LBYM: do we have to do without then?

[travelover]

I don't go out to restaurants by myself either. It is just boring without someone there to talk to, and a book seem almost like an attempt to camoflauge - - because for me it is difficult to get really absorbed in a book sitting in a restaurant.......................

I can relate to this. When I used to travel for business, I frequently found myself dining alone. I used to get take out and sneak it up to my room rather than sit alone. It is just awkward and boring.

 

[Nanita8140]

Khan, I've eaten out alone at nice restaurants plenty and, frankly, nobody really gives a crap about anything else but what is going on at their own table. Bring a book, bury your head in it till the food comes will get your over the hump in the beginning.
Enjoy yourself by yourself if you have nobody else to dine with I say. Heck, if I waited until I had a friend or partner to do things with...well, I still would not have done much of anything. So learn to do all by yourself if you have to.
And this post was not about having an older car that runs well or if you do or do not have a clothes dryer. It's about doing without to such a degree--when you have a great deal of money--that you "think" you are superior for your self-sacrifice. You aren't special. You just love money TOO much where it's become a sickness.

Money is not the root of all evil. It's the LOVE of money that is.

Orchid, I do believe that to a certain extent in some people this constitutes an illness. I'm sure that for some,having great wealth makes them feel superior. I can only speak for myself and those around me who have wealth. I grew up with tightwad parents and alot of it rubbed off on me, but I have through the years learned to modify and find my own path on handling money. As to my mother's "ways", money to her is not to gain/feel better than others....she gets a sense of security from having/taking care of her money....I'm no psychologists, but I believe that having grown up in a family of 8 kids and poor made her this way. Now she won't splurge on alot of things for sure, but on things that she loves....flowers, books, hosting a home made dinner for family and friends, she doesn't hold back. Many times, I have suggested to my mother to take a trip around the world, and she comes back with..."why?, I can see the world in pictures and read about it in books"...it's fruitless to try to change the minds of others.

 

[Moemg]

If you feel uncomfortable eating out by yourself try it for lunch it is a litle easier . After my husband died I decided I could do these things by myself or do without them . So I started doing them by baby steps . I realized I was not uncomfortable eating out by myself when I was travelling so I'd go to a local restaurant and pretend I was on vacation . I also go to movies by myself . There is nothing like a sappy chick flick by yourself . No need to apologise for picking a sappy movie just bring your tissues and enjoy and afterwards stop for a glass of wine .

 

[W2R]

If you feel uncomfortable eating out by yourself try it for lunch it is a litle easier . After my husband died I decided I could do these things by myself or do without them . So I started doing them by baby steps . I realized I was not uncomfortable eating out by myself when I was travelling so I'd go to a local restaurant and pretend I was on vacation . I also go to movies by myself . There is nothing like a sappy chick flick by yourself . No need to apologise for picking a sappy movie just bring your tissues and enjoy and afterwards stop for a glass of wine .

Interesting that you think adults might not have ever experienced eating lunch out alone before! Different paths in life, I guess. Did you marry young?

 

[Khan]

If you feel uncomfortable eating out by yourself try it for lunch it is a litle easier . After my husband died I decided I could do these things by myself or do without them . So I started doing them by baby steps . I realized I was not uncomfortable eating out by myself when I was travelling so I'd go to a local restaurant and pretend I was on vacation . I also go to movies by myself . There is nothing like a sappy chick flick by yourself . No need to apologise for picking a sappy movie just bring your tissues and enjoy and afterwards stop for a glass of wine .

I simply do not see any reason (for myself) to go to a restaurant or to a movie.

 

[Moemg]

Interesting that you think adults might not have ever experienced eating lunch out alone before! Different paths in life, I guess. Did you marry young?

I started with lunch at high end restaurants and worked into dinner . I was married at 24 and you ?

 

[W2R]

I started with lunch at high end restaurants and worked into dinner . I was married at 24 and you ?

I've spent my entire life either single or married to a seagoing man. And then, I eat out alone more than I'd like when traveling for work.

 

[Khan]

I simply don't see the point of going to a restaurant.

 

[W2R]

I simply don't see the point of going to a restaurant.

You are probably a better cook than I am! I like the food at restaurants, once in a while, though I don't like having to eat it there. Restaurant food is pretty fattening, but soo good, especially here in New Orleans.

 

[W2R]

And at what age did you marry that sea going man ?

Oh! I forgot to specify. Sorry!! We married when I was 27, and had been living on my own for 9 years prior to that. My ex spent more time at sea than on shore, though, for 2-9 months at a time. He preferred home cooking when he was home, so I have eaten lunch out alone often. Different life experience, I suppose. Actually, Frank is the first regular restaurant companion that I have ever had.

 

[unclemick]

I never really saw the point of cooking. But then I lived thirty years in New Orleans.

Live to eat vs eat to live.

Unfortunately up north is not New Orleans so I eat at home more than I'd like to.

heh heh heh -

 

[W2R]

I never really saw the point of cooking. But then I lived thirty years in New Orleans.

Live to eat vs eat to live.

Unfortunately up north is not New Orleans so I eat at home more than I'd like to.

heh heh heh -

It's probably pretty different up there! None of the great little hole-in-the-walls that we have down here. I will probably cook at home a lot more when I move to Missouri, too.

 

[Notmuchlonger]

I simply don't see the point of going to a restaurant.

My wife and I enjoy excellent cuisine. We are great cooks but Ive been to some places that I could never come close to without years of experience and schooling.

 

[megacorp-firee]

I see more posts all the time where someone jumps in and insinuates that if you dress decently--and I don't mean designer clothing, but just nicely--or you take flying lessons or whatever that you are GASP! not LBYM.
...
I just think you can carry this LBYM attitude way too far in this life.
Just my thoughts...and I'm stickin' to them.

Orchidflower I tend to agree with you.
Observations;
Balance is a good goal in life
Everyone has different priorities
Some people just like to vent, complain, b*tch... it's theraputic (maybe) ... and it makes them feel better
Life seems to go better when you have a bit of a thicker skin
This forum should be used for educational and amusement purposes... if it raises your blood pressure, you need to re-assess participation.
... just my 2 cents

 

[aaronc879]

I started with lunch at high end restaurants and worked into dinner . I was married at 24 and you ?

What do you consider a high-end restaurant? I've never ordered anything at a restaurant that was over $20/plate. Most of the time if I eat-out I spend less than $20 for the meal drink and tip combined and that's at a nicer restaurant otherwise it's less than $10.

 

[RunningBum]

I simply don't see the point of going to a restaurant.

Is there an echo in here?

So don't go to a restaurant.

 

[youbet]

God, don't say that. At least please tell me it does not apply to dry spells.

Ha

Ooooops! Forget add the winky face thingy after that Ha. And please, don't call me "God."

 

[Walt34]

I simply don't see the point of going to a restaurant.

It did take a while for me to get my head wrapped around the concept since growing up we almost never went to restaurants. Normally we didn't have the money, so it seemed a waste to me. I'll admit I only do it because it makes her smile, if I was by myself I wouldn't bother.

But you don't go for the food. You go for the experience and not having to lift a finger. Try this one: Bavarian Inn Shepherstown WV

I highly recommend the Chateaubriand for two.

 

[Grizz]

As long as one's frugality/cheapness doesn't harm or endanger anyone then "fill yer boots". I know a fellow who drives his young family around in a 28 year old little car with 18 gazillion miles on it and only lap belts for his kids and of course no air bags for him and his wife. He is an airline pilot and can definitely afford something safer and still live well below his means but is somehow obsessed with and very proud of keeping his P.O.S. on the road.

 

[Orchidflower]

Megacorp-firee: If you don't think I have a thick hide--after over 30 years of outside sales and sales management--I am totally flattered! Thanks! If I can fool you, then I can fool some poor pitiful guy out there that I'm a delicate flower after all. Great! He, he, he.... And, God, how I hope that WAS what you were insinuating. Don't tell me if it wasn't, in fact.

 

[RetiredGypsy]

I never feel comfortable in restaurants. I don't like being served (serviced, on the other hand...), so I guess that rules out going to most restaurants. Chinese buffetts rock though.

 

[ziggy29]

LBYM does not have to mean LAFAPBYM (Living As Far As Possible Below Your Means). By definition if you're saving money each month without going into debt, you are living below your means.

I think what people need to do is figure out how far below their means they need to live in order to save/invest what they need to likely reach their longer term goals. If that leaves you with some "blow" to enjoy life today, so be it. Some people wear excessive LBYM as a badge of honor or pride, as if they are "better" than you because they are practicing more self-deprivation, and that people are being stupid or reckless if they ever indulge in a frivolity that isn't an absolutely required rock-bottom expense. Ignore that "thriftier than thou" attitude and concentrate on what works for *you*.

We're currently saving about 25% of our income, and we could easily make it to 35-40% -- and possibly even more -- if we really wanted to. But we think where we are now is an appropriate balance between saving for where we want to be in a couple decades from now *and* enjoying some of the fruits of our labors while we know we are here to enjoy it. Extreme LBYMing can be a heavy bet on a future we have no guarantee of seeing. But if one does truly derive enjoyment in life from LAFAPBYM, so be it. It just doesn't mean someone else is a "failure" at managing personal finance if they don't want to take it that far.

 

[Moemg]

Interesting that you think adults might not have ever experienced eating lunch out alone before! Different paths in life, I guess. Did you marry young?

I deleted my first response but after sleeping on it I decided to again say I thought these remarks were condescending and bordering on rude . You seem to be infering that I lack in life experiences which is really not accurate . I've spent many years on my own including seven as a single Mom . I also never made more than $60,000 but have accumulated a multi million dollar portfolio .I may not have a Phd and know all the financial ins and outs but I've done well for myself and have had plenty of life experiences . I was just trying to show Khan how to approach dining out slowly . I guess I should have been more careful with my wording .

 

[Kronk]

Don't forget that the first word in LBYM is Living. As far as I'm concerned, I've only got one chance at it. If living without something would make my life significantly worse, I don't live without it.

The trick is knowing what monetary expenditures actually make you happy. Growing up, I had a large amount of control over my own finances. When I was ten, I bought myself a black and white 13" TV for my bedroom. I used it through the end of college -- good purchase. I also bought myself a $100 telescope. I barely used the thing -- bad purchase.

I still filter my discretionary spending through my "amount of time worked" mental filter. Martial arts, 2.5 hours per month. Ordering Chinese food with the wife, half an hour. Netflix, half an hour per month. Used paperback book, 5-7 minutes. Lawn mowing service, two hours per month.

As long as your spending is in line with your values and you are still saving enough for retirement, go for it. I'm going to pay to get my car detailed, I'm not going to wash out and reuse sandwich bags, I'm not going to pick glass out of a broken jar of peanut butter.

Where most people seem to get in trouble is not really recognizing what it is that will really add satisfaction to their lives, or not realizing the real cost of purchases in regards to the amount of time spent working for someone else. As long as you are getting personal value for your money, go for it.

 

[W2R]

I deleted my first response

I deleted the apology that I posted in response to your deleted post, because it quoted that deleted post and I thought since you deleted it you probably would want me to do that. Again, my apologies if you construed my comments as a slight, since they were never meant as such but simply as a query about a viewpoint that I found different and interesting, and still somewhat mystifying to me.

I also never made more than $60,000 but have accumulated a multi million dollar portfolio.

That is really wonderful, and certainly an admirable accomplishment, especially as a single mom! You have every right to be very proud of what you have done with your life.