Your final good -bye have you made plans

[Dash man]

No obituary for me. The only people who might care know what they want to know. Obits just attract scum to bother the family trying to get a piece of the pie.

 

[FrankiesGirl]

Have discussed with husband, but not put it down all legal like (still need to find a lawyer for the will and estate stuff, but I live where a completely handwritten will is legal so that's what we have now).

Neither one of us is really upset about dealing with morbid subjects like this, so we've talked it all out without interjecting emotions into it. We've both seen some pretty terrible things in our lives, so death and end of life planning is not scary to us. I'd rather make sure we're both crystal clear on what we wanted for our own death planning, so we figured it out years ago.

For me: No funeral, obit, gravesite, memorial or anything. Donate body to science (body farm if they are accepting, otherwise whomever will take if for no fee). Could care less what they do with the shell once I'm dead. Funerals are for the living, and since there is not one person I can think of other than the husband who would need to mourn me, I see zero point to wasting the time and money on one (no kids, no close family, no close friends in the area).

Husband is pretty much of the same mind for his own plans, but as far as the actual body disposal, he's leaning more towards cremation and scatter wherever rather than body donation.

 

[Dawg52]

Beneficiaries set up on all financial accts, will is done and family plots purchased many years ago by grandparents. Haven't done any pre-funeral arrangements. Got a nephew to handle that but might do a prepay when I feel I'm getting close to the big day. Not high on my list right now.

 

[kcowan]

Cremation, scattering, celebration of life. Nothing special yet.

 

[euro]

I'm fine with whatever wife and/or kids are comfortable with. My only stipulation: keep the expenses reasonable

 

[Paracelsus]

I did finally get all my final papers written up last year. I'm planning on being cremated and my ashes scattered along with my pets' ashes at a particular park. I haven't investigated if I need a specific permit to get scattered there or if they can just dump me in the grill ash trash .

 

[Zona]

When we set up our trust and POAs there was a space in the binder for us to each describe our final arrangements. I filled mine out fully, but DH's piece is still blank five years later. I guess for some, thinking about mortality issues is harder than for others. I figure it's an inevitable part of a lifespan, why leave your loved ones with a bunch of guesswork and responsibilities just when they're grieving?

 

[Amethyst]

We don't want the estate to waste money on our dead bodies; living beneficiaries are all we care about. Our wills specify that our organs are to be donated if medically acceptable, and the remains cremated and disposed of as cheaply as legally feasible.

 

[pacergal]

We updated everything last year: wills, trust, POA, Healthcare durable POA, and advanced directive. All in a binder next to our financial info binder. Our kids are our trustees and our oldest is our healthcare POA. He came over and sat down with us to go through the Advanced directive and asked questions. The AD pamphlet is several pages long and really has you think a lot about end of life care. It was a good process.

 

[frayne]

Toast me up and throw the ashes split between a sand trap and water hazard, if anything is left over, toss them OB.

 

[Teacher Terry]

We signed up for our free cemetery cremation place because husband is a veteran. They will do the funeral and the plaque for free. After that a big party to celebrate life.

 

[Walt34]

I figure it's an inevitable part of a lifespan, why leave your loved ones with a bunch of guesswork and responsibilities just when they're grieving?

I learned about this when I had to handle Mom's estate. I was soooo grateful to her that she had everything preplanned to the point that the only decision my sisters and I had to make was what kind of flowers to get.

Having had that experience, and then dealing with FIL's passing a few years ago, everything for us is spelled out in a bunch of paperwork we had done shortly after FIL's passing. We updated the will, have medical and financial POA's, specified what to do with the remains and all the rest.

 

[athena53]

Toast me up and throw the ashes split between a sand trap and water hazard, if anything is left over, toss them OB.

My Dad and his longtime friend both worked in the steel industry for years. After the friend's funeral in the Outer Banks, some of his ashes were taken back to Ohio and thrown into a heat (batch) of steel.

 

[gerntz]

What final good-bye? Implies you're leaving.

 

[CaptTom]

I've got a couple of songs picked out for the service. "Another One Bites The Dust" by Queen is one. DW wouldn't let me play it at the wedding

Looking for suggestions for other good tunes.

DW of a friend wanted her service to be a bit of a party. Close friends and family knew, but many others were shocked to see some of us drinking and carrying on. It was what she wanted, and who am I do deny someone's last wish?

But to get serious for a moment, the thing many people forget is that the service, all the protocols and the disposition of the remains, are for the living. The person who's gone doesn't know or care at that point.

So, do what you want, but consider the needs of those you're leaving behind, too.

 

[Fedup]

Exactly, that's why I'm not planning anything. It's the only time in my life that I want it to be a surprise. Paperwork is all taken care, just not the funeral part. I love flowers so the kids better get the best, other than that, I don't think I care.

 

[RunningBum]

When we set up our trust and POAs there was a space in the binder for us to each describe our final arrangements. I filled mine out fully, but DH's piece is still blank five years later. I guess for some, thinking about mortality issues is harder than for others. I figure it's an inevitable part of a lifespan, why leave your loved ones with a bunch of guesswork and responsibilities just when they're grieving?

That's a really good point. At 55 I'm not going to make any plans, but at 70 or 75 maybe I will.

 

[rodi]

I'm following my family's less traditional tradition... I have the certified paperwork submitted to UCSD medical school and after harvesting (if possible) any useful organs they'll use me as a cadaver then cremate me. No ashes back to the family or to be spread... but no hassle or expense, either.

I would like a 'celebration of life' type party.

The only catch in these plans is if I die while travelling. I live very near the medical school -but there are distance/time requirements for them to get the cadaver.

Both parents and 2 of my 4 grandparents went this route. My brother threw us for a loop when he let us know he wanted to be embalmed and buried (he was terminal with cancer so it was an appropriate discussion.) My parents memorial services were very nice... even without the body or urn.

DH wants to be cremated with ashes spread and a celebration of life.

 

[brewer12345]

If it happens in the near term, hopefully I will keel over in the woods, the scavengers and predators will do most of the work, and I will be identified by the rusty shotgun. Otherwise I will worry about it after both kids exit college. I would not mind being planted in the cemetery that we have some hives helping along in view of the foothills, but I might have different ideas in a decade or so.

 

[Car-Guy]

I'll worry about it later. I've been saying that for years and so far it's been ok, so I'll just keep delaying it.

 

[ponyboy]

I find it odd that people never want to discuss/plan on death. Maybe some people think they will live forever? Very odd.

 

[athena53]

I'm following my family's less traditional tradition... I have the certified paperwork submitted to UCSD medical school and after harvesting (if possible) any useful organs they'll use me as a cadaver then cremate me. No ashes back to the family or to be spread... but no hassle or expense, either.

<snip>

The only catch in these plans is if I die while travelling. I live very near the medical school -but there are distance/time requirements for them to get the cadaver.

Another is that, at least for the one near us, they don't take emaciated bodies. DH and I had looked into that in his last months Poor DH was over 6 feet tall and weighed 117 the last time he was in a doctor's office before he died. Also- the med school near us was willing to cremate and return the remains after they were done with them if that's what the family wanted.

 

[Nemo2]

I find it odd that people never want to discuss/plan on death. Maybe some people think they will live forever? Very odd.

As the saying goes, "Man Plans and God Laughs".......I don't 'plan' on death, I don't have to, (unless under extreme conditions I'm forced to travel to a clinic in Belgium or Switzerland), it'll do what it'll do, and when it does all that'll be left is a moldering corpse...easy peasy.

 

[kaudrey]

My family has been talking about this lately. With the death of an uncle a few months ago, my aunt has to update her documents. My dad (her brother and current executor), told her to PLEASE simplify her will. It says things like "Let my friend Ann come and pick out a piece of furniture/jewelry/whatever".....


He convinced her to drop those things - some of her friends live far away and would have no way to transport furniture, and it's just way too complicated for the executor to organize. They are both also making me the executor of their wills - dad is 80 (as is mom) and my aunt is 76 - neither one of them is going to want to deal with all of the details of an estate at some point in the future. I helped my aunt extensively with my uncle's stuff....

 

[kcowan]

Cremation Yes
Ashes Disposition Undecided