Sense of mortality

[RonBoyd]

I was 40 when I first had the thought that "My life is half over and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up."

It was not that I was unsatisfied with my life (and that was a (is the?) problem in retrospect) but that I suddenly realized that time was running out on my doing something important. I still hadn't figured out how to do what other's had done -- Jesus, Albert Einstein, Mother Theresa, Winston Churchill, etc.

Now, thirty years later, I am that same person. This is Saturday and just a couple hours ago I was "lazying" on the couch watching the Sunday Afternoon football game. Where did those seven days go?

I still don't know "what I want to be when I grow up." Thanks for pointing out that I have a "long way to go and a short time to get there." How depressing. Who started this silly thread anyway?

 

[Ally]

In the last two years or so, several of our friends and coworkers have died suddenly from heart attacks, an asthma attack, vehicle accidents and so forth. That has bothered us quite a bit. It's one thing to have an illness and die in your 70's or 80's, but it's a whole different thing to be going about your business one day and suddenly die with no warning in your 50's or 60's. Lately, I've been thinking that every day that I am active and happy is a gift that so many don't get.


Sent from my iPad using Early Retirement Forum

 

[youbet]

The finite nature of life is why it's so important to spend ALL of your life in enjoyable ways. Spending decades at a "job" you hate and where your biggest enjoyment in life is bitching about your job is a truly pathetic situation.

A successful run, IMHO, is not just FIREing. It's living an entire life without any significant time ever spent wishing you were doing something else.

Money is cheap. Time is expensive.

 

[marko]

This whole idea has crept up on me lately. I've had a rough summer health-wise --lots of stuff I won't go into, but very frustrating-- and finally decided "I want another 25 years!!" (taking me to 87)

Recently, I started viewing my ailments as a blessing as it gave me the slap upside the head to start eating healthy(er), acupuncture, cutting back on alcohol, loosing weight and generally taking better care of myself.

Feeling great over the past many weeks now and feel like I'm heading on the upside.

 

[imoldernu]

In our CCRC, we have a man who is 92, and has been blind since age 16. He became a professor of philosophy and the chair of the department in an Eastern University. He is one of the happiest, most enjoyable and engaging persons that I have ever met. Dying at age 75 would have been a tragedy.

As I and my DW get nearer to the four score age milestone, we do spend a little time discussing and thinking about mortality. So far, we have not phased into the "I'd rather be dead" mode.

Both of us have been near to the edge of 'not being here' but never considered how being dead would be better than being here. Possibly with unmitigated, unbearable pain... but we hope to never find out.

So, life becomes a matter of adjusting, and being wise enough to understand that change is inevitable. "Old Age" is not a number, and though younger people think in terms of physical fitness... I don't think this is necessarily the case. Good to be physically fit, but of all out current similar age acquaintances, less than 20% could be considered "physically fit". Mobile yes, but minimal exercises compared to younger people with a exercise regimen. Perhaps few hours of Tai Chi, or a circle or two around the mall. That said, most are well able to join in games of cards, going to plays, gambling at the "boat", or visiting with relatives. Shopping for food and clothing etc, quite common and most still drive.

Arthritis, changing vision, numerous ache and pains, impaired hearing, increased napping, sleep interruptions and regular doctor visits are so common as to not even be part of the conversation. Accepting any of these frailties is pretty easy, when compared to the peace and freedom from family worries and money anxieties. Life is what we want it to be.

It's the personal attitude that makes the difference. Our glass is much more than half full. We don't make a big deal out of living to 80, or 90. We come to grips with death among our friends and relatives, but don't count these as benchmarks for ourselves.

Being alive is wonderful... much more to see and do, but when the time comes for it to end, no regrets.

 

[Balance]

My sense of mortality hit when I lost both of my parents in a 2 year span. They lived a very full and joyful life. That was a couple years ago and I have never been the same. I accepted the passing of the torch from my father to me as a husband and father. In his last days, my father, said to take care of my health and everything else will be fine. He said that he had a great life and challenged me to have an even better one. I accepted that many of my best attributes (looks, sense of humor, etc) came from my mother. My mother had dementia but she always smiled when I walked into the room and that's all we needed together.

What I struggle with is what others have previously said, through their passing I had finally realized I was not going to live forever and in fact have less time in front of me then behind me. However, maybe their passing is the natural wake up call for me to not wish my life away but finish strong. As my user name says, it's all about Balance. Learning from the past, Planning for the future, but living in the present. It's the Journey not the destination that counts

 

[tmm99]

The finite nature of life is why it's so important to spend ALL of your life in enjoyable ways. Spending decades at a "job" you hate and where your biggest enjoyment in life is bitching about your job is a truly pathetic situation.

A successful run, IMHO, is not just FIREing. It's living an entire life without any significant time ever spent wishing you were doing something else.

.

You are SO RIGHT about that. Thank you for reminding me. To me, my sense of mortality makes me want to make my actions somehow more meaningful when I am at wo*k. I haven't found a way to do so with my projects and such but more to do with how I work and interact with people.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

 

[H2ODude]

My sense of mortality hit when I lost both of my parents in a 2 year span. They lived a very full and joyful life. That was a couple years ago and I have never been the same. I accepted the passing of the torch from my father to me as a husband and father. In his last days, my father, said to take care of my health and everything else will be fine. He said that he had a great life and challenged me to have an even better one. I accepted that many of my best attributes (looks, sense of humor, etc) came from my mother. My mother had dementia but she always smiled when I walked into the room and that's all we needed together.

What I struggle with is what others have previously said, through their passing I had finally realized I was not going to live forever and in fact have less time in front of me then behind me. However, maybe their passing is the natural wake up call for me to not wish my life away but finish strong. As my user name says, it's all about Balance. Learning from the past, Planning for the future, but living in the present. It's the Journey not the destination that counts

Reminds me of a line from LA Law; don't recall the actor but it was the bald guy who's been on many shows. Line went something like "Our parents are our last buffer to our mortality" or something like that. My mother went first, really shook my senses. Not so much my father for some reason, having been through it.

Imoldernu....good philosophy there.

 

[Focus]

I'm glad to see this thread. Acknowledging our mortality is essential to making the most of life.

The media love to emphasize how lifespans are getting longer. I think that's left many with the impression that we're going to make past 100 (looking great and in good health), although that's far from the truth.

According to the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, the average life expectancy in 2011 was 76 for men and 81 for women in the U.S. But, of course, you can't live by averages...

 

[Mulligan]

This may sound ridiculous as I am "only 34", but I am having this sense recently.

It is a good effect on me though I believe. I am less willing for example to stick around with people who don't affect me in a good way.

I also tend to think *very* long term, so a bit of counterbalance is actually nice. And I appreciate every good moment more as it happens.

Don't feel bad, Totoro, 34 is old to have mortality thoughts compared to me. I went through it for some odd reason in my teenage years giving it way too much thought then. The good thing is I am now completely over it. I know I am going to die and accept it, and unless the process drags out, it is irrelevant as you will not be able to ponder your death and it's regrets when you are gone anyway. I am glad I am past the point of thinking about mortality as it can be a dreadful thought process.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[unno2002]

[FONT=&quot]Echoing others, there are friends & co-workers younger than me who have already died. I remember my paternal grandfather retired, and died around a year later. I retired as soon as I was eligible, and have another younger than me friend / co-worker whose health has deteriorated such that he is leaving on a disability retirement.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I acknowledge that retirement, as we've come to view it (at least in the US) is a relatively modern creation, that a little over a century ago perhaps the best one could probably hope for would be to have the adult children take over the "heavy lifting" and as a grandparent just do what one physically could… or work until you died.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]While my retirement is not exciting, it has probably been good for my health. Those who knew me on the job frequently comment on how un-stressed I appear, comment on my weight loss, etc. [/FONT]

 

[ohyes]

Definitely. Then, I can start feeling guilty...why am I still here and how can I waste the time that I do? The awareness of mortality causes me to think too much.

 

[Mulligan]

[FONT=&quot]Echoing others, there are friends & co-workers younger than me who have already died. I remember my paternal grandfather retired, and died around a year later. I retired as soon as I was eligible, and have another younger than me friend / co-worker whose health has deteriorated such that he is leaving on a disability retirement.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I acknowledge that retirement, as we've come to view it (at least in the US) is a relatively modern creation, that a little over a century ago perhaps the best one could probably hope for would be to have the adult children take over the "heavy lifting" and as a grandparent just do what one physically could… or work until you died.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]While my retirement is not exciting, it has probably been good for my health. Those who knew me on the job frequently comment on how un-stressed I appear, comment on my weight loss, etc. [/FONT]

Don't feel bad Unno for a retirement that is "not exciting". I had enough excitement in my 20s and 30s to last a lifetime. That is not a high priority for me anymore. Now waking up a walking to driveway to retrieve morning newspaper with coffee...That is exciting to me!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[RonBoyd]

 

[bjorn2bwild]

The clock definitely started ticking a little louder for me once I crossed the age 50 barrier.
I am counting on vigorous exercise, good diet, and 'keeping it interesting' to get me 'up there somewhere' with the least amount of decrepitude. If I should need to initiate the get out now plan, I hope I will be able to do as well as 85 year old Gillian Bennett who checked out last month with the support of her entire family. Documented here -

DeadAtNoon

 

[RonBoyd]

I hope I will be able to do as well as 85 year old Gillian Bennett

+1

 

[eytonxav]

Didn't think about it much until I turned 60, despite getting diabetes the year before. Now I find myself checking ages in the obits as a benchmark

 

[Walt34]

At 64 with two stents in a heart artery last July this topic has definitely crossed my mind. No heart damage so I'm optimistic about the outcome but it was a reality/mortality check. I went to a alumni association picnic this afternoon with bunch of people I used to work with. As one guy put it "How did everyone get so old?"

But most were doing pretty much what they wanted to, one in a wheel chair because of back pain but was optimistic that it was a temporary condition that was not going to last. A few of them I know only by reputation since they retired before I was hired in 1973 - that gives me cause for optimism as well!

 

[braumeister]

I still w*ork

I think we have pinpointed the problem.

Seriously, don't let it get you down. You'll probably find (as I have) that it gets easier to deal with as you get older. I just treat every day as a gift and try to make the most of it.

 

[RonBoyd]

I still follow "The Adventures of George & Ms Tioga." In some ways, this is the way I would like to head toward the end and in other ways not.

If you recall, George & his RV, Ms Tioga, spend ten years traveling and Blogging daily about his adventures. Then about a year ago, he was driving down the highway and the next thing he knows he was being awakened, in the middle of a field, and Ms Tioga is completely destroyed. He is now living in an Apartment and his RV is an electric Bicycle and an electric automobile.

BTW, he started his "adventure" after being diagnosed with terminal Cancer. Now in his late seventies, he has slowed down only a little. (Well, his Blog posts are very few and far between.)

Here is the Post he offered today in which he talks about his experiencing the worst thing in Mortality -- when the parent outlives the child.

The Adventures of Tioga and George: My son David

 

[aja8888]

I had my first real sense of mortality when my 22 year old daughter died suddenly one night. I knew then that I was not afraid to die as I would be with her once again. That was 15 years ago and I still think of her daily. That tragic event changed my life completely.

Two years ago, my youngest sister passed quickly from brain cancer at 57 years old in Connecticut and when we went to the funeral, I, the oldest in the family, had a real sense that I am alone for some reason. I still have one sister left, but parents are gone.

While I still have a good outlook on the rest of my days, and try to help everyone I can in the family, I have started to sense an element of what I call "running out of time". No one in my immediate family (aunts, uncles, etc) lived much past 70. I seem to be the current leader in that camp. I am pretty healthy with not much loss of body flexibility, desire or brain power, but there are times I sense things changing.

I try not to think about mortality but it has indicators all around me anymore. Kind of sucks in some regard.

 

[kgtest]

I should have been killed at least three times in my life. (Ran over by a boat, almost hit by a train in Amsterdam and War).

I am only 33 but I have thought about mortality since I stopped drinking at age 26. I have a bit of anxiety so that doesn't help but I know how to deal with it by enjoying myself and thanking the man upstairs every morning before I head off to work.

My recent hang-up was the thought of living life on a daily basis without my ole man around. Its caused me to hound him about protecting his money (something I think will offset the pain when he is gone by continuing to selflessly help his heirs as he has done his entire life). A lot of times I find myself really wanting to just spend quality time with him as I know mortality is inevitable. Unfortunately the time I spend with him is not always quality and it reminds me how fickle the human race and this revolving planet really are.

Live life to the fullest, go bungee jumping or take your grand kids out for ice-cream...tomorrow will not come for everyone.

 

[Birdie Num Nums]

I should have been killed at least three times in my life. (Ran over by a boat, almost hit by a train in Amsterdam and War)....

Perhaps this should be the topic of a separate thread, but I might have been killed at least four times in my life--that I know of. (I may have had other "close calls" that to this day I am not aware of.)

1. Around age 8, in Long Beach, CA, while wading in chest-high water, I was swept out into the ocean about 30 yards or so, and went under. Then another wave soon swept me back to shore. That was frightening. I learned to swim soon after that.

2. Around age 25, while driving down a narrow two-lane back road, I hit some black ice. My car did a 180 and slid into a shallow ditch on the opposite side of the road. If the car had gone to the right, instead of doing a 180 and going left across the road, I would have gone over a steep, deep hillside to an almost certain demise.

3. Around age 40, I guess, the traffic light at an intersection turned green for me. But I double-checked both sides anyway before stepping on the gas, only to see that a car on my left was blowing thru his red light. Had I just casually gone forward I would have certainly been T-boned.

4. Around age 45 I was crossing the street one morning, heading to w*rk. The traffic and pedestrian lights had just turned in my favor, but I noticed that a guy turning his car was looking behind over his left shoulder, to see if there were any cars coming, and crossed in my path. Had I not paid attention to him, although all lights were in my favor, he would have mowed me down. He missed me by "that much," to quote Agent 86.

I am thankful every day. I say that each morning as I climb out of bed and put my feet on the floor. And try to remember to say it again as I climb back into bed every night.

 

[EastWest Gal]

Years ago my DH was in a bank that was robbed. DH never saw the robber but the gun was at his head. Every day since has been a blessing.

I think many people exercise control over their own passing. My MIL, who had a devastating cancer, waited until her eldest son came to town to see her, then had to leave, before she passed. It was as if she did not want her sons to see her go.

My dad became unresponsive one morning after being bedridden for 4 months. I saw him several times per week. I was called and came to his bedside. The hospice nurse was there--she was meant to be a comfort but was a stranger to me, as well as a staff nurse at the assisted living place. I could see dad was comfortable and breathing very slowly. I asked these strangers to leave. I then told dad it was ok to leave us, that my sister and I and all of us were ok, that mom was waiting for him, as was his best friend who had passed a few months earlier. I kissed him, held his hand, and he peacefully passed on.

I felt the gift of my dad's trust in me in that experience.

Yesterday I found the time to take a walk in a beautiful place near my current transitional work. This ER thing, it 's not about ER. It's about more time to just live, without the stress of pleasing someone else.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

 

[tmm99]

Years ago my DH was in a bank that was robbed. DH never saw the robber but the gun was at his head. Every day since has been a blessing.

I think many people exercise control over their own passing. My MIL, who had a devastating cancer, waited until her eldest son came to town to see her, then had to leave, before she passed. It was as if she did not want her sons to see her go.

My dad became unresponsive one morning after being bedridden for 4 months. I saw him several times per week. I was called and came to his bedside. The hospice nurse was there--she was meant to be a comfort but was a stranger to me, as well as a staff nurse at the assisted living place. I could see dad was comfortable and breathing very slowly. I asked these strangers to leave. I then told dad it was ok to leave us, that my sister and I and all of us were ok, that mom was waiting for him, as was his best friend who had passed a few months earlier. I kissed him, held his hand, and he peacefully passed on.

I felt the gift of my dad's trust in me in that experience.

Yesterday I found the time to take a walk in a beautiful place near my current transitional work. This ER thing, it 's not about ER. It's about more time to just live, without the stress of pleasing someone else.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

Beautiful story... Thank you very much for sharing.


Sent from my iPad using Early Retirement Forum