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Old 06-28-2014, 12:08 PM   #21
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We tend to down play it as much as possible. But when you retire 30 years early and live in a moderately affluent neighborhood, people start to make assumptions. The only thing that holds that in check is that we are living well below our means.

I am starting to notice a bit too much mooching from family members. Particularly my mother in law. Twice she has actively tried to farm financial assistance to people by telling them that we are loaded so we can afford it. Basically she was trying to give our money to people we don't even know, so she can look like a caring, giving person. Obviously those attempts got nipped in the bud immediately.

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Old 06-28-2014, 12:10 PM   #22
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I only talk about finances with DW and you guys. Well, DW doesn't know all about all of it...

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In dire need of: faster horses, younger woman, older whiskey, more money.
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Old 06-28-2014, 12:16 PM   #23
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My thought was always, "people that truly have money don't talk about it".

My brothers know generalities about my finances in case something happens to me (there are more details in the files), otherwise I do not discuss with family or friends.
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Old 06-28-2014, 12:48 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by dallas27 View Post
Never, that would just cause endless resentment. "I haven't decided who to bequeth my estate" will get you years of polite cooperation from most everyone and people to help you move heavy things.

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Not from these people no cooperation and no work must be my relatives motto. You don't have to worry about cutting that off it is not there. You will move your own heavy things and get insulted at every family gathering. These are the same people that one day will discover they are not in the will and be shocked as to why.
Proverbs 15:22 Designs are brought to nothing where there is no counsel: but where there are many counsellors, they are established.
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Old 06-28-2014, 12:54 PM   #25
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Just my DW knows for sure. I'm sure that family and friends have an idea because they can surmise my nice salary from my job and they can see that I live way below my means.

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Old 06-28-2014, 12:55 PM   #26
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Parents: fine with them knowing. They were (Dad)/are (Mom) the type who would sacrifice to help us, so letting them know we were okay was/is a joy.

My siblings - most okay. We are close, but I am closest to one brother and one sister. We don't know the details of each other situations down to the penny, but we discuss budgeting, LBYM, simple investing, future plans, etc. All trust, no jealousy.

DW's siblings - No way in h*ll. Their view is anyone having money needs to help them out because they are victims, ignoring that fact that 99% of their "victimization" are things they chose to do to themselves.
Current target FIRE date: June 2017 or +50K to the portfolio, whichever comes first
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Old 06-28-2014, 12:58 PM   #27
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When DH lost his job and retired I told my parents that DH's pension is more than our monthly expenses. That's all they needed to know to not worry about us. They know I'm a lifelong saver and a careful spender.

DH's family does not talk about money except for his brother who will talk to me about financial things. When he paid off his house he knew I'd understand the thrill of that.

My sister knows that we are careful and live within our means. She has told me that she and BIL don't need to bother being careful, they have more than they could spend in their lifetimes. We've compared some of our expenses (property taxes, etc.) and have a good laugh over how different we live. She has always respected my money sense and contentment, while I am happy for her that she doesn't have to think about silly things like dollars or an account balance. She would be very inconvenienced by having to think about "living" and "means" in the same sentence.
Married, both 61. DH retired June, 2010. I have a pleasant little part time job.
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Old 06-28-2014, 01:00 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by aaronc879 View Post
I don't think specific dollar amounts are necessary to share but I do believe someone should have a list of where your accounts are if you pass or are otherwise unable to tell someone like if you have a stroke.
That's what I've done with my sister, who is named as the executor in my will second to DW. So she has a list of accounts, locations, phone numbers, etc. but no exact dollar amounts.

But we don't let out dollar amounts or even ballpark figures especially to "Spendarina", one of DW's SIL. My sisters can probably guess pretty close, and the others tend to overspend and might come looking for handouts. One has in the past and I think she's finally figured out doing so is a wasted effort.
I heard the call to do nothing. So I answered it.
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Old 06-28-2014, 01:35 PM   #29
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I've only told my parents. Reason; so they don't need to worry about ever needing to help me. I've also told them in hopes that they will spend more of their money and enjoy life rather than saving it for me. They could easily spend 3 times what they do now and not run out of money in their lifetimes even if they both live to 100.
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Old 06-28-2014, 02:05 PM   #30
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Told late FIL. He was concerned DW wouldn't put his/her inheritance to good use. I finally pulled him into the office and showed him my 401k statement. It was more than he said his estate was worth. He couldn't understand how we accumulated so much. He was happy DW learned how to save money.

There was a former Megacorp guy that politly asked, with a good reason. He left in '99, self managed it his down to almost nothing in the tech bubble. Megacorp had said in the old days what you might expect after 20-25 years. He was curious, did I get that number, my smile told the story.
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Old 06-28-2014, 02:36 PM   #31
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[mod edit: removed quote of deleted content]

One example: when DW and I bought our first house, her sister (a year younger) and BIL were upset. They made around the same as us, but they liked spending money on cars, trips, "showy" things, etc. Rather than buckle down and make it a goal, they went to MIL and said she HAD to give them money for a down payment because "it wasn't fair that they have a house and we don't". Of course, the house had to be better than ours, they had to put more stuff in it, and then it was their ATM for more spending - and when they had job issues and the finances started hitting them, they came to us for help because "you two have had it easy, you haven't had to deal with the financial issues we have had".
Current target FIRE date: June 2017 or +50K to the portfolio, whichever comes first
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Old 06-28-2014, 03:20 PM   #32
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DH knows the actual net worth. My sister knows I've run every calculator.

Since I just retired, and had worked there almost 20 years... many of my friends at work know I've been super super thrifty. As HR disappeared as a corporate function (except to enforce SMART goal entry and to lay people off.) People would come to me to ask questions about the 401k investments, how ESPP worked, etc. (They knew I'd scoured every prospectus, rule, etc.) So I had the opportunity to promote the "max out your 401k and learn to live on less" message. Friends also knew I was making extra payments on my mortgage... and that my goal was to retire at 55. They knew, roughly what my salary was since we were all engineers in the same group. (Although I made less since I worked an 80% schedule - and they knew that.) They also knew we had a granny flat we get rental income from.

So... they don't know my net worth - but they know I retired and am not worried about it. The ones I worked with daily were not surprised at all when I announced I was retiring at 52 since I'd been preaching the meme of LBYM and invest in index funds so much at work. (And made a few converts along the way.) They knew how I'd gotten to this point.

Neighbors and neighborhood friends are figuring it out. 1 week into retirement and 4 folks have commented about me out walking the dog mid-day.
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Old 06-28-2014, 03:36 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by travelover View Post
Nothing good comes from disclosing your net worth or income.

I stick with generalities, like we are doing "OK".

We do not share the specifics of our financial situation with anyone (except here, which is uncomfortable enough). MIL has asked about our income several times, but we are not telling.
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Old 06-28-2014, 03:53 PM   #34
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In the know: Brother, mother, one good friend, forum, some former co-workers at big consulting firm.

Not in the know: Sister, all other friends, SIL and other family members, former co-workers at university, customers

Basically those who are not awkward about financial things I include. Typically they have sizeable NW of their own.
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Old 06-28-2014, 03:57 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by retire2020 View Post
My daughter is going to college this year and I had to fill FAFSA. She came to know our NW and commented that daddy you put one extra zero at the end in assets. I said…ooops and told her that it's impossible to change that now because it has now gone into government's permanent record..blah blah.
Hahahaha! Very clever.

I don't plan on sharing anything with anyone. Once it's out, you can never take it back. When we end up retiring early, I think the standard response will just be that we're taking a break and are keeping an eye out for a new career that is more interesting.
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Old 06-28-2014, 04:01 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by Toocold View Post

Are there others who know about your financial situation? Are there people who you would tell? Are there people who you would never tell?
No , no and yes.
- Think it is just the way we are. My parents never talked about it so
that is the norm for me and my wife's parents didn't have anything to
talk about.
I did try to tell our son that we are spending it all but not sure if he
belived me
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Old 06-28-2014, 04:18 PM   #37
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Most of DW's siblings get it, as does my 5 years older sibling. We are kind of discrete, but lately have been spending some that we are unable to hide. My 9 and 13 years older siblings don't have a ****ing clue and treat us like we are the clueless ones living on cat food. So far this year, we bought a new Accord after the ten years old one was totaled by a hailstorm, went on an Alaskan cruise, and are 30% into a ~$85K remodel of a $225K house -- all cash.

The 5 years older one did ask me what the cruise cost, and I gave that info.

Nobody else would know.
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Old 06-28-2014, 05:30 PM   #38
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My Mom knows she is wealthy, her CPA has told her to give her money away. I tell her that the kids would rather have the step-up on her passing. She still sends us travel money to fly out to visit. I have seen her balance sheet, and ours is higher, if it makes her happy to give it away, who am I to make waves.
For me experiences are not good or bad, just different
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Old 06-28-2014, 05:49 PM   #39
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If I think someone could benefit from a discussion of LBYM I will reveal much. Money is just a tool and it deserves the same respect a fine craftsman affords his tools of the trade. Not too many craftsmen use a hammer when a screwdriver is needed, or misuses or abuses his tools. People that make a decent wage and abuse money don't have any.
"A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do" --Bob Dylan.
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Old 06-28-2014, 07:00 PM   #40
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The odd thing for us is that about 90 percent of our investment dollars/assets are in my wife's name for various tax reasons.

And I sometimes struggle, along with our advisor, to get her interested in it without much success. She never looks at it unless we are at a quarterly review with our advisor of if she has to sign some paperwork. She feels embarrassed by the number and would never tell a soul.

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