Dating advice?

[Yarnstormer]

Just say you retired early and let them feel envy. 58 is not an unreasonably young age to be retired.

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

lol, oh God I hope not. My best friend married my brother. my family has a "no-backsies" policy so we remind her she's stuck with him.

My other GF is getting divorced (3X). Her husband is a bum, actual he was a lawyer but then quit to become.....wait for it...... a lumberjack. problem îs we live in Philadelphia. because Timber is always the first thing one thinks of hen you think Philly.

Hahahahah, love it, thanks for the great laugh.

 

[Yarnstormer]

I've looked for a woman as you've described also with no luck. The one GF that I had that could travel didn't want to, or it needed to be somewhere exactly like home. I've met a couple of others that couldn't afford travel or any time away from a job. I've resigned myself to the knowledge that there are interesting women everywhere I go. I'm sure not going to wait around hoping for a travel companion to show up.

#1 reason I gave up dating. Men that date women my age are generally retired and want to travel / run off for the weekend /etc. as fun as that sounds I'm still raising a child and can't participate.

 

[Yarnstormer]

Honestly other than here I know no one under 62 that retired. The coworkers that were RIF ed had to find other work or were already well over 60.

I dated a man that retired at 58 from A megacorp. He was not rich by a long shot but he had a pension and group health. He wanted to be able to pursue his very physical hobbies while he was able to. I've also worked with several military people that retired very young tho they always seem to keep working. It's not that uncommon - just have to pick a big employer and stay there an eternity

 

[Yarnstormer]

They discovered the internet, no one goes out anymore. If your a widow forgetabout it, your friends are scared you will steal their husbands.

True! I made the mistake of moving to suburbia with my daughter when I was freshly divorced. The assumptions everyone made were just ridiculous. I could not leave the house without someone asking if I had a "hot date" and of course I never was invited to any gatherings that were mostly couples. I was invited to babysit however. Gee. Thanks.

 

[Scuba]

I am about your age (though taken!) so maybe my thoughts have value. First of all, fifty-eight is not that young - many people in my line of work (Federal govt) retire at 55, and not all take second jobs. They tend to be frugal people who have saved, invested, and have nice 401Ks.



Even if you were younger, I wouldn't assume you are any kind of bum, if you live in a nice place and seem not to be in need. I would consider how you support yourself to be entirely your business...it's not like we're getting married. I would, of course, search your name to see if anything evil pops up (would also help to reveal if you have given me a fake name). I'd expect you to search my name, too.



That said, I would be interested in how you occupy your time....are you writing a book? Going on a 2-month trip? Tending a conservatory of gorgeous plants? (all of which would be OK by me).



Finally, I would wait to see how you treat me and other people. That matters more than anything else.



Good luck!



Amethyst

Agree with Amethyst. Well said!

 

[Scuba]

OK new ad, Successful retiree in search of a companion.Me 58 male. You 48-60 non smoker including meth and weed. I want a LOW drama companion, so no married or separated ladies. Social drinker OK, tea totaler even better, you can be the designated driver for us. Pets and children OK, must be able to take a few long vacations per year so we may explore the world together. Recent full length picture a must.

You're pretty good at these ads, BCG! [emoji16]

 

[Amethyst]

If I should become single again, I hope I am no longer interested in sex. It appears that the world has changed in what are to me unattractive directions.

You mean, some older women change and don't need sex anymore, right? Some do...some don't...and we don't wear signs to tell which is which

People talk about companionship. Unclear to me what is being sought here. Some meetups are fine if all one needs is coffee and some chit-chat.

Ha

Oh, they mean somebody to do things with, because shared things are more fun - that's all.

And I think some people feel a loss of social status, as well. Sort of like junior high. You may not have loved that boy or girl you hung around with, and in most cases you were probably not having sex, but everyone else respected you more because you had somebody to hang with.

 

[Amethyst]

I agree - it was my fate to meet[-] the one and only[/-] a Silent Generation guy who has very forward-thinking notions about women's equality and so on, but most men in his age group treat me like I'm their slightly dim daughter. I hate it.

EDIT: Fixed so it doesn't accuse an entire generation. Which is very wrong to do, even if it is a popular Internet sport.

M

Age is not the major factor but it can be an issue, more of a generational gap. lol I went out with one gentlemen who told me this was the first time he went out with a "colored" girl. Ok I understand that you might not know who Jay-Z and Beyonce are but come on dude, we graduated from "Colored" like 40 years ago.

 

[Nemo2]

Silent Generation

I had to check to see who constituted the Silent Generation......."OMG they am me!"

(Pogo, where are you when I need you?)

 

[Senator]

If I was to start dating again, I would cast a net far and wide. It is ultimately a numbers game. If you think you will get lucky finding a suitable partner in one date or two, you probably buy lottery tickets every week too.

Use online services, meetup.com groups, local dating groups. Look for people your age, and other ages. Create different profiles for your different interests. It makes no sense to advertise for a suitable partner to grow old with in one paragraph, and also look for a wild partner in the next. The more restrictions you place on the partner, the more trouble you will have. Look for travel partners, dance partners, gold digger partners, but not in the same profile. And know the partner's motivation, and adjust for it.

George Soros can do it, so can you. I am sure women that are interested in him are going for his intellectual capability and looks. The same with Keith Richards and Mick Jagger.

Then, lose some weight, get a vision of what you want to look like, and get out there.

PS. You may find that you need more than one partner to be able to accommodate all your interests.

 

[Chuckanut]

Then there aren't "plenty." If there were plenty they'd be readily available

I disagree, but I also think I worded my comment incorrectly.


What I should have said is:

There are plenty of good ones out there, but finding the right one for you takes time, effort and isn't easy.

As somebody pointed out finding the right partner in life is like shopping for a sweater. Except that after you pick the sweater you want, the sweater has to also pick you.

 

[Sunset]

I don't think I'm being ageist when I set the limits, but as an experiment I removed the filter. I believe the site is only showing me matches that have my age in their acceptable range. Six local under 43 show up some with multiple children, all looking for marriage soon and most hoping for more children. Since I'm not looking to raise more kids and right now am looking for dating not marriage it's a moot point.
I don't criticize anyone's relationships, not my business. I'd date a much younger woman but doubt I would find one looking for the same thing with common interests and tastes. I don't want to date a much older woman for the same reasons, though none showed up in the search. The last time I used this site no women more than ten years younger ever responded to a message even though my age was in their match range.

A long time ago, I used those dating sites. I noticed for many that men had to pay $$ to communicate but the women got it free. So it's easy to consider that many of the women on the site may be on many sites, and have no $$ incentive to make a real effort vs simply browse for amusement.

There were also at various times allegations of the company using fake women to continually entice the men to re-enlist in the site.

I found all my relationships developed with women I interacted with in real life, the dating sites provided dates that generally didn't last more than a coffee/lunch.

 

[Amethyst]

Honestly I think you are better off without them, I don't even know why it would be important. I'm 5 feet 7.5" and I think a man my height can be very attractive. It's not like we're going to line up for school photos.

M a large amount of women miss out by filtering out guys under 6 foot.

 

[Sojourner]

If I was to start dating again, I would cast a net far and wide. It is ultimately a numbers game. If you think you will get lucky finding a suitable partner in one date or two, you probably buy lottery tickets every week too.

Use online services, meetup.com groups, local dating groups. Look for people your age, and other ages. Create different profiles for your different interests. It makes no sense to advertise for a suitable partner to grow old with in one paragraph, and also look for a wild partner in the next. The more restrictions you place on the partner, the more trouble you will have. Look for travel partners, dance partners, gold digger partners, but not in the same profile. And know the partner's motivation, and adjust for it.

George Soros can do it, so can you. I am sure women that are interested in him are going for his intellectual capability and looks. The same with Keith Richards and Mick Jagger.

Then, lose some weight, get a vision of what you want to look like, and get out there.

+1

It's definitely a numbers game, and thus you want to go with the least restrictive filters and limits that you can live with when setting up your online profile. If you think you could only ever date and be happy with a woman who's 5'2" or taller, set your filter to 5'0". Same goes for age, weight, ethnicity, and just about every other category. It's been shown that, when meeting in person (i.e. the old fashioned way) people can become attracted to and get involved with those they would never have even met online due to the use of unnecessarily restrictive filters. Unfortunately, this is a lesson that many women (and a fair number of men) on Tinder and Match.com have yet to learn.

 

[scrabbler1]

A long time ago, I used those dating sites. I noticed for many that men had to pay $$ to communicate but the women got it free. So it's easy to consider that many of the women on the site may be on many sites, and have no $$ incentive to make a real effort vs simply browse for amusement.

There were also at various times allegations of the company using fake women to continually entice the men to re-enlist in the site.

I encountered this imbalance by gender a lot over the years. Many of these dating websites and other equivalent systems charged the men while the women paid nothing as an inducement to get more women to participate and try to even out the gender imbalance.

Other systems which treated both genders equally this way had other ways to favor the women. In my local newspaper's personal ad listings, they often ran ads from female advertisers for several weeks while the male advertisers had ads which ran one week. When I asked about that, I was told that the male advertisers generated very little money (responders had to pay through a per-minute phone system) while the female advertisers generated most of it.

Back in the late 1980s when I began using these personal ad systems, ones which required actual letters (gasp!) by the responders which got forwarded to the advertisers, I found out (not to any huge surprise) that the women got dozens and dozens of letters while the men got very few, sometimes none at all. Even a well written letter by a male responder often got lost in the many, many letters the woman received. Furthermore, the few women who replied to male advertisers almost always got calls back from their letters. One woman told me that she was genuinely stunned that male responders rarely got calls back. There are two vastly different worlds out there.

 

[Music Lover]

Honestly I think you are better off without them, I don't even know why it would be important. I'm 5 feet 7.5" and I think a man my height can be very attractive. It's not like we're going to line up for school photos.

I was on an online dating site for a while, and yes, plenty of women have height filters. Being 5'7", a lot of them would immediately filter me out. And yet, there are plenty of overweight and very overweight women who complain on their profile that too many men take their weight into account.

Well, you're stuck with your height, but your weight is a largely personal choice, and also a good indicator of health and lifestyle. I don't think it's shallow to want to date active women with a healthy weight and to not want to date a walking heart attack. But, I do find it more shallow to immediately reject people based on their height.

 

[Amethyst]

In the early 80's I had a male acquaintance who paid some ungodly fee (I think it was $100 per match, which was a lot back then) for computer dating matches, and related his "adventures" to me. One thing I learned was that women under age 30 were only charged a fraction of what men were charged. Naturally - everyone wants them, so why would they even sign up?

I encountered this imbalance by gender a lot over the years. Many of these dating websites and other equivalent systems charged the men while the women paid nothing as an inducement to get more women to participate and try to even out the gender imbalance.

Other systems which treated both genders equally this way had other ways to favor the women. In my local newspaper's personal ad listings, they often ran ads from female advertisers for several weeks while the male advertisers had ads which ran one week. When I asked about that, I was told that the male advertisers generated very little money (responders had to pay through a per-minute phone system) while the female advertisers generated most of it.

Back in the late 1980s when I began using these personal ad systems, ones which required actual letters (gasp!) by the responders which got forwarded to the advertisers, I found out (not to any huge surprise) that the women got dozens and dozens of letters while the men got very few, sometimes none at all. Even a well written letter by a male responder often got lost in the many, many letters the woman received. Furthermore, the few women who replied to male advertisers almost always got calls back from their letters. One woman told me that she was genuinely stunned that male responders rarely got calls back. There are two vastly different worlds out there.

 

[haha]

Honestly I think you are better off without them, I don't even know why it would be important. I'm 5 feet 7.5" and I think a man my height can be very attractive. It's not like we're going to line up for school photos.

I remember a young kid at a weekend party in Colombia. He danced with all the women, his head basically nestled on their boobs and a beatific smile on his face. I thought to myself, wish I had grown up here. Then much later here in America I danced with a good looking woman over 6 feet tall, and who loved heels and hot clothes. There I was, experiencing at 60 something similar to what that Lucky Colombiano was getting at 12.

Ha

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

In the early 80's I had a male acquaintance who paid some ungodly fee (I think it was $100 per match, which was a lot back then) for computer dating matches, and related his "adventures" to me. One thing I learned was that women under age 30 were only charged a fraction of what men were charged. Naturally - everyone wants them, so why would they even sign up?

I have been known in the past to work at some very popular nightclubs. The ones where the line goes around the block, and you hope you get picked to go in. The men got hammered at the door , sometimes to the point they had to guarantee a 4 figure minimum, they would have to buy x number of bottles of champagne etc.. The ladies got picked to come in, other than the mandatory coat checks in the winter , they came in with no cover charge.

So back to your question, maybe they signed up to see the guys that had the $100 to date them, maybe only brokesters were asking them out ,hahaha

 

[omni550]

I have an acquaintance who does programming for dating sites.

A few years ago, he had just returned from a January conference in Florida for those who run online dating sites (big bucks in this industry, btw. I don't recall the exact $ number).

I do recall him telling me that 40% of the men on the online dating sites are married . Such a small percentage (1-2%) of the women in online dating are married, that they don't even keep tabs on that number.

omni

 

[Amethyst]

Good thing it wasn't a lady weight lifter, or you would've gotten a headache.

I remember a young kid at a weekend party in Colombia. He danced with all the women, his head basically nestled on their boobs and a beatific smile on his face. I thought to myself, wish I had grown up here. Then much later here in America I danced with a good looking woman over 6 feet tall, and who loved heels and hot clothes. There I was, experiencing at 60 something similar to what that Lucky Colombiano was getting at 12.

Ha

 

[Keim]

That sounds like something an unemployed bum would say to justify being unemployed. Just sayin.

SInce OP is 58, I'd just be honest. "I was fortunate to retire a little early."

That said, I quote the above to ask: If the OP doesn't look, act or live like an unemployed bum, how much importance does a short answer that sounds like one have?

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

I have an acquaintance who does programming for dating sites.

A few years ago, he had just returned from a January conference in Florida for those who run online dating sites (big bucks in this industry, btw. I don't recall the exact $ number).

I do recall him telling me that 40% of the men on the online dating sites are married . Such a small percentage (1-2%) of the women in online dating are married, that they don't even keep tabs on that number.

omni

Wow, I believe you, but thats a staggering high number. If that was a multiple choice test answer I would have never picked that.

 

[Gumby]

I have been married for over 33 years, so feel free to discount my advice accordingly. But here it is -- Be a mensch. Women of quality will recognize and respond to that. The ones who don't are not worth your time. And you'll always be able to look at yourself in the mirror.