What is kindest ways to get ppl to not talk about grandchildren?

iloveyoga said:
I agree, since you did try. Your post is a good reminder to have give and take in our conversations.
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Absolutely! In OP's case, it's grandkids. Others are so focused on politics that they cannot hear 'cues' to let the conversation move on ..... thanks for the smart phone idea. I'm going to try it :)
 
To the OP, I don't know if you are interested or involved sexually with this person. If so, it may be the price of admission. :cool: If not, you should consider moving on. You can still talk with this person and do things with them. You do need to develop alternatives so you don't OD on her grandkids.
 
That's like me and sports talk people. I mean, they don't even share DNA in common with any of the athletes on these teams they watch!! At least with grandkids, they are typically related to the doting grandparents who can't quit sharing their love.

After a few minutes of the sports talk I move on with other pursuits or other people or my conversation partner quickly realizes I know zero (and care even less) about whatever team/sport/athlete they are talking about. I'd much prefer to hear 20 minutes of how cute their kid/grandkid/dog/cat is - at least I can relate to that somewhat.
 
If she spends too much time talking about her granddaughter and you don't enjoy it when she spends too much time talking about her granddaughter....then it seems like you don't enjoy most of the time you spend with her. So why are you spending time with her?

You both should be spending your time with people you enjoy being with. Doesn't sound like that's happening, but you want HER to change.
 
One idea I have (although I have yet to try it) is to provide the person with some kind of obvious "cue" that it's time to change the station, topic, subject, etc.

For example, I know that I can belabor subjects that interest me and I've seen my (adult) kids get fidgety, look distracted, etc. when I get long winded on something. When I see that, I know it's time for me to 'put a cork' in it. But, I also wonder how many times I've missed those 'tells'.

So, what I plan on doing is agree on some kind of visual cue, like tapping the table 3 times, moving the salt shaker from one side of the table to the other, etc. That will let me know that it's time to shut up or change the subject without them having to say "shut up".

Since I've yet to use it I don't know how well or even if it works, but thought I'd throw it out there for consideration. :)
 
Would you guys mind if I started posting pics of MY grandkids here? [emoji6]
 
Yawn, zone out, change the subject, walk away, or accept it. Your choice, depending on how much it bothers you and how much you want to stay friends. If you really want to be nice, ask a question or nod and smile for an appropriate time before changing the subject, maybe with a "That reminds me..." and go onto something else whether it's remotely related or not.
 
Grandkids are what we are. Even an old curmudgeon like me know that. Better than talking about the damned old dog.(we're working both sides of that one with the kids)
 
Just say, "you're so lucky to have grandkids. I wish I had them" and sob uncontrollably.
 
Can't add anything that has't already been said. People talk about what they love. For some it's sports or cars etc., for others it's their fur babies and grandchildren. For the record I have both fur babies and grandchildren.

Your friends granddaughter is only 2 years old and your friend is still on a excited joy high of having a granddaughter which will be further enhanced with the new grandson. It is her joy and she is sharing it with you. If you want the friendship, I would recommend you may not want to take away or diminish (too much) her joy in your presence .....as she will quickly not have much joy in being with you. That is, if you care to be with her. Most in our age ranges do have grandchildren. Not all...but most.

You can try to redirect the conversation or do interesting things with her to redirect some of the attention periodically. BTW: What interesting things do you talk about with her?

BTW: There really is no kind way (IMHO) to ask someone to stop talking about their grandchildren.
 
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sheehs1 said:
Can't add anything that has't already been said. People talk about what they love. For some it's sports or cars etc., for others it's their fur babies and grandchildren. For the record I have both fur babies and grandchildren.

Your friends granddaughter is only 2 years old and your friend is still on a excited joy high of having a granddaughter which will be further enhanced with the new grandson. It is her joy and she is sharing it with you. If you want the friendship, I would recommend you may not want to take away or diminish (too much) her joy in your presence .....as she will quickly not have much joy in being with you. That is, if you care to be with her. Most in our age ranges do have grandchildren. Not all...but most.

You can try to redirect the conversation or do interesting things with her to redirect some of the attention periodically. BTW: What interesting things do you talk about with her?

BTW: There really is no kind way (IMHO) to ask someone to stop talking about their grandchildren.
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+100
 
I guess I would not be a good person to ask. If my friends want to talk about their children and grandchildren, I'm happy to listen. (The only people I don't have patience for are those who only talk, but never, ever, listen.)

If you can't bear to listen, I would gently exit the relationship.
 
Can we please discuss something interesting, like me?
 
I think if you like this person and may have some feelings toward her then Ii would try to make it work.
 
I had a friend with a new grandchild. As soon as we got together I'd make a point of asking if she had any new pictures or videos. I'd make a big deal out of how cute and smart the kid was (I really did enjoy hearing about him!) and I'd let her get all the new stuff out of the way. She knew I didn't have any grandkids and she even asked me one time if it bothered me that she talked about him all the time. I genuinely enjoyed hearing about her grandson.

I'm not jealous, I'm just not there....yet.

Hey, it's better than politics or football!
 
sheehs1 said:
BTW: What interesting things do you talk about with her?
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^^This^^

Say something or do something with your friend that is truly interesting.

Personally, I think you should find someone without children and grandchildren. They tend to be one of the most important aspects of a person's life and conversation about them is typical. Similar to pets - would you go out with a dog person if you don't really like dogs? I wouldn't suggest it.
 
W2R said:
You can't control people.

You don't just come to a new town, start spending time with some random person there whose talk you don't like, and then figure that instead of doing the hard work of looking for a friend you like, instead you can just start changing that random person to suit your preferences.

The kindest way to deal with it is to look for other friends. Or, you could change yourself so that you enjoy listening to her talk about her grandchildren.
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Excellent advice! My neighbor has a new grandchild (her first) and she LOVES talking about her. I enjoy the stories because it’s clear how delighted she is by this new addition to her life. I would hope if I had something that new and exciting in my life that she’d be equally open to listening to me go on and on about it. And I hope when the grandbaby gets a bit older that I can also spend some time with her.
 
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Pilot2013 said:
Find someone else who didn't have kids, or doesn't like their kids and so doesn't want to talk about them. Or maybe someone who is self obsessed that they don't want to hear about others.
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It may come to that. I noticed we are gravitating to those friendships.

It happened in our 30s first, when our friends all had kids and we didn't. We naturally slipped apart.

I would rather hear about kids than disease though. :)
 
I certainly have become more tolerant of talk and photos of grandchildren since I got one of my own. But, still, more than 10 minutes of such talk gets me wondering how to change the subject fast. I love the 'grands', and I think I am a more interesting grand parent if I have a varied life of my own.

I try to limit my grandchild talk to 5 minutes max. I do the same with health issues.
 
I'd check to be sure she actually has a grandchild. She might be doing it to drive you crazy.
 
Many thanks to all who posted insights and advice for my situation. I read each of your posts carefully and learned from them.

To clear up a few details -
I’m sorry I gave the impression I wanted her to stop talking about her grandchild completely. I was just hoping to get her to limit it to around 15-20 minutes out of every hour we spend together.

We have similar political views, she has led an interesting life I would like to hear more about (including her time in the Peace Corp and her travels to the Galapagos), and we read similar fiction books. But about 3/4 of her conversation when we are meeting for tea, lunch, etc, is about the granddaughter.

Neither of us are interested in a romance or FWB. I’ve just been looking for a few people I can have interesting conversations with. I’m mostly retired but I still write books. Since I moved to this town in July (for a 2ish year project), I have been searching for people to have interesting chats with. Initially, this gal and I seemed to have common interests.

I asked her to talk less about the DG in hopes we could discuss other things, but she is enthralled. Good on her: being a grandma gives her enormous happiness.

We had lunch yesterday and she spent 1.5ish hours talking about GD and D
D, despite numerous interruptions from me to try to divert her to other topics. I had a couple of things I was interested in hearing her POV thoughts. She spoke on those topics for a few minutes, then it was back to her GD and DD.

At one point, I became impatient and asked her if I could finish a sentence before she changed the topic. She said no. That’s what led me to ER to ask for advice.


Conclusion:
I think those of you who posted I should move on are right. I asked her to lessen (not stop) the amount of discussion re DG and that hasn’t worked out.

MANY THANKS for this guidance!

It’s just unfortunate for me that I am in a town for a few years whose people are mostly interested in things which do not appeal to me: sports and gardening. (btw - I love gardens but they make me sneeze so I have no clue about mulching, etc.) But after my stint here, I’ll be moving to a city again where it is easier for me to find people with similar interests.


To respond to a few posts -

“If you have a pet start talking excessively about it)”
LOL! I actually met a young woman at the hair salon last week who purposely starts going into details about her cat when her 30ish friends go on and on about their toddlers.


“So, even though it's normal for people to talk about their grandkids a lot, it's also normal for people to talk about something else, including the interests of you, their friend. If they can't do that, I think there's a chip missing.”
Good point! She told me a few months ago she is ADD and I’ve run into that before: very short attention span. I usually just let them ramble off topic for awhile and then change the subject. Harder to do with this gal.
Then yesterday she mentioned some “neurological problems” which could well support your “chip missing” hunch.


“You may not have as much shared interest as is needed for this relationship to grow and flourish.”
I think this sums things up rather well. I met her several times in group settings and she was an interesting conversationalist. She spoke about many things. She mentioned her GD but it was just a few paragraphs each time. She’s smart, keeps up with the news, and seems to be interested in things which interest me so I was delighted to meet someone who conversed about something other than sports (THE major interest in this town). But one-on-one, she talks about her GD at length and in great detail.


“Your post is a good reminder to have give and take in our conversations.”
That is what I have been looking for. With this gal’s ADD and neurological problems, she might no longer be capable of give and take, sadly.


“One idea I have (although I have yet to try it) is to provide the person with some kind of obvious "cue" that it's time to change the station, topic, subject, etc.

For example, I know that I can belabor subjects that interest me and I've seen my (adult) kids get fidgety, look distracted, etc. when I get long winded on something. When I see that, I know it's time for me to 'put a cork' in it. But, I also wonder how many times I've missed those 'tells'.

So, what I plan on doing is agree on some kind of visual cue, like tapping the table 3 times, moving the salt shaker from one side of the table to the other, etc. That will let me know that it's time to shut up or change the subject without them having to say "shut up". ”
I think this is a great idea. Good luck!


“Just say, "you're so lucky to have grandkids. I wish I had them" and sob uncontrollably.”
LOL !!!


“The only people I don't have patience for are those who only talk, but never, ever, listen.”
I think this gal is turning out to be one of those, though I either ignored early signs of this, hoped it wasn’t the case, or her medical problems are stronger causes of behaviour than I knew initially. She is a VERY kind and thoughtful person, so I think ADD and medical issues are to blame.


And for the people who posted that talking about grandkids is better than talking about illness -
I wholeheartedly agree! I never want to hear another Organ Recital in my life! Especially at the breakfast, lunch, or dinner table! Yuck!!!
(Close friends and loved ones - I want to know, of course.)
 
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