My reason for urgently needing a HELOC

[tryan]

Have you thought about showing SIL this thread ?

17 pages (n'counting) ... might be just the "slap in the face" she needs.

 

[FUEGO]

Have you thought about showing SIL this thread ?

17 pages (n'counting) ... might be just the "slap in the face" she needs.

I doubt she would get half way through my first post before refusing to read the rest. If I thought it would help her, I would.

 

[Bimmerbill]

Make sure your BIL is documenting the issues with SIL, keeping a journal or something. That should help if they get divorced and he is trying to keep the kids safe.

Recommend he open new bank accounts in his name only too.

 

[JohnDoe]

Have you thought about showing SIL this thread ?

17 pages (n'counting) ... might be just the "slap in the face" she needs.

She couldn't care less about this thread. I am thinking the wake up call will be jail, down the road.

 

[jayc]

Yes, the next 10% vig payments are due in a few weeks. Paying that plus just her credit card minimum monthly payments will require roughly her whole monthly paycheck. And that is without any kind of significant principal reduction on either debt.

I am sorry to hear about this and cannot stop thinking about the kids. I hope the rest of the family pitches in and makes sure they have support and the basics.

Why would you make this payment now. This debt is between the people at the poker table. You mentioned possible cheating in these games and the gamblers took on the risk of loaning the money. I think this is the best and fastest way to bring this thing to a climax. (SIL hitting bottom).
They made the loan, they take the risk. Why is your family more concerned with making cheating low-life gamblers whole than their Matriarch of the family(MIL).
If family had done this when the debt was 23K, she would not have been able to go back and lose more and MIL would have her savings still in tact.

 

[FUEGO]

I am sorry to hear about this and cannot stop thinking about the kids. I hope the rest of the family pitches in and makes sure they have support and the basics.

Why would you make this payment now. This debt is between the people at the poker table. You mentioned possible cheating in these games and the gamblers took on the risk of loaning the money. I think this is the best and fastest way to bring this thing to a climax. (SIL hitting bottom).
They made the loan, they take the risk. Why is your family more concerned with making cheating low-life gamblers whole than their
Patriarch of the family(MIL).
If family had done this when the debt was 23K, she would not have been able to go back and lose more and MIL would have her savings still in tact.

No one is paying SIL's gambling debts for her any more (I hope at least). MIL can't - she has hardly anything liquid left at this point.

What I was saying is that just the monthly 10% interest that SIL will owe plus her credit card min. payments will consume basically her whole paycheck. Not that I or anyone else will be paying these things.

The kids will be ok I think. All of the family lives within a few miles of each other, and they will be staying at Grandma's house during the day while her parents are at work. We send lots of food to Grandma's house for our kids (who stay there during the week), and we know a lot of it goes to feed the other kids too. And occasionally SIL's kids will spend the weekend at our house.

 

[growing_older]

I am not hopeful that SIL will suddenly wake up. Likely her family life will suffer and she will need to hit a fairly hard bottom before she changes (if ever). If BIL thinks there is a possibility of divorce, even if it is somewhat in the future, he should be careful to make sure the status quo is always kids are with him, he is residing where kids reside, he is primary caretaker at all times. Courts (even in states without presumption of mother gets custody) lean strongly towards awarding custody to mothers, and that would be very bad for kids in this situation. A strong track record of being primary caretaker and strong record of always residing with kids, while mother resides elsewhere, are usually necessary if he want to try to get custody instead of their mother.

 

[Sesq]

Good luck. Just caught up on the last week of updates. Don't show the SiL the thread - the URL alone will get her thinking you are the honeypot even more. You never know when she might say something about you to her obligors.

 

[chris2008]

I am a bit curious how the story continued and wonder if you'd like to update us.

 

[FUEGO]

I am a bit curious how the story continued and wonder if you'd like to update us.

From talking to SIL's husband, things are getting better between them but he didn't really want to go into details. Maybe she's just having a winning streak. I think the frequency of gambling has decreased a lot, but don't know for sure. I might be able to figure out what's going on this weekend since we'll probably have a 4th of July get together with family.

 

[chris2008]

Thanks and have a great holiday weekend!

 

[FUEGO]

Thanks and have a great holiday weekend!

Thanks, and same to you.

I feel another solicitation coming up from a different sister in law/brother in law. They are working towards starting a new business venture that will require some initial capital and/or borrowing. It's in a highly competitive market sector where most start ups fail within the first year. I have pre-emptively warned DW to expect solicitation and be on her A-game to say we have no money and can't get any money and regrettably cannot help financially at this time.

Maybe I'm just paranoid now. That still doesn't mean they aren't out to get me.

 

[TromboneAl]

You need to move, man (and don't leave a forwarding address).

 

[W2R]

Good approach to the situation, Fuego.

I have known someone with in-laws always asking for money. The more he gave them, the more they asked for. They tried to get to his money through his wife, and through creating dissension in the marriage. It was an unending problem, with one pitiful plea after another, until he finally "shut off the spigot" and made it clear for a few years that that was the way it was going to be.

Then, magically, they managed to live their lives perfectly well without his money.

 

[FUEGO]

You need to move, man (and don't leave a forwarding address).

Don't think I haven't mentioned it to DW! Unfortunately our first choice, Mexico, is a little on the iffy side right now.

I'm getting better at saying "no". DW is as good at it as I am.

 

[FUEGO]

Good approach to the situation, Fuego.

I have known someone with in-laws always asking for money. The more he gave them, the more they asked for. They tried to get to his money through his wife, and through creating dissension in the marriage. It was a bottomless pit until he finally "shut off the spigot" and made it clear for a few years that that was the way it was going to be.

Then, magically, they managed to live their lives perfectly well without his money.

It would be different if these particular in-laws that are pondering a new business venture would have scrimped and saved over the years to have sufficient capital to start this venture. But month long exotic vacations, expensive gifts, new cars, big new TV's, phones, gadgets, etc etc sorta took priority. Hey, to each their own!

 

[easysurfer]

Thanks, and same to you.

I feel another solicitation coming up from a different sister in law/brother in law. They are working towards starting a new business venture that will require some initial capital and/or borrowing. It's in a highly competitive market sector where most start ups fail within the first year. I have pre-emptively warned DW to expect solicitation and be on her A-game to say we have no money and can't get any money and regrettably cannot help financially at this time.

Maybe I'm just paranoid now. That still doesn't mean they aren't out to get me.

Sounds like a big "gamble" to me.

Funny, how some folks who have difficulty keeping there head above debt, suddenly think they can be a big business tycoon. I've seen this with people I know too.

 

[FUEGO]

Funny, how some folks who have difficulty keeping there head above debt, suddenly think they can be a big business tycoon. I've seen this with people I know too.

Yeah, it is a funny thing. I have no real idea about their finances. Just conjecture based on knowing their occupations (or lack thereof in the case of the husband), and roughly what it costs to obtain the material things they have.

This SIL is one who suggested I should become much more spontaneous and not plan everything. Hope they have a plan for this latest venture or maybe the spontaneity will just work itself out!

 

[Meadbh]

Yeah, it is a funny thing. I have no real idea about their finances. Just conjecture based on knowing their occupations (or lack thereof in the case of the husband), and roughly what it costs to obtain the material things they have.

This SIL is one who suggested I should become much more spontaneous and not plan everything. Hope they have a plan for this latest venture or maybe the spontaneity will just work itself out!

Don't invest in any new venture without seeing a decent business plan!

 

[Nords]

I feel another solicitation coming up from a different sister in law/brother in law. They are working towards starting a new business venture that will require some initial capital and/or borrowing. It's in a highly competitive market sector where most start ups fail within the first year. I have pre-emptively warned DW to expect solicitation and be on her A-game to say we have no money and can't get any money and regrettably cannot help financially at this time.

They can get all the money they want right here: Angel Investors | Angelsoft

Of course they have to have a good plan, too...

 

[FUEGO]

Don't invest in any new venture without seeing a decent business plan!

That would be my first question if they seriously approached me for money. Who knows, it could be a great investment. The BIL does have some limited managerial experience in the industry they are planning on opening up a business.

Nords, thanks for the link. I'll suggest something like this to them as well if I'm solicited.

 

[clifp]

They can get all the money they want right here: Angel Investors | Angelsoft

Of course they have to have a good plan, too...

HeHe

Especially if it is business that helps family members pay off gambling debts. Fuego may even be customer

Actually since you have a good/investment business since. I'd give serious consideration to the plan, and give them some advice. It seems to me whatever the plan is the odds are way way better that you'd get your money back than the reason for the OP.

 

[FUEGO]

Actually since you have a good/investment business since. I'd give serious consideration to the plan, and give them some advice. It seems to me whatever the plan is the odds are way way better that you'd get your money back than the reason for the OP.

I plan on doing this. I have given these in-laws advice in the past regarding residential real estate flipping. Basically showed them the financial/analytical framework to price out a flip purchase/remodel/sale to see if it pencils out. And explained that the profit margin on a flip should adequately compensate them for the effort and risk involved. Same applies to their current venture. They ended up not pursuing the flipping business.

Gambling SIL and business venture SIL and BIL will be at our 4th of July cookout tomorrow, so maybe I can get some updates on where they stand.

 

[Leonidas]

Gambling SIL and business venture SIL and BIL will be at our 4th of July cookout tomorrow, so maybe I can get some updates on where they stand.

You know, if you were somebody like Donald Trump, they would probably make a reality/game show out of that and you would be the star. It would be worth millions.

At least that's what I always tell myself when I have to deal with my in-laws.

 

[easysurfer]

Fuego,

So how did the July 4th cookout go with the Gambling SIL in attendance? I keep on picturing a nice, friendly cookout, with tunes playing in the background, then the disc jockey on the radio goes, 'Now a flashback from a top hit years ago, Kenny Rodgers, '"The Gambler"'

Hope things went well.