Dating advice?

[Meadbh]

I have been married for over 33 years, so feel free to discount my advice accordingly. But here it is -- Be a mensch. Women of quality will recognize and respond to that. The ones who don't are not worth your time. And you'll always be able to look at yourself in the mirror.

+1000

 

[medved]

What Gumby said.

 

[SecondCor521]

I'm a mensch with a kaputtwähler.

 

[cyber888]

No need to hide you're retired. Try dating some 25 - 29 year old ... great in bed [emoji108][emoji12]

 

[Amethyst]

Ha ha, made me look it up! Advertise for a lady mensch and your wahler will probably work just fine.

I'm a mensch with a kaputtwähler.

 

[Sojourner]

I do recall him telling me that 40% of the men on the online dating sites are married . Such a small percentage (1-2%) of the women in online dating are married, that they don't even keep tabs on that number.

I wonder how they know this. Do they survey the subscribers? Obviously unless you're on a site like Ashley Madison, you're going to set up your profile to indicate (perhaps falsely) that you're single. If the 40% figure is accurate, though, that's pretty surprising. Maybe a sizable chunk of that 40% could be separated (or nearly divorced) and not waiting around to make it official?

 

[omni550]

I wonder how they know this. Do they survey the subscribers? Obviously unless you're on a site like Ashley Madison, you're going to set up your profile to indicate (perhaps falsely) that you're single. If the 40% figure is accurate, though, that's pretty surprising. Maybe a sizable chunk of that 40% could be separated (or nearly divorced) and not waiting around to make it official?

All I can say was he was quite confident in the number and it came from an aggregate across the 'normal' (ipo Ashley Madison, gay, etc.) online dating sites. Perhaps they do some research? Who knows. Heck, let's say even if their numbers are off by a factor of 2, having 20% of the men (1 in 5) being married is significant.

I know of several friends who found profiles & photos of (supposedly happily) married men they personally know on online dating sites.

And in my own experience of online dating, I've received emails from several guys, who somehow after a few emails 'fess-up that they're married...with the comment that the only reason they are married is to keep their wife (and sometimes child) covered by their employers' healthcare. Umm...no thanks, not interested.

omni

 

[athena53]

All I can say was he was quite confident in the number and it came from an aggregate across the 'normal' (ipo Ashley Madison, gay, etc.) online dating sites. Perhaps they do some research? Who knows. Heck, let's say even if their numbers are off by a factor of 2, having 20% of the men (1 in 5) being married is significant.

I know of several friends who found profiles & photos of (supposedly happily) married men they personally know on online dating sites.

And in my own experience of online dating, I've received emails from several guys, who somehow after a few emails 'fess-up that they're married...with the comment that the only reason they are married is to keep their wife (and sometimes child) covered by their employers' healthcare. Umm...no thanks, not interested.

omni

Thanks for the warning. I'd be interested to know what the rate is for Ashley Madison (which apparently is set up for married people who want something on the side) vs. others, but, as you said, even if it's 20% that's scary. It may be awhile before I do anything besides look at profiles on the dating sites! I'd hate to get my hopes up after a few exchanges with a guy who seemed promising and find he's not really available. I've seen a few who admitted to being "legally separated"- at least they're honest, but to me that means "in the process of divorce" or "religion doesn't permit divorce so we're living apart". Not interested in either case.

 

[Amethyst]

Brings up a memory from long ago...I met and dated two men in a row, who seemed like everything I could want...fortunately each of them got conscience-stricken and fessed up to being married, before things went too far. I guess in their little minds, if it's not sex, it's not cheating?

I know there are men who would never cheat. They must feel like this other kind of guy is a separate species.

All I can say was he was quite confident in the number and it came from an aggregate across the 'normal' (ipo Ashley Madison, gay, etc.) online dating sites. Perhaps they do some research? Who knows. Heck, let's say even if their numbers are off by a factor of 2, having 20% of the men (1 in 5) being married is significant.

I know of several friends who found profiles & photos of (supposedly happily) married men they personally know on online dating sites.

And in my own experience of online dating, I've received emails from several guys, who somehow after a few emails 'fess-up that they're married...with the comment that the only reason they are married is to keep their wife (and sometimes child) covered by their employers' healthcare. Umm...no thanks, not interested.

omni

 

[bclover]

I have been married for over 33 years, so feel free to discount my advice accordingly. But here it is -- Be a mensch. Women of quality will recognize and respond to that. The ones who don't are not worth your time. And you'll always be able to look at yourself in the mirror.

+1000

What Gumby said.

I'm a mensch with a kaputtwähler.

Ok guys, translate for the little colored catholic girl in the group. I'm a multi-national/ethnicity dater so I need to know what I'm looking out for.

 

[haha]

I know there are men who would never cheat. They must feel like this other kind of guy is a separate species.

Definitely infra-mensch, possibly even a deplorable. Or perhaps a rat, to follow up on your separate species idea.

I wonder if cheating wives also risk losing their humanity, or if this downfall is only for men?

Ha

 

[omni550]

Thanks for the warning. I'd be interested to know what the rate is for Ashley Madison (which apparently is set up for married people who want something on the side) vs. others, but, as you said, even if it's 20% that's scary. It may be awhile before I do anything besides look at profiles on the dating sites! I'd hate to get my hopes up after a few exchanges with a guy who seemed promising and find he's not really available. I've seen a few who admitted to being "legally separated"- at least they're honest, but to me that means "in the process of divorce" or "religion doesn't permit divorce so we're living apart". Not interested in either case.

It's somewhere in the dim recesses of my memory, but this same programmer said something like 15% (IIRC) of the men on Ashley Madison (a site specifically created for marrieds wanting to cheat) were single guys. When I asked why, he said as it was 'easy pickings' for them to find a married lady looking for fun/sex without it developing into a relationship.

omni

 

[Sunset]

In the early 80's I had a male acquaintance who paid some ungodly fee (I think it was $100 per match, which was a lot back then) for computer dating matches, and related his "adventures" to me. One thing I learned was that women under age 30 were only charged a fraction of what men were charged. Naturally - everyone wants them, so why would they even sign up?

I could certainly see it's like a game, for younger women, quite an ego boost to have 88 men interested. I'm sure young men would do it too, compare their "number" with each other.

Sort of like facebook, some folks want to have many "friends" and the higher the number the more bragging rights.

 

[SecondCor521]

Ok guys, translate for the little colored catholic girl in the group. I'm a multi-national/ethnicity dater so I need to know what I'm looking out for.

My comment was an attempt at cleverly poking fun at myself. Mensch is a Yiddish/German word which means an upstanding and honorable man (although I think it could be applied to an upstanding and honorable woman).

My made-up German word of "kaputtwahler" is to indicate that I have a broken picker. Meaning that even if I'm a decent guy looking for a decent woman and even if there are decent women out there - all of which I believe to be true - I believe myself incapable of discerning if any particular woman is decent and honorable. This belief is primarily driven by the fact that I exchanged vows with a girl who seemed decent and honorable until she wasn't. And that is the bait-and-switch that I cannot abide and a risk I can find no 100% certain way to avoid.

(I'm not Jewish and only a little bit German on my Dad's side; I was just following the linguistic pattern with help from Google translate.)

But that's probably waaaay too much explaining and TMI about my own angst. Apologies.

 

[Floridatennisplayer]

OK new ad, Successful retiree in search of a companion.Me 58 male. You 48-60 non smoker including meth and weed. I want a LOW drama companion, so no married or separated ladies. Social drinker OK, tea totaler even better, you can be the designated driver for us. Pets and children OK, must be able to take a few long vacations per year so we may explore the world together. Recent full length picture a must.

Freaking hilarious!!!!

 

[Chuckanut]

IMHO, the most misleading part of the statistic is the number of women who cheat. I think it is much higher in real life 15-20%. They just aren't stupid enough to put it out on dating website.

 

[Floridatennisplayer]

My add would be more like:

Financially independent and rich 62 year old seeking hot 30-40 year old for some good times. Call now, include multiple pics to see if you meet my expectations.

 

[omni550]

IMHO, the most misleading part of the statistic in the number of women who cheat. I think it is much higher in real life 15-20%.

I'm certain there are more than 1-2% of married women who cheat in real life.

I'm guessing the preferred mode for cheating females finding their 'lovers' may be via Ashley Madison or in person (bars, work, gym, neighborhood, travel, shopping, parties, etc.) vs posting their profile on an online dating site.

omni

 

[Meadbh]

I'm certain there are more than 1-2% of married women who cheat in real life.

"Between 30 and 50 per cent of women cheat on their partners, compared with 50 to 80 per cent of men, said Dr. Lipton, a psychiatrist with the Swedish Medical Center in Washington"

https://canadiancrc.com/Newspaper_Articles/Globe_and_Mail_Moms_Little_secret_14DEC02.aspx

 

[bingybear]

I have been married for over 33 years, so feel free to discount my advice accordingly. But here it is -- Be a mensch. Women of quality will recognize and respond to that. The ones who don't are not worth your time. And you'll always be able to look at yourself in the mirror.

Naw... I've been married over 34 years and what I've learned is appreciate her. Dating anyone else might be suicide.
I can't imagine anyone I'd rather be with.

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

Ok guys, translate for the little colored catholic girl in the group. I'm a multi-national/ethnicity dater so I need to know what I'm looking out for.

I think he was saying he is a nice guy(mensch), but his male machinery is no longer working. And if im wrong it isbecause I was dying of laughter as I was typing this.

 

[Nemo2]

I think he was saying he is a nice guy(mensch), but his male machinery is no longer working. And if im wrong it isbecause I was dying of laughter as I was typing this.

Bob Dylan: "The pump don't work
'Cause the vandals took the handle"

 

[ivinsfan]

My comment was an attempt at cleverly poking fun at myself. Mensch is a Yiddish/German word which means an upstanding and honorable man (although I think it could be applied to an upstanding and honorable woman).

My made-up German word of "kaputtwahler" is to indicate that I have a broken picker. Meaning that even if I'm a decent guy looking for a decent woman and even if there are decent women out there - all of which I believe to be true - I believe myself incapable of discerning if any particular woman is decent and honorable. This belief is primarily driven by the fact that I exchanged vows with a girl who seemed decent and honorable until she wasn't. And that is the bait-and-switch that I cannot abide and a risk I can find no 100% certain way to avoid.

(I'm not Jewish and only a little bit German on my Dad's side; I was just following the linguistic pattern with help from Google translate.)

But that's probably waaaay too much explaining and TMI about my own angst. Apologies.

You're getting lots of comments about the broken picker translation and I think it wasn't what you meant

 

[NW-Bound]

OK cheaters, this song's for you.

 

[SecondCor521]

You're getting lots of comments about the broken picker translation and I think it wasn't what you meant

Yeah, I know.

It's really a bit of a Rorschach[1] test, I guess. Although doubly so, as I am assuming that the misinterpretations are either out of laziness or vulgarity. It could be a simple misunderstanding, or they could assume I am bad at translations.

(My male anatomy, not that it particularly matters, works fine.)

[1] Disappointingly for this thread, Rorschach was Swiss.