Many thanks to all who posted insights and advice for my situation. I read each of your posts carefully and learned from them.
To clear up a few details -
I’m sorry I gave the impression I wanted her to stop talking about her grandchild completely. I was just hoping to get her to limit it to around 15-20 minutes out of every hour we spend together.
We have similar political views, she has led an interesting life I would like to hear more about (including her time in the Peace Corp and her travels to the Galapagos), and we read similar fiction books. But about 3/4 of her conversation when we are meeting for tea, lunch, etc, is about the granddaughter.
Neither of us are interested in a romance or FWB. I’ve just been looking for a few people I can have interesting conversations with. I’m mostly retired but I still write books. Since I moved to this town in July (for a 2ish year project), I have been searching for people to have interesting chats with. Initially, this gal and I seemed to have common interests.
I asked her to talk less about the DG in hopes we could discuss other things, but she is enthralled. Good on her: being a grandma gives her enormous happiness.
We had lunch yesterday and she spent 1.5ish hours talking about GD and D
D, despite numerous interruptions from me to try to divert her to other topics. I had a couple of things I was interested in hearing her POV thoughts. She spoke on those topics for a few minutes, then it was back to her GD and DD.
At one point, I became impatient and asked her if I could finish a sentence before she changed the topic. She said no. That’s what led me to ER to ask for advice.
Conclusion:
I think those of you who posted I should move on are right. I asked her to lessen (not stop) the amount of discussion re DG and that hasn’t worked out.
MANY THANKS for this guidance!
It’s just unfortunate for me that I am in a town for a few years whose people are mostly interested in things which do not appeal to me: sports and gardening. (btw - I love gardens but they make me sneeze so I have no clue about mulching, etc.) But after my stint here, I’ll be moving to a city again where it is easier for me to find people with similar interests.
To respond to a few posts -
“If you have a pet start talking excessively about it)”
LOL! I actually met a young woman at the hair salon last week who purposely starts going into details about her cat when her 30ish friends go on and on about their toddlers.
“So, even though it's normal for people to talk about their grandkids a lot, it's also normal for people to talk about something else, including the interests of you, their friend. If they can't do that, I think there's a chip missing.”
Good point! She told me a few months ago she is ADD and I’ve run into that before: very short attention span. I usually just let them ramble off topic for awhile and then change the subject. Harder to do with this gal.
Then yesterday she mentioned some “neurological problems” which could well support your “chip missing” hunch.
“You may not have as much shared interest as is needed for this relationship to grow and flourish.”
I think this sums things up rather well. I met her several times in group settings and she was an interesting conversationalist. She spoke about many things. She mentioned her GD but it was just a few paragraphs each time. She’s smart, keeps up with the news, and seems to be interested in things which interest me so I was delighted to meet someone who conversed about something other than sports (THE major interest in this town). But one-on-one, she talks about her GD at length and in great detail.
“Your post is a good reminder to have give and take in our conversations.”
That is what I have been looking for. With this gal’s ADD and neurological problems, she might no longer be capable of give and take, sadly.
“One idea I have (although I have yet to try it) is to provide the person with some kind of obvious "cue" that it's time to change the station, topic, subject, etc.
For example, I know that I can belabor subjects that interest me and I've seen my (adult) kids get fidgety, look distracted, etc. when I get long winded on something. When I see that, I know it's time for me to 'put a cork' in it. But, I also wonder how many times I've missed those 'tells'.
So, what I plan on doing is agree on some kind of visual cue, like tapping the table 3 times, moving the salt shaker from one side of the table to the other, etc. That will let me know that it's time to shut up or change the subject without them having to say "shut up". ”
I think this is a great idea. Good luck!
“Just say, "you're so lucky to have grandkids. I wish I had them" and sob uncontrollably.”
LOL !!!
“The only people I don't have patience for are those who only talk, but never, ever, listen.”
I think this gal is turning out to be one of those, though I either ignored early signs of this, hoped it wasn’t the case, or her medical problems are stronger causes of behaviour than I knew initially. She is a VERY kind and thoughtful person, so I think ADD and medical issues are to blame.
And for the people who posted that talking about grandkids is better than talking about illness -
I wholeheartedly agree! I never want to hear another Organ Recital in my life! Especially at the breakfast, lunch, or dinner table! Yuck!!!
(Close friends and loved ones - I want to know, of course.)
I don't think you have that time.
