Who would you let know about your financial situation?

[jollystomper]

Parents: fine with them knowing. They were (Dad)/are (Mom) the type who would sacrifice to help us, so letting them know we were okay was/is a joy.

My siblings - most okay. We are close, but I am closest to one brother and one sister. We don't know the details of each other situations down to the penny, but we discuss budgeting, LBYM, simple investing, future plans, etc. All trust, no jealousy.

DW's siblings - No way in h*ll. Their view is anyone having money needs to help them out because they are victims, ignoring that fact that 99% of their "victimization" are things they chose to do to themselves.

 

[Sue J]

When DH lost his job and retired I told my parents that DH's pension is more than our monthly expenses. That's all they needed to know to not worry about us. They know I'm a lifelong saver and a careful spender.

DH's family does not talk about money except for his brother who will talk to me about financial things. When he paid off his house he knew I'd understand the thrill of that.

My sister knows that we are careful and live within our means. She has told me that she and BIL don't need to bother being careful, they have more than they could spend in their lifetimes. We've compared some of our expenses (property taxes, etc.) and have a good laugh over how different we live. She has always respected my money sense and contentment, while I am happy for her that she doesn't have to think about silly things like dollars or an account balance. She would be very inconvenienced by having to think about "living" and "means" in the same sentence.

 

[Walt34]

I don't think specific dollar amounts are necessary to share but I do believe someone should have a list of where your accounts are if you pass or are otherwise unable to tell someone like if you have a stroke.

That's what I've done with my sister, who is named as the executor in my will second to DW. So she has a list of accounts, locations, phone numbers, etc. but no exact dollar amounts.

But we don't let out dollar amounts or even ballpark figures especially to "Spendarina", one of DW's SIL. My sisters can probably guess pretty close, and the others tend to overspend and might come looking for handouts. One has in the past and I think she's finally figured out doing so is a wasted effort.

 

[Car-Guy]

I've only told my parents. Reason; so they don't need to worry about ever needing to help me. I've also told them in hopes that they will spend more of their money and enjoy life rather than saving it for me. They could easily spend 3 times what they do now and not run out of money in their lifetimes even if they both live to 100.

 

[MRG]

Told late FIL. He was concerned DW wouldn't put his/her inheritance to good use. I finally pulled him into the office and showed him my 401k statement. It was more than he said his estate was worth. He couldn't understand how we accumulated so much. He was happy DW learned how to save money.

There was a former Megacorp guy that politly asked, with a good reason. He left in '99, self managed it his down to almost nothing in the tech bubble. Megacorp had said in the old days what you might expect after 20-25 years. He was curious, did I get that number, my smile told the story.

 

[jollystomper]

[mod edit: removed quote of deleted content]

One example: when DW and I bought our first house, her sister (a year younger) and BIL were upset. They made around the same as us, but they liked spending money on cars, trips, "showy" things, etc. Rather than buckle down and make it a goal, they went to MIL and said she HAD to give them money for a down payment because "it wasn't fair that they have a house and we don't". Of course, the house had to be better than ours, they had to put more stuff in it, and then it was their ATM for more spending - and when they had job issues and the finances started hitting them, they came to us for help because "you two have had it easy, you haven't had to deal with the financial issues we have had".

 

[rodi]

DH knows the actual net worth. My sister knows I've run every calculator.

Since I just retired, and had worked there almost 20 years... many of my friends at work know I've been super super thrifty. As HR disappeared as a corporate function (except to enforce SMART goal entry and to lay people off.) People would come to me to ask questions about the 401k investments, how ESPP worked, etc. (They knew I'd scoured every prospectus, rule, etc.) So I had the opportunity to promote the "max out your 401k and learn to live on less" message. Friends also knew I was making extra payments on my mortgage... and that my goal was to retire at 55. They knew, roughly what my salary was since we were all engineers in the same group. (Although I made less since I worked an 80% schedule - and they knew that.) They also knew we had a granny flat we get rental income from.

So... they don't know my net worth - but they know I retired and am not worried about it. The ones I worked with daily were not surprised at all when I announced I was retiring at 52 since I'd been preaching the meme of LBYM and invest in index funds so much at work. (And made a few converts along the way.) They knew how I'd gotten to this point.

Neighbors and neighborhood friends are figuring it out. 1 week into retirement and 4 folks have commented about me out walking the dog mid-day.

 

[FIREd]

Nothing good comes from disclosing your net worth or income.

I stick with generalities, like we are doing "OK".

+1

We do not share the specifics of our financial situation with anyone (except here, which is uncomfortable enough). MIL has asked about our income several times, but we are not telling.

 

[Totoro]

In the know: Brother, mother, one good friend, forum, some former co-workers at big consulting firm.

Not in the know: Sister, all other friends, SIL and other family members, former co-workers at university, customers

Basically those who are not awkward about financial things I include. Typically they have sizeable NW of their own.

 

[WannabeRetired]

My daughter is going to college this year and I had to fill FAFSA. She came to know our NW and commented that daddy you put one extra zero at the end in assets. I said…ooops and told her that it's impossible to change that now because it has now gone into government's permanent record..blah blah.

Hahahaha! Very clever.

I don't plan on sharing anything with anyone. Once it's out, you can never take it back. When we end up retiring early, I think the standard response will just be that we're taking a break and are keeping an eye out for a new career that is more interesting.

 

[SJ1_]

.....

Are there others who know about your financial situation? Are there people who you would tell? Are there people who you would never tell?

No , no and yes.
- Think it is just the way we are. My parents never talked about it so
that is the norm for me and my wife's parents didn't have anything to
talk about.
I did try to tell our son that we are spending it all but not sure if he
belived me

 

[Rustward]

Most of DW's siblings get it, as does my 5 years older sibling. We are kind of discrete, but lately have been spending some that we are unable to hide. My 9 and 13 years older siblings don't have a ****ing clue and treat us like we are the clueless ones living on cat food. So far this year, we bought a new Accord after the ten years old one was totaled by a hailstorm, went on an Alaskan cruise, and are 30% into a ~$85K remodel of a $225K house -- all cash.

The 5 years older one did ask me what the cruise cost, and I gave that info.

Nobody else would know.

 

[grasshopper]

My Mom knows she is wealthy, her CPA has told her to give her money away. I tell her that the kids would rather have the step-up on her passing. She still sends us travel money to fly out to visit. I have seen her balance sheet, and ours is higher, if it makes her happy to give it away, who am I to make waves.

 

[heeyy_joe]

If I think someone could benefit from a discussion of LBYM I will reveal much. Money is just a tool and it deserves the same respect a fine craftsman affords his tools of the trade. Not too many craftsmen use a hammer when a screwdriver is needed, or misuses or abuses his tools. People that make a decent wage and abuse money don't have any.

 

[brett]

The odd thing for us is that about 90 percent of our investment dollars/assets are in my wife's name for various tax reasons.

And I sometimes struggle, along with our advisor, to get her interested in it without much success. She never looks at it unless we are at a quarterly review with our advisor of if she has to sign some paperwork. She feels embarrassed by the number and would never tell a soul.

 

[Toocold]

Told late FIL. He was concerned DW wouldn't put his/her inheritance to good use. I finally pulled him into the office and showed him my 401k statement. It was more than he said his estate was worth. He couldn't understand how we accumulated so much. He was happy DW learned how to save money.

I have the reverse situation. My in-laws received a pretty big inheritance when DW's grandmother had passed away but they believe they had to earn it by doing all that was asked of them. In turn, they now expect DW to earn the inheritance as well.

Even though we've communicated that they should enjoy their money and we do not expect any inheritance from them, they continually try to dangle that carrot in front of us. I wish we could show them how "financially fine" we are so they could stop trying to coax us.... but naturally we won't.

Nothing good comes from disclosing your net worth or income.

I once told my mother how much I earn. I've never seen her more content to learn that all her sacrifices to work 7 days, 12 hours a day to send her son to college paid off in terms of leaving her legacy.

 

[EastWest Gal]

My parents were proud beyond proud when I decided to go to medical school because they knew that meant financial independence for me. My loan for med school amounted to one year of DS's current college expenses!

But it was my parents' frugal lifestyle and my inheritance that bumped up my FI by ~5 years.

On my side of the family, money is easily discussed in generalities, as two of my dad's sisters married great business owners, and the wealth there borders on ridiculousness. so my cousins and I can discuss investments, etc. rather freely. My phone conversations with my sister now often evolve into our different investing strategies, given that we both inherited a 7 figure amount. The process of executing my father's estate brought a level of trust between sis and I that never existed before. And the relief she experienced financially absolutely stunned her.

I shared my retirement plans with my one poorest aunt. She sent me a lovely congratulatory card. Some forms of wealth are not in money but in sheer kindness...

My husband's side--both brothers are as poor as dirt but we (and I think they) know it's their own fault. One has drugs to blame. Not sure about the other one.

Fortunately this EastWest Gal moved away from any and all potential moochers. And DS is no spendthrift either. So no worries there.

I've enjoyed and benefitted from the stories in this thread. It made me count my blessings. Thank you all.



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[Ronstar]

DW, and a little bit to MIL to put her at ease. And a little to my ex-partners at work to suppress the "what are you doing for money" questions after I retired.

 

[ABQ2015]

My two brothers know how much I currently make and approximately how much I expect to have in retirement. They are in a similar financial situation and are money savvy so we like to discuss retirement planning and how to budget and invest money. Also my older brother will handle my finances if I should become incapacitated.

I don't disclose much to my sisters for fear of causing resentment. They will have decent pensions (better than mine) but have not contributed to a 401k or paid down their mortgages. As educators, they don't make as much as the rest of us but do have more vacation time. I put a substantial amount of my salary in savings (401k, Roth, HSA, extra on mortgage) and pay a lot in taxes so don't think my net salary is that much greater than them. But the one or two times that I tried to explain this, it did not go over that well so I now keep quiet.

At work, most don't talk about finances. Our jobs require security clearances so it is best to be discreet. My co-workers are financially conservative engineers but one would not want anything one says to be misconstrued.

 

[fritz]

Nothing good comes from disclosing your net worth or income.

I stick with generalities, like we are doing "OK".

+1 We've always lived below our means and have told no one of our financial success because of it.

Since we've always lived below our means, relatives were surprised to eventually discover that we retired at 58/56. We didn't announce our retirement - just started it. Over time, we've told those that asked - that we retired when the company I worked for went bankrupt back in 2008. No one has asked how we've managed to do it, but a couple of years ago (in separate incidences) both sides of the family accidentally learned that we also spend winters in Florida. Got them all wondering "how can owners of a single low cost car (2013 Kia Forte) and a single family home in a retirement community pull this all off". Some of them now no longer associate with us, and only see them at infrequent family gatherings (if at all.)

Our two daughters don't know our net worth, and our plan is to inform them when we start to deteriorate mentally (assuming that both of us won't deteriorate at the same time), or when one of us passes (assume that I will go first). They also invest where we have our investments - had the foresight to have them both roll their old 401Ks over to Vanguard so they will be familiar with them when the time comes. Accidentally had them both exposed to knowledge of our net worth when they were mistakenly elevated to our Flagship status at Vanguard and they started to receive correspondence from our representative. Found this out when our youngest showed me a congratulations card from him for being with Vanguard for 10 years (I never got one of those). Quickly pulled that status so they won't eventually "connect the dots'. This must have happened when we were assigned to a new Flagship representative, as the previous rep was told not to give them Flagship status (can't thank him enough)......

I've had discussions with the oldest daughter on how to properly take our funds from Vanguard to avoid potential tax disaster when we've both passed. Will do this with the youngest also. When the time comes to inform them of our net worth/their future inheritance - both of them will have to be involved in helping us (or the survivor) manage our finances. Hopefully together they will learn how we were successful and how they may be just as successful taking over management of our life's savings when we're old and of diminished mental capacity .

 

[FANOFJESUS]

One thing I did noticed since my father was quiet open about money was a few gold diggers came by for my older brother. One lady showed up with her daughter and asked my older brother what he made and some of the families income. He told her his income and the families income. She quickly left the house when she figured out it would be us who were digging the gold. Her family was worth several times what our family was worth.

 

[Midpack]

Nobody except DW, nobody. Why does anyone else need to know? With due respect, if you want to tell someone else, it might be to satisfy your own ego?

 

[Meadbh]

I stick with generalities, but I must admit I am a bit curious about my friends' numbers. While I tend to associate with LBYM folks, some of them seem more financially secure than others. Occasionally I cringe when I hear about bad financial decisions, such as investing in mutual funds with high MERs.

 

[Dog]

Only DH, although DD may have a general idea.
I've hinted to my mom to help ease her mind (I'm her executor) and I believe DH has shared with his parents that we are doing fine to ease their minds (he is their executor). We do not share with sisters or brothers. Two of my sisters have "victim mentalities" and really don't need to know.

I plan to retire on 8/1 this year and DH in 2016 (debtfree) Not much will change in our lifestyle.

 

[FANOFJESUS]

Nobody except DW, nobody. Why does anyone else need to know? With due respect, if you want to tell someone else, it might be to satisfy your own ego?

My father grew up very poor and hated the idea of being known as poor so he told everyone he was rich. In a since he was compared to his childhood. Rich means different things to different people. Rich in Appalachia and rich in San Francisco are two different things. But both men can call themselves rich if they want.