Moemg
Gone but not forgotten
How do you stay close to your children and grandchildren especially if distance seperates you ? I've been visiting my daughter three to four times a year but now that she has a child it got me thinking is that enough ?
Children and grandchildren
- Thread starter Moemg
- Start date
While living in NY my DD had our first grand child 4 years ago down in Florida. DW and I had bought a house in Fla. the year before and got down as much as we could once our grand child arrived. It was about 3 or 4 times a year I guess. Now we are living 4 miles from our DD and she has blessed us with another G child. Getting to see them when ever we want is priceless.
Working long hours while my kids were growing up I swore I wouldn't miss seeing the Gkids growing up and so far so good.
My DS who still lives in NY is married but no Gkids as of yet. Once that happens we will start traveling again I guess.
Working long hours while my kids were growing up I swore I wouldn't miss seeing the Gkids growing up and so far so good.
My DS who still lives in NY is married but no Gkids as of yet. Once that happens we will start traveling again I guess.
brewer12345
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
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My parents live 45 min away, but DW's parents are halfway across the country. They come out once or twice a year, we go out there once or twice a year, and we have started vacationing together. Its never enough, and I don't really know how to bridge the gap better.
Moemg
Gone but not forgotten
I had thought about moving closer to my daughter but she lives in area that's pretty remote . Had she stayed in Boston I'd be moving in a minute .
ProspectiveBum
Full time employment: Posting here.
If she's in the Northeast, maybe that move to Boston would still work out for you (don't know how far she is from there)? My Dad and my MIL both live about 2.5 hours away, and we see both of them approximately once every 4 to 6 weeks. That seems to be frequent enough for everyone (in our family; yours may differ).
Khan
Gone but not forgotten
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My parents advised me to live at least 400 miles from any in-laws.
Rich_by_the_Bay
Moderator Emeritus
Tough one. We find that video chats every couple of weeks help - keeps the recognition alive, and it can get pretty silly.
But I couldn't find a way to solve this yet. I'm still working almost full-time and recently negotiated about 2-3 days a month off which we will dedicate to kid visits whenever possible. But with one in California and another in Missouri, we just have to settle for periodic brief visits for now.
Post-FIRE we hope to visit more and longer, but need to be sensitive about being intrusive in-laws/grandparents. Staying in their homes will be another question for longer stays. The RV solution might work, too.
It's a juggle. Then again, a surprisingly high number of our friends who have adult kids and/or grandkids in the same city have what seem to be very bumpy relationships from the outside, at least: arguing, abusing babysit time, resentful, opinionated about child-raising, keeping score of whose house to do the holidays at, etc.
Bottom line, I'd love to live about 45 minutes from my kids, but for the time being that ain't happening. So, we visit.
But I couldn't find a way to solve this yet. I'm still working almost full-time and recently negotiated about 2-3 days a month off which we will dedicate to kid visits whenever possible. But with one in California and another in Missouri, we just have to settle for periodic brief visits for now.
Post-FIRE we hope to visit more and longer, but need to be sensitive about being intrusive in-laws/grandparents. Staying in their homes will be another question for longer stays. The RV solution might work, too.
It's a juggle. Then again, a surprisingly high number of our friends who have adult kids and/or grandkids in the same city have what seem to be very bumpy relationships from the outside, at least: arguing, abusing babysit time, resentful, opinionated about child-raising, keeping score of whose house to do the holidays at, etc.
Bottom line, I'd love to live about 45 minutes from my kids, but for the time being that ain't happening. So, we visit.
Moemg
Gone but not forgotten
That's a great idea ! Thanks Rich !
Moemg
Gone but not forgotten
Puzzley
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Life without seeing our one and only granddaughter almost every day would be a much duller existence. My wife retired to be available to keep our granddaughter, and her other grandparents fill in also. She has never been kept for a long period of time by someone who didn't love her as a family member. She's in preschool, and goes three days a week. Her mother brings her to us every weekday morning, and we take her to school and pick her up on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Tuesdays and Thursdays, she's at our place all day. She's four.
Our involvement with her life far exceeds the involvement my grandmother had with me, (other grandparents gone before I was born) or my wife's grandparents had with her. We always wanted to be involved with grandchildren, and we certainly have been....
Our involvement with her life far exceeds the involvement my grandmother had with me, (other grandparents gone before I was born) or my wife's grandparents had with her. We always wanted to be involved with grandchildren, and we certainly have been....
Rich_by_the_Bay
Moderator Emeritus
We just use the camera and iChat software included with every Mac. Fun part is walking around the house on the WIFI network. If he gkids want Grampa to show them the colored lights in the pool, I just walk the laptop down there, narrating all the way, and show them the pool.
aworkingrachel
Recycles dryer sheets
Since college, I've always lived thousands of miles away from my parents. (They're still in the military, so moving to be closer to them isn't really an option until they retire.) I would love to live closer to them and hope I can someday.
I try to talk to both of them one-on-one as well as together, which seems to help us stay close. It also seems helpful to ask them for advice or to call them when I have something in particular on my mind that I'd like to talk out with them...makes it feel like we're involved in each other's lives rather than just catching up. If you don't already, you could try to communicate with your daughter more in this way--spontaneous phone calls in addition to any routine you might have set up.
With young kids, it seems more difficult to stay in touch without being there in person...but the video chat idea has potential.
I try to talk to both of them one-on-one as well as together, which seems to help us stay close. It also seems helpful to ask them for advice or to call them when I have something in particular on my mind that I'd like to talk out with them...makes it feel like we're involved in each other's lives rather than just catching up. If you don't already, you could try to communicate with your daughter more in this way--spontaneous phone calls in addition to any routine you might have set up.
With young kids, it seems more difficult to stay in touch without being there in person...but the video chat idea has potential.
Twinkle Toes
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When the g-kids (2 girls) were little, I made tapes for them where I talked a little to them, introduced the next song...talk...song, etc. Used a lot of Raffi (sp?) when the girls were little. DD and DIL used the tapes differently. DD shuttled her little one around a lot in the car and she popped the tape to entertain her little one. On the tapes, I always asked questions about what they were doing and suggested they sing along with the song. DD told me her little one used to answer my questions and actively participated in the songs as I suggested. DIL put the tapes on for her little one at nap time and bed time. As the girls got older, I found songs that were more age appropriate..."Girl-Quake", etc. I checked out tapes/CDs from the library to make the tapes. I also sent pictures of DH and myself...and the dog! I laminated the pictures so the little ones could carry them around/plaly with them, etc. Also, I have knitted cute sweaters for them, made summer shorts sets, decorated blue jean jackets, made Easter and Christmas dresses. Little ones loved it, but actually, they love anything that arrives in the mail.
We relied on phone calls and visits to keep in touch with our kids. We also vacation with the kids when they ask us to...will be in Big Bend with DS and family this month for spring break...were in Colorado mountains with DS and DD last summer. Everyone took lots of pictures and I gathered the pictures and put them in a slide show with music that the girls liked. Both girls loved the CD, but the oldest one wanted to know exactly how I "made" the CD. She's been making CDs with her pictures (drill team, volley ball, basket ball, band, etc.) and "her music".
As the g-kids have gotten older (12 and 13 now), we talk on the phone with the older g-kid because she likes to chat on the phone...we IM with the younger one...she likes to IM, but not talk on the phone...go figure. Anyway, it is fun and keeps us connected with them and what is going on in their lives. Also, I send cards for EVERY holiday...and enclose $10 in each card. They call to say thanks and tell me what they spent the money on. Sometimes, I send a prepaid card...like when McDonalds has cute credit card looking gift cards. I've also sent I-Tune cards and computer games (Insaniaquarium was a real hit).
We visit them at Christmas time, and I give each one $100 and set aside a day for each of them to take them shopping to buy their Christmas present. We start with breakfast out...shop a while...lunch...shop some more. When the girls were younger, they got $50 and a shopping spree...but I also gave them little presents (12 of them - one for each of the 12 days before Christmas). A couple of years ago, I asked if they would rather have more money for the shopping spree and not get the 12 little presents. Both girls said yes. Now that they are both going into the juniors department, I'm probably going to have to increase the amount again if I want them to have enough money to buy an outfit. In addition to our annual shopping trips, the girls and I do a special project together. This past Christmas, we made their Christmas gifts for Mom and Dad...bought wine glasses and glass paint...the glasses turned out really cute...girls had a great time and their parents were impressed with their wine glasses. We were busy making memories! That's how I stay connected.
We relied on phone calls and visits to keep in touch with our kids. We also vacation with the kids when they ask us to...will be in Big Bend with DS and family this month for spring break...were in Colorado mountains with DS and DD last summer. Everyone took lots of pictures and I gathered the pictures and put them in a slide show with music that the girls liked. Both girls loved the CD, but the oldest one wanted to know exactly how I "made" the CD. She's been making CDs with her pictures (drill team, volley ball, basket ball, band, etc.) and "her music".
As the g-kids have gotten older (12 and 13 now), we talk on the phone with the older g-kid because she likes to chat on the phone...we IM with the younger one...she likes to IM, but not talk on the phone...go figure. Anyway, it is fun and keeps us connected with them and what is going on in their lives. Also, I send cards for EVERY holiday...and enclose $10 in each card. They call to say thanks and tell me what they spent the money on. Sometimes, I send a prepaid card...like when McDonalds has cute credit card looking gift cards. I've also sent I-Tune cards and computer games (Insaniaquarium was a real hit).
We visit them at Christmas time, and I give each one $100 and set aside a day for each of them to take them shopping to buy their Christmas present. We start with breakfast out...shop a while...lunch...shop some more. When the girls were younger, they got $50 and a shopping spree...but I also gave them little presents (12 of them - one for each of the 12 days before Christmas). A couple of years ago, I asked if they would rather have more money for the shopping spree and not get the 12 little presents. Both girls said yes. Now that they are both going into the juniors department, I'm probably going to have to increase the amount again if I want them to have enough money to buy an outfit. In addition to our annual shopping trips, the girls and I do a special project together. This past Christmas, we made their Christmas gifts for Mom and Dad...bought wine glasses and glass paint...the glasses turned out really cute...girls had a great time and their parents were impressed with their wine glasses. We were busy making memories! That's how I stay connected.
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megacorp-firee
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
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DD and DGS (oh yeah SIL too) are 4 hours away (by plane) in CA. DS lives in our area. We have been traveling for the last 5 months (visiting overseas family and friends).
We keep in touch by video internet on MSN Messenger. It's free, just sign up. My DS bought me and DD the video cameras. We are on about 2 or 3 times a month.
I also have one of those 'cheap' long distance programs, which I also signed up DS (DD already has it) phone. So it's about 6 cents a minute to anywhere in the world.
When home, we see DS every week, spending the occasional night at his house. We see DD and DGS about 4 or 5 times a year. Either they come home or we go there.
It does take some doing, but yes you need to make it a priority.
We keep in touch by video internet on MSN Messenger. It's free, just sign up. My DS bought me and DD the video cameras. We are on about 2 or 3 times a month.
I also have one of those 'cheap' long distance programs, which I also signed up DS (DD already has it) phone. So it's about 6 cents a minute to anywhere in the world.
When home, we see DS every week, spending the occasional night at his house. We see DD and DGS about 4 or 5 times a year. Either they come home or we go there.
It does take some doing, but yes you need to make it a priority.
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Moemg
Gone but not forgotten
Thanks for some great ideas . I already use my cell phone to talk to my daughter several times a week and we have vacationed together which has been fun . The video and tapes are great ideas for the grandchildren . I've always made it my priority to vist my daughter but with the recent addition of a grandchild it has made it priority plus . Thanks everyone !
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