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You know you work for Megacorp when...
Old 06-15-2010, 08:49 AM   #1
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You know you work for Megacorp when...

Your "Corporate Communications" emails come in 14 different languages!


Please contribute, I'll add more as the inspiration comes my way. I don't care if its real or not (mine is ).
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Old 06-15-2010, 10:40 AM   #2
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Your regional manager calls your direct manager. Asks him to call you and have you call your regional manager.
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Old 06-15-2010, 10:46 AM   #3
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When your status report to your boss says that you didn't get your project finished because you spent too much time working on status reports.
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Old 06-15-2010, 10:58 AM   #4
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When you work in CA and (all of a sudden) you're somehow responsible for several offices in China! That means phone calls throughout all hours of the night and language barrier problems.
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Old 06-15-2010, 11:11 AM   #5
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When your status report to your boss says that you didn't get your project finished because you spent too much time working on status reports.


If mergers and acquisitions always result in an 'increase in efficiency', then I'd hate to see the poor saps beforehand...
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Old 06-15-2010, 11:15 AM   #6
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A literal quote from an email I got yesterday:

"Thank you for surfacing this issue and forwarding it to the appropriate stakeholders."
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Old 06-15-2010, 11:20 AM   #7
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If mergers and acquisitions always result in an 'increase in efficiency', then I'd hate to see the poor saps beforehand...
Hey, part of my job is to help integrate new acquisitions with existing company processes and reporting infrastructures. It keeps food on my table.
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"Hey, for every ten dollars, that's another hour that I have to be in the work place. That's an hour of my life. And my life is a very finite thing. I have only 'x' number of hours left before I'm dead. So how do I want to use these hours of my life? Do I want to use them just spending it on more crap and more stuff, or do I want to start getting a handle on it and using my life more intelligently?" -- Joe Dominguez (1938 - 1997)

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Old 06-15-2010, 12:46 PM   #8
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When the branch general manager gives the branch management a 10 minute lecture on what "value added" means, and gets it totally wrong, and no one bothers to correct him since they know he'll forget what that particular buzz word means by next week.
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Old 06-15-2010, 12:48 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brewer12345 View Post
A literal quote from an email I got yesterday:

"Thank you for surfacing this issue and forwarding it to the appropriate stakeholders."
Ack...
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Old 06-15-2010, 12:51 PM   #10
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When among your 100 closest colleagues (in the same building) there are at least 24 different nationalities.
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Old 06-15-2010, 12:53 PM   #11
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How about this one (received today):

"We brought our global operations together by leveraging a balanced matrix organization..."

I'll spare you all the rest
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Old 06-15-2010, 01:00 PM   #12
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This is dredging up way too many unpleasant memories from my w*ork life. Where is that 'ignore thread' button...
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Old 06-15-2010, 01:06 PM   #13
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When among your 100 closest colleagues (in the same building) there are at least 24 different nationalities.
Isn't it great? One of the best things about work was getting to know my Chinese, Korean, Indian, Vienamese, and Qatari coworkers. A traditional Indian wedding at Barsana Dham (yep, in Austin) was a blast.
Oops, forgot the Russians, Australians, and various Europeans.

Quite a learning expeience for a rural Texas boy.
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Old 06-15-2010, 01:09 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by ziggy29 View Post
When your status report to your boss says that you didn't get your project finished because you spent too much time working on status reports.

Or because you spent all of your time in mandatory training for:
  1. Corporate Ethics Policy
  2. Safety Procedures
  3. Communication Skills
  4. Principles and Qualities of Good Leadership
  5. Export Controls
  6. Sexual Harrasment
  7. etc.
  8. etc.
  9. etc.
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Old 06-15-2010, 01:17 PM   #15
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They fly you halfway around the world to make a 15 minute presentation that everyone ignores.
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Old 06-15-2010, 02:34 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by IndependentlyPoor View Post
Isn't it great? One of the best things about work was getting to know my Chinese, Korean, Indian, Vienamese, and Qatari coworkers. A traditional Indian wedding at Barsana Dham (yep, in Austin) was a blast.
Oops, forgot the Russians, Australians, and various Europeans.

Quite a learning expeience for a rural Texas boy.
Yes, makes for wonderful parties! Greek food, Belgian beer, French wine, Spanish ladies getting the dance floor going, etc.
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Old 06-15-2010, 11:33 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brewer12345 View Post
A literal quote from an email I got yesterday:

"Thank you for surfacing this issue and forwarding it to the appropriate stakeholders."
Do we work for the same company?
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Old 06-15-2010, 11:48 PM   #18
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They fly you halfway around the world to make a 15 minute presentation that everyone ignores.
+1

...when a member of the BoD tells you that "you will never be nominated for a Board role because you are too smart and too good of an operator to be on a Board" (actual statement, when asked what I wanted to do in my future).

...so, if I'm smarter than the collective Board, why again to they exist? I think I need to re-consider my goals... Aw heck with it...skip the ESR, maybe just ER instead...

R
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Old 06-16-2010, 01:09 AM   #19
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A literal quote from an email I got yesterday:

"Thank you for surfacing this issue and forwarding it to the appropriate stakeholders."
Perfect. I guarantee that the stakeholders reached out and addressed the issue as a collaborative opportunity. Translation: Assigned the problem to someone else.

Steve
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Old 06-16-2010, 01:20 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eager Beaver
"We brought our global operations together by leveraging a balanced matrix organization..."
Given that leverage is essentially a way of taking advantage of imbalance, I'd say that this is a bit of an oxymoronic statement. Light on the oxy, heavy on the moronic!
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