Interesting reply.
And in genuine sincere interest - how does one plan to die in the house they own?
It sounds comforting, but what does that mean for the surviving spouse?
How is the surviving spouse supposed to cope and manage now there is only one in the house?
And, if this means a slow spiral down to a death-bed scenario, wouldn't it make more sense and compassion for your spouse and family members to be in a Hospice for such a case?
My vision of extreme old age where my own death is truly of 'old age' and slow decrepitude is that we would be forced to move out of our house because we would not be able to manage on our own and would not want to be a burden on our children - hence the probability of selling the house and moving into a retirement 'home' or assisted living.
And even if my own demise is swift and quick, my spouse may consider downsizing and moving to an apartment or retirement home to manage on her own.
I don't have children, and so don't plan to be taken care of by family members, but I don't understand this whole "we can't be a burden" thing. I hope our parents come to live with us when they need to, and we even selected the home we are in because it allows for that.
Expecting to take in older family members as needed, and then later live-in help, we bought a house that has a bedroom, bath, and living area on each level. The lower level living room type area will be the "man-cave" for now. It's a setup that provides for folks to live together, but with some autonomy. We hope we can afford live in help or visiting help at the point that its needed. We can certainly pay for lawn and home care when we can no longer do these things for less than the costs of communities where these are included. Having visiting nurses is pretty cost effective, too.
Many of my elderly family members have died in their own homes, so I don't see this as impossible. Those who have survived into their 90's, on both sides of my family, were still mentally very sharp. Cancer is a big killer in my family, and can hit at any age. If I get cancer, I want to die in the home where I'm comfortable, surrounded by family and pets. I'm very much a home-body, and I see no reason to go into a facility, unless I had lost my mind and was a danger to myself. I realize this is works well for others, and to each his own. For me, here's an example: I once had a bad reaction to a sedative when I had an out-patient procedure. I was kept overnight, and was still not holding down food. I demanded to go home, because I knew I'd feel better at home, even if I wasn't perfectly recovered. Maybe this sounds crazy, but the last place I want to be if I'm sick is a facility. Get me home in my own bed! For me, a long term situation in a facility would be harmful to my health -- as bad as a stressful job
I'm struggling with the issue right now, though, as my MIL is 93, has Parkinson's disease, and lives very rural, and does not want to leave her home where she lives by herself. I've told DH for years that we'll take her in, whenever she needs it. We're going to make another attempt at bringing her to live with us next month. Unlike our plan for ourselves, she does not have the money to pay for helpers, and we already provide financial support. She will be less of a burden if she lives with us, than trying to stay on top of issues from several states away. Mostly, though, we genuinely think she'll be happier with us, as she spends a lot of time alone right now. She definitely does not want to go into assisted living, and I agree that she would not be as happy there, so I can't push her to do that.