Comparing dating sites

[scrabbler1]

Then the logical next step would be to select for somewhat older women who are no longer able to have children, and whose existing children would be older and approaching independence. Women spend the entire second half of their lives in an infertile state, so there are many to choose from.

Amethyst

While my age range for desirable women to date crept upward as I aged, I wasn't really interested in older, post-menopausal women in their late 40s and 50s until I turned around 40. Keep in mind that many women in their 40s and early 50s are divorced or widowed and have dependent children so they were eliminated from consideration, too. And, thanks to today's medical advances, many women in their 40s can still have children (and still want to have them), so they were also eliminated from consideration.

And if I happened to find a childfree woman, I still had to overcome all the Other compatibility issues anyone (man or woman) would have to face, from being a non-smoker to bad chemistry (then there is something really off about Long Island women, but I digress). And she'd have to be interested in me, too. But when I start off eliminating 90% or 95% of the women out there, it gets really tough.

 

[travelover]

.......... And she'd have to be interested in me, too. But when I start off eliminating 90% or 95% of the women out there, it gets really tough.

Statistically, it is tough. Unless you are a bisexual, you start out by eliminating half the population. Then sort by age, education, religion, marital status and political persuasion and it is a miracle that anyone ever finds a true match. That's why I found the capability to sort on-line possibilities to be enormously useful.

Transcript | This American Life

David Kestenbaum

She's not married either. And so we start to draw it for her. And then we started to say, well, OK, half of them are men. So we'd circle half. And then we'd say, well, what's the age group you're interested in? And then we'd sort of circle a smaller subset. And then she had all these other requirements like the guy had to be taller than her. And she's pretty tall. So that really limited things. And then she said he had to be smarter than her. And she's a Harvard physics professor, so that was even smaller. And basically we got down to there being nobody.
[LAUGHTER]

 

[2B]

Statistically, it is tough. Unless you are a bisexual, you start out by eliminating half the population. Then sort by age, education, religion, marital status and political persuasion and it is a miracle that anyone ever finds a true match. That's why I found the capability to sort on-line possibilities to be enormously useful.

It would be even less if you are bisexual. I suspect that most strong heterosexuals would not be interested in a bisexual partner.

It reminds me of a comedy routine I heard once where the woman comedian was talking about her failed marriage to a bisexual man. One of the lines was "He came up to me and said he wanted to have sex. I asked him, with who?"

 

[Silver]

We humans have free will, unlike animals who simply reproduce. We don't have to reproduce if we don't want to. To me there is a lot of peer pressure to reproduce but there is nothing genetic about that and it surely can be fought successfully. There is no such thing as a "childfree" gene.

Apologies to the OP for going off topic, but I think this is an interesting discussion.

I have never wanted to have my own children. In my 40's I tried to want to have a child, but couldn't muster those desires. My only sibling, a sister, is 3 years older than me, and exactly the same way. Does not have, never wanted, children.

My husband of seven years, who I met on Match.com, also is child-free and never wanted children. His only sib, a brother a few years older, never had or wanted to have children.

We all like children to some degree. My entire career was in pediatric nursing. But wanting to reproduce is a foreign concept to all of us. So....maybe there is some type of unknown related hard-wiring.

 

[2B]

We all like children to some degree. My entire career was in pediatric nursing. But wanting to reproduce is a foreign concept to all of us. So....maybe there is some type of gene.

If it was genetic I'm sure that would have been (un)bred out of the gene pool although the ability to eliminate reproduction without abstinence is a relatively recent option. Wanted or not, you had a high likelihood of reproducing.

 

[MooreBonds]

Is it the Retire Early website?

LOL....no. Millionairematch.com

I tried match.com a few years ago. I only met a few women for dates and all of those encountered turned out to be a bit strange. Gave up on online dating.

Maybe early-retirement.org needs a singles forum.

I hear people make comments like this and just don't get it. Do you assume that just because you have a few not-so-great dates that every single woman or man on-line is undesirable? Have you ever been married? Was your ex the first person you EVER met in school/a bar/public place/set up by relatives/etc.?

People seem to see nothing wrong with the endless attempt to meet someone randomly, and meeting hundreds of people that way without ending up married...but a few dates from on-line matches that didn't make them swoon at first-sight, and it's forever ruled out

 

[scrabbler1]

We all like children to some degree. My entire career was in pediatric nursing. But wanting to reproduce is a foreign concept to all of us. So....maybe there is some type of unknown related hard-wiring.

Can't say I agree with this (in bold). Some of the childfree websites I frequent have plenty of people who hate children and want to have nothing to do with them. While I am not in that camp, I greatly limit my interactions with children to my occasional volunteer work with them.

 

[tmm99]

Apologies to the OP for going off topic, but I think this is an interesting discussion.

I have never wanted to have my own children. In my 40's I tried to want to have a child, but couldn't muster those desires. My only sibling, a sister, is 3 years older than me, and exactly the same way. Does not have, never wanted, children.

My husband of seven years, who I met on Match.com, also is child-free and never wanted children. His only sib, a brother a few years older, never had or wanted to have children.

We all like children to some degree. My entire career was in pediatric nursing. But wanting to reproduce is a foreign concept to all of us. So....maybe there is some type of unknown related hard-wiring.

Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

 

[Silver]

Can't say I agree with this (in bold). Some of the childfree websites I frequent have plenty of people who hate children and want to have nothing to do with them. While I am not in that camp, I greatly limit my interactions with children to my occasional volunteer work with them.

I was referring only to my family when I said we all like children to some degree. There was no intent to generalize.

 

[aja8888]

I a guy I work with (for 9 more in- office days ) that is on multiple dating sites. He makes great money with no kids. He is currently "in relationships" with four different women although the number may have changed through these sites. Most have children. Once they figure out how much he makes and they envision the possibilities they join his harem although they aren't aware of the others.

When I was single, I had trouble maintaining that concurrent routine with two women. I can't imagine surviving that with four at the same time.

 

[travelover]

It would be even less if you are bisexual. I suspect that most strong heterosexuals would not be interested in a bisexual partner.........

Thanks for the insight. I'll change up my Match profile.

 

[Accidental Retiree]

I a guy I work with (for 9 more in- office days ) that is on multiple dating sites. He makes great money with no kids. He is currently "in relationships" with four different women although the number may have changed through these sites. Most have children. Once they figure out how much he makes and they envision the possibilities they join his harem although they aren't aware of the others.

I wonder how he has the time and energy to work!

 

[Silver]

If it was genetic I'm sure that would have been (un)bred out of the gene pool although the ability to eliminate reproduction without abstinence is a relatively recent option. Wanted or not, you had a high likelihood of reproducing.

Actually, the last part of your statement is untrue. There have been reliable forms of birth control readily available during my entire reproductive life, luckily besides abstinence.

Having children is always a choice. An individual's choice may be influenced by many things (impulse control, religion, moral beliefs, product failure without back-up plan) but it is always a choice.

 

[2B]

Actually, the last part of your statement is untrue. There have been reliable forms of birth control readily available during my entire reproductive life, luckily besides abstinence.

Having children is always a choice. An individual's choice may be influenced by many things (impulse control, religion, product failure without back-up plan) but it is always a choice.

During your and my reproductive lives, I agree. I was referring to centuries past where the "protections" and "alternatives" were not as effective and available.

 

[NoiseBoy]

I can comment on eHarmony. The first thing to know is that you can't search the profiles on eHarmony. Instead, you receive matches that are sent to you based on your answers to their extensive opening questionnaire and about 6 factors that you can adjust in your profile. Those are things like distance to search, smoker or not, race, religion and age.

What I found was that, if I set the range to 60 miles or less, I received very few matches (searching for single women in their 40s), perhaps one a week. Expanding the range to 120 miles brought a very large city into the picture and I would receive 5 or 6 matches a week.

I had 3 dates with one local match in 6 months. I never seriously considered contacting any of the matches that were further away. Perhaps being a college graduate in the 28% tax bracket was somehow self limiting in the context of their matching algorithms? Also, the median age in my county is 33, about 10 years lower than the surrounding, more rural counties so living in something of a college town isn't helpful (anymore!)

Regarding the question about children, a co-worker gave me what I thought was some good advice. She has been dating an older man for a long time and she shared that it got a lot easier as soon as his kids got their drivers licenses.

 

[easysurfer]

Okay, since this is a "free to communicate" weekend on eharmony, I went ahead and set up a profile (well, at least I'm about 40% done as of now). The multiple choice part wasn't so bad, but the essay was brutal . So I exaggerated a bit.

But I think there is a flaw in the profile questions. Not once did the questions ask about pets. In particular the date killer "Do you like cats?"

 

[tmm99]

Okay, since this is a "free to communicate" weekend on eharmony, I went ahead and set up a profile (well, at least I'm about 40% done as of now). The multiple choice part wasn't so bad, but the essay was brutal . So I exaggerated a bit.

But I think there is a flaw in the profile questions. Not once did the questions ask about pets. In particular the date killer "Do you like cats?"

I am taken so this isn't for me but...

we have enough engineers here - someone should put together a dating site right here for E-R forum members - You already know everyone LBYM's and their NW is pretty good, right?

 

[easysurfer]

I am taken so this isn't for me but...

we have enough engineers here - someone should put together a dating site right here for E-R forum members - You already know everyone LBYM's and their NW is pretty good, right?

I'm kinda fascinated at the so called 29 compatibility dimensions pitched by eHarmony and if that really is accurate or not.

The set of people on eHarmony is already skewed towards compatibility as they are single (well supposedly) and not married players looking for a hookup, but instead looking for long-term relationships.

 

[nash031]

I hear people make comments like this and just don't get it. Do you assume that just because you have a few not-so-great dates that every single woman or man on-line is undesirable? Have you ever been married? Was your ex the first person you EVER met in school/a bar/public place/set up by relatives/etc.?

People seem to see nothing wrong with the endless attempt to meet someone randomly, and meeting hundreds of people that way without ending up married...but a few dates from on-line matches that didn't make them swoon at first-sight, and it's forever ruled out

Stigma. People don't want to have to tell others that they met online because it makes you a nerd or something. I've always viewed it as a way for busy people to expand their opportunities to meet other people. I think I went out with around ten different women in three cities in my various experiments with Match. I'd say 75% got to a second date; most ended after that, sometimes me, sometimes them. Last one is at 6+ years and one wedding.

I never did the questionnaire sites as I wanted to make my own choices, and in that regard online was no different than going to a bar, library, church group, etc. except I usually had more information going in to say "hi."

I get a little chuckle out of the "everyone I met was weird..." comments from people. What do you think they were thinking about you? No doubt a few thought the same thing. I'm sure I'm a weird-triathlete-meathead-engineer-jerk guy to some women out there I met through any number of means and I couldn't care less! Much like me remembering some of them, I'm sure it's a funny 30-second story and then everyone moves on with their happy lives!

 

[Amethyst]

Could it be that using an on-line matching service tends to "commodify" other people, and make the searcher feel like a customer who righteously expects "customer satisfaction" with every selection, and feels resentful/used when the "product" doesn't deliver?

Also, there could be the mind-set that "I went to all this trouble [to design my own profile and describe my requirements], and I expect results!"

Amethyst

LOL....no. Millionairematch.com

People seem to see nothing wrong with the endless attempt to meet someone randomly, and meeting hundreds of people that way without ending up married...but a few dates from on-line matches that didn't make them swoon at first-sight, and it's forever ruled out

 

[easysurfer]

Could it be that using an on-line matching service tends to "commodify" other people, and make the searcher feel like a customer who righteously expects "customer satisfaction" with every selection, and feels resentful/used when the "product" doesn't deliver?

Also, there could be the mind-set that "I went to all this trouble [to design my own profile and describe my requirements], and I expect results!"

Amethyst

Agree 100% on both points.

But "commodifying" no more than pre on-line days like buying drinks at a bar and going out wining and dining.

A big part is what makes someone say "This is the one!". Is it finally finding the soulmate? Or the clock ticking and seeing all the friends and family members coupling? Or another reason.

 

[haha]

Agree 100% on both points.

But "commodifying" no more than pre on-line days like buying drinks at a bar and going out wining and dining.

I think this is not true. When a man is with a woman, he is confronted by the entirety of her being, physical, social, intellectual, etc. etc. A far more complex and actually more complete picture than any bio, even on the rare occasions when the bio writer is honest.

Ha

 

[easysurfer]

On eharmony, I'm now up to 95% complete as for creating a minimum profile. The last 5% is subscribing which I haven't done . What's funny (ironic funny) is watching an eharmony ad on TV is about finding your soulmate. But unless you subscribe, you can't see the photos of the matches on eharmony .

 

[Amethyst]

How true! Even someone's scent, or lack of one, can be important to physical attraction. I have not used an on-line dating app; but I'm willing to be they don't mention anything about odors

I think this is not true. When a man is with a woman, he is confronted by the entirety of her being, physical, social, intellectual, etc. etc. A far more complex and actually more complete picture than any bio, even on the rare occasions when the bio writer is honest.

Ha

 

[Amethyst]

Aww, you just can't bring yourself to "commodify." (I presume subscribe = pay).

A..

On eharmony, I'm now up to 95% complete as for creating a minimum profile. The last 5% is subscribing which I haven't done . What's funny (ironic funny) is watching an eharmony ad on TV is about finding your soulmate. But unless you subscribe, you can't see the photos of the matches on eharmony .