Gift or not?

[Scuba]

We have a housekeeper who comes once every two weeks. We’ve only had her since October. Last week, she left us an invitation to her 15 year old twins’ quinceanera. It’s being held at a hotel and appears to be quite a production.

We were surprised to be invited to a family event when we have not known her that long and have never met her children. We already RSVP’d regrets as we have other plans. If this were a friend, we would send gifts for the kids (likely cash and a card). However I view this as a business relationship and also am concerned about setting a precedent. She is a great housekeeper and we don’t want to offend her, but I prefer not to give gifts to people I’ve never even met.

What would you do in this case?

 

[njhowie]

I would spend the few dollars for two cards, and give $25 cash or Amazon gift certificate for each.

It's not setting a precedent.

If you need to justify it in your mind, just consider it as a gratuity for the great service.

 

[Col. Klink]

I would spend the few dollars for two cards, and give $25 cash or Amazon gift certificate for each.

It's not setting a precedent.

If you need to justify it in your mind, just consider it as a gratuity for the great service.

+2. You might even tell the housekeeper at a logical point that you provided the gift because you appreciate HER hard work on behalf of you and your DW. In this way reaffirming the employee relationship.

 

[Red Badger]

+3. A modest gift would be kind and thoughtful.

 

[Aerides]

I'd be having the same thoughts, given she's only worked for you for a short time, but I wonder if maybe she had the same worries about inviting you. Maybe she feels the same but thought it would be rude to NOT invite you?

I like the idea of the two small gift cards, it's kinda no sweat for you. As far as precedent, yeah.... if she tried something for a regular birthday or christmas then no. But this is a bigger deal so I'd just go with it.

 

[Scrapr]

I would change my plans & go. Quincineros are fantastic. Of course part of the invitation is mercenary. But part is also cultural as you are being invited into the "family". I have been to quincineros that are in barns & backyards and also in a converted movie theater. It is very elaborate at times. And can be very informal also. I'd go just to see a different side of life and culture

 

[Scuba]

Thanks for the responses. We have been to other quinceaneras. This particular one is on our 21st wedding anniversary and we already have other plans.

 

[gwraigty]

Your first instinct seems to be not to give a gift, so I'd follow it.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I would do the gift cards. Not worth having hard feelings about it.

 

[Jerry1]

+3. A modest gift would be kind and thoughtful.

+4. Just do it.

 

[Bestwifeever]

+1 on two $25 cash or gift cards. A nice gesture on your part.

 

[Scuba]

My first instinct was not to give a gift, but knowing how frugal many of our forum members are, and still getting mostly suggestions to do it, I’ve been convinced to do it. It probably would build goodwill and it would definitely be a nice gesture and likely appreciated.

 

[RobbieB]

There ya go, blow that dough!

Good for you.

 

[EastWest Gal]

Another thing to do later if you are happy with her is to gift her the equivalent of one service shortly before Christmas. We do this with service providers such as housekeeping and my hair stylist, in cash. It’s a small thing and it creates good will.

 

[Scuba]

Another thing to do later if you are happy with her is to gift her the equivalent of one service shortly before Christmas. We do this with service providers such as housekeeping and my hair stylist, in cash. It’s a small thing and it creates good will.

We already do that.

 

[ivinsfan]

My first instinct was not to give a gift, but knowing how frugal many of our forum members are, and still getting mostly suggestions to do it, I’ve been convinced to do it. It probably would build goodwill and it would definitely be a nice gesture and likely appreciated.

+1 it's a huge occasion in their culture and she's proud that they can have a big celebration for it. Don't rain on her parade, it's a win-win when you give a thoughtful gift or gift card.

 

[Walt34]

I had to look up what a quincineros is, having never heard the term before. Given the importance of the occasion I see little downside in sending a card and small gift as suggested. Since it is such an important event for them it seems unlikely to be a prelude to expectations of gifts for less important occasions like other birthdays. And if that turns out to be the case then just say no.

 

[MichaelB]

My first instinct was not to give a gift, but knowing how frugal many of our forum members are, and still getting mostly suggestions to do it, I’ve been convinced to do it. It probably would build goodwill and it would definitely be a nice gesture and likely appreciated.

A thoughtful gesture.