Dear Abby Forum

[Caoineag]

I always address my clients the first time as Mr and Mrs. unless I have been informed one is a Dr. then Dr. so and so. Unfortunately, you can still get in trouble with even that. They want to be called by their first name and are offended that you are being so formal with them. Gah! I live in Colorado and I swear no matter their age, they all go by their first name. The few who don't, well they are cranky about lots of things, not just their name, lol.

 

[bbbamI]

People usually call me Mrs. and use my last name. They don't know how to pronounce bbbamI.

 

[Coach]

I am surprised at how old fashioned I am about this. When I'm the customer I prefer to be addresses as Mr. -- and the younger the person addressing me, the more I prefer it.

I have a dilemma though. The clerk I usually see at Safeway always addresses me as Mr. but her name tag says only "Linda". She is my age, and after her courtesy I just cannot address her as Linda. So I answer with courtesy, but without using her hame.

And doctors are always a challenge. I really don't mind if they use my first name, but I cannot bring myself to use theirs. But "Doctor So-and-so" doesn't feel right either in that circumstance, so I settle for 'Doc". I hope that doesn't offend.

Coach

 

[Martha]

I forgot to mention something that's not too bad, in this regard. Here in the South, often I am addressed as "Miss Want2" or "Ma'am", either of which I prefer to the incorrect "Mrs. Retire".

"Miss Want2" makes me feel like a Southern belle out of Gone With the Wind.

I think that is so cool.

I have an old touch of the formality like Danny does and I don't like young strangers calling me Martha, especially when they do it over and over. I also get it on the phone with customer service people. They should be taught to use a title or Ma'am.

At work the young people would call me Ms. Last Name, until I would invite them to call me Martha. That is the proper way of things. One of my coworkers who at 40 years old still called the senior lawyer (retired and who visited frequently) by Mr. Last Name.

 

[Danny]

Danny,

Has anyone awarded you an official curmudgeon certificate yet?

Personal preference for me is first name. But as long as they clearly identify me, that is all that is important.

I see you are 31. Get back to me when you are 58. son.

and call me Mr. Danny when you do.

 

[FUEGO]

I see you are 31. Get back to me when you are 58. son.

and call me Mr. Danny when you do.

Yes sir, Mr. Danny!

It must be a generational thing.

It feels awkward and distant when a telemarketer calls me Mr. Fuego.

 

[Danny]

It feels awkward and distant when a telemarketer calls me Mr. Fuego.

it's better that those guys don't talk to me at all

 

[wrigley]

I see you are 31. Get back to me when you are 58. son.

and call me Mr. Danny when you do.

You GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Mr. DAWG

 

[Alan]

When I first came to the USA in 87 I worked in a small office in Houston. After a few weeks I asked our office admin to call me Alan instead of "Sir" as it made me feel so old, and by now we knew each other very well.

She said that if she did so she would "duck" every time she didn't say "Sir" expecting the slap on the head from her mother. (She was raised in Kentucky).

So, for the 2 years I was there, and we became good friends, she always called me Sir at work, although when she and her husband came to our house for BBQ she did use my first name.

 

[calmloki]

People usually call me Mrs. and use my last name. They don't know how to pronounce bbbamI.

In my head it's bu-bu-buh-Bambi. Though on closer inspection i see it should be B-B-B am I.

 

[haha]

Call me anything, but don't call me late for dinner.

Ha

 

[bbbamI]

In my head it's bu-bu-buh-Bambi. Though on closer inspection i see it should be B-B-B am I.

Yeah I created a strange user name...I should have just called myself B.

 

[My Dream]

Because her employer is requiring her to wear it?

As was my thought, although my son works part time at the same store and he doesn't wear one. When asked his reply was "you don't have to wear one if you don't want to, nobody really says anything." Either way, I have since stopped saying Hello with there name afterwards.

It's hard to please all the people, all the time.

 

[Rich_by_the_Bay]

Nothing wrong with asking, if it's more than a one-time deal, as in "what do you prefer to be called."

 

[FinanceDude]

I had a 5 year old punk call me "dude" the other day. I asked him if he called his dad "dude", and he said yes. So I said: "Well, I'm not your dad, so you can call me "SIR", got it? With scared eyes, he said: "Yes sir".

Gotta love messing with other people's kids.......

 

[ziggy29]

In my head it's bu-bu-buh-Bambi. Though on closer inspection i see it should be B-B-B am I.

Either that or "I'm a BBB" spelled backward...

 

[FUEGO]

I had a 5 year old punk call me "dude" the other day. I asked him if he called his dad "dude", and he said yes. So I said: "Well, I'm not your dad, so you can call me "SIR", got it? With scared eyes, he said: "Yes sir".

Well, your screen name does contain the name "dude". So you can't be too offended. Ok, dude?

Maybe the 5 year old is a lurker here?

 

[calmloki]

I had a 5 year old punk call me "dude" the other day. I asked him if he called his dad "dude", and he said yes. So I said: "Well, I'm not your dad, so you can call me "SIR", got it? With scared eyes, he said: "Yes sir".

Gotta love messing with other people's kids.......

Could be worse - showed a young high school teacher and his fiance the little house we're trying to sell the other day - she said they were weighing new construction vs. buying a used house. Told them that i was probably shooting myself in the foot, but pointed out many of the benefits of new construction at this particular time. As they were leaving the teacher shook my hand and said i was a really cool old dude. sigh. It's one thing to be a dude, quite another to be an old dude, cool or not.

 

[SecondCor521]

I'm with Martha on this one.

I was raised that the correct way to address a person, particularly an elder or a person of authority, is "Sir" or "Ma'am" if you don't know their name, or "Mr./Mrs./Dr./Miss/Ms. LastName" as appropriate for their educational background, sex, and marital status until and unless they invited you to address them differently, at which point it was OK to switch to "FirstName" or whatever they request.

Other rules: If someone messes up or makes an incorrect assumption about your marital status, educational background, or sex, it's OK to correct them but a waste of time to get offended over it. Also, it's incorrect to get offended if someone is unwittingly formal (read: polite) with you and you prefer to be addressed informally; just say, "Oh please, call me FirstName" and be done with it.

Most doctors I know are like Rich, where they expect the title in professional settings but don't get worked up about it in cases where people just don't know. My dad, sister, and two-brothers-in-law are all doctors, and they're all that way as well. I did know one guy with an honorary doctorate who used and insisted on the title; my family's viewpoint was that was inappropriate (both insisting on it and using the title even though the degree was honorary).

That's how I was raised (39 going on 40 lived most of my life in the PacNW), and I'm trying to train my kids that way as well.

2Cor521

 

[Sarah in SC]

2Cor, I agree. In my business, everyone is Dr. so and so unless I know differently--and still I say Sir rather than Mr. I refer to my older boss as Dr. and Sir, but my younger boss by his first name.

I would love to get called "Miss" but am happy with the typical "Ma'am". I use Ms., clearly enunciated, when speaking to women unless I know they are married and older, then I use Mrs.

This is probably just the Southerner in me. I don't mind being called by my first name, but I think it happens very rarely here. They would rather stumble over my last name than be thought so fresh.

 

[bbbamI]

Either that or "I'm a BBB" spelled backward...

Actually, it was supposed to be bamI...but my finger stuttered.....

 

[Danny]

I did enjoy the use of Y'all when we were in Charleston Buford and Savannah. There was a lot of yes, Sir too. Nice warm friendly respectful people....although the use of the phrase "War of Northern Aggression" when the Civil War was mentioned makes me wonder if everything is really all that Hunkey Dorey if we have anything to worry about....

 

[Sarah in SC]

Thanks, Danny. It is Beaufort, btw, but is pronounced (in SC) like that. Just to confuse things, the NC Beaufort is pronounced Bow-fort.

And yes we still refer to it as the War of Northern Aggression. My husband remembers being told as a child that his belly button was the scar from where a Yankee shot him. I am pretty sure that we aren't going to get over it.

But as long as you don't tell us how you do it (better) up North, we'll be very friendly and gracious!

 

[Danny]

Thanks, Danny. It is Beaufort, btw, but is pronounced (in SC) like that. Just to confuse things, the NC Beaufort is pronounced Bow-fort.

And yes we still refer to it as the War of Northern Aggression. My husband remembers being told as a child that his belly button was the scar from where a Yankee shot him. I am pretty sure that we aren't going to get over it.

But as long as you don't tell us how you do it (better) up North, we'll be very friendly and gracious!

of course it is beaufort shame on me Miss Sarah - I remember sitting in Plums eating my shrimp roll practicing how to say it and I used buford to remember! that's a cute story about DH's button! ever refer to Charleston as Chucktown?

 

[Sarah in SC]

Oh yeah! And North Chuck for our less charming neighbor to the north--one of those highest crime cities in the state.