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How to force a sale?
Old 01-16-2013, 09:51 PM   #1
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How to force a sale?

My sister and BIL are living in the same house and are legally married but in name only.

BIL is a total deadbeat and hasn't really made any money for the 20+ years he and my sister have been married. It all came crashing down when she lost her job a couple of years ago because she was the main (only?) breadwinner.. They almost lost the house a couple of times over the last couple of years. They filed for Chapter 13 about 3 months ago where their unsecured debt was discharged and the house payment was set at $1600 for 3 years to make up what was in arrears.

My sister currently has 2 part-time jobs that total about 30-35 hours per week at about $15-$17 per hour. BIL contributed $30 to the house payment last month and $100 the month before. As you might guess, my sister is stressed to the max and extremely angry he is living in the house but not paying his way.

Can the bankruptcy court force a sale (which my sister would initiate) or will that have to be done by a divorce decree? There is $75,000 - $100,000 equity in the house so my sister definitely wants to sell it versus letting it be repossessed. Unfortunately, BIL probably won't leave the house unless the sheriff is pointing a gun at him and ordering him out. It could take awhile for the divorce to be final because there is a minor child involved. My sister wants this over tomorrow! She is going soon to talk to the bankruptcy lawyer but I was wondering what anyone knew about how to force a sale sooner rather than later.
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Old 01-16-2013, 11:22 PM   #2
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Sounds like she should be seeing a divorce lawyer rather than a bankruptcy lawyer.
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Old 01-17-2013, 12:19 AM   #3
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Sounds like she should be seeing a divorce lawyer rather than a bankruptcy lawyer.
That was my suggestion but she was going to check if there might be a faster route through the bankruptcy lawyer. There's no charge for the visit.
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Old 01-17-2013, 08:31 AM   #4
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Either lawyer will refer her to the other if necessary I would hope, much as physicians refer patients to specialists all the time.

She's in for a rough time until the dust settles on this and she has a chance to start over.
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Old 01-17-2013, 08:37 AM   #5
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Either lawyer will refer her to the other if necessary I would hope, much as physicians refer patients to specialists all the time.

She's in for a rough time until the dust settles on this and she has a chance to start over.
+1

It's been a rough 20 years and there's a few more to go.
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Old 01-17-2013, 08:40 AM   #6
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Why does BIL not work when they are in such bad financial shape?

That said my household operated on a single paycheck, mine for 30 years. Wife did not work or worked little. You still have to live within your means.

Is BIL spending money above necessities?
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Old 01-17-2013, 09:09 AM   #7
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Why does BIL not work when they are in such bad financial shape?

That said my household operated on a single paycheck, mine for 30 years. Wife did not work or worked little. You still have to live within your means.

Is BIL spending money above necessities?
If you ask BIL, he IS working and working hard! Unfortunately, it's at his own business (can you call it that if you never seem to have any profits?) designing and hosting websites (at least that's the most recent incarnation). He's a master BS'er but it's all talk and no results and he couldn't meet a deadline if his life depended on it. The world revolves totally around him and his needs and he uses everyone around him. A total and complete jerk although with some charisma that fools people until they finally figure out there is nothing under the surface.

No, there is no extra spending and never has been. We are just talking about the basics of shelter, food, utilities, medical bills, home repair, etc. My sister held it together until she got laid off and things really got bad because he did nothing to pick up the slack after she had been the main breadwinner for 20 years.
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Old 01-17-2013, 09:38 AM   #8
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If there is any consolation to be had in this situation, it is that at last your sister is ending this parasitic relationship and can go on with the rest of her life without the albatross around her neck.
I don't know which way is faster, but I sense that she is going to be visiting a lot of lawyer's offices to make this happen!
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Old 01-17-2013, 09:50 AM   #9
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If you ask BIL, he IS working and working hard! Unfortunately, it's at his own business (can you call it that if you never seem to have any profits?) designing and hosting websites (at least that's the most recent incarnation). He's a master BS'er but it's all talk and no results and he couldn't meet a deadline if his life depended on it. The world revolves totally around him and his needs and he uses everyone around him. A total and complete jerk although with some charisma that fools people until they finally figure out there is nothing under the surface.

No, there is no extra spending and never has been. We are just talking about the basics of shelter, food, utilities, medical bills, home repair, etc. My sister held it together until she got laid off and things really got bad because he did nothing to pick up the slack after she had been the main breadwinner for 20 years.
I would say that your sister should end the relationship. Divorce will force a sale.
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Old 01-17-2013, 09:53 AM   #10
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If there is any consolation to be had in this situation, it is that at last your sister is ending this parasitic relationship and can go on with the rest of her life without the albatross around her neck.
I don't know which way is faster, but I sense that she is going to be visiting a lot of lawyer's offices to make this happen!
+1

Great description.....parasite!
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Old 01-17-2013, 11:29 AM   #11
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If there is any consolation to be had in this situation, it is that at last your sister is ending this parasitic relationship and can go on with the rest of her life without the albatross around her neck.
I don't know which way is faster, but I sense that she is going to be visiting a lot of lawyer's offices to make this happen!

I wonder why if a man decides to stay home and not work, he is an albatross in a parasitic relationship..... but if a woman does it, it is OK


This guy might be a jerk, but the lady was married to him for 20 YEARS, so she knew what he was and agreed to it... I do not see it as a parasitic relationship...

However, now that things have changed and he is not doing anything (or little) to help if the OP is correct, then I can see where people can get upset... but would you be just as upset at her if the roles were reversed If not... well....
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Old 01-17-2013, 11:43 AM   #12
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I wonder why if a man decides to stay home and not work, he is an albatross in a parasitic relationship..... but if a woman does it, it is OK
All the deluded gentlemen on this board who are now or have in the past considered retiring or semi-retiring or becoming house husbands while their better halves continue to work, take heed.

Nothing is more certain than whatever a society is most at pains to deny, is certainly true. In America we supposedly have equal expectations of the genders, but just reading this board it is obvious that this not true. Look how men here accept honey-do lists, which are actually only warranted in a boss/employee relationship.

It is very easy for a woman to lose respect for her man, if he is not carrying a good portion of whatever she considers the family load. Tens of thousands of years of human evolution support this.

Men, your wife will never admit this, but you forget it at your peril.

Ha
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Old 01-17-2013, 11:43 AM   #13
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I wonder why if a man decides to stay home and not work, he is an albatross in a parasitic relationship..... but if a woman does it, it is OK
Both genders would be parasites unless there is a mutual agreement between the spouses that one should stay home.
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Old 01-17-2013, 11:48 AM   #14
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Both genders would be parasites unless there is a mutual agreement between the spouses that one should stay home.
+1
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Old 01-17-2013, 11:51 AM   #15
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All the deluded gentlemen on this board who are now or have in the past considered retiring or semi-retiring or becoming house husbands while their better halves continue to work, take heed.

Nothing is more certain than whatever a society is most at pains to deny, is certainly true. In America we supposedly have equal expectations of the genders, but just reading this board it is obvious that this not true. Look how men here accept honey-do lists, which are actually only waranted in a boss/employee relationship.

It is very easy for a woman to lose respect for her man, if he is not carrying a good portion of whatever she considers the family load.

Men, your wife will never admit this, but you forget it at your peril.

Ha
Damn. That actually makes sense.
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Old 01-17-2013, 12:19 PM   #16
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I wonder why if a man decides to stay home and not work, he is an albatross in a parasitic relationship..... but if a woman does it, it is OK
Sorry, did I say it was okay for a woman? Missed that, I guess. Lazy people come in all shapes, sizes, and even genders. If you aren't holding up your end of the bargain, however made, then there's a problem.

My marriage is made of sterner stuff than a lot of y'all's were/are, I guess. 20 years and still heading in the same direction.
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Old 01-17-2013, 12:53 PM   #17
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I wonder why if a man decides to stay home and not work, he is an albatross in a parasitic relationship..... but if a woman does it, it is OK


This guy might be a jerk, but the lady was married to him for 20 YEARS, so she knew what he was and agreed to it... I do not see it as a parasitic relationship...

However, now that things have changed and he is not doing anything (or little) to help if the OP is correct, then I can see where people can get upset... but would you be just as upset at her if the roles were reversed If not... well....
If he was truly a house-hubby (cooked, cleaned, shopped, did laundry, made sure all the kid stuff was taken care of, did the yard work), it would be a different story. Unfortunately, my sister worked full-time and did most of the other chores also. She didn't want to be raising two kids completely on her own, so she made the calculation it was better to stay. She was starting to get her head screwed on right about 4 years ago but then the job loss and her choices became very limited. He also severely undermined her self-confidence and convinced her she couldn't do it all on her own which was really funny to those of us on the outside since she was ALREADY doing it all on her own!
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Old 01-17-2013, 01:01 PM   #18
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Both genders would be parasites unless there is a mutual agreement between the spouses that one should stay home.
+1

He always shirked virtually all household and most parental responsibility (unless it was something fun like helping with a kid's sports team) because he was always so "busy" with whatever loser business he was working on. It wasn't "one work in the home, one work outside the home" situation. My mom paid years of Boys and Girls Club fees for good after-school care because BIL was "too busy" to watch the kids after school while my sis was working.
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Old 01-17-2013, 01:44 PM   #19
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Both genders would be parasites unless there is a mutual agreement between the spouses that one should stay home.

Kind of my point... she was there for 20 years, so there must have been some kind of mutual agreement...

She changed... he did not... to me that is the problem...
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Old 01-17-2013, 01:50 PM   #20
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Sorry, did I say it was okay for a woman? Missed that, I guess. Lazy people come in all shapes, sizes, and even genders. If you aren't holding up your end of the bargain, however made, then there's a problem.

My marriage is made of sterner stuff than a lot of y'all's were/are, I guess. 20 years and still heading in the same direction.

Agreed you did not say it, which is why I asked...

It seems like the hubby was holding his end of the bargain... even if it was way lopsided to her... or she would have divorced him many years ago.... at least that is my take on it...


I had a friend who had a co-worker who met and married a guy.... she was the only one who worked... they did not have kids... he stayed home and read books etc... lots of people disapproved of him because he was lazy... but they would not disapprove of a woman who did not work and went and played tennis etc... for me, as long as the other person is fine with the setup, why should I stick my nose in thier business....

I learned this from one of my BILs who one told me 'don't stick you nose in our marriage'...
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