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Old 11-24-2010, 07:49 PM   #61
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I keep hearing about the huge alimony payments.

As distinct from child support.

I got a year of house payments.
I asked for (and got) nothing. He got the house, the furniture, the boat, etc. Oh, I did get something - - a junker car on its last legs, and an 8 year old sofa, my books, and my clothes, $1000 in the checking account (and my rent was due).... and my freedom. Definitely a great deal IMO.
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Old 11-24-2010, 07:51 PM   #62
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You guys just HAVE to be kidding. Does alimony even exist any more? Women are pretty close to half the work force, as I recall. The whole idea seem so antiquated in the 21st century.
It is not uncommon for divorced women to convince judges that they are no longer able to work (anecdotally).
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Old 11-24-2010, 07:54 PM   #63
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It is not uncommon for divorced women to convince judges that they are no longer able to work (anecdotally).
Pardon my skepticism, but if they have been working for the past ten or twenty years just like their husbands, then what, they quit and run to divorce court? And their husbands don't? Sounds more anecdotal than real to me.
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Old 11-24-2010, 07:55 PM   #64
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Pardon my skepticism, but if they have been working for the past ten or twenty years then what, they quit and run to divorce court? Sounds more anecdotal than real to me.
Could be, but it was real for the guys payin'.
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Old 11-24-2010, 07:58 PM   #65
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I guess I'm just uninformed, because none of the divorced women I have heard from (anecdotally) in recent years have got a dime of alimony. It's pretty hard to justify in court when you have a solid work record, I would imagine.

Edited to add: Thinking on it, I guess maybe there are some who get alimony but I just don't know any.
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Old 11-24-2010, 08:04 PM   #66
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I guess I'm just uninformed, because none of the divorced women I have heard from (anecdotally) in recent years have got a dime of alimony. It's pretty hard to justify in court when you have a solid work record, I would imagine.
I think that the likelihood of alimony varies region to region - here even from county to county.
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Old 11-24-2010, 08:11 PM   #67
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You guys just HAVE to be kidding. Does alimony even exist any more? Women are pretty close to half the work force, as I recall. The whole idea seem so antiquated in the 21st century.
"Many divorce agreements provide for alimony or spouse-support payments, which is separate from child-support payments. Americans gave $9.4 billion to former spouses in 2007, up from $5.6 billion a decade earlier, according to the Internal Revenue Service. Men accounted for 97% of alimony-payers last year, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, although the share of women supporting ex-husbands is on the rise."
The New Art of Alimony - WSJ.com
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Old 11-24-2010, 08:12 PM   #68
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They lost husbands in their 40s and have been enjoying life quote: "without someone telling them what to do."
I rarely laugh out loud when reading this board, and even more rarely loud enough to pique my spouse's curiosity from the next room... but the idea of someone at Hale Nords "telling my spouse what to do" is pretty funny.

We've known each other for over 30 years. Three years together at the same college struggling to get through the program, three more years of "distance" juggling schedules to get together before we finally were in a position to get married, and then another 15 years of uniting against shared adversity with Navy careers. Parenting, too. Maybe that sort of pulling in harness keeps things growing strong, or maybe at this point we've become complementary enough that we find it difficult to be without each other...
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Old 11-24-2010, 08:16 PM   #69
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I guess I'm just uninformed, because none of the divorced women I have heard from (anecdotally) in recent years have got a dime of alimony. It's pretty hard to justify in court when you have a solid work record, I would imagine.

Edited to add: Thinking on it, I guess maybe there are some who get alimony but I just don't know any.
The author might be uniformed, but she presents the loss of alimony as a major problem with remarriage.

And, no, alimony is not gone though it's high time it were. I didn't pay any, but I know guys who do. The length of the marriage can be a big factor. It is usually called spousal support, though perhaps it should be called penance.

Likely if both "partners" had similar earnings histories, it would not be awarded. But statistically that is not the most common situation.

Ha
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Old 11-24-2010, 08:35 PM   #70
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"Many divorce agreements provide for alimony or spouse-support payments, which is separate from child-support payments. Americans gave $9.4 billion to former spouses in 2007, up from $5.6 billion a decade earlier, according to the Internal Revenue Service. Men accounted for 97% of alimony-payers last year, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, although the share of women supporting ex-husbands is on the rise."
The New Art of Alimony - WSJ.com
Wow. Men, read this and you will be cured forever of romantic love.

Ha
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Old 11-24-2010, 09:26 PM   #71
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Likely if both "partners" had similar earnings histories, it would not be awarded. But statistically that is not the most common situation.

Ha
That's probably why I haven't heard of any divorced women that I know, getting alimony. Most are women with advanced degrees and careers, and earning decent salaries.

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Wow. Men, read this and you will be cured forever of romantic love.

Ha
It's awful! Massachusetts divorce rulings look especially bad.

But the way I see it (through my cynical divorcee eyes), marriage is a financial arrangement that is not necessarily required for romantic love. So love all you want - - just don't pull out that diamond ring.
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Old 11-24-2010, 09:34 PM   #72
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Does alimony even exist any more?.
Yes
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Old 11-24-2010, 10:01 PM   #73
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You guys just HAVE to be kidding. Does alimony even exist any more? Women are pretty close to half the work force, as I recall. The whole idea seem so antiquated in the 21st century.
I know a surprising number of single-earner families. DW and I are both engineers, and she currently earns a bit more than I do (though we've traded top-earner status several times over the years). I'm glad that we have this arrangement, as there's absolutely no sense of being anything but equal partners. I don't *think* that would change if one of stopped working tomorrow, but many of the sole-earner guys i know express frustration at being the sole breadwinner.

If we were to separate due to death or divorce, I don't think I would remarry, mostly because I can't imagine finding somebody that I connect with like I do DW. If I were to meet someone that I felt that way for, I wouldn't hesitate to marry her.
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Old 11-24-2010, 10:08 PM   #74
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the-case-against-remarriage: Personal Finance News from Yahoo! Finance

Also take a look at the comments. It seems that an article giving the advantages of avoiding remarriage, also for men at least is a good tutorial on why one should perhaps avoid marriage altogether.
If you live in Canada, I would go even one step further and say that people should even avoid "shacking up" (from a purely financial perspective of course ). I'm not sure what the laws are like in The States, but in Canada, "common law" partnerships enjoy some of the same benefits of married couples. It varies from province to province however so it's a very gray area.

In Alberta for example, a person in a common law relationship (who have been living together for a minimum of 3 years) has the right to spousal support and various estate rights if the couple were to go their separate ways.
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Old 11-24-2010, 10:17 PM   #75
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You guys just HAVE to be kidding. Does alimony even exist any more? Women are pretty close to half the work force, as I recall. The whole idea seem so antiquated in the 21st century.
Women may represent half the workforce but they still 1) typically earn less than men for the same amount/quality of work; and 2) have taken time away from their careers to have/raise children.
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Old 11-25-2010, 12:56 AM   #76
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I agree with this.

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I am very reluctant to put myself in a position to lose half (or more) of what I've built up, and as a successful saver, I'm much more likely to be contributing the majority of assets to any future division of property. I suppose, love conquers all, so if the right person and right situation presents itself, I can never say never.
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Old 11-25-2010, 08:59 AM   #77
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I agree with this.
Make that two in agreement.
Most of you are familiar with my situation, so I will not repeat the details.
No signed bulletproof pre-nup, no getting hitched up to this lady.

I have a valid trust which clearly covers my separate property. I am still single and intend to stay that way. I learned my lesson the easy way.
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Old 11-25-2010, 11:27 AM   #78
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You guys just HAVE to be kidding. Does alimony even exist any more? Women are pretty close to half the work force, as I recall. The whole idea seem so antiquated in the 21st century.
I am paying $250k per year. Alimony certainly exists in Canada. If I die before her my estate continues to pay!
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Old 11-25-2010, 11:51 AM   #79
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I asked for (and got) nothing. He got the house, the furniture, the boat, etc. Oh, I did get something - - a junker car on its last legs, and an 8 year old sofa, my books, and my clothes, $1000 in the checking account (and my rent was due).... and my freedom. Definitely a great deal IMO.
He was GS-12 and I was GS-7. I could not have afforded the house payments.

I forgot: I did get his mother's 10 year old car.
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Old 11-25-2010, 12:02 PM   #80
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If we were to separate due to death or divorce, I don't think I would remarry, mostly because I can't imagine finding somebody that I connect with like I do DW. If I were to meet someone that I felt that way for, I wouldn't hesitate to marry her.
+1

We've been an "item" since we were 18 (married at 20) and can't imagine re-marrying should anything bad happen. But, one never knows, and if I should connect with someone else like I do with DW I would not rule out marriage.
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