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Old 09-13-2017, 03:36 PM   #161
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Probably looking for you.


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Old 09-13-2017, 03:49 PM   #162
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Assuming you are looking for a long term relationship that may lead to marriage, it gets old after a while to "just have fun" with people. If you wait for date number 5 or 6 or more to start asking important questions, and you don't like the answers, you have to start over...and after doing that a number of times it gets old and exhausting (physically and emotionally) and time consuming, so you want to shortcut the process.
I don't think I could know a person AND expect to get honest answers from a stranger before the 5th or 6th date. There are those few people that we click with right away but those are few. Maybe that is part of the problem, wanting to consolidate everything into 30 second dating. Are people taking a checklist with them on their 1st and 2nd date?
My neighbor has been dating and he doesn't seem to know or care that the woman he's dating now flatters him constantly. He said she's had a rough first marriage but the little things that she's done (rolling her eyes, correcting him, butting in when he's talking to others) when we've been around, point to her as a problem. He takes her to nice restaurants a couple times a week to make up for the "bad times" she's had and he bought her earrings that she couldn't stop talking about. His brother and another male neighbor told him not to be buying gifts but he thinks "she's the one". He's only been dating her since May of this year. His first wife was a sweetie and died 2 years ago from cancer. I think he's lonesome and even though signs are there that this woman isn't a good choice, the loneness outweighs the signs. How much can you butt in and should you?

Not to say that I'm the best judge of character. I was friends for about 2 years with someone that was the biggest liar AND murderer
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Old 09-13-2017, 03:58 PM   #163
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I don't think I could know a person AND expect to get honest answers from a stranger before the 5th or 6th date.
I agree that you can't really know a person that quickly (although you can get clues and form a general impression), but I disagree that you should not expect to get honest answers before the 5th or 6th date. I expect honest answers at all times, regardless of the number of dates.
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Old 09-13-2017, 04:03 PM   #164
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I don't think I could know a person AND expect to get honest answers from a stranger before the 5th or 6th date. There are those few people that we click with right away but those are few. Maybe that is part of the problem, wanting to consolidate everything into 30 second dating. Are people taking a checklist with them on their 1st and 2nd date?
No checklist. I let the conversation flow where it will. Often you can see the red flags either at the meet & greet or after a date or two (LAYM, complainer, controller, alcoholic, tons of baggage, etc.) if you are paying attention. It's about then that I politely pull the plug. No sense dragging things out further.

Sounds like your buddy isn't paying attention to the red flags, though. I feel bad for him.

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Old 09-13-2017, 04:45 PM   #165
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Can she afford to traveling? I don't mind paying a bit more than my share, but I'm not paying for her airfare and every hotel.
Does she enjoy sex. I've met women my age who said they are done with sex.
Is she an emotional user? They're out there.
Is she bitter or over her last relationships. At this age there's baggage, but I don't want to haul both of ours. Mine's heavy enough.
Wow- except for the "emotional baggage" item (I don't really have any, thank God, and want someone else without too much), I think you stole my list!

I'd be reluctant to ask the question, "so... are you still up for sex?" too early for fear of it being interpreted as an immediate invitation. Frankly, though, I'd be very disappointed if there was no prospect of a healthy sexual relationship after a decent interval.
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Old 09-13-2017, 05:44 PM   #166
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I agree that you can't really know a person that quickly (although you can get clues and form a general impression), but I disagree that you should not expect to get honest answers before the 5th or 6th date. I expect honest answers at all times, regardless of the number of dates.
You are right, you can get clues and you should get honest answers but I'm not sure you'll get them all the time. People are on their best (or what they think is their best) behavior. My aunt can't figure out why she doesn't get many second dates. She monopolizes the conversation, always has. Who wants to sit through a monologue? When you say something to her she claims she doesn't.
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Old 09-13-2017, 05:59 PM   #167
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I do not know if they even have this thing anymore, but a few years ago(early 2000's), they had this concept of speed dating. One of my single friends (co-worker) went to a lounge, they had maybe 20 girls and twenty guys, and you got 5 minutes to chat and they told you to switch seats and chat for 5 minutes to the next person. I was so hysterical at the whole thing Im sure I missed some of the details. If you remotely liked the other person you gave them your #. He would leave with maybe 10 or so phone numbers.
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Old 09-13-2017, 07:49 PM   #168
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They discovered the internet, no one goes out anymore. If your a widow forgetabout it, your friends are scared you will steal their husbands.
lol, oh God I hope not. My best friend married my brother. my family has a "no-backsies" policy so we remind her she's stuck with him.

My other GF is getting divorced (3X). Her husband is a bum, actual he was a lawyer but then quit to become.....wait for it...... a lumberjack. problem s we live in Philadelphia. because Timber is always the first thing one thinks of hen you think Philly.
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Old 09-13-2017, 07:55 PM   #169
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a lumberjack. problem s we live in Philadelphia. because Timber is always the first thing one thinks of hen you think Philly.


Some of us look GREAT in red flannel shirts. Maybe not to much timber in Philly, but not much competition either.
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Old 09-13-2017, 08:01 PM   #170
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Some of us look GREAT in red flannel shirts. Maybe not to much timber in Philly, but not much competition either.
Go yo Youtube and look for the Lumberjack Song
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Old 09-13-2017, 08:26 PM   #171
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Unfortunately, I can definitely see this happening with younger women. I don't think it is going to be too much of an issue with older ones, though. We know Prince Charming isn't actually around the corner, and if he does, he has nose hair.


I would think it would be those pesky ear hairs. Nose hair isnt a problem...yet anyways.....But I cant stand ear hair...I might not be able to keep my face looking 25, but I can my ears...As long as I have sufficient plucking time, lol...
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Old 09-13-2017, 08:42 PM   #172
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Go yo Youtube and look for the Lumberjack Song


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Old 09-13-2017, 08:52 PM   #173
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After I was widowed I tried online dating . I put my age at one year less because I had spent a year crying so that could not count and because of that I met my SO who had his age level set ending at 52 instead of 53 which I was .We have been together 17 years .If I could give any advice it would be to give everyone a chance . You never know who you will find .
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Old 09-13-2017, 10:22 PM   #174
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I dated a woman who said this exact thing on our first date! Talk about honesty. We didn't meet on Tinder, but she told me how much she liked the app and how using it had enabled her to "experience the finer things in the city for free". Needless to say, when the check came, she didn't reach for it.
Had that happened to me, I would have asked for separate cheques and not cared a bit if she didn't have enough to pay for her share
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Old 09-13-2017, 10:27 PM   #175
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Her husband is a bum, actual he was a lawyer but then quit to become.....wait for it...... a lumberjack. problem s we live in Philadelphia. because Timber is always the first thing one thinks of hen you think Philly.

I was a lumberjack in Williamsport, just a few hours from Philly.

That said WAS is the important word. Good way to become poor, dead or both.
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Old 09-14-2017, 12:22 AM   #176
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Just say you retired early and let them feel envy. 58 is not an unreasonably young age to be retired.
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Old 09-14-2017, 12:23 AM   #177
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lol, oh God I hope not. My best friend married my brother. my family has a "no-backsies" policy so we remind her she's stuck with him.

My other GF is getting divorced (3X). Her husband is a bum, actual he was a lawyer but then quit to become.....wait for it...... a lumberjack. problem s we live in Philadelphia. because Timber is always the first thing one thinks of hen you think Philly.
Hahahahah, love it, thanks for the great laugh.
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Old 09-14-2017, 12:25 AM   #178
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I've looked for a woman as you've described also with no luck. The one GF that I had that could travel didn't want to, or it needed to be somewhere exactly like home. I've met a couple of others that couldn't afford travel or any time away from a job. I've resigned myself to the knowledge that there are interesting women everywhere I go. I'm sure not going to wait around hoping for a travel companion to show up.


#1 reason I gave up dating. Men that date women my age are generally retired and want to travel / run off for the weekend /etc. as fun as that sounds I'm still raising a child and can't participate.
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Old 09-14-2017, 12:31 AM   #179
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Honestly other than here I know no one under 62 that retired. The coworkers that were RIF ed had to find other work or were already well over 60.


I dated a man that retired at 58 from A megacorp. He was not rich by a long shot but he had a pension and group health. He wanted to be able to pursue his very physical hobbies while he was able to. I've also worked with several military people that retired very young tho they always seem to keep working. It's not that uncommon - just have to pick a big employer and stay there an eternity
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Old 09-14-2017, 12:51 AM   #180
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They discovered the internet, no one goes out anymore. If your a widow forgetabout it, your friends are scared you will steal their husbands.


True! I made the mistake of moving to suburbia with my daughter when I was freshly divorced. The assumptions everyone made were just ridiculous. I could not leave the house without someone asking if I had a "hot date" and of course I never was invited to any gatherings that were mostly couples. I was invited to babysit however. Gee. Thanks.
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