Taking Care of Mom - Part II

[chinaco]

WE have been looking for a Nursing Home for my mother. We found one that looks good (if any of them are). The facility seems nice. The $64,000 question is whether or not the staff is attentive enough.

The cost is about $170/day. That is just for the basics. Obviously other health care services will cost extra.

I took her to tour the facility the other day. The purpose was to let her feel that she is a little involved in the decision and to get to used to the idea. She is apprehensive, but I think she understands that it needs to happen. Obviously she would prefer to stay with us.

They called us with a bed available last Friday. We had to pass because we were not prepared. I have found that when one is available, they want it taken immediately so they can fill the bed. We are getting things together for the transition.

The odd thing is that after spending alot of effort to take care of her, I still feel a bit like I am letting her down by placing her there. Bottom line is that her illness is out-pacing our ability to care for her. She is beginning to have problems that are a bit beyond what we can provide and/or feel confident providing.

 

[F-One]

Chinaco,

It is always difficult to make these decisions. However, the reality of your mother's health problems out-pacing your abilities to care for her must be accepted.

The best thing to do, and it looks like you have, is to investigate the facility - both with visits and online with state and federal rankings. (I don't have any links but a Google search should help you find them).

The one thing to help your mother once she has moved to the nursing home is to visit often (and be sure to see the administrator and other staff heads (activity director, nursing director periodically - hopefully just to say hello and thanks). Not only will it help your mother with the transition but when staff realize you care a lot about your mother, they tend to be more attentive to her also.

Good luck

 

[nwsteve]

Chanaco
The process of change is always hard and even more so when are older.
I can tell you that having my Mom in an Assisted Living facility has probably added substantially to her well being and health. She has access to a wellness program that allowed her to drop 25 pounds of unneeded weight which had put her in a prediabetic condition.
Another benefit is that it gives her something else to 'complain" about besides us and the rest of the siblings
nwsteve

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

not only are you providing your mom with a safe environment set up to satisfy needs for which you can no longer provide on your own, but also you are offering your mom a social setting with appropriate companionship which she would not find elsewhere.

here she will be neither rejected nor otherwise ostrocized. no one will make fun of her or get frustrated with her because of her failing abilities. she will have the option of alone time in her room or she will socialize with others in common areas. when she is in a wheelchair she will be taken out into the common areas so as to not age alone.

this will be about the hardest thing, but the best thing you can do for you mom. good luck.

 

[USK Coastie]

Chinaco we too went through this delima with the MIL. It is hard to explain the feelings of inadquacy one feels when this has to be done. But you are doing what is best. MIL's sister visited for a month last year and had extensive experience with Dementia care in Denmark. The last day she took DW aside and said "in my professional opinion she should be in a care facility" Her comments helped with the feelings of failure but did not eliminate them.
I second F-ONE's advice to visit often and definatly be involved in her care. At a minimum you should discuss the care plan developed by the facility at least monthly to determine if changes are needed. Every patient is required to have a care plan and if you have a Medical POA they must discuss this plan with you. It cuts down on missunderstandings.

 

[Deetso]

My family is going through the same thing with my previously very spunky grandmother. Unfortuntely for us the decision to have to place her there was far to easy- as she has been declining quite rapidly. Im sorry for the anguish you must be facing in these difficult decisions.

Regarding your apprehension of placing your mother with an inattentive staff. My cousin- a paramedic- recommended that we visit the facility at different times of day.

So some morning go there bright and early and some night before bed make a stop. You can get a feeling for how things are run all through the day. It made my dad feel more at ease when he finally had to leave his mother there.

My prayers are with you.

 

[Brat]

If possible choose a room near the nurse's station and stock it with chocolates. My Mom enjoys baseball so we got her cable and a nice TV. When she had her cognition and all the other patients were bedded down staff would peek in to check on the score.

That worked for us as Mom was falling a lot (Parkinson's) but was sharp as a tack. Circumstances vary.

 

[chinaco]

If possible choose a room near the nurse's station and stock it with chocolates. My Mom enjoys baseball so we got her cable and a nice TV. When she had her cognition and all the other patients were bedded down staff would peek in to check on the score.

That worked for us as Mom was falling a lot (Parkinson's) but was sharp as a tack. Circumstances vary.

Good idea! Candy.... Bribes work.