Who knows your $hit?

[RobbieB]

Yeah, lotta old people here.

 

[jazz4cash]

I do run into a lot of folks that I believe could retire or retire sooner if they just understood SWR strategy. I could probably offer guidance but most would not put money in the stock market and probably think we earned a lot more when working than we actually did.

 

[pb4uski]

Wow. What an asshat response.

Whatever.

 

[Gumby]

Not at all. Why did everyone take my response as a negative. He didn’t think it was possible. I showed him it was. We continued to consume our beer and had fun.
Tough crowd.

My apologies. It was mere speculation drawn from my own life experience. I have a brother two years younger. He has been competing against me as long as he has been alive, but I have never been competing with him. To this day, he holds a grudge about things that happened 50 years ago. Sometimes, he says snarky things about my presumed economic position and I would just like to say something to shut him up. But I never have, because it would only make things worse.

It sounds like you have a much better relationship with your brother. So please just ignore my idle thoughts.

 

[pb4uski]

Not at all. Why did everyone take my response as a negative. He didn’t think it was possible. I showed him it was. We continued to consume our beer and had fun.
Tough crowd.

The way you wrote it it sounded like you were smug/happy that your response shut him up.... sort of one-upmanship.... perhaps we misinterpreted your post.

 

[COcheesehead]

The way you wrote it it sounded like you were smug/happy that your response shut him up.... sort of one-upmanship.... perhaps we misinterpreted your post.

It was the opposite. My brother was asking “are YOU sure you are doing the smart thing?” My response showed him my actions were years in the making.
Trust me, my brothers (and sisters) are all good and there is no sinister family history.

 

[jollystomper]

My view: showing folks your financial details causes more problems than it solves. More people are resentful knowing that others are doing better than they are, than are happy. Consider that you bringing it up will most likely be viewed as bragging, not matter how humbly you try to present it, and can further the resentment.

Beyond my wife, those closest to me simply know that I am doing okay and do not have any complaints. We have relatives if they knew what we have would start pressuring us to share it with them since "we don't need all of that". And one ex-BIL would likely resort to threats to get something from us.

Some have crassly asked how much we have, and my standard reply is "enough for our needs. Which are very different from your needs". If someone wants to pursue my type of "success", they do not need to know amounts, they just need to know techniques. If they really want specific numerical guidelines I will refer them to publications/documents that discuss ways of determine what you should strive for at certain ages, etc.

 

[zinger1457]

A little surprised that all the responses are one sided considering how many people on this forum seem to have no problem giving very specific details on how much they have. The 'Financial Samurai' had an interesting article some time ago about the reasons some like to discuss their income with others, I'm sure the same applies to discussing one's overall wealth.

https://www.financialsamurai.com/why-do-people-like-to-reveal-their-income/

[FONT=&quot]Why Do People Like To Reveal Their Income? Arrogance And Pride[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

It hit me the other day that none of the people I know in the top 1% have ever revealed their incomes to me. I’ve got a good idea of how much they make and what their assets look like. But beyond some vagaries, details have never been disclosed. ...

Here are some commonalities I’ve noticed by those who enjoy talking about how much they make. ...
* Younger demographic. ...
* A need to prove worth. ...
* Lower self-esteem. ...
* The desire for adoration. ...
* New wealth. ...
* Lack of perspective. ...
* Cultural differences. ...
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]* Other people like to know.[/FONT][FONT=&quot] .[/FONT]

 

[Bamaman]

DW, and if I needed some advice I’d share some info with my former boss.

My former boss was putting his retirement savings in U.S. Savings Bonds instead of a generous 401K plan. We also had a defined pension, however.

When The Boss went to retire, he had to work another 10 years because he didn't properly save for retirement by investing in FIDO's better equities that we were offered. Hard to believe that he managed quite a few hundreds of million dollars at work.

 

[COcheesehead]

My apologies. It was mere speculation drawn from my own life experience. I have a brother two years younger. He has been competing against me as long as he has been alive, but I have never been competing with him. To this day, he holds a grudge about things that happened 50 years ago. Sometimes, he says snarky things about my presumed economic position and I would just like to say something to shut him up. But I never have, because it would only make things worse.

It sounds like you have a much better relationship with your brother. So please just ignore my idle thoughts.

Apology accepted and I appreciate you taking the time to post and explain.

 

[NW-Bound]

My wife is not very interested in what I have in our accounts, although I tell her the total everyday, and she remembers it.

Nobody else knows, although our children and close relatives know we have a 7-figure worth. They do not know the leading digit, and there's no need to share it.

 

[jollystomper]

A little surprised that all the responses are one sided considering how many people on this forum seem to have no problem giving very specific details on how much they have.

I believe it is different on a forum like this since it is anonymous by choice. In addition, I find very little "bragging", amounts are revealed here more to receive guidance from others on actions - others who really do not care either about what is revealed.

Everyone (or at least 99%) of the folks here are encouraging others to do as best as they can, and succeed, without wanting anything from them. Not the same "in real life".

 

[pb4uski]

It was the opposite. My brother was asking “are YOU sure you are doing the smart thing?” My response showed him my actions were years in the making.
Trust me, my brothers (and sisters) are all good and there is no sinister family history.

Glad to hear that... I'm sorry I reacted as I did.

 

[COcheesehead]

Glad to hear that... I'm sorry I reacted as I did.

All good. Thanks for posting.

 

[pb4uski]

A little surprised that all the responses are one sided considering how many people on this forum seem to have no problem giving very specific details on how much they have. ...

I'm quite careful to provide percentages rather than amounts, though I suspect if someone combed through all my 23,259 posts over the last 9 years that they might be able to get some ideas.

 

[nancyfrank232]

I plan to tell my child everything. Money isn’t a taboo topic in our family. We already discuss amounts, strategies, returns, expectations, psychology, debt, etc openly

 

[Katiek]

I haven't told anyone specific numbers. I have tried to talk with my niece and nephew about investing and my approach, particularly when I've given them larger gifts for graduations etc. I've also given them a few simple books about finances, but I've basically given them some info, let them know I'm happy to talk if they want and otherwise left them to decide how they want to handle things.


At some point, I may end up talking specifics with them but at that point it will be because I want their help. As a single person without kids, I may eventually want their help protecting things if I'm not able to handle things independently. At that point, they'd need to know details.

 

[timemoveson]

Opposite approach

We've got pretty much the opposite approach from many of you. To each their own of course.

In terms of family, since we've built for multi-generational wealth, we went fully transparent with our kids when they became young adults. They need to understand the scope and scale and they now do. They will be more tightly linked in as we go and they continue to full adult-hood. I expect one of them to take an active role.

By virtue of my prior business situation and early business exit, hundreds of contemporaries know I'm well above average and likely "rich" in terms of numbers. We are very quiet with zero flash, but there are few secrets at this point except for actual detailed dollar amounts. It's obvious we have a lot and know how to get it and keep it.

We also live in a place with a lot of actual high net worth people, not to mention hundreds of thousands of households with high incomes and challenges getting ahead and meeting their goals. As a result, I get asked a lot and help a lot of people with their strategies and specific questions; they don't have to guess whether or not I know what I'm doing. I do.

 

[Souschef]

A funny thing happened to me along those lines. A neighbor said, "Do you mind if I ask how much you paid for your house?". I said "Yes", and that was the end of that conversation.

 

[Eagle43]

I never tell anyone. Saves a lot of resentment, especially from relatives.

 

[Dean56]

I never tell anyone. Saves a lot of resentment, especially from relatives.

+1 I'm in the same boat.

 

[Dtail]

We never tell anyone of the details, except enough of the story on this site. You never what negatives it can lead to, with very little upside.

 

[beowulf]

We have told only our adult kids approximately what we have in assets. We also tried to teach them early on the value of saving and investing. They have IRAs and have done pretty well with them, but I have had to direct their investments as they little interest in the nuts and bolts. Eventually, they will have to take over their own assets, as well as ours. I read somewhere that the millennials will become the richest generation as there are so few of them compared to the boomers who will be leaving their wealth to them.

 

[Scratchy]

I don't think sharing your personal financial details is likely to change the likelihood someone will take financial advice from you.

In my experience, people are set in their ways and beliefs with respect to personal finance (and actually most everything else). Trying to inspire someone to follow your lead is not a fruitful exercise.

Very rarely I will encounter someone, usually at the beginning of their earning career, who is seeking or open to advice on personal finance. In that situation too, I don't think it's necessary to disclose personal specifics in order to be helpful to them.

 

[NW-Bound]

I don't think sharing your personal financial details is likely to change the likelihood someone will take financial advice from you.

In my experience, people are set in their ways and beliefs with respect to personal finance (and actually most everything else). Trying to inspire someone to follow your lead is not a fruitful exercise.

Very rarely I will encounter someone, usually at the beginning of their earning career, who is seeking or open to advice on personal finance. In that situation too, I don't think it's necessary to disclose personal specifics in order to be helpful to them.

You have addressed directly the issues raised by the OP.

I am not even at the point where I can tell my grown children what I have. To encourage them to save, I have told them that LBYM is how we don't have to work until we die, or even to SS-eligibility age. To hint to them how much is needed to retire early, I told them about the 4% WR rule of thumb.

About disclosing my net worth to people, I just don't do that. I subscribe to the principle of "the need to know", as was practiced in my former work places.