What's Your Greatest 'Comeback Line'

[Chuckanut]

Once I came home from work very early.
DH always was home much earlyer than me, so I opened the door and called "I am back home, where are you?".
He called back from upstairs: "I am in bed".

My instant reply: "I hope alone"

This reminds me of an old Andy Capp cartoon. Andy come home late at night after spending hours at the local Pub. He takes off his shows, slowly and quietly climbs the stairs, slowly opens the bedroom door and carefully climbs into bed besides his very understanding and patient wife.

Wife: Andy is that you?

Andy: Yes, dear.

A long quiet pause in the dark.

The light goes on.

Andy: Who else would it be?

 

[Rosie]

Not mine, but my niece's.

She grew up to be very tall, by high school she was over 6'.

People would ask her,
"Do you play basketball?" (or, volleyball)

She'd reply,
"No. Do you play miniature golf?"

little wizeazz.

 

[Nemo2]

Not mine, but my niece's.

She grew up to be very tall, by high school she was over 6'.

People would ask her,
"Do you play basketball?" (or, volleyball)

She'd reply,
"No. Do you play miniature golf?"

little wizeazz.

 

[jjquantz]

DW and just got back from visiting her brother's family for Thanksgiving. Great people, but BIL is about as long-winded as anyone I can imagine. He was droning on and on about talking with some friend of his who introduced his new wife to him. He then turned to one of his sons who knew that this person had divorced and remarried and asked why he had not been told. He paused for air and I said, "I'm sure that you were not struck dumb by that revelation." BIL's wife and MIL were in tears and laughed for several minutes.

 

[Koogie]

"The jerk store called......"

 

[scrinch]

Back in the 80s when I had just started dating my now-DW, I was invited to a nice dinner out with her, her family, and some cousins visiting from Michigan. Toward the end of the meal the discussion turned to people's national heritage. I was getting ready to join in the conversation when the waiter tapped me on the shoulder and, wanting to clear my plate, asked "Are you finished?" My immediate reply, still following the table conversation, was "No, Norwegian."

 

[gretah]

During a recent conversation at the local library, someone mentioned the word sex.

"My husband says sex keeps you young" said one of the librarians.

I said "that's one of the examples of the difference between men and women: what men say to get sex."

A fellow turned to me and asked "what do women say to get sex?"

I replied "Yes."

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

NM