Embarrassing situation. Help appreciated.

[frugalscholar]

More helpful resources: books by Susan Pinsky and Judith Kolberg (these are aimed at ADHD people).

 

[Bamaman]

Hoarding is often a sign of anxiety and/or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD.)

May I suggest taking the medication route? WebMD says: Antidepressants, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) like Paxil, Prozac, and Zoloft, may be helpful in treating OCD. Older drugs -- tricyclic antidepressants like Anafranil -- might also be used. Some atypical antipsychotics, such as Risperdal or Abilify, also have been shown to have value for OCD either when used alone or in combination with an SSRI.

 

[Meadbh]

Hoarding is often a sign of anxiety and/or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD.)

May I suggest taking the medication route? WebMD says: Antidepressants, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) like Paxil, Prozac, and Zoloft, may be helpful in treating OCD. Older drugs -- tricyclic antidepressants like Anafranil -- might also be used. Some atypical antipsychotics, such as Risperdal or Abilify, also have been shown to have value for OCD either when used alone or in combination with an SSRI.

Putting the whole family on antidepressants is a bit drastic, don't you think?

 

[FUEGO]

We aren't hoarders (but have the tendency) because we routinely:
1. actively focus on getting rid of stuff
2. keep new stuff acquisition (purchasing, receiving as gifts, and picking up from side of road) to a minimum

No real tricks except to do those two things.

When it comes to dealing with the stuff you already have, split it into four types:
1. Sell
2. Donate
3. Trash/Recycle
4. Keep

This is in order of priority.

Sell anything that's worth your time to sell. Money is a big motivator for me, and getting $20-30+ for all kinds of junk sitting around the house is a worthwhile motivator to get rid of junk. Be realistic and objective about what you can sell something for.

Donate anything you don't need that's not worth the time to sell. At least it won't go in the trash and someone else will use it.

Trash/recycle everything else. If you're a "dirty" hoarder (one who keeps old drink cups, pizza boxes, bags of trash, empty cans/bottles, etc) then it's pretty obvious a lot of stuff will fall into this category. If you're a clean hoarder it's a lot harder. Non-working low value stuff that is unlikely to be accepted by a thrift shop is trash.

Keep everything else that doesn't fall into one of the other three categories. But be realistic about what you need. You don't need 300 shirts. You don't need 100 shirts. Think about space in your house as a resource. You pay a lot per square foot for mortgage, taxes, insurance, maintenance, and utilities - why not get your money's worth and have your house be a livable, enjoyable space for your family?

You will need the whole family somewhat on board to get this accomplished. Family meeting time! At the least, you'll need to stop the inflow of "stuff" to prevent the job from getting harder.

If all else fails, there are counselors that can help you. Probably better long term to pay some cashola than to fix this issue instead of letting it linger. If the whole family is the problem, then family counseling might be in order.

 

[dixonge]

Another possible source of help in getting over that first hump:

An Uncluttered Life

 

[Another Reader]

I don't care for flylady. However, there is a website and an accompanying tumblr site with a four letter word in the middle of the web address I found motivating, if you can take the language. The tumblr pictures really show how pleasant and soothing just picking stuff up and putting it away can be. The website is (one letter replaced by an asterisk)

http://www.unf*ckyourhabitat.com/

Yeah, we could suggest she not use the foul language. But, like Mr. Money Mustache, she has a point....

 

[Sue J]

DH likes to go to thrift stores and buy other people's old used crap. He brings stuff home, cleans it up and either sells it or sometimes he likes to display something. He has 2 rooms upstairs that he uses for his desk and computer and all his assorted thrift store crap. I don't have to deal with his stuff but I know it's there.

He is not a hoarder, he just likes to acquire things. He keeps it manageable.

As for the rest of the house I like to keep things neat and orderly. What I've realized about DH is that he is CLUTTER BLIND. He does not see old mail/plastic bags/stacked magazines/piles of stuff. I could let stuff accumulate in unruly piles and he would not notice. But I notice and I take care of it.

I've gotten to the point in my life where I'm just not into "stuff". I like to see empty floor space and clear horizontal surfaces. Closets should not be jammed full, drawers should have some space left. I'm not all that great at it, I tend to keep some things too long. But I'm not into acquiring new stuff.

 

[HFWR]

One [-]of the only[/-] useful thing I learned at megacorp was that engineers, can be hoarders. Many of the old-timers, and/or branch managers, had a path between the door of their office and their chair, with every other surface covered with journals, spec, travelers, proposals, etc. Most, to reinforce the cliche, knew where everything was.

But I digress... For many years, the equipment manager, call him Bob, would have clean-up emergencies, which, not coincidentally, happen right before dog-and-pony shows, aka "VIP tours"...

Bob would run around frantically (we called it "Doing the Bob") yelling "Make this go away"!

So, that's my advice - Make it go away!

 

[Sunset]

Move, and you will find most stuff is not worth moving due to effort/expense.

Having parents who lived through the depression really does encourage a person to "save this as it will be useful someday".

Just the other day I caught myself about to save a couple of perfectly good screws, but managed to throw them in the garbage.

 

[naggz]

I always think of this when I am faced with huge tasks / problems:

 

[athena53]

I'll add another suggestion that helped us in downsizing: list things under Free Stuff on Craigslist with your address, first to arrive gets it, and nearly anything will disappear. I felt so much better knowing it would be reused, fixed up, sold at flea markets, etc.

Just a partial list of things people have taken: luxury brand whisky canisters (yes, they were empty), well- made chairs that needed new cushions and re-caned backs, two tins of old buttons, never-used curtains, used flannel sheets.. I could go on. DH says we ought to visit some flea markets and see if we recognize anything!

 

[Lcountz]

Congratulations on asking for help....that is a great first start....

It means you recognize there is a problem, and that in itself MAY make it easier to attack it.

Sue J wrote "CLUTTERBLIND" which I think is a fantastic description. People who are clutterblind just don't see the mess, just like a person like me, who is ANTI-clutter, can't imagine how anyone can live in that "mess" ( like those shown on the TeeVee shows).

And unfortunately, it IS a mess. Not clutter, not cramped, not funny or cute or "whatever"...just a MESS.

And I have to ask, since no one else has....is it JUST clutter or is it animal feces and "dead cat in the freezer (or BEHIND the freezer)" and the toilets and showers don't work or haven't been cleaned in YEARS-used diapers on the bathroom floor"bad?

If that's the case, then it has transcended mess to health issue, and you MUST get professionals to help you, because frankly, if it's gotten to that point and you don't recognize the danger, you will need professional help to clean it up.

Please try one of the solutions mentioned. If it's YOUR home, and the others who live there won't help, just announce you intend to rent a dumpster next Monday, and it's all going. Everyone can pick 10 items they want to keep.

Then DO it.

I know it's easy for non-hoarders to say just clean it up and toss it. It can't be that easy, or people would do it. No different than ordering someone to stop drinking today or stop smoking tomorrow. But you seem to KNOW it's a problem, and that's 90% of the battle.

Good Luck....and don't give up!!!!

 

[Bamaman]

Putting the whole family on antidepressants is a bit drastic, don't you think?

I didn't say the whole family. But the responsible party(ies) might have benefits, including improved health, happiness and well being for the whole family including their pets.

My daughter is a hoarder which comes from OCD and depression. She won't accept any help either. At one point, I'll be pulling my truck to the front door and will remove unnecessary items.

 

[tinlizzy]

I agree with imolderthanu and bamaman

My mother, her brother, sister, aunt, my sisters are all hoarders to varying degrees. It's a horrible condition. Only my mother will admit to being a hoarder and having OCD but still refuses help. The only thing that makes her life better is her hoard is mainly paper, newspaper clippings, magazine articles, mail, etc. so she can contain (tens of) thousands of items in a just a few rooms. .....It gets worse with age.

Hoarding and OCD are definitely medical conditions that requires medication along with behavior modification.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you consider medical treatment.


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[redduck]

If you are comparing your home to the Hoarder TV shows, I will assume that your house is an overwhelming mess.

So, why does your family lose enthusiasm for cleaning things out after a few hours? And, why do you let it stop you from continuing to work on the house?In any case, it sounds like you may need to be the cheerleader/taskmaster here.

Perhaps the idea of taking meds is a good idea. Maybe you could speak to one of your MD’s about it--meds might take some of the edge off the OCD/anxiety if that is part of the problem.

I like the dumpster idea--with the goal being to fill it up as quickly possible. Renting a dumpster hopefully exhibits commitment to the project. Maybe the family will get that you are serious this time. If the family works together, it can be a bonding experience.—kind of like going camping. If the family doesn’t go along with the program, pay someone to help you (and maybe you can bond with that person).

I would not mess around with Craig’s List or charities or garage sales--don’t confuse this with a money making proposition--you already have a job. Besides, this way you won’t need to stop and think and obsess about where the stuff is going and how much it’s worth. Same goes for throwing 27 things out at a time (too much strategy—it takes time). Your goal (as I see it) is to get rid of stuff. When in doubt, throw it out (perhaps that could be a nice chant while you’re cleaning out the house—although I prefer mumbling “Old Man River”. And, if you toss something out that you need, you have the money to buy a new one (or, two, three--but, let’s not to do that anymore).

If some stuff has true emotional value, put it in a box (but don’t take time to reminisce).

Then get a cleaning crew to come it and clean up the house. And, then hire someone to come in 2-4 times a year to check the place out.

Sorry to be so bossy, but, geez, let's get started on this.

 

[LitGal]

+1 . Before I retired, we tackled housework the same way - 10 minutes of sustained effort then done until the next day. It is amazing how much can be accomplished when working, as opposed to procrastinating.

+1 Listen to travelover. He/she is RIGHT!

I detest housework. Am not much of a packrat; but my hate for cleaning means that stuff easily stacks up, and gets worse the more I procrastinate.

But tackling a little every day does make a difference. If I can just straighten up one room, it looks really good. Then sometimes (but ONLY sometimes) that will motivate me to tackle a second room.

If people are coming over, for some reason, that will motivate me to tackle the whole first floor.

But, left to my one devices? Nope. It wouldn't happen.

travelover's idea does work, when I make myself do it!

 

[athena53]

But tackling a little every day does make a difference. If I can just straighten up one room, it looks really good. Then sometimes (but ONLY sometimes) that will motivate me to tackle a second room.

This is my tactic. I have a routine for which room(s) I clean every day. Today it's my office and the guest bedroom. Four days a week, 1 to 1.5 hours, two-week cycle. Cleaning includes de-cluttering and putting away. So, if a room looks bad I don't get crazy because I know it will get cleaned from top to bottom in less than two weeks. It helps that there are no pets or kids in the house.

 

[Aerides]

we'll need to let somebody in the house, something that we haven't allowed for several years.

I would definitely consider some of the earlier responses about some professional counselling or support. The quoted part above strikes me that this is not just a lot of clutter, and won't be solved with your best efforts at cleaning.

Most of us can relate to stuff we need to toss, and piles here and there of things that need going thru, kitchen junk drawers, etc. But never allowing anyone in your home means this needs much more.

Best of luck to you.

 

[redduck]

So, gindie, where are we with: "I've got way too much stuff in my house."

 

[PamInCA]

1-800-GOTJUNK may be an option. I am moving out of my 5 bedroom house in mid-April and I've been slowly packing for a month. Everything I didn't want, I literally THREW into the middle of the garage (which also needed clearing). I mean dressers, headboards, old electronics, garbage, everything! They came and loaded it all up and went upstairs to get a couple of large, heavy items. They will literally walk around the house with you and take out everything you point to.

It cost me $500 but so, so worth it! As I pack more I find more things I don't need so will probably have them back one more time.

 

[jetpack]

Well, I've been through this myself (when selling our house no less). It took a monumental effort and a year. Ultimately, we had to write off whole sections of the house and have junkers come in and move everything out.

We did save the most important & valuable items, and found some long lost things / pictures / treasures. However, there was tons of other stuff that was thrown out or recycled. 3 20 yard dumpsters. numerous trips to recycling & good will.

It was very important early on to identify areas of resistance to getting rid of stuff. Was it the value of the items? The sentimental value? The rarity? It's amazing how
easily replaceable many things are... And how expensive it is to store everything.

 

[Sunset]

......It cost me $500 but so, so worth it! As I pack more I find more things I don't need so will probably have them back one more time.

Wow, really ?
You don't have garbage pick up ?

Here we throw out anything metal (old desk chair) and it's gone in 2 hours.
I threw out an above ground swimming pool, took it apart, put the liner in garbage bags for trash.
The metal I rolled up and it was gone in 1 hour (probably worth $60 to the guy who picked it up).

I suppose I understand the first time, but surely the second time the amounts are small.

 

[ShortInSeattle]

One thing I haven't heard mentioned is turning off the inflow of new stuff. Cleaning out is 50% of the deal. The other half is not refilling the house.

A few tips:

1. Set up a staging area. Create two piles: Donate and Trash
2. Take photos of sentimental items. That way you can keep the memories!
3. Arrange for trash and/or donation pickup. It's okay to do several rounds.
4. New rule: Everything you keep must have a specific place to live. Every fork, photo, and sweater deserves a "home" or it's gotta go!
5. Once you've cleared an area, make it pretty so you will be less tempted to let it refill.
6. Imagine your home is brand new and you're furnishing it lightly with only what you need, starting with zero items. Then work towards that picture.
7. Be kind to yourself.
8. Admire photos of tidy well organized homes to get yourself pumped. I like the photos at Apartment Therapy online.

When I was younger I was a "clear a path through the junk on the floor to reach the door" level messy person. Now my home is tidy and minimalist. I didn't need therapy or drugs. I got better at letting things go. I bet you can too.

Asking for help can be good (and is sometimes necessary) but not everyone with an overly messy house has a mental illness.



SIS

 

[PamInCA]

Wow, really ?
You don't have garbage pick up ?

Here we throw out anything metal (old desk chair) and it's gone in 2 hours.
I threw out an above ground swimming pool, took it apart, put the liner in garbage bags for trash.
The metal I rolled up and it was gone in 1 hour (probably worth $60 to the guy who picked it up).

I suppose I understand the first time, but surely the second time the amounts are small.

Yes, have garbage pickup but only 1 small can service since it's just me so there isn't a whole lot I can throw out each week. When my father passed and left a house full of 50 years of accumulation (he liked to thrift shop), we put everything out on a blanket on the lawn. It was gone the next morning.

I just don't have time or want to deal with multiple trips to donate or dumps. Sometimes the easiest way to pay is with money.

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

I gave up long ago. I have lived out of a suitcase for years and kept coming home to more stuff. Maybe we are starting to clear out stuff now that we are remodelling.

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