Wishing4it brings an interesting discussion to the table. Regardless of whether one wants to be the caretaker or not, many of us are the only "in towner" and will have these duties fall to us.
And given the fact that more are living longer, we will be caretaking for parents in our 70's when they are in their 90's.
We are facing this possibility in the future. When my husbands parents have fallen ill in the past, the claws came out as everyone in his family had an opinion. One even stated that "nothing is more important and we can all put everything aside to do what needs to be done". Of course, the reality, is that is not true. And he could not take his turn because he had other commitments.
I would be interested in hearing more from those that are in this role or have been in this role.
Does one postpone retirement- retire before ready to assist, spend their assets to assist only to be in jeopardy later, take in another resident.... please those with experience share their experiences, and perhaps lessons learned.
This is a very good question and it not a bad idea to add this situation to one's planning for ER.
My husband and I are in this situation currently with a twist. We also have two disabled brothers to care for. Further both my husband and I worked in the Long Term Care industry prior to FIRE, me as a nurse and he as a therapist.
Some history. My husband being an only child had the full responsibility for his mother's care until her death four years ago. This fell during the first three years of our marriage and was gladly done. My mother-in-law was wonderful to me and was like a second mother. We were able to keep her in her own apartment until the last two weeks of her life when she was hospitalized and then transferred to skilled nursing where she died.
We learned a lot from that experience however with one of the most important being not to postpone our life to care for relatives. These situations can and often time do last for many years and by the time you have seen to it that your relative has every thing they need you may be in need of care your self and life has slipped by.
There is no law that say we die in order or that the caregiver never gets sick or disabled them selves. My husband and I are very much aware of this. He is 67 and I am 54. We are aging too and there are health issues of our own to contend with so postponing our lives is not a option.
We have decided to do the things we want to with our retirement, the hobbies, the travel etc. and make it work with our care giving duties. The one thing that we did give up was the option of relocating to another part of the country or out of the country. We are staying put in order to care for my parents any my two brothers.
We do take extended vacation and will continue to do this. We do maintain our social, cultural and entertainment interests. We do take last minute trips.
My advice is plan your life, live it and do your homework re. assistance and support services in your area. This includes friends, relatives (yes even the distance ones) and neighbors. Caregivers tend to have a bad habit of shouldering the load all by themselves and not asking for assistance when there are people and services around willing to help. Caregiving should be a part of your life it should not be your life.
