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Old 12-07-2010, 03:14 PM   #441
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The sucking vortex of doom is accelerating.
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Old 12-07-2010, 03:16 PM   #442
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Sounds like the event horizon was passed long ago.
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Old 12-07-2010, 07:14 PM   #443
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She's an addict. She's just as addicted as if this were heroin.

Intervention, perhaps?
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Old 12-07-2010, 07:32 PM   #444
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Thanks for the healthy dose of perspective. Maybe our family issues are a little more demanding than normal right now, but at least we're not dealing with an addiction on top of it.

More power and grace to your family. I'd say luck, but it sounds like that's a big part of the problem.
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Old 12-07-2010, 08:23 PM   #445
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She's an addict. She's just as addicted as if this were heroin.

Intervention, perhaps?
Just got to let her hit bottom at this point I think. We had the mini-intervention in April and she has broken all the promises she made then.

If it were up to me, I would completely isolate my kids from her. Hard to do, since it is DW's sister. We have cut her out of the wills, so the isolation is there on a symbolic level for us.
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Old 12-07-2010, 10:55 PM   #446
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Just got to let her hit bottom at this point I think. We had the mini-intervention in April and she has broken all the promises she made then.
It sounds like you're getting close to understanding how addiction and addicts work.

It's only being honest when I say that I admire your SiL's stones. Tossing out the rugs and cranking up the casino right in front of the whole crew that was at her intervention. Not sure how it would translate into the Laotian culture, but if she was Italian she basically just grabbed her crotch and said, "Hey, I got your intervention hanging right here!"

She's past the event horizon and hurtling right along toward the singularity and all that comes with that.
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Old 12-08-2010, 02:01 AM   #447
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I agree with Meadbh

Quote:
Originally Posted by Meadbh View Post
She's an addict. She's just as addicted as if this were heroin.

Intervention, perhaps?
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Old 12-08-2010, 08:50 AM   #448
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It's only being honest when I say that I admire your SiL's stones. Tossing out the rugs and cranking up the casino right in front of the whole crew that was at her intervention. Not sure how it would translate into the Laotian culture, but if she was Italian she basically just grabbed her crotch and said, "Hey, I got your intervention hanging right here!"

She's past the event horizon and hurtling right along toward the singularity and all that comes with that.
Feet. Probably something related to feet. Maybe "she has just put her feet on my head". That would be very insulting in the Laotian culture.

I like all these black hole references. That is a very apt analogy. Money gets sucked in and never returns and you can't even see what is happening because not even light can escape the gravitational pull of the black hole.
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Old 12-08-2010, 03:09 PM   #449
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I just found this thread today and have not read the entire thing so I hope I'm not repeating anything.

I hope everyone involved realizes you never give money to a gambler to pay their debts down because it will almost never make it that far. The mind of the gambling addict says to bet one more hand and turn that small stash into a bigger one so they can pay off more of their debts. And that of course never happens. WHOOSH! Gone.

If you ever agree to help a gambler with their debts make sure you pay them off in person and get a receipt or you might as well stoke the fireplace with it.
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Old 12-08-2010, 03:22 PM   #450
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...If it were up to me, I would completely isolate my kids from her. Hard to do, since it is DW's sister. We have cut her out of the wills, so the isolation is there on a symbolic level for us.
Small saving grace but at least this addiction isn't one that alters the user's consciousness or personality like alcohol and drugs do, so your children shouldn't be physically at risk when they see her.
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Old 12-08-2010, 03:32 PM   #451
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I hope everyone involved realizes you never give money to a gambler to pay their debts down because it will almost never make it that far. The mind of the gambling addict says to bet one more hand and turn that small stash into a bigger one so they can pay off more of their debts. And that of course never happens. WHOOSH! Gone.
This is exactly what has happened in SIL's case. She borrowed well over $10k from her mother six months ago (see early parts of the thread) "to pay down gambling debt" and her gambling debt is apparently bigger than ever now.
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Old 12-08-2010, 03:35 PM   #452
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Small saving grace but at least this addiction isn't one that alters the user's consciousness or personality like alcohol and drugs do, so your children shouldn't be physically at risk when they see her.
I'm not entirely sure that is true. Especially after SIL has been up for 3 days straight gambling. But I don't think SIL would intentionally hurt my kids.

A more worrisome outcome would be she can't manage to repay her "friends" and one of them comes in guns a blazing demanding money. I have no reason to think a threat currently exists, but I know at least one of the creditor/friends is a gun nut and a little strange.
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Old 12-08-2010, 09:11 PM   #453
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....is a gun nut and a little strange.
Careful there, amigo...
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Old 12-09-2010, 12:07 PM   #454
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WS, have you been loan-sharking again?
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Old 12-09-2010, 12:42 PM   #455
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Careful there, amigo...
Gun nuts are ok. Add that to "a little strange", and being on the receiving end of being shorted of thousands or tens of thousands of dollars, and I don't want that person inflicting collateral damage on my kids.
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Old 10-06-2011, 05:47 PM   #456
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Update for the still curious voyeurs.

I talked to my brother in law (gambling SIL's husband) this week during our annual family beach trip. He says things have continued to get worse but he is persevering.

They sold their unencumbered SUV roughly a year ago for $20-25k or so. Apparently all that money is gone, mostly to pay off gambling debts, but I'm sure also just spent on stuff. Gambling debt is as high as ever - $50k at least from what BIL mentioned to me, but I didn't ask for an exhaustive list and he wasn't intending to provide one to me.

BIL and SIL essentially have separate finances at this point. BIL will occasionally give SIL $50 or $100 to buy groceries for their kids, and that generally gets spent by SIL on food for the kids.

BIL says that SIL is still deluded about how to get out of this mess, thinking that more gambling is the way to go, because that is the only way to get out of this hole. She is hoping to win the lottery (lol). I quickly pointed out to BIL that she would be broke within a year or two even if she did win the lottery.

BIL's focus and goals are to do the best thing for his kids who are in 6th, 9th, and 11th grades. At this point he is of the opinion that keeping the family intact is the best course for his kids. I think part of the rationale stems from knowing what would possibly happen in a divorce court to his finances - outcome could be worse than having the leaking sieve of a wife blowing through all her money. His money remains his, he just has to pay most of the family's expenses. Another motivation for not divorcing his wife is religious in nature I think.

BIL is instituting tough love on his wife. She now has 2 jobs so works 80 hours a week between the two, including a looong 30-45 minute commute to her 2nd job (night shift). Her 2nd job is in a factory, so also requires physical exertion. I think she has been working like this for a few months now. It provides her enough money to pay her gambling loan interest (5% per month on $xx,xxx in debt). And it exhausts her so she is too tired to gamble, and requires her to be at work on weekends and at night so she doesn't have time off to gamble on weekends (when her gambling buds gamble). The downside is that her and BIL and their kids could only stay at the beach with us for approximately 16 hours before they had to leave so SIL could go back to work on the night shift.

Externally, nothing appears to have changed to us outside observers, but internally I think BIL has figured out how to cope with an untenable situation.

Hope you enjoyed your daily dose of schadenfreude.
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Old 10-06-2011, 06:08 PM   #457
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Brother in law is just one more victim in a long line of men who succumbed to the dreaded p-whipping. No scadenfreude from this quarter, I consider him a fellow wanderer in the desert and extend my best wishes to him.

Ha
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Old 10-06-2011, 07:00 PM   #458
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Thanks for the update, though I'm sorry that it is not better news. Reading this tale of woe makes my somewhat parasitic relatives easier to take.
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Old 10-06-2011, 10:16 PM   #459
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Brother in law is just one more victim in a long line of men who succumbed to the dreaded p-whipping. No scadenfreude from this quarter, I consider him a fellow wanderer in the desert and extend my best wishes to him.

Ha

I am not sure it seems to me that BIL has pretty good handle on the situation. I like the plan work her so hard that she doesn't have time or energy to gamble. I am guessing at this point she is to tired for them to have much energy for sex life. I think BIL is just being a good dad and congratulations to him for doing it.

Thanks for the update, it is always a good warning for me as poker player to understand the what is happening to the losers.
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Old 10-07-2011, 12:40 AM   #460
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Thanks for the update, it is always a good warning for me as poker player to understand the what is happening to the losers.
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