figuring out something for her after I'm gone (or for me, if I am the survivor). We have no children. We do have nephews and a niece, but they are far away, and I suspect that most of them would not be capable or particularly interested (although I would certainly make it financially worthwhile for them). So I look forward to everyone's suggestions in this thread.
 
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Similar to the thread Bruno pointed out but I'm following nonetheless - the topic becomes more compelling with each passing year. :)
 
I am lucky enough to have two daughters who I trust completely. One has a finance background and invests her own similar to how I invest mine. The other lives nearby and is both capable and willing to handle the day to day stuff if needed.
Already have the powers of attorney in place. I worry more about the pets than the finances. DD1 is hated by kitty, DD2's SO is allergic to her. They'll probably fight over who gets the dog though.
 
My(our) plan is to simplify as much as possible prior to assistance from DD. DD and her boyfriend (hopefully future SIL) are both interested in personal finance. Both frugal. If I can make it to 76 (DW will be 70) DW will have military pension, FERS pension and SS @ 70 for a total in todays dollars of 118K. She will also have her TSP which should be fully converted to ROTH by then. House (900k) should be paid off by then. No surviver benefit on my pension and the term policies run out that year so when I am gone she will have nothing more from me. Should be fairly streamlined at that point. Plan is for DD to become more involved every year going forward. She is 50% able as of now. High hopes for her. My DS not so much. He will always make good money but he and my DIL are not on the same page yet. Living above their means as of now. She has zero debt but 0 saved for retirement at age 28. Their problem.
 
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For me, DW will do fine should I become incapacitated or otherwise unavailable (i.e., dead). After her one of her nephews will do okay, although financially he's not the sharpest knife in the drawer at that stage of her life the amount of damage he'd do is limited.
 
One interesting thing I’ve discovered, as I’ve started managing my mother’s affairs, is how much resistance certain institutions have to recognizing a fully executed P of A. Bank of America was particularly difficult. I certainly can understand being careful but this seemed really obstructive. Thankfully Connecticut, where my mother lives, has a law requiring that P of As be honored so a call from her lawyer helped. But if I had a do-over I’d convince her to simply make me a co-signer from the get go. If I could talk her into that!!
 
This is a concern.
Especially as I now see with FIL in his 90's, his trusted banks were very happy to SELL him various investments/annuities.
Imagine selling an 84 yr old an annuity that doesn't start to pay out for 10 yrs !! What a lack of Morals that bank seller had. :mad::mad:
 
Sunset said:
This is a concern.
Especially as I now see with FIL in his 90's, his trusted banks were very happy to SELL him various investments/annuities.
Imagine selling an 84 yr old an annuity that doesn't start to pay out for 10 yrs !! What a lack of Morals that bank seller had. :mad::mad:
Click to expand...

agree. special place in Hades for that guy. did you have a chat with whomever supervises him?
 
Here is another good reason for getting this stuff simplified and figured out.

Besides some trusty bank selling various financial products to us , once we get too old to judge well, there is the issue of forgetting about the very products we were sold. :facepalm:

My dear FIL, told me, he thought he got rid of all his annuities, But I know of 3 he has in existence. I can only look to find papers, and then "hope" I found them all... :mad:
 
Sunset said:
This is a concern.
Especially as I now see with FIL in his 90's, his trusted banks were very happy to SELL him various investments/annuities.
Imagine selling an 84 yr old an annuity that doesn't start to pay out for 10 yrs !! What a lack of Morals that bank seller had. :mad::mad:
Click to expand...


+1 This is the type of issue I'm more worried about then if I can make the finances simple enough. Because DW and I have no kids (and no family in the area), I'm more worried about being swindled in old age, than maximizing investment returns. Once you're in your 80s who cares if not being in the market means you won't keep up with inflation.

I'm also concerned about getting to the doctor's office, stores, etc. in old age. Our goal is to stay at our current residence (1.5 acres outside of town) as long as we possibly can. Therefore, DW is very interested in learning to preform everything on my call file list (changing furnace filter, operating/maintenance of irrigation system, etc.) and learning things not on my list (programming house thermostats, etc).
 
Ultimately, you gotta trust someone...usually it ends up being a child, and trust me they'll do it while wishing they didn't have to.

If you're concerned about the POA issue setup a revocable living trust...we did this after my loved one was sick so I was co-trustee instead of successor.

More important IMHO is writing an advanced health care directive...my advice there is to grant your health care agent the broadest powers possible (in the USA, there's usually a model form for your state) and most importantly have some in-depth discussion with that agent about just how far you want to go.

E.g. if you're diagnosed with any form of dementia your statistical life expectancy collapses to around a decade...so if you develop another serious illness just how far do you want to go in treating it?

For me personally, it's palliative care only in that situation.
 
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We have 3 kids, and one is a college educated accountant. The other two are fiscally irresponsible. At 70 & 72, we're raising a 9 year old granddaughter and look after her 12 year old brother. We have to support those grandkids in our more senior years.

What's difficult is making hard decisions on who's going to get what. We'd rather make the grandkids financially stable in their adult years than let two children blow an inheritance. This is a situation where a special needs trust will be executed.

Unfortunately, many wills and directives are needed for estates--as the years go on. Needs and situations change. Our daughter/executor needs to just execute our wishes.
 
As a single person with no kids, I've wondered about this. I have a niece and nephew who will be inheriting what's left, so they should have some interest in making sure I don't get taken by a scan artist.



I will try to simplify things as I get older, and involve a lawyer who can help handle certain things,
 
I wonder at what age this will become essential?
- 5 pensions, 2 handled by an asset manager
- Various account types DIY at discount brokerage
- Life insurance and investment account $850k
- Private placement $200k
- One education account for 5 grandchildren, 2 done $100k
- One condo $1000k
- 3 Cars
- POA
- Digital estate plan

Our family lawyer retired 5 years ago. Have not found a young guy willing to take us on because the will is done and unlikely to change.
 
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