Anyone have moocher-repellent?

[Sarah in SC]

Could be. I just looked at about 10 friend pages, and SIL's is the only one where it is phrased in the past tense (other than currently unemployed people's pages).

Mine says has worked at. Didn't get to s, did ya! My non working brothers FB doesn't even list a job it has been so long!

 

[Sue J]

Just had a moocher try to take me for $1200 yesterday. "Can I borrow $1200 from u until I get my tax return in Feb". Texted to me from my SIL.

My response (in an email): "We have a lot of credit card and other bills coming due in July and August. We won't really have any extra to let you borrow for a few months at least." Basically punting the ball I know, but this conveys the message I want to craft. "We don't have much cash laying around, and can't just fork over thousands at the drop of a hat".

conveys the message I want to craft

You shouldn't feel like you have to craft an answer. No need to explain how you live in an email. Does she explain how she lives? She can easily conclude that if she finds someone else to cover her in July and August that your funds would be accessible in September.

When asked by text message the simple straightforward response should be by text -

"No."

Has she already asked the father of her 4 children?

 

[FUEGO]

Mine says has worked at. Didn't get to s, did ya! My non working brothers FB doesn't even list a job it has been so long!

Sure enough, yours does say "has worked at". Good sign that SIL may still be gainfully employed. I asked DW about the "has worked at" and she said you have to specify the date ranges of when you started and that you are still working there, otherwise it says "has worked at" as a default.

 

[FUEGO]

Sounds like one SIL, who just got back from their SC beachfront hotel vacation in the 3-room suite. She was impressed with the granite countertops, stainless appliances, yada yada yada. ~$2,500 for a week and mind you, they could stay for free at the other SIL's place a half hour down the road.

But that's not good enough. It's not oceanfront, being two blocks from the water, and The Queen would have to make her own bed, do her own laundry, cook most of her own meals, clean up afterward, and vacuum the rugs. Sheesh, the place doesn't even have a dishwasher. My goodness, that would never do!

They also use their income tax refund to pay for the vacation, the rest of the time living paycheck to paycheck. They have so far avoided any major financial meltdowns and not asked for money but I'm sure that when the day inevitably arrives when hubby isn't making six figures anymore she's in for a rude awakening.

My in laws aren't quite this bad (probably because they don't have a six figure income). They have no problem coming to the beach with us when we rent a beach house for the whole family. We never asked for them to chip in, and so far no one has offered to help pay, although some will chip in some food as an in kind payment. But we are glad to spend time with family so it is a very worthwhile expenditure for us even if we had to pay full freight for everyone (otherwise we wouldn't do it).

Although this SIL I was talking about does take frequent vacations. Nothing fancy, usually cheap weekends at the beach or mountains. Not something I would personally be doing if I was broke and needed a $1200 advance on my tax returns.

 

[FUEGO]

conveys the message I want to craft

You shouldn't feel like you have to craft an answer. No need to explain how you live in an email. Does she explain how she lives? She can easily conclude that if she finds someone else to cover her in July and August that your funds would be accessible in September.

When asked by text message the simple straightforward response should be by text -

"No."

Has she already asked the father of her 4 children?

I feel like I do owe her a little more than a simple "no". We have let her borrow money in the past, and this is the first time she has asked us for money and we are saying no to her. She may come back in Sept and we have another "no" prepped and waiting in that case. I got plenty of 'em.

The bigger picture is that I am working on creating our FIRE cover story for DW's family (and some parts of mine too for that matter). Part of that is that "Gee golly we don't have any money on hand right now. It is all tied up in investments and we would take a severe bath if we had to sell anything right now." They get the concept of saving for one's future, even if they don't always implement this knowledge in their own personal lives.

Not sure if she has asked the babies' daddy. Not my biz since I'm not forking over any money.

 

[TromboneAl]

I feel like I do owe her a little more than a simple "no".

Since she asked in a text message, I'd recommend: "OMG WTF?"

 

[Free To Canoe]

I have tried to pass this post by a couple of times but it just has too good of a title.

A friend from childhood days stated he was coming for a visit last month. I told him that this was not a good time but that did not dissuade him. No comes easier out of my mouth now that I am in my later years but there were extenuating circumstances. He had finished being a caregiver to his brother who had died of cancer this year. Plus his only family in the world is another brother who he really doesn't get along with.
So when he decided to come inspite of my very full schedule (how does one get so busy in ER?) DW counseled patience. "What are your plans?" "Don't know". We gave him a week and he was no clearer about his stay or what he was going to do with his life. He was going with the default which was an indefinite life with me and DW. When I was sure this was the situation, I asked him to move on and I did not let him come back when he wanted to a few weeks later. Wondering if our relationship is friendship or something else.

After a month, I decided that this moocher repellant is not such a bad thing. Where can I buy it?

 

[Sarah in SC]

Free, I think you did well to get him moving in only a month. It took us a year to get our friend out of the house, and in the end we realized we were doing him no favors by letting him stay indefinitely with no job and no plans. Once he moved out, he got a job, apartment, and girlfriend in short order.
Your kindness to give him that time was generous.

 

[sailor]

And time for sailors to join this lovely thread - I wonder if I'm going to beg for some of this repellent thingy later.
We are about to host SIL & her family (husband & 2 small kids) for an undetermined period of time (few months maybe?). They decided to move back to US (they lived 10 years in UK, SIL's hubby is UK native)
One thing for sure - it will not be a quiet house with 5 kids under the age of 7

 

[haha]

And time for sailors to join this lovely thread - I wonder if I'm going to beg for some of this repellent thingy later.
We are about to host SIL & her family (husband & 2 small kids) for an undetermined period of time (few months maybe?). They decided to move back to US (they lived 10 years in UK, SIL's hubby is UK native)
One thing for sure - it will not be a quiet house with 5 kids under the age of 7

Should be a huge amount of fun for the kids though.

Ha

 

[Brat]

The kids will live it!! At that age the more, the merrier. Parents will need to set common ground rules or the babes will rule.

 

[kcowan]

I have a moochy neighbour who lost everyhting in a bankruptcy (caused by a property deal gone sour). In the past, I have helped by paying his phone bill so he could continue to "dial for dollars". One time the bill payment stayed outstanding for a year. Last fall, he asked for all utilities.

DW is opposed to lending anyone money. I said: "Sorry but I can't lend you money without getting a lot of grief from DW." and that was it. We are still friends and he has learned to tap other sources for interim funds. He is into another neighbour (85) for over $15000!

These people will always find another mark. He lost his car in the bankruptcy, so we do drive him for groceries, and I will buy cigarettes and beer using his bank card for him.

 

[TromboneAl]

He is into another neighbour (85) for over $15000!

You must live in a very rich neighborhood!

 

[East Texas]

It looks like we have it easy. The spouse tells the requester they have to talk to me and they decide it's just not worth the effort.

 

[sailor]

Should be a huge amount of fun for the kids though.
Ha

We certainly hope so.

The kids will live it!! At that age the more, the merrier. Parents will need to set common ground rules or the babes will rule.

Negotiations in progress.
So far few good ideas, like alternating the care of all the kids one evening per week.
Meals situation is still TBD, as are TV rules (We don't own a TV, but they do, so we want to put some ground rules for our kids not to overdose it)

Here's a recent picture of the crew, while visiting Diggerland near London:

 

[Purron]

We certainly hope so.

Negotiations in progress.
So far few good ideas, like alternating the care of all the kids one evening per week.
Meals situation is still TBD, as are TV rules (We don't own a TV, but they do, so we want to put some ground rules for our kids not to overdose it)

Here's a recent picture of the crew, while visiting Diggerland near London:

Cute crew!

 

[TromboneAl]

Here's a recent picture of the crew, while visiting Diggerland near London:

The T-shirt says it all: "Here comes trouble."

 

[sailor]

The T-shirt says it all: "Here comes trouble."

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