Doghouse Exit Advice

[kat]

Zero, another lawyer speaking up...

I hear you, and you've been clear that this really bugs you, and you are right that it is your prerogative to make changes in your trust and POA.

But shouldn't you talk to your wife before making those changes?

I think you've heard some useful things about law firm culture, but I also want to suggest that maybe your SIL is uncomfortable too, and that the reason he voiced it was he wondered out loud about what he did and how it led to Thanksgiving dinner someplace else. I'd bet my money that he was questioning it, and trusting your family as a place to do that.

I'm thinking of my brother, who had an antsy/edgy job as an associate at a mid size firm, and bolted when he was offered a partnership, along with another associate who was not offered partnership (and opened a new firm). My brother used to voice a lot of issues, quietly, trusting us, and we'd ask why he was still there.

Be open to seeing it differently. It's worth it for your family.

 

[Zero]

I am trying to go with the positive angle. And I'm holding off (as some advised) on any changes till after New Year and some time to be sure I have not misjudged his actions.

It may be that his announcement was intended to get feedback form the family to get a sense of whether he did the right thing. If he's feeling a bit of remorse then that's a plus to me.

So it's something to work towards and I'm struggling because his own description of the events were clearly that he deceived a friendly colleague into providing him information that he could pass on to the senior partner behind the colleague's back. And, also that he was trying to obtain email evidence also with the intent of supplying more detailed information/proof to the boss.

I know how I would feel if someone I trusted deliberately set me up, no matter what our relationship was, and I also know how, as a manager, how I felt when an employee came to me with "the goods" on another employee.

I'll shelve those feelings in favor of family.

Thank you one and all for the great comments and thoughts. I'm off to Vegas for a few days with the wife and maybe it will all pass.

 

[lloyds]

As so many others have voted, let it go. But someday he might bring it up to you in private and you will probably have to say how you feel. That is where the real damage gets done. The guy appears to be drifting through life with flawed ethics, and that is no small problem. What goes around, actually does come around. I have seen it.

 

[WanderALot]

Wow, this forum is crawling with lawyers!

 

[Meadbh]

Oh no! Here come the lawyer jokes!
If you google "lawyer jokes" you will get 783,000 hits.

Disclaimer: some of my best friends are lawyers. And that's not even counting Forum members!

 

[noworkethic]

I've no particular beef with lawyers, but my favorite: lawyer, snake, skidmarks