Persuade Future Son in Law to LBYM

[MooreBonds]

I've been thinking you could also turn it around and ask your future SIL if he has any advice for you, considering he is in an MBA program and you are nearing retirement. He might love talking about finance in general, megabusiness trends, interest rates, etc., and funding retirement and other big purchases in particular. No need to talk specific dollars, just percentages, and your DD might be happy to see you respect his opinion and hard work in the MBA program even if his area isn't directly related to personal finance.

Give them a gift subscription to Money magazine for Christmas.

I really like both of these ideas! (Well, perhaps if I had to pick 1 magazine, might lean more towards Kiplinger's rather than Money). Especially the MBA-experience thing. But just remember that many MBA programs never touch on personal finance, and he many not know anything. You could perhaps start off by asking about his job and things he uses in his job from his MBA background, and then some time later hit up your personal angle of the "any advice on people nearing retirement" bit.

 

[pb4uski]

I prefer Kiplinger's as well because they seem to be less sensational. Either one would be fine.

 

[freebird5825]

Like my old grand pappy used to say "The #1 Rule of Life is "YOU CAN'T CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE."

Allow me to add the second part...with all due respect to grandpappy

You can't control other people...but what you can control is your reaction to them.

For those who remember good ol' dh2b (fiancé) when I first joined the forum, he was a real nightmare when it came to spending. It was one of the main reasons we broke up after 4.5 years. We split costs 50-50 and every time I turned around, there was some new gadget or tool or bauble he wanted to buy "for us". I mostly said no because I knew the item really was for him. Sometimes I agreed if it made sense to buy the item if it truly was "for us".

It really got ridiculous.

Please give your DD some advice, one on one in private, on the possibility of this happening and how to handle it.

 

[Delaney]

I started living a LBYM life after I read, "Your Money Or Your Life". For me, I just couldn't get motivated by just looking at numbers. Becoming a millionaire wasn't a tangible goal for me, but living my life so I had more time---specifically early retirement---was very motivating.

Make sure your daughter always stays informed about all finances. A friend's husband hid his spending (and their huge debt) from her and the marriage survived, but they suffered for about a decade digging themselves out of the hole he created.

My very thrifty sister married a very thrifty man and they've always kept finances separate and it's worked for them. They both pay 50% of household expenses, but are free to spend their money as they see fit.

 

[MRG]

OP,
I grew up in a home where DF wanted to help. Mostly it was manipulation to get his audience to see, if they only did it his way, life would be better. He meant the very best, but that's not what his kids heard.

One of the most humiliating was gifting books or magazines, the message that the family heard was "you're not capable, let me show you how it's done". Guess what, all the kids in their own way, ran away. Took us many years to forgive that "help".

Bestwifeever gave you the Bestadviceever. Show him you trust him and his education. Worst thing that could happen with that scenario is you build his trust so that he can talk with you. Exactly the outcome you want. I think you've already understand that, but felt a need to share why it works. Best wishes to you, DD, and SIL.



Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Early Retirement Forum mobile app

 

[Car-Guy]

In my earlier years, if my mother, father, FIL, MIL, or any other relative would have tried to tell me how to manage my financial life (or any other aspects of my life for that matter), I'm sure I would have respectfully listened but I would have disregarded it immediately.

These days, like some others have said, I don't try to "give" financial advice. If I'm asked, I'll try to give information with the pros and cons "as I understand them".

 

[Chuckanut]

Keep in mind that your daughter chose this man to be her husband, and, very possibly, the father of your grandchildren. Getting a parent of a grandchild upset with one is usually not a good idea.

It's not always about money.