Husband, Wife, BF, GF, SO or What?

[haha]

You heterosexual folks who have live-in SOs but are not married- what term do you use when you introduce your SO to someone who is not a close friend, but also is not just passing by?

There is a middle aged woman living in this building who moved her much younger BF in. She introduced him as her "fiancé" - but it has been 3 years, and he still is her fiancé. When I meet people dancing or at parties, they usually just give a person's name, and leave it to me to figure out what is happening. Likely as not they are not really sure either.

Boyfriend or girlfriend at least has the advantage of sounding affectionate. But they don't say much about commitment, and whether poaching would be definitely out of place. "My new boyfriend" maybe says more than one wants to say.

So what you say when you see yourself as virtually married in terms of commitment and living arrangements, but are not in fact legally married?

Ha

 

[shiny]

I've had people refer to their SO's as their "partner" which gives me the information that they are serious (and live-in) but then, you have to figure out if it is a hetero relationship or not (if they are not there for you to see that is!) Usually guys seem to only say "partner" if they are gay, but women say it for a man or woman.

 

[Danny]

How about This Is My Significant Other?

or My Ball and Chain

or My Partner In Crime

Or My beau, flame, inamorato, Romeo, swain, boo, sugar daddy, gentleman caller, gentleman friend, main man, man, old man, main squeeze

Or My old lady, girl, bird, chick, mistress, companion, darling, sweetheart, lover

 

[Goonie]

I have a close friend that when she introduces her SO she either says, "This is my significant other, Hubert." or "This is my guy, Hubert." They have been together for several years, and will probably be together for the rest of their lives, but they haven't decided whether they'll tie the knot or not.

BTW...his name really isn't Hubert.

I always just introduced my GF or SO as "What's her face!" That in itself probably explains why I'm still single!!

 

[shiny]

Or My beau, flame, inamorato, Romeo, swain, boo, sugar daddy, gentleman caller, gentleman friend, main man, man, old man, main squeeze

Gosh, now plain ol' "husband" sounds so boring, I think I'll use these from now on.

Once DH, oops, I mean my old man, introduced me as his "main squeeze" which was funny at the time, but it actually implies that there is a secondary squeeze, so I don't like it so much.

 

[mathjak107]

i always thought a significant other was my ex wifes divorce attorney

 

[Khan]

Person of interest

 

[Brat]

I have heard "Domestic Associate".

 

[Caroline]

Has POSSLQ been mentioned already? (Person of the Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters)?

But seriously, I introduce him as my partner. If we're on the phone I generally add his name so folks don't think I'm in a same-sex relationship. (Not that I care if they do, but it saves them from making assumptions and / or silly remarks and me having to clear them up later.)

Every once in a while, when dealing with waiters, clerks, or old folks on a one-time basis, we call each other "husband" or "wife" just to avoid the explanations.

His mother still refers to me as "my son's... (significant pause)...friend." Not that she doesn't love me, she just can't get her mind around the SO concept.

Once DH, oops, I mean my old man, introduced me as his "main squeeze" which was funny at the time, but it actually implies that there is a secondary squeeze, so I don't like it so much.

I had a friend who introduced his spouse of 35+ years as his "first wife." Everyone's a comedian...

 

[haha]

Thanks for all the info.

I like lover, since it frames the passionate element nicely. But although I have had a few women refer to their BFs that way, the only men I have ever heard use it were gay.

I guess in the US, among men anyway only gays can so openly highlight the sexual intensity of a relationship.

Ha

 

[haha]

I have heard "Domestic Associate".

This really sounds like fun.

Ha

 

[Brat]

Years ago, 25 or more, and employer asked me about employees talking about homosexual relationships. My response was, "They aren't busy enough."

In the workplace, if employees have time to discuss the intimate live of others it is time to assign more responsibilities.

In a social enviornment "My friend, .. " should suffice as the more information is unnecessary.

 

[donheff]

I guess it all depends on the point you are trying to make. You could simply say, "this is my friend John" or whatever. If you are trying to inform people that this is a permanent, committed relationship pick your adjective based on politics or preference: partner, SO, husband or wife. Gay partners who don't want to provoke traditionalists will probably say "friend" or "partner." Gay partners who want to push the culture forward might say "husband" or "wife" figuring people whjo are uncomfortable with that need to confront their own issues. I am sympathetic to both types. It would seem hard to constantly deal with traditional reactions but is it fair to have to hide or downplay your relationship and nature.

I deal with a similar dilemma when people ask my religion (which fewer and fewer do these days). I used to answer, "no formal religion." But that was a bit of a cop out. Now I answer "secular humanist" with a smile. That makes some religious people uncomfortable, which is not my intent.

 

[Brat]

I am a member of a 'traditional' church but take great offense when anyone inquires about my religion because I don't think it is any of their business. It is difficult for me not to make a caustic retort. One of the advantages of being older is one can reasonably play hard of hearing.

 

[mathjak107]

i think we first have to differentiate between a wife and a girl friend.

i think the difference is usually about 30lbs



i think the difference between a boy friend and a husband is still about 30 minutes

 

[flipstress]

I introduce him as "my boyfriend". He introduces me as his "partner, flipstress" or his "girlfriend".

We are getting older, though, and I used to think it was funny to hear old people refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. I've been using BF so long that it'll be hard to change and find another term.

To new friends who have not met him, I sometimes refer to him as my "main squeeze", although I have no full knowledge of exactly what that means; it just sounds cute and funny to me. Ok, I just looked it up online: "one's primary romantic partner or sweetheart".

POSSLQ sounds too much like my work acronyms, like a new variant of SQL (Structured Query Language). Kinda cold and technical.

SO I never used--the word Other seems to connote distance or separateness.

 

[donheff]

To new friends who have not met him, I sometimes refer to him as my "main squeeze", although I have no full knowledge of exactly what that means; it just sounds cute and funny to me. Ok, I just looked it up online: "one's primary romantic partner or sweetheart".

Main squeeze implies minor squeezes -- is he OK with that?

 

[Cut-Throat]

You heterosexual folks who have live-in SOs but are not married- what term do you use when you introduce your SO to someone who is not a close friend, but also is not just passing by?

There is a middle aged woman living in this building who moved her much younger BF in. She introduced him as her "fiancé" - but it has been 3 years, and he still is her fiancé. When I meet people dancing or at parties, they usually just give a person's name, and leave it to me to figure out what is happening. Likely as not they are not really sure either.

Boyfriend or girlfriend at least has the advantage of sounding affectionate. But they don't say much about commitment, and whether poaching would be definitely out of place. "My new boyfriend" maybe says more than one wants to say.

So what you say when you see yourself as virtually married in terms of commitment and living arrangements, but are not in fact legally married?

Ha

I was wondering how you introduce yourself Mikey.

Married but separated? Married, but available? - Single? - Divorced? - It's complicated?

 

[Dawg52]

I introduce her as my 'Bitch'. Ok ladies don't get your feathers ruffled. The only living creature living with me is my female dog.

 

[flipstress]

Main squeeze implies minor squeezes -- is he OK with that?

He doesn't know it--I should have qualified that I only say it jokingly to my friends when he is not around.

I mean he doesn't know I call him that, not that he doesn't know there are other squeezes.

I mean, there are no other squeezes. I just say it to be funny. I wouldn't even joke about it if there were, not that I would be having squeezes on the side going on.

 

[kaudrey]

If it's a party or social atmosphere and we walk in together, I generally assume people will realize he is with me, and I just say, "This is Hubert" (to use someone else's alias).

If it is a situation such as a function I am running (which happens regularly), and I want to introduce him to people who know me but not him, I'll say "this is my boyfriend Hubert".

Basic works for me. If we are having conversations and people ask, they'll learn we live together, otherwise, do they really need to know one way or the other?

 

[audreyh1]

Well, you could always introduce your SO as your "only squeeze". That's pretty complimentary!

I have to admit one of the nice things about marrying your SO is how it simplifies introductions!

Audrey

 

[shiny]

For the purposes of this board they could all be DHs (Dear Huberts)