Pre School, is it worth it?

[Bestwifeever]

If it matters to you, there are things like learning group skills, classroom language and behavior, directions from teachers (who are not the familiar day care provider), and things like that, that are hard to get in any other environment. I’ve seen studies on achievement rates of daycare vs sahm, but not on preschool vs no preschool. I think preschool is just what most people do now, usually when kids turn three. That doesn’t mean we should. I know sahms who did not send the kids to preschool but they were providing a ton of very individualized activities before kindergarten. My kids and grandkids all went to preschool—they all had a play-based curriculum, and none were reading before kindergarten, but imo they learned so much. We had a lot of fun with it and I don’t think it’s as competitive or status driven most places. Maybe you could find a program that doesn’t lock you into a year.

 

[Brat]

My Portland grandchildren went to a school that accepted children once they were potty trained. It was preschool on steroids. It was great but frankly expensive. Most of the children's parents were Intel engineers. The children were very happy and exposed to learning concepts that are introduced at the 5th grade. They only went to 8th grade but one of their 'graduates' scored a perfect SAT as a 12th grader in a local public school.

So, private preschool or not... it depends on the school and the cost.

 

[NYEXPAT]

My 4 year old has been in a Catholic preschool for 2 years now and loves it. Nanny walks him to school (15 mins) at 8:15 and then we both go pick him up at 1:30. The school is Bi-lingual so he can count to 100 and do ABC's in both English and Spanish. They go on field trips all the time to the Fire house, the City Zoo, a working ranch/farm, the theatre, bakery etc. My Son loves "hailing cabs" paying for things in the store and knows where he is in about a 20 square block radius of our apartment. It is great and worth the price to give me a few hours free time to do my thing!

 

[ugeauxgirl]

Mine went to preschool because I worked. If I hadn't worked, I wouldn't have sent them. I read an article when the kids were little and someone had done a study about it. Pre-school kids were ahead of non preschool kids- until the second grade, after which (I seem to remember) there was little or no difference in academic performance.

 

[6miths]

My recollection is that our kids loved pre-school. Lots of activities. Lots of friends. No screen time. It's not like when we were young when bands of kids were running loose all over the neighborhood and mom's were visiting each other with all kinds of kids in tow. It is good to meet others and 'play'. The preschool our kids went too was a montessori and it wasn't at all about learning ABCs and counting.

 

[MarieIG]

Lol, I want a turn on the Silverado! DS goes to an in-home daycare, she is very passionate about the pre school part of her services. He does have 7 other children he attends with including little sis. They all seem to have fun, I get good progress notes and am able to consult with daycare provider when she or I feel we need to work on specific things. He thrives pretty well in his current setting.

I guess I am missing something. This seems to be working out so well, why change it?

Because people that don't know your son, or how well he is doing in his current environment, are recommending it?

 

[FlaGator]

Do it for the socialization with peers, let mom have a break, and get the kid exposed to discipline and structure imposed by an adult who is not a parent.

Both of mine went as soon as they were eligible. There was not a "control group" with them, but at 18 and 15 they have turned out well - very good students and well-regarded by their teachers and peers.

Both were in programs with strict behavior policies, and I'm sure the structure helped.

 

[kgtest]

I want to add, our state offer's public ECFE classes, which both our kids attend, but only allow kids up until age 4, and that was almost a rec activity, they offer day and night classes and we went every Monday from birth until Now. So DS and even DD has had exposure to large class sizes, just only once a week during the school year ...and he's been in full time daycare, so combine the two experiences...and you get Kindergarten...or am I missing something?

Edit to add, DM works from home (but travels 100s of miles daily), and kids go to daycare all day, so mom has lots of breaks. This Pre school gig would actually be a burden on mom, and she is pregnant with the third.

BREAKING NEWS!

 

[kgtest]

I guess I am missing something. This seems to be working out so well, why change it?

Because people that don't know your son, or how well he is doing in his current environment, are recommending it?

Well, mainly I think we were initially concerned of Oldest Child Syndrome. But just reading through this thread has sort of reassured at least me that DS is thriving and will continue to thrive, and be just fine. I talked to DW about it and we both agree he will be fine transitioning to full time all day kindergarten.

The only new thing will be riding on the bus. Not sure we will let him though lol, we can just drop him off in our cars since it's on my way home from daycare.

Some of our friends are very pro education, and I think my and DW kinda lean towards the let kids be kids...but we want to be thoughtful about it all.

I think it would stress our schedules more, which having stressed out parents might be a negative catalyst when things are actually rolling pretty good. IF it aint broke don't fix it?

 

[ugeauxgirl]

If your wife is pregnant, do whatever is easiest on your schedule. I suspect whether your child attends preschool or not will make no difference whatsoever on how they turn out. I didn't attend preschool, and I did fine in school. My kids did attend and they're fine too.
BTW, congratulations!

 

[Aerides]

Well, mainly I think we were initially concerned of Oldest Child Syndrome.

Oh wow that's a thing now? I'm sure they have a name for everything, but oldest, youngest, middle child... I mean, aren't about a third of us "Oldest Child" (and were adults before it was even a thing?)

 

[kgtest]

Oh wow that's a thing now? I'm sure they have a name for everything, but oldest, youngest, middle child... I mean, aren't about a third of us "Oldest Child" (and were adults before it was even a thing?)

I don't know if it's a "thing" but that's sort of what DW and I are referring too.

Since he is 4 the next kid is 3, which probably really isn't a big deal. He gets along best with kids his age though so we were/are slightly concerned about the transition from 2 older boys to just him being the oldest.

As someone mentioned though, gaining leadership skills and being the big boy of the bunch might actually have some benefits.

 

[kgtest]

If your wife is pregnant, do whatever is easiest on your schedule. I suspect whether your child attends preschool or not will make no difference whatsoever on how they turn out. I didn't attend preschool, and I did fine in school. My kids did attend and they're fine too.
BTW, congratulations!

Thanks! Yeah, there is a lot to take into consideration and eliminating stressors from my pregnant wife might be the best choice in the end. Best for the family, best for her, best for new baby...and just fine for the boy!

 

[athena53]

Oh wow that's a thing now? I'm sure they have a name for everything, but oldest, youngest, middle child... I mean, aren't about a third of us "Oldest Child" (and were adults before it was even a thing?)

"The Birth Order Book" came out in 1985 and it's pretty interesting. I'm the oldest in my family and can see the same behavior patterns in my oldest granddaughter- serious, diligent, organized. Her younger sister is just as intelligent but more laid-back and more of a risk-taker. I took the older one to Chicago when she was only 4 but she stuck by me in crowds, behaved in the airport lounge, etc. Not sure when Little Sister will be ready for that!

"Oldest Child Syndrome" isn't necessarily something to counteract. At one point years ago, they looked at all the participants in the US astronaut program. All but two were oldest or only children. The two exceptions: one whose sibling was 10 years older and another whose older sibling died at an early age. I'd say that's pretty respectable company.

 

[tb001]

After having kids, it’s pretty easy to see how birth order (and timing between kids) impacts personality. The differences in child rearing experiences are pretty striking.

 

[pj.mask]

Lots of replies here that seem to think ‘if something worked for me - it should work for you’ and I think that is really shallow way of perceiving how individuals work.

Sending your kids to pre-K may be a benefit, neutral, or negative. After 20 years you might be able to judge your kids performance but it is doubtful you can attribute it to one aspect like daycare. But everyone seems to have an opinion on that correlation...

I can say our oldest is in pre-k and the cost differential between daycare (basically adult supervision) vs pre-k (structured learning) is minimal (10-15%). We find that cost difference well worth enrollment. You mention total cost but what is it in comparison to?

We did use the daycare last summer and noticed significant behavioral issues with many kids there (have heard of similar issues at other daycares with neighbors and friends). This started to bleed over to our kids behavior. I don’t know if they learn significantly more but the structure leads to more consistent behavior.

As to preschool vs home care, part of what I like is the school introduces them to things we would not. Sure I could talk math until the cows come home but probably wouldn’t devote a day here to talking about hermit crabs or a day there about pirates. Many on here suggest some type of socialization then you get back to cost difference. If one of us were stay at home we would probably do at home care with a few Mother’s Day outs. But since we both work - our choice was to pay a non-impactful amount more for a better environment for the kids.

 

[pacergal]

Both of our kids had various experiences from home with one of us, in home regular daycare outside our home, to preschool/daycare combined, then to before/after-care preschool attached to the local public school before starting KG. We did what we needed to do based on our work schedule, they did fine in all of them, and continued to do fine in school and college.
You have to do what is right and works for your family. That's all that matters, in my opinion.

 

[Jeffman52]

Everyone has an opinion and none of them are actually wrong. You do what you think it right for your children. I could get on either side of this debate and argue passionately about either side.

My own personal opinion is that kids will have Kindergarten plus 12 years of HS to learn how to be little robots that must learn to be still and follow a corporate learning program. Let them be kids for as long as possible.

 

[Aerides]

After having kids, it’s pretty easy to see how birth order (and timing between kids) impacts personality. The differences in child rearing experiences are pretty striking.

No, I get that, and that birth order impacts all kids in some way shape or form, and has been obvious since forever.

I never heard the birth order personality differences being referred to as a "syndrome" as if, like so many things, it's a problem to solve.

 

[socca]

A typical day in a preschool includes juice and cookies just before “quiet time”. If your son is truly senior executive material, by the end of his preschool year all of the other kids in his class will be dutifully handing over their cookies to your son. Given one cookie per kid and 19 other kids in his class, your son can expect gross daily cookie income of 20 cookies. However, your son will need to pay off his “enforcers” - the kids he employs to collect his debts (these enforcers have bright futures as corporate lawyers). Your son will also need to distribute cookies to key power brokers among the preschool staff (valuable life lesson: properly take care of the system, and the system will properly take care of you). So, your son can expect to net around 10 cookies per day, far more than he can reasonably expect to consume. Learning to deal with this excess is a valuable life lesson for any would-be senior executive: if you successfully manipulate the system to shower yourself with resources, what are you going to do with them? The end result of your son’s preschool year, if successful, will be the adoption of a belief that will guide all of his future actions as he claws his way to the top of the capitalist anthill: he who dies with the most cookies wins.

 

[joeea]

Oh wow that's a thing now? I'm sure they have a name for everything, but oldest, youngest, middle child... I mean, aren't about a third of us "Oldest Child" (and were adults before it was even a thing?)

Everything is a syndrome these days.

 

[Brat]

Many of these comments make me smile. I recall a parent-teacher meeting with my daughter's first-grade teacher. I asked her how she was doing. The teacher replied, "I take care of the front of the class, she takes care of the back." Forward 40 years, she is a CFO. Executive talent in braids.

My kids attended a co-operative pre-school... good at teaching about getting along with others but not much more. Most of the kids were from the neighborhood so they developed life-long friendships.

 

[healthyandfun]

As a retired educator, I think the option of continuing in the home daycare plus attending a preschool a couple mornings or days a week is a good choice before the child enters kindergarten. Besides the socialization aspect, preschools expose children to classroom routines and activities involving a larger number of children than at daycare. Preschool classrooms are run more like a kindergarten and help prepare children for what will soon come. It is sometimes hard for children to adjust to twenty other children without some preparation beforehand. If you can afford it and the schedule fits, I would recommend the preschool. Weigh all the factors and make an informed decision that is best for your family.

Whatever you decide, I would recommend reading aloud daily with your child at home. Select a wide variety of books and make it a fun experience. Talk about what is happening in the book. Boys tend to like nonfiction so be sure and cater to the child’s interests. Revisit books frequently. Doing this daily creates a bond between parent and child with wonderful results. The best prepared kindergarteners should have 500 or so books read to them before they enter school.

Good luck!

 

[kgtest]

Thanks everyone for responding.

The affordability is about 2,000 to 3,000 in addition to the Daycare costs we pay where our provider does in-daycare services.

TBH, we can't really afford it, not without me reducing my 401k contributions.

Knowing that, what are your thoughts.

Would you skip the family vacation for your kids to go to pre-school, or just say screw it and wait for them to attend Kindergarten?

 

[pacergal]

What ever is most important to you and your family is the best for you.
Family vacations, time together and exploration is wonderful for kids.

If I were in your shoes, my child already attended in home daycare and got socialization there, and finances were such that "we couldn't really afford it", I would not do preschool.
How is your budget and retirement savings?

It is important to read books with your child daily, spend time listening to them and doing things together.
Time with my kids was most important to me.