I've been married for almost 18 years and it looks like that might be coming to an end. I really don't know. My wife and I get along together great, but over the last year something has been missing. It's easy to get caught up in day to day routines and build up patterns to avoid any confrontation. We finally started talking it over and what it really comes down to is that she wants to be alone. She had a harder role in our relationship and has never felt that she was equal and able to be her true self. She is about the nicest, caring person you could meet and very selfless. That's part of why it took so long for this to come out. She still loves me and I love her, but from her end, it's more like a friend. I'm at a loss at what to do.
Fortunately, we are able to talk and don't have any hard feelings towards each other (hurt yes, but no hard feelings). We both work, but my salary is double what she can make if she was working full-time (she's part-time right now). We've also saved up a substantial amount of assets, but we both agree that everything would split 50/50. This will definitely be a financial hit, but we are young (early 40s).
The hard part is that we still have two children to finish raising. Both are teenagers. Our son is in 11th grade and will be off to college in two years. Our daughter is in 9th, so there's four more years there. They are great kids and our son has especially taken off in the last year. Very focused on getting into a good college, working hard, etc. Our daughter needs more guidance, but is also working hard. Both of us want to protect our kids as much as possible.
This is all still very raw emotionally. We don't want to separate, but instead keep living together and maintain the status quo. But if the kids weren't in the picture, I think she'd want to live separately. I'm still hopeful that this is a passing event and we can work through it. But as I said earlier, I just don't know.
I know there are a lot of smart people on this board that have been through or seen similar situations. I've always appreciated reading the advice here, so I figured it doesn't hurt to ask, what would you do?
Part of me wonders if we should see how it goes, but I wonder if that's just prolonging the pain and hurt. But then the other part thinks it might be best to legally separate and/or divorce and then maybe continue to stay together for the sake of the kids. It just goes to show, you really never know what to expect in life.
Fortunately, we are able to talk and don't have any hard feelings towards each other (hurt yes, but no hard feelings). We both work, but my salary is double what she can make if she was working full-time (she's part-time right now). We've also saved up a substantial amount of assets, but we both agree that everything would split 50/50. This will definitely be a financial hit, but we are young (early 40s).
The hard part is that we still have two children to finish raising. Both are teenagers. Our son is in 11th grade and will be off to college in two years. Our daughter is in 9th, so there's four more years there. They are great kids and our son has especially taken off in the last year. Very focused on getting into a good college, working hard, etc. Our daughter needs more guidance, but is also working hard. Both of us want to protect our kids as much as possible.
This is all still very raw emotionally. We don't want to separate, but instead keep living together and maintain the status quo. But if the kids weren't in the picture, I think she'd want to live separately. I'm still hopeful that this is a passing event and we can work through it. But as I said earlier, I just don't know.
I know there are a lot of smart people on this board that have been through or seen similar situations. I've always appreciated reading the advice here, so I figured it doesn't hurt to ask, what would you do?
Part of me wonders if we should see how it goes, but I wonder if that's just prolonging the pain and hurt. But then the other part thinks it might be best to legally separate and/or divorce and then maybe continue to stay together for the sake of the kids. It just goes to show, you really never know what to expect in life.