I've been struggling with what to do about my ailing mother. We don't have much contact but lately health issues have caused her to reach out for help (money and support). The situation is very new territory for me and I'm hoping that the thoughts of others here and their experience might help me put my options in perspective.
My mother is relatively young (64, turns 65 in a few months) and we've not had much contact the past 10 to 15 years due to her alcoholism. As long as she continued drinking I did not want to be a part of her drama. Really our relationship has been rocky for decades.
She's developed diabetes and a whole host of health issues which culminated in a recent minor stroke. Fortunately my brother happened to be staying with her and was able to help out as she recovered (no significant loss of faculties).
Right after she was released from the hospital I flew down for a few days and was not happy that she and he continue to chain smoke. She claims she's trying to cut back (down to a pack/day from 2). Her mobility is severely limited (pre-stroke issue, arthritic hips/knees) such that she sleeps on the sofa on the ground floor and doesn't make much use of the rooms upstairs.
My mother no longer drinks, her body just can't tolerate it. Right before the stroke my brother informed me that she "snuck" a couple drinks (she wasn't fooling anybody he said) which in short order caused her to vomit herself and fall in the bathroom.
So now my unemployed penniless brother is staying with her after a recent breakup and cross-country move. Her SS supports them both I assume (been this way for about 4 months), probably $800/mo. Her townhouse already has a reverse mortgage and the funds from that have already been spent. She's on medicaid and will qualify for medicare in a few months. I believe she has SNAP (Supp Nutrition Assist. Prog) if she didn't let it expire.
So that's some of the backstory.
Emotionally I'm very conflicted about how involved and responsible I should become to bring her care in order. The likelihood of another stroke is high given her lack of self-care and it's only a matter of time until she needs some sort of assisted living.
I've sent her some money recently to help with medical bills and medication. I fear the monetary support could lead to a bad outcome however because after my visit she called and hinted that perhaps my sister and I should pay something to my brother for his time/care.
Part of me feels responsible as her son to take care of her however she's created the mess that she's in through her life-long addiction. The fact that she continues to smoke just signals to me that she doesn't want to help herself.
Sorry for the long, sad story. Any advice?
My mother is relatively young (64, turns 65 in a few months) and we've not had much contact the past 10 to 15 years due to her alcoholism. As long as she continued drinking I did not want to be a part of her drama. Really our relationship has been rocky for decades.
She's developed diabetes and a whole host of health issues which culminated in a recent minor stroke. Fortunately my brother happened to be staying with her and was able to help out as she recovered (no significant loss of faculties).
Right after she was released from the hospital I flew down for a few days and was not happy that she and he continue to chain smoke. She claims she's trying to cut back (down to a pack/day from 2). Her mobility is severely limited (pre-stroke issue, arthritic hips/knees) such that she sleeps on the sofa on the ground floor and doesn't make much use of the rooms upstairs.
My mother no longer drinks, her body just can't tolerate it. Right before the stroke my brother informed me that she "snuck" a couple drinks (she wasn't fooling anybody he said) which in short order caused her to vomit herself and fall in the bathroom.
So now my unemployed penniless brother is staying with her after a recent breakup and cross-country move. Her SS supports them both I assume (been this way for about 4 months), probably $800/mo. Her townhouse already has a reverse mortgage and the funds from that have already been spent. She's on medicaid and will qualify for medicare in a few months. I believe she has SNAP (Supp Nutrition Assist. Prog) if she didn't let it expire.
So that's some of the backstory.
Emotionally I'm very conflicted about how involved and responsible I should become to bring her care in order. The likelihood of another stroke is high given her lack of self-care and it's only a matter of time until she needs some sort of assisted living.
I've sent her some money recently to help with medical bills and medication. I fear the monetary support could lead to a bad outcome however because after my visit she called and hinted that perhaps my sister and I should pay something to my brother for his time/care.
Part of me feels responsible as her son to take care of her however she's created the mess that she's in through her life-long addiction. The fact that she continues to smoke just signals to me that she doesn't want to help herself.
Sorry for the long, sad story. Any advice?