When Friends Claim They Need to Keep Working...and You are Doubtful

[FIRE-Traveler]

My explanation is that she likes her job and/or likes getting out of the house away from the husband.

I had a similar situation with a friend that insisted he WANTED to keep working, even though he had WAY more than enough to retire and die with a lot more than zero... even in a worst-case scenario.

He kept saying: "... but I REALLY love what I do!"

So, I asked: "Would you keep working there for free?"

He said: "Hell no."

... well, that made it clear that there is some $$ point where the job goes from "I'm here because I love it" and "They aren't paying me enough to stay"

 

[rayvt]

How is this any of your business?

 

[Route246]

If I had to guess they are thinking worst case scenarios and the absolute worst case scenario is having a long term care bill and wanting to be at home with caregivers, etc. It can get expensive. Both of my parents and my brother had long term care of about $70K-90K/year before their deaths. Fortunately, my parents were prodigious savers and easily covered it out of savings and they also had a valuable home in NorCal to fall back on. My wife and I are setup for long term care if necessary for however long it takes without stress or reaching out for help. I'm still working because I really enjoy my work so she may have a similar situation. I'm also trying to come up with activities to enjoy in retirement for when I decide to walk away. It will be on my terms which is very satisfying, she may feel the same way.

But, it is nobody's business but their own.

 

[charais]

IMO kids are the giant sucking sound in family finances, regardless of their ages. All kinds of things have come up in the last 10 years, all generated by three great kids in their 20's to now 30's. Weddings, help with student loans, further education for a better job, medical issues, babies, really really good attorneys (when things go really south) etc. We never promised to bankroll any of it but are willing and able to help. I'd never share the drama because it's all part of the family story. Now we're helping take care of a SIL who had a stroke, getting him to therapy and medical appointments. My husband had retired the year before but decided to go back to w@rk because "here we are" and even at 65 still feels like he's got something to offer. So there are so many things you just don't know and many people, like us, will do anything to help our kids.

 

[Cerys]

I think the reason my wife is concerned about it is that we are approximately at the same point they were at four years ago as far as retirement savings. We're both still working and are making more than they were.

So maybe DW is worried if they think they can't make it why do I think we can retire if we wanted to?

My late husband was like that. In reality, as I found out after he died while talking to one of his friends, the idea of retirement scared the living daylights out of him. He was one of those people that enjoyed his work. Had no real hobbies. And wanted to work until he dropped — missed it by three months.

All you can do is sit down with your wife and go over the numbers clearly and concisely. I get what she’s talking about. It’s hard to look at someone that you think is on par with you and their reality is very different than yours. I have done that, and discovered that I was really wrong.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

I want my rich friends (older than me) to retire so I have someone to go fishing with. Selfish on my part, but it would be good for them too.

 

[TickTock]

I show her the retirement worksheet/survey from Fidelity that shows we will be in great shape, I show her the FIRECalc results and we're fine.

So if I understand correctly, you show her the data and she's okay, but then after talking to her friend she becomes nervous again?

If I were to ask the group a question it would be this--How can I convince my wife we are good to go?

That's a good question. Perhaps you should ask her what might convince her. And point out that you don't know everything about your friends finances, and in any case it's not relevant to your spending and finances.

Good luck!

 

[Teacher Terry]

IMO kids are the giant sucking sound in family finances, regardless of their ages. All kinds of things have come up in the last 10 years, all generated by three great kids in their 20's to now 30's. Weddings, help with student loans, further education for a better job, medical issues, babies, really really good attorneys (when things go really south) etc. We never promised to bankroll any of it but are willing and able to help. I'd never share the drama because it's all part of the family story. Now we're helping take care of a SIL who had a stroke, getting him to therapy and medical appointments. My husband had retired the year before but decided to go back to w@rk because "here we are" and even at 65 still feels like he's got something to offer. So there are so many things you just don't know and many people, like us, will do anything to help our kids.

I actually find this sad. You don’t know how many good years you or your husband have left. At 65 it’s time for you both to start thinking about yourselves and do what you want while you can. Us kids supported ourselves as have my kids. You can love and support your kids emotionally without doing it financially.

 

[livingalmostlarge]

IMO kids are the giant sucking sound in family finances, regardless of their ages. All kinds of things have come up in the last 10 years, all generated by three great kids in their 20's to now 30's. Weddings, help with student loans, further education for a better job, medical issues, babies, really really good attorneys (when things go really south) etc. We never promised to bankroll any of it but are willing and able to help. I'd never share the drama because it's all part of the family story. Now we're helping take care of a SIL who had a stroke, getting him to therapy and medical appointments. My husband had retired the year before but decided to go back to w@rk because "here we are" and even at 65 still feels like he's got something to offer. So there are so many things you just don't know and many people, like us, will do anything to help our kids.

I've found a lot of older people are struggling because they are helping their kids. Help can also be in the form of taking them in, allowing them to live with them with their children/families, etc.

 

[TheWizard]

...We are huge believers in MYOB.

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