Would you be friends with your sibling?

hakuna matata

hakuna matata

Recycles dryer sheets
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Jul 27, 2008
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Small town outside of Seattle
If you weren't family? I saw this question on another message board I frequent, and with my two older sisters coming for a visit here in a couple of weeks, it got me thinking.

"I" know I would, well for the most part. I am pretty close with three sisters and one brother, the other brother, probably not I have to admit. My one sister even joked she was bringing him and I joked back that the house was full. The siblings I would be friends with have a joking personality similar to mine and approach life in a similar manner. But more importantly they are interesting people, in particular my youngest sister who I know I would be good friends with if we lived in the same community.

By contrast the brother I would likely NOT be friends with is bitter and angry, super religious (to the point it dominates ANY and all conversations), etc. I dread stopping by to talk to him when I visit where my family lives, but I do my brotherly duty and stop by and say hello if nothing else.

But that thread and them coming made me wonder how people here feel about their brothers and sisters and if they would be friends.

So what say you--people of ER?
 
I am the youngest of 5 siblings. We really have nothing in common as far as personality and life approach goes.

Perhaps I was hatched...:cool:

My answer is definitely not.
 
You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. And if you could, I suspect most people who choose differently. I find it hard to believe I'm actually related to them.
 
I love my older sister because she is my sister and we are in touch on a weekly basis but, no, we would not be friends if we were not siblings. We are 6 years apart in age (not that this matters particularly) but I find her very self-centered and very unhelpful in family matters when it really matters. She wants to know all the details of any personal situation for mainly gossip purposes, but when it really matters, she has all kinds of excuses about why she can't help or be there for you (or anyone else outside of her immediate family for that matter). She did not come to my husband's funeral because it was too close to the Christmas holidays and she did not want to disrupt her plans (she lives in CA while I live in PA). She did rush out to PA after my aunt died suddenly around the Christmas holidays a few years ago as she thought she might be named in the will. She expects to be waited upon when she is your houseguest but you had better be prepared to fend for yourself if you are hers. It has been almost 20 years since I have visited her although she lives in a very posh CA beach location. Her son will be staying with me the first week in August at her request as he wants to come back to Pgh to visit old college friends and can't find anyone else to put him up.
 
Friends are the family that you choose.

I think some family members forget that. The do onto others as you would have them do onto you thing.
 
I would, my two sisters are great people.
 
I actually feel guilty about this but my sister is slightly snobby and looks down on me . She still treats me as if we were kids . Luckily I have another Sister that even though she is a Sister ( Nun ) we get along whenever we are together .
 
Probably not. DW and I were just discussing DD's wedding plans and which family members are likely to make the trip. My sister will, but I have my doubts about brother #2 and brother #3 has essentially become incommunicado. My nephew, 20, son of late brother #3, is a little concerned about his appearance at the wedding. He's not sure how the rest of my family will even acknowledge him. Sister and I have been very supportive of the nephew, the other two blame his mother for his dad's death.

Despite the twisted family dynamics, the real issue is that I left home looking for a better life. I found one that is better for me. My siblings (other than late brother #3) stayed near home and play the victim game that there are no opportunities and that everyone else gets the breaks in life.
 
Yes, I have 3 brothers we were all together for our moms birthday in May. I forgot how much fun they were. I had not seen 2 of my brothers for 20 years, and that was at my moms earlier birthday. We are planning a reunion in the fall in Las Vegas.
 
My sister and I are good friends now, although it was not always the case when we were growing up.
 
I have one sibling-- a brother. The choices he has made and the life he lives are contrary to my beliefs (drug addiction has been a problem), so we would definitely not be friends if we weren't related.
 
Very interesting question posed!

I am more politically conservative than my sister and my two brothers. As long as we stay away from politics, we are OK, although recently we have learned to respect each other's opinion, and not allow it to cause animosity. We have a lot more in common than differences. After all, we grew up together.

We all live nearby and see each other quite often. When I was suffering from a serious illness, they were the ones who were most concerned with my well being. I am fortunate to have siblings like them, although I may not befriend them if they were strangers. But then, I have very few close friends.
 
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My siblings and I are fairly different and I'm not sure I'd run into them socially if we weren't related, but if I did, I'd like them a lot. They are genuinely nice and kind people.
 
My brother is a great guy. We get along fairly well.


Would we be friends? I doubt it. We run in different circles and have different interests. I doubt we would've met each other!


Coincidental timing on this, we are having a family get together tomorrow.
 
Another no vote here. I have two sisters and one brother. My brother is one of the strangest people I've ever met. All he does is play video games. He has a heart of gold, but no way we would ever have met, not have anything in common. One sister and I still don't get along all that well (superficially, yes), and another sister and I get along well but I am 12 years older, so not much in common at this point.
 
No, probably not. But my niece, yes!. My BIL x2, NEVER. My DH was adopted at 3 weeks old, and in 2002 he met his bio mom. His adoptive parents died in the early 90s.Bio mom lives far away, but in terms of interests, we are more like minded with her than ever with the adopted in laws. It's weird and wonderful.

His adopted brothers are pretty awful. My sister, slightly better, but no, we would not be friends, we're it not that we are family.

I am so INTJ right now; I have no clue about friendships.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum
 
Interesting question. I think I probably would. However, we (there are 7 of us) have different personalities, careers, and major interests, we might not meet as we have more differences that what we have in common. However, the things we have in common is what keep us close, and we are able to respect (with lots of humor thrown in) the differences. I have to give our parents due, as they made sure we stayed close when growing up in spite of our differences.
 
I'm with easysurfer, my friends are the family I choose.

My brother and I are civil on the few occasions each year we see each other. My sis lives pretty far away and I have to say honestly that no, we wouldn't be friends either.

Just not that much in common and always giving unsolicited advice and questioning my decisions. Ugh.
 
I would doubt very much that I would be friends with my two brothers and sister (all younger than me by at least 14 years) if we were not family. Not because there is anything wrong with them, or me for that matter, but just that we most probably wouldn't have met or socialized in the same groups. I do love them, and also like them very much, but we do not have many of the same interests or common backgrounds. We all seem to get along quite well and enjoy each others company when we can get together (normally once a year when I come back to the USA on vacation).
Good question!
 
I like all five of my siblings. Two of my brothers are within a year or so of my age and we hung out together and often lived together in our early twenties. We have been geographically separated for 35 years but see each other often (one of them died a few years back). I have two sisters and a brother 15+ years older than me. My sisters are down in Arizona but we stay in touch and try to get together every few years. My brother lives in a DC suburb and I see him frequently. I also like most of my nephews and nieces. Same goes for DW's family.
 
1/6 for DW and me. :)

My sibs are great folks that we enjoy seeing several times a year, but given the socio-econ gulf between us, unfamilial friendship would be unlikely even if we lived near them as adults.

She has one sister/friend who we go out of our way to visit in a fairly distant state (and vice versa). The other two are different.... (And, I'm sure they'd say the same about us!). Still, we enjoy seeing them and their kids every year...
 
Definitely not. Never were close (one older brother 5 years older), and when issues came up with parents it broke what little communications had existed. Did fly to visit when he passed and returned for memorial, but his social network was really foreign to me. When you wake up in ICU on ventilator and see your younger brother you haven't seen for ~20 years it's probably a sign things are not going well for you.

Am very happy that DS and DD are close (live on different continents but get along well). Really looking forward to a week at beach rental house where we'll have both together with the 5 GC. Families are great when they work, but when they don't it can really be painful. Have a good friend, former colleague, who is 67 with 3 siblings and mother still alive and doing really well at 92. I love being around them (all except my friend live in same area near beach) even though they really are quite different from DW and me. They have various degrees of health issues and all work to great lengths to help each other out; it's quite heartening.
 
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