Emotional Train Wreck...

[Erbragg1]

I am excited, nervous, happy, worried, anxious, sad and thankful depending on which way my mind wanders each day.

I plan to give my notice the week after Thanksgiving just after my 51st Birthday. When I do the math on my financial situation, I am confident that I have enough saved to maintain our current lifestyle. However, I keep having these fleeting thoughts/worries popping into my head. What if this happens or that happens

I then have a crappy day at w@rk and I get into an apathetic mood for a while. Then I have a pleasant weekend with my DW and think that retirement will be wonderful, what am I worried about?

I worry about our friends’ reaction to the news. Do I tell them or do I fib about it and say I am going to do consulting work? Since DW will still be w@rking for three more years to get vested in her pension, I worry about how my not working will affect our relationship.

Then, I think about the stress and the lack of sleep/exercise I currently endure and tell myself I have to get out of this rat race.

I think about all the things I want to do around the house and have never had time. I worry about the health of my parents and how RE will afford me the time to visit them more frequently before it is too late.

I am sure that many of you experienced the same sort of emotional roller coaster before you pulled the plug. I would love to hear your experiences and how you dealt with it all at them time and your thoughts about it all some time after you retired....

 

[Alexi]

Right before my early retirement I was happy as a lark.

Like me, some people do get restless in the weeks after retirement until they adjust.

I have no problem telling others I retired early to enjoy the fruits of my decades of labor.

 

[Al18]

Ever considered working part time (2 or 3 days per week) to try retirement out? Did wonders for me.

 

[RobbieB]

The big one is your wife. Maybe your not working will cause resentment.

Do you like house work and home improvement projects? A DIY'er? Can you cook real good?

 

[pb4uski]

.... I worry about our friends’ reaction to the news. Do I tell them or do I fib about it and say I am going to do consulting work? ....

I said that I was going to take a break for a while and then might do some consulting.... in fact, Mega had asked me about consulting and I was considering it... but in the end, they never called me and I never called them.

Also, they wanted a middleman (not sure why) and I thought that was silly so I didn't chase it at all.

The most uncomfortable moment was we were at a public function with DSIL and when someone at the table asked me about my imminent retiement and she exclaimed "But you're too young to retire!" a little more loudly that I would have liked.

It is a big life change, so it is very natural for it to be uncomfortable... but come on in... the water is fine.

 

[MRG]

I was a nutcase for an entire year perhaps longer. I had no idea what to do in retirement, I was running away from an insane job. I knew it was killing me.

The jitters pass and life begins. Different people will react to your retirement in their unique ways. Only you can judge if they were ready to hear it.

There is life after retirement, I was in bad shape when I left. I had put on 80 pounds over 29 years and felt badly. I was obese, on 10 different meds, and drank too much. I've since dropped 60 pounds(DW did 50), eliminated the need for 8 meds, and no longer consume alcohol.

DW and I have relocated to a wonderful place for us; I can't remember anything about work anymore. OK, I remember staying up all day and night, missing my family, sent to strange places with no planning or definition of what "Done" was..

Enjoy!

 

[nancyfrank232]

I worry about our friends’ reaction to the news. Do I tell them or do I fib about it and say I am going to do consulting work?

You’re in your 50s and you’re worried about what other ppl think?

Seriously?

 

[TheHobbit]

I have an easy solution: just tell people you are self employed/consultant/free lancing/“importer exporter”/“I fix problems. *cold stare* Do you have a problem which needs to be fixed?” ... on the latter one, I promise nobody within ear shot will ask you again .

 

[O2Bfree]

The big one is your wife. Maybe your not working will cause resentment.

Do you like house work and home improvement projects? A DIY'er? Can you cook real good?

+1

My DH retired 3 years before I did. He cooked some, but not all nights, which was great, and did most of the regular housework, which freed up my time during the weekend. He also started shuttling my mom around for shopping and appointments after she stopped driving. That earned him major points in my book. A retired DH can be a wonderful thing for a working DW!

 

[W2R]

The big one is your wife. Maybe your not working will cause resentment.

Do you like house work and home improvement projects? A DIY'er? Can you cook real good?

+2

I didn't have any worries when I retired. I had beaten the numbers to death and everything seemed to be A-OK for retirement. Also, I knew (from the Great Recession) that I could live nicely on very little. And thirdly, I am single.

If you are an emotional train wreck right now, why not work the three years until your wife can retire. Then you can do this together, and no worries about any long lasting resentment.

 

[Erbragg1]

+2


If you are an emotional train wreck right now, why not work the three years until your wife can retire. Then you can do this together, and no worries about any long lasting resentment.

I guess the best analogy I can come up with is that it feels like pre-wedding jitters. I am all in for pulling the plug, but all the doubts and concerns keep popping into my head. I can’t stomach the thought of staying at w@rk 3 more months much less than 3 more years...

 

[Erbragg1]

+1



My DH retired 3 years before I did. He cooked some, but not all nights, which was great, and did most of the regular housework, which freed up my time during the weekend. He also started shuttling my mom around for shopping and appointments after she stopped driving. That earned him major points in my book. A retired DH can be a wonderful thing for a working DW!

I plan on swapping roles a bit with DW. She stayed at home for the past ten years to get our kids through middle and high school. She will now be the breadwinner and I will take over the homemaker role. I like to cook and have no issues doing the cleaning, laundry, etc.

 

[Ronstar]

I didn’t have an emotional roller coaster when I retired. I went part time several years before retiring, the last 2 years averaging 1.5 work days a week. DW didn’t want me to retire more than 6 months before her. But her and I were both ok with my part time gig.

I didn’t care one bit what anyone else thought of my part time arrangement or my retirement. Since it evolved gradually over a decade, my transition into retirement went smoothly and was hardly noticeable.

 

[atmsmshr]

+1 on what everyone has posted.

I retired this sumer - took about six weeks to find my groove.

Be sure you understand the impact to your social security payout for not having 35 full time working years.

 

[Bamaman]

You can always look for some pittling side line jobs to do. Unfortunately you'll most likely find age discrimination in that Walmart wants older people to man their front doors rather than a young man.

My hat's off to you if you're able to exit the workforce at age 51 as it's much easier around age 59 1/2. I retired at 58 1/2, and have yet to get all my honey-do's completed. Many of us retired work harder in retirement than when we worked. But it's doing what we want, when we want.

 

[ER2B]

I retired twice. First at age 57 then at 62. I had no clue what I was doing during the first time. I bought a new truck, boat and RV thinking that those will keep me busy. I was wrong and returned to work at 59. When I retired at 62 I was better prepared. That's how I've always learned, by trying things out and usually failing the first time. Wife is retiring next year to vest on her colad pension. What worked for our relationship was us getting up together and having breakfast together.

 

[Bir48die]

My sister retired twice. Give it a go. You can always work if you want later. I'm in the camp of "who cares what others think". Mostly it's in the form of jealousy

 

[The Cosmic Avenger]

As a species, humans feel a need to think that things are predictable and controllable. That's why we formed societies and laws and religions, to try to keep life more predictable and less chaotic and dangerously random. If we spent time thinking about how many random things beyond our control could possibly wreck our day or even end our lives, we'd all be basket cases! All that is to say that change is unsettling, especially if it feels like we're not in control or that we don't know what will happen.

But look at it this way, for decades you went into the office assuming you were going to do the same thing, but really, you could have been fired on any given day due to outside circumstances. You made it this far, now you get to set your own schedule and priorities! Would it help to get a day planner, or just give yourself a to-do list? Of course, the great part is that you're free to ignore any or all of it, or switch it around on a whim, but that structure might give you something to feel that you're moving on towards when "retirement" starts to feel like a skydiving jump, which might help if you're feeling anxious and uncertain about your future in retirement.

In any case, congratulations!

 

[Rianne]

OP, start planning a big vacation. Do it yourself. Discover the destinations you want to visit, research hotels and activities. This will take your mind off your worries and guide you towards the real meaning RE. Plan, plan, plan. Take in on like a project.
My .02.

 

[HadEnuff]

Your concern about your parents' health resonates with me. I worked until I was 62, because I had to. Unfortunately, by the time I did retire, both of my parents were gone. They had a wonderful retirement, with a lovely winter place on the Gulf, in Bonita Springs, Fl. I would get away for a short week, maybe even twice per winter.
Now I have all the time in the world, but they are gone.
So, if you can, and you value the time with your parents that you may have left, don't discount that. I wish I could have had more of that time.

Good Luck!

 

[Cobra9777]

...My DH retired 3 years before I did. He cooked some, but not all nights, which was great, and did most of the regular housework, which freed up my time during the weekend. He also started shuttling my mom around for shopping and appointments after she stopped driving. That earned him major points in my book. A retired DH can be a wonderful thing for a working DW!

Similar story here. I retired 3 years before DW. The original plan was to both retire at the same time. We had our financial ducks in a row to do that. But she decided to keep working. She didn't really have a vision for her life after work. She always liked the daily routine and the interaction with her coworkers. Her job was low stress and she enjoyed it. Mine was like what OP describes. I had to get out ASAP.

In many ways, I think we were both a lot happier during those 3 years than we have been since. I made her coffee in the morning before work. I had dinner ready when she got home. I took care of everything around the house, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, errands. I even took her parents to their doctor appointments and helped them in other ways.

Since she retired, things are different. I still make dinner every night and most of the other house stuff as well. But DW misses the interaction with her coworkers and is still struggling to find a rhythm after 3 years. I'm as happy as a pig in slop just doing little projects around the house, riding my bike, playing guitar, watching YouTube... whatever I feel like doing at the moment. She wants us to do more organized social activities together and have a "plan" for every day.

So yeah... we now sort-of drive each other a little nuts from time to time. But we're finding a way to make it work for both of us. She spends a lot of time with her Mom who is now 86 and lives alone since DFIL died last year. She also babysits the grandkids a lot. I'm learning to squeeze in some social activities between woodworking projects. It's all good.

 

[Chuckanut]

I worry about our friends’ reaction to the news. Do I tell them or do I fib about it and say I am going to do consulting work?

Some good advice I got years ago: Never complain, Never explain.

Why would you fib to your friends? My guess is you don't want to, so don't.

 

[HadEnuff]

When your friends give you some grief, good natured or not, just let them know how awful it is to retire, and advise them in the strongest language that they should never consider it.

 

[Erbragg1]

OP, start planning a big vacation. Do it yourself. Discover the destinations you want to visit, research hotels and activities. This will take your mind off your worries and guide you towards the real meaning RE. Plan, plan, plan. Take in on like a project.
My .02.

I am already on the vacation planning! We are having a big family vacation planned for July in Hawaii.

 

[Chuckanut]

When your friends give you some grief, good natured or not, just let them know how awful it is to retire, and advise them in the strongest language that they should never consider it.

+1

An excellent idea. Somebody has to shore up the SS trust fund.