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Old 02-11-2015, 08:11 AM   #41
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I tried a few of those websites in an free basis (i.e. viewing profiles and posting my own profile) but nothing could overcome my being a childfree person. Simply stating that I have no children, don't want any children, or seeing in the woman's profile that she either is single/divorced/widowed with children eliminated nearly all of the profiles I saw (or eliminated me from further consideration by them). I never spent a dime on any of those dating services.


However, as I got older (into my 40s), if a woman had adult child(ren) who lived on their own and did not rely on their moms for everyday life, then these women became possibilities again. I met my ladyfriend 10 years ago and I met her adult daughter (who is divorced with 3 kids of her own) for the first time last year. She (her daughter) lives 700 miles away.
I have met PLENTY of super single women on both Eharmony, Tinder and OK Cupid.
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Old 02-11-2015, 08:52 AM   #42
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I have met PLENTY of super single women on both Eharmony, Tinder and OK Cupid.
Single, childfree women? There were many single women on the dating websites I checked out, but nearly all of them wanted to have children, a dealbreaker for me. The women either already had children or wanted to have children.
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Old 02-11-2015, 09:05 AM   #43
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Single, childfree women? There were many single women on the dating websites I checked out, but nearly all of them wanted to have children, a dealbreaker for me. The women either already had children or wanted to have children.
Yes, I'd say 1 in 5 women I connect with are super single. age 30-50, no kids and never married.
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Old 02-11-2015, 09:23 AM   #44
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Yes, I'd say 1 in 5 women I connect with are super single. age 30-50, no kids and never married.
Again, childfree women? Plenty of women (single, divorced, widowed, none of which are dealbreakers) with no kids in the websites I visited years ago. But nearly all of them wanted to have kids (those under 40 or 45), and that eliminated at least 95% of the women. Maybe it is geographic, or childfree women are creeping into these websites more now than they were 10+ years ago. But in the women's profiles, the best I could do was if the woman chose "maybe" or "doesn't matter" or "not important" or something indecisive like that when it came to children. I never saw a profile in which the woman flat out stated, "I don't want children."
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Old 02-11-2015, 03:53 PM   #45
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Then the logical next step would be to select for somewhat older women who are no longer able to have children, and whose existing children would be older and approaching independence. Women spend the entire second half of their lives in an infertile state, so there are many to choose from.

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Single, childfree women? There were many single women on the dating websites I checked out, but nearly all of them wanted to have children, a dealbreaker for me. The women either already had children or wanted to have children.
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Old 02-11-2015, 04:08 PM   #46
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And then there's the flip side -- men who eventually decide they want children who end up in relationships with women who don't have (or want) children.

From personal experience, I had two long-term relationships (13 and 8 years respectively) with two great guys end, as they eventually decided they wanted kids and I never did.

(Both went on to marry others and have 2 kids each.)

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Old 02-11-2015, 04:12 PM   #47
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Again, childfree women? Plenty of women (single, divorced, widowed, none of which are dealbreakers) with no kids in the websites I visited years ago. But nearly all of them wanted to have kids (those under 40 or 45), and that eliminated at least 95% of the women. Maybe it is geographic, or childfree women are creeping into these websites more now than they were 10+ years ago. But in the women's profiles, the best I could do was if the woman chose "maybe" or "doesn't matter" or "not important" or something indecisive like that when it came to children. I never saw a profile in which the woman flat out stated, "I don't want children."
Believe it or not, the vast majority of women who want children have that desire because it is built into their genetic makeup.
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Old 02-11-2015, 04:23 PM   #48
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I a guy I work with (for 9 more in- office days ) that is on multiple dating sites. He makes great money with no kids. He is currently "in relationships" with four different women although the number may have changed through these sites. Most have children. Once they figure out how much he makes and they envision the possibilities they join his harem although they aren't aware of the others.
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Old 02-11-2015, 04:33 PM   #49
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Believe it or not, the vast majority of women who want children have that desire because it is built into their genetic makeup.
I am still looking for that girl whose ancestors didn't have children

What I can't figure out (evolutionary speaking) is the high amount of men who don't want children. Guess the genetic consequences of not caring for kids are not as bad if you are a dude?
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Old 02-12-2015, 06:43 AM   #50
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Believe it or not, the vast majority of women who want children have that desire because it is built into their genetic makeup.
We humans have free will, unlike animals who simply reproduce. We don't have to reproduce if we don't want to. To me there is a lot of peer pressure to reproduce but there is nothing genetic about that and it surely can be fought successfully. There is no such thing as a "childfree" gene.
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Old 02-12-2015, 06:53 AM   #51
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Then the logical next step would be to select for somewhat older women who are no longer able to have children, and whose existing children would be older and approaching independence. Women spend the entire second half of their lives in an infertile state, so there are many to choose from.

Amethyst
While my age range for desirable women to date crept upward as I aged, I wasn't really interested in older, post-menopausal women in their late 40s and 50s until I turned around 40. Keep in mind that many women in their 40s and early 50s are divorced or widowed and have dependent children so they were eliminated from consideration, too. And, thanks to today's medical advances, many women in their 40s can still have children (and still want to have them), so they were also eliminated from consideration.

And if I happened to find a childfree woman, I still had to overcome all the Other compatibility issues anyone (man or woman) would have to face, from being a non-smoker to bad chemistry (then there is something really off about Long Island women, but I digress). And she'd have to be interested in me, too. But when I start off eliminating 90% or 95% of the women out there, it gets really tough.
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Old 02-12-2015, 07:34 AM   #52
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.......... And she'd have to be interested in me, too. But when I start off eliminating 90% or 95% of the women out there, it gets really tough.
Statistically, it is tough. Unless you are a bisexual, you start out by eliminating half the population. Then sort by age, education, religion, marital status and political persuasion and it is a miracle that anyone ever finds a true match. That's why I found the capability to sort on-line possibilities to be enormously useful.

Transcript | This American Life

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David Kestenbaum

She's not married either. And so we start to draw it for her. And then we started to say, well, OK, half of them are men. So we'd circle half. And then we'd say, well, what's the age group you're interested in? And then we'd sort of circle a smaller subset. And then she had all these other requirements like the guy had to be taller than her. And she's pretty tall. So that really limited things. And then she said he had to be smarter than her. And she's a Harvard physics professor, so that was even smaller. And basically we got down to there being nobody.
[LAUGHTER]
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Old 02-12-2015, 07:44 AM   #53
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Statistically, it is tough. Unless you are a bisexual, you start out by eliminating half the population. Then sort by age, education, religion, marital status and political persuasion and it is a miracle that anyone ever finds a true match. That's why I found the capability to sort on-line possibilities to be enormously useful.
It would be even less if you are bisexual. I suspect that most strong heterosexuals would not be interested in a bisexual partner.

It reminds me of a comedy routine I heard once where the woman comedian was talking about her failed marriage to a bisexual man. One of the lines was "He came up to me and said he wanted to have sex. I asked him, with who?"
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Old 02-12-2015, 08:08 AM   #54
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We humans have free will, unlike animals who simply reproduce. We don't have to reproduce if we don't want to. To me there is a lot of peer pressure to reproduce but there is nothing genetic about that and it surely can be fought successfully. There is no such thing as a "childfree" gene.
Apologies to the OP for going off topic, but I think this is an interesting discussion.

I have never wanted to have my own children. In my 40's I tried to want to have a child, but couldn't muster those desires. My only sibling, a sister, is 3 years older than me, and exactly the same way. Does not have, never wanted, children.

My husband of seven years, who I met on Match.com, also is child-free and never wanted children. His only sib, a brother a few years older, never had or wanted to have children.

We all like children to some degree. My entire career was in pediatric nursing. But wanting to reproduce is a foreign concept to all of us. So....maybe there is some type of unknown related hard-wiring.
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Old 02-12-2015, 08:15 AM   #55
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We all like children to some degree. My entire career was in pediatric nursing. But wanting to reproduce is a foreign concept to all of us. So....maybe there is some type of gene.
If it was genetic I'm sure that would have been (un)bred out of the gene pool although the ability to eliminate reproduction without abstinence is a relatively recent option. Wanted or not, you had a high likelihood of reproducing.
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Old 02-12-2015, 08:33 AM   #56
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Is it the Retire Early website?

LOL....no. Millionairematch.com

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I tried match.com a few years ago. I only met a few women for dates and all of those encountered turned out to be a bit strange. Gave up on online dating.

Maybe early-retirement.org needs a singles forum.
I hear people make comments like this and just don't get it. Do you assume that just because you have a few not-so-great dates that every single woman or man on-line is undesirable? Have you ever been married? Was your ex the first person you EVER met in school/a bar/public place/set up by relatives/etc.?

People seem to see nothing wrong with the endless attempt to meet someone randomly, and meeting hundreds of people that way without ending up married...but a few dates from on-line matches that didn't make them swoon at first-sight, and it's forever ruled out
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Old 02-12-2015, 08:34 AM   #57
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We all like children to some degree. My entire career was in pediatric nursing. But wanting to reproduce is a foreign concept to all of us. So....maybe there is some type of unknown related hard-wiring.
Can't say I agree with this (in bold). Some of the childfree websites I frequent have plenty of people who hate children and want to have nothing to do with them. While I am not in that camp, I greatly limit my interactions with children to my occasional volunteer work with them.
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Old 02-12-2015, 08:41 AM   #58
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Apologies to the OP for going off topic, but I think this is an interesting discussion.

I have never wanted to have my own children. In my 40's I tried to want to have a child, but couldn't muster those desires. My only sibling, a sister, is 3 years older than me, and exactly the same way. Does not have, never wanted, children.

My husband of seven years, who I met on Match.com, also is child-free and never wanted children. His only sib, a brother a few years older, never had or wanted to have children.

We all like children to some degree. My entire career was in pediatric nursing. But wanting to reproduce is a foreign concept to all of us. So....maybe there is some type of unknown related hard-wiring.




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Old 02-12-2015, 08:48 AM   #59
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Can't say I agree with this (in bold). Some of the childfree websites I frequent have plenty of people who hate children and want to have nothing to do with them. While I am not in that camp, I greatly limit my interactions with children to my occasional volunteer work with them.
I was referring only to my family when I said we all like children to some degree. There was no intent to generalize.
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Old 02-12-2015, 09:01 AM   #60
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I a guy I work with (for 9 more in- office days ) that is on multiple dating sites. He makes great money with no kids. He is currently "in relationships" with four different women although the number may have changed through these sites. Most have children. Once they figure out how much he makes and they envision the possibilities they join his harem although they aren't aware of the others.
When I was single, I had trouble maintaining that concurrent routine with two women. I can't imagine surviving that with four at the same time.
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