Did you regret moving away after retiring?

[keegs]

We're considering retiring to a favorite vacation location that's several hundred miles from where we live now. For those of you who've done such a move, what was your experience?

 

[Willers]

My experience is that vacations are always different than real life. I suggest renting for 2-3 months before relocating to see if it is really where you want to be every day, all year. That's a very different thing.

Some know for sure that the vacation spot is the place. It sounds like you aren't too sure so a trial might be a great way to test it out. If you are working and that isn't possible then try to go there for a week at a time that is the worst weather period (hot or cold or snowy or wet). That will help too. We've crossed a couple of places off based on doing that. Every place is great at the perfect time, not all are as attractive in the "off-season".

Just curious, where are the two locations?

 

[ajs56]

My experience is that vacations are always different than real life. I suggest renting for 2-3 months before relocating...
...Every place is great at the perfect time, not all are as attractive in the "off-season".

I think this is excellent advice! For us, relocating is not an option for DW. Unless of course, the grandkids relocate. We might follow in that case...

 

[ls99]

Not at all.

Now for the rest of the strory.

Where we now live, we never knew existed. We knew that moving form a charming stone house which I bought before meeting now DW, was essential. The neighborhood turned to crap. When I bought the place it was a largely unknown area. Then the developers targeted the next town with apartments co-ops and condos. That was the end of menay acres of cornfields and orchards. And came the obnoxious macmansions, and some distance away the section eight ghettos.

On one of many excursions to find a ne home at least several hundred miles from the washimore corridor, preferably mountains and in really small town. On one of these the cabin we resrved and paid for ahead time was found locked, the manager's apartment emty. we needed a place to stay overnight. As at happened the map showed a town a few miles away, where we found an actual but small hotel. Luckily we gaot a room.

Getting going the next morning, we asked where to have breakfest, as they did not have a restaurant in house. The clerk said most locals go to a litle diner about two blocks away. On the way as we turned the next corner, DW announced this is it.

Had a pleasant breakfest, we walked about a bit, heck the town is at most a mile and half long and half wide. It is an appealing little place.

After several trips back we bought a house a little over 3 miles from center of town.

7 years later it was still a great decision. We are three mountain ranges and nearly 300 miles from the old place.

 

[MichaelB]

We moved, and still miss some of the lifestyle aspects of where we lived. No regrets, though. Not a bad suggestion to go live there for a while before commuting to a permanent move.

 

[keegs]

Thanks all for you contributions...

We live year round in the NY metro area and have a place in ME. We're considering making ME our retirement destination. We've been vacationing there for 30+years and have a pretty good idea what it's like, the long winter months, being without those certain food items etc.

I suppose a big concern is the distance between family and friends.

 

[kcowan]

We have moved around a lot. What we find is that most acquaintances will not maintain the relationship. But the ones that do will be friends for life. So in a way it is healthy because you find out who your real friends are. And we make a new bunch of acquaintances in the new place too!

With family, it is more being involved in the many milestones. No problem for us getting there, but there is an out-of-sight out-of-mind aspect. School events no problem but the deciding soccer game? No.

We chose to pass up the many smaller events and live our own lives rather than live for the grandkids. YMMV - We find some women must be considered essential in the lives of their grandkids. But when your daughter lives in Australia, it is not practical.

One of our friends commutes in from their island paradise to babysit her newest granddaughter whenever asked! A 3 hour trip one way...

 

[W2R]

I can tell you about other side of the coin - - what might be the result if you DON'T move?

We originally planned to move, so once we were retired we renovated, decluttered, staged, packed up almost all of our stuff in boxes to get it out of the way, and put our houses on the market. After a few months of that he got an offer on his house that he didn't like, got upset, and changed his mind so we took our houses off the market and didn't move after all. Sometimes I refer to this as the "move-that-never-happened".

No, I didn't kill him but I think he expected it.

This is our fifth year of retirement and we are STILL talking about moving, or not. Only the idea doesn't seem fresh and fascinating like a shiny new penny any more. We are seeing a little more of the down side of the town
we intended to move to. We are in limbo. One of us will send a real estate listing to the other, and we forget to even discuss it. Then the other will do the same.

It just makes me groan when I think of all the work it will take to move now. We are not getting any younger. We have settled into a retirement routine. We no longer have the energy or desire to vary that routine as much as it will take to move. I think it would have been easier to do it right after retirement, when we were in transition and the idea seemed more exciting and fun. Still, our neighborhoods are not getting any better, so eventually I suppose we will have to move. Or not. We have been sitting on a fence nearly forever. I can't imagine living here for the duration, though.

 

[haha]

I can tell you about other side of the coin - - what might be the result if you DON'T move?

We originally planned to move, so once we were retired we renovated, decluttered, staged, packed up almost all of our stuff in boxes to get it out of the way, and put our houses on the market. After a few months of that he got an offer on his house that he didn't like, got upset, and changed his mind so we took our houses off the market and didn't move after all. Sometimes I refer to this as the "move-that-never-happened".

No, I didn't kill him but I think he expected it.

This is our fifth year of retirement and we are STILL talking about moving, or not. Only the idea doesn't seem fresh and fascinating like a shiny new penny any more. We are seeing a little more of the down side of the town
we intended to move to. We are in limbo. One of us will send a real estate listing to the other, and we forget to even discuss it. Then the other will do the same.

It just makes me groan when I think of all the work it will take to move now. We are not getting any younger. We have settled into a retirement routine. We no longer have the energy or desire to vary that routine as much as it will take to move. I think it would have been easier to do it right after retirement, when we were in transition and the idea seemed more exciting and fun. Still, our neighborhoods are not getting any better, so eventually I suppose we will have to move. Or not. We have been sitting on a fence nearly forever. I can't imagine living here for the duration, though.

Your posts always strike me as real, and coming from someone who has had her eyes open for a long time. The tenor of your posts on this topic has changed, which I would guess reflects the shifting feelings you mention in this post.

I can relate to everything you say here. It has always seemed to me that New Orleans would be an easy place to be happy, given that the climate were appealing, if two issues could be solved. Can you avoid becoming a crime victim, without losing the advantages of city living, which are after all are why you are there? And, can you and your homes avoid the effects of hurricanes?

While the first may be possible by spending enough on a very high security, high quality concierge building, I don't think it can be avoided with any certainly in a SFH, no matter where it is located. Living in multi families, I had one issue once while I was living on the ground floor. Solved by picking up my shotgun off the floor alongside my bed where I kept it as a realistic aspect of the neighborhood. I then moved. But I have never had a SFH that did not have break-ins and burglaries while I was away, or threatened but repelled break-ins while home. Didn't like this. I am not cowboy, I have no plans to get involved in a gun fight. So I like to live on upper floors, in well designed multis.

The hurricane problem seems insoluble, rather like the earthquake problem here.

Sometimes the best thing is to re-evaluate one's constraints, and rank them: necessary, nice, and meh. Of course I realize that there would be two people doing the ranking, and this introduces a whole new aspect.

Ha

 

[kcowan]

I think W2R needs to evaluate whether her comfort with NO is because of inertia. I am not familiar with her target city. But I believe that inertia is a big factor in any move or lack thereof.

IMHO every move was like pushing off from the dock in a new boat. Exciting but also worrying.

However, it is important to become satisfied with the choice and avoid any woulda shoulda coulda...

 

[W2R]

Your posts always strike me as real, and coming from someone who has had her eyes open for along time, maybe forever. The tenor of your posts on this topic has changed, which I would guess reflects the shifting feelings you mention in this post.

I can relate to everything you say here. It has always seemed to me that New Orleans would be an easy place to be happy, given that the climate were appealing, if two issues could be solved. Can you avoid becoming a crime victim, without losing the advantages of city living, which are after all are why you are there? And, can you and your homes avoid the effects of hurricanes?

While the first may be possible by spending enough on a very high security, high quality concierge building, I don't think it can be avoided with any certainly in a SFH, no matter where it is located. Living in multi families, I had one issue once while I was living on the ground floor. Solved by picking up my shotgun off the floor alongside my bed where I kept it as a realistic aspect of the neighborhood. I then moved. But I have never had a SFH that did not have break-ins and burglaries while I was away, or threatened but repelled break-ins while home. Didn't like this. I am not cowboy, I have no plans to get involved in a gun fight. So I like to live on upper floors, in well designed multis.

The hurricane problem seems insoluble, rather like the earthquake problem here.

Sometimes the best thing is to re-evaluate one's constraints, and rank them: necessary, nice, and meh. Of course I realize that there would be two people doing the ranking, and this introduces a whole new aspect.

Ha

The crime is more of an issue for me than the hurricanes. But condos in a high security, concierge type building here are not as common as in Seattle, I suspect. Here, a condo like that would cost a minimum of three times as much as my present single family home, as far as I can determine. I am just not willing to spend half of my portfolio on real estate here given the hurricane situation.

I agree with you 150% about not wanting to be a cowboy. I refuse to buy a gun because I am not a gun-toting Annie Oakley and I would be more likely to shoot myself accidently than anyone else. I am just not the type of person who can shoot another human being, either. I would be a liability, not an asset in an armed conflict. He, on the other hand, is always armed and heaven help anyone who tries to burglarize his home.

While there still might be burglaries in Springfield, we think/hope that they would be less frequent. From what we can tell, burglars up there seldom murder and are just after stuff (which I can afford to lose). Here, no matter how good the neighborhood, burglars all too often will murder if someone is in the home or interrupts the burglary. New Orleans is a bit too much of a free fire zone for comfort and law enforcement is so overwhelmed here. On the other hand, New Orleans has equally strong advantages, as you know.

I think W2R needs to evaluate whether her comfort with NO is because of inertia. I am not familiar with her target city. But I believe that inertia is a big factor in any move or lack thereof.

IMHO every move was like pushing off from the dock in a new boat. Exciting but also worrying.

However, it is important to become satisfied with the choice and avoid any woulda shoulda coulda...

Inertia is a big factor, true, and it is double the issue since there are two of us involved in the decision.

 

[Mulligan]

The crime is more of an issue for me than the hurricanes. But condos in a high security, concierge type building here are not as common as in Seattle, I suspect. Here, a condo like that would cost a minimum of three times as much as my present single family home, as far as I can determine. I am just not willing to spend half of my portfolio on real estate here given the hurricane situation.

I agree with you 150% about not wanting to be a cowboy. I refuse to buy a gun because I am not a gun-toting Annie Oakley and I would be more likely to shoot myself accidently than anyone else. I am just not the type of person who can shoot another human being, either. I would be a liability, not an asset in an armed conflict. He, on the other hand, is always armed and heaven help anyone who tries to burglarize his home.

While there still might be burglaries in Springfield, we think/hope that they would be less frequent. From what we can tell, burglars up there seldom murder and are just after stuff (which I can afford to lose). Here, no matter how good the neighborhood, burglars all too often will murder if someone is in the home or interrupts the burglary. New Orleans is a bit too much of a free fire zone for comfort and law enforcement is so overwhelmed here. On the other hand, New Orleans has equally strong advantages, as you know.


Inertia is a big factor, true, and it is double the issue since there are two of us involved in the decision.

W2R, I was just down in Springfield the other day cleaning up some business there. Hadn't been there in 15 years, and almost got lost being hard headed and not writing down directions before leaving and no smart phone with me. Thankfully that town is one of best gridded towns I have been in so it was easy to get back on track to get to the correct place. I haven't checked but for city populations of 100k or more it has to be way up there in safety.


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[FIREdToBeExpat]

My experience is that vacations are always different than real life. I suggest renting for 2-3 months before relocating to see if it is really where you want to be every day, all year. That's a very different thing.

+1

Visiting a place as a tourist is one thing, but living in it is totally another thing. We moved from Long Island, NY to Istanbul, Turkey about a year ago. It turned out that we really don't like a city with 14+ million people. So, we have decided to move to a smaller sea town in the South of Turkey. It is like moving from New York to Florida so there is no snow in winter but there will be a bit of extra heat in summer.

 

[walkinwood]

We moved about 3 years after ER and have no regrets. We miss some things & the people we left behind, but have made new friends here & love the area.

Re: friends & family - that's a big one & as most things, it depends on you. We keep in touch with our friends & DW's family back east on the phone, email, FB & annual visits. Most of my close family is spread across the world, so I have lived this way for a long time & am used to it.

Moving is emotional & hard work (lots and lots of things to take care of) and you have to be outgoing (which is work sometimes) in your new location to build a new friends circle & support network. All of which is better done sooner than later.

There's also the chance that you will not be able to go back (there was a post on this topic a couple of months ago). A quick rise in home prices & you may be priced out of the market. Renting for a few months in your new location while still maintaining your main residence may be cheaper than making a mistake. We didn't do that, but were very aware of this risk.

 

[aja8888]

We moved last November to a one level, newer, but smaller home exactly 5 miles from our old home. We were in the old, two story place about 20 years and kids moved in and out several times going through bad times, school and divorces. It was like an Army barracks at times. And they left a lot of "stuff" behind in the attic and other places. So when we moved, it was a mess and we purged a lot of stuff. And 6 months later, we are still purging.

DW has a bad case of COPD and the move was tough on her since she is a "do'er" and packed most of the boxes. So it can be done, even at an "older" age, but it just takes longer. This will be our last move to a single family house.

We hired a moving service for the real heavy stuff and moved the rest ourselves. We didn't get much help from the kids, but that's another story. I will get even..

 

[kcowan]

Inertia is a big factor, true, and it is double the issue since there are two of us involved in the decision.

and I think the two major threats, burglary and hurricanes, are sufficiently remote on a daily basis that they are not big motivators to move...

 

[kcowan]

We moved last November to a one level, newer, but smaller home exactly 5 miles from our old home. We were in the old, two story place about 20 years and kids moved in and out several times going through bad times, school and divorces. It was like an Army barracks at times. And they left a lot of "stuff" behind in the attic and other places. So when we moved, it was a mess and we purged a lot of stuff. And 6 months later, we are still purging.

We used MILs attic to store stuff when we moved to our apartment. Then when she died we had to finally deal with it all.

 

[REWahoo]

and I think the two major threats, burglary and hurricanes, are sufficiently remote on a daily basis that they are not big motivators to move...

+1

Plus, discretionary relocation, like early retirement, likely works best when you are moving to something rather than away from something. I don't think W2R and her SO have found anywhere to move that provides enough "pull" to motivate them to pack the moving van.

 

[Meadbh]

+1

Plus, discretionary relocation, like early retirement, likely works best when you are moving to something rather than away from something. I don't think W2R and her SO have found anywhere to move that provides enough "pull" to motivate them to pack the moving van.

W2R (and Frank), may the Force be with you!

Lewin's Force Field Analysis Explained

 

[W2R]

Thanks, all. You are all probably right. I have no idea.

A former co-worker once told me that native New Orleanians NEVER move away. Frank says that doesn't apply to him, because he has done contract work in several other states. But, maybe there is more to it than we realize. His family has lived here for at least six generations or more, and nobody has ever moved away before AFAIK.

Meadbh, that link looks very logical and I will send it to Frank, too. I would be happy either way, but would like for us to make a firm decision about this one way or another sometime this year.

 

[Midpack]

We're considering retiring to a favorite vacation location that's several hundred miles from where we live now. For those of you who've done such a move, what was your experience?

Like others have said, rent there for 6 months (during the worst season) to see what it's like to live there. And vacation is very different than permanent residence as others have also noted.

Adapting to relocation is not universal, so the experiences of others may not provide any insight. DW and I moved all our lives, so we know we adapt easily, we welcome change (where we are now has gotten stale, someplace new has a lot lf appeal to us - but we'll rent first for 6-12 months). Folks who've lived their lives in one (or few) locations may not adapt easily.

 

[Rustic23]

I think it might depend on your background. We moved when we retired about eight years ago. It was about 120 miles from where we lived, and same distant from DD and family.

However, for us it was no big thing. We spent 20 years in the military. We moved 11 times in the first 13 years, we had moved I think about 19 times during the total 47 years we have been married. Big moves, like Florida to Germany, or Germany to Hawaii. Therefore, moving was not a big deal. In all those moves we had developed an pretty good idea what we were looking for, and found the ideal spot for us.

Another word on 'close to family'. While DD and family remain a couple of hours away, we don't see them as much as we would like, but here again they have thought of moving five or six hundred miles away for new jobs. DS, on the other hand is a Marine, and he is from one coast to the other. I guess my point is there is no guarantee you will live close to family, unless you plan on following them around in their careers.

 

[Brdofpray]

We heard we should rent first, but we did not. We followed our gut feelings. We left Chicago for the upstate of South Carolina. Built a home we always wanted to build. We have found, by chance, pure dumb luck, or fate, the place of our dreams. We have discovered so many new and exciting opportunities to keep us over busy. We have now have the best friends we have ever had in our married life. I realize this may be atypical, but we have no regrets, zero!

Life is very good!

 

[Koolau]

We moved almost 5000 miles, so I think we do have a perspective on the question. After 7 years, our regrets are few if any. It's true that there are downsides to any move (especially of a significant distance.) Our biggest downside was the distance from old friends. The kids have scattered and we have relatively few other relatives. We figure "the planes go both directions", so no one has an excuse (unless economic) for "missing" us too much. We DO spend a long time (2 to 3 months) each year "back home."

You do need to "know" yourself. Also, don't count on a move to dramatically "improve" your life. YOU are still YOU no matter where you are. But, moving to a location with lower crime, better weather, more to do or quieter life style - whatever is your "thing" - can be very rewarding. Most of the significant downsides of your move should be KNOWABLE before you move. There will be a few surprises, but no big ones if you do your homework. Of course, YMMV.

 

[Walt34]

We moved within six weeks of retirement but only moved ~60 miles, from the Washington, DC area to the WV eastern panhandle. No regrets, and every time we have to go back there we're reminded why we left - having to plan our daily lives around that traffic.

We are rethinking the importance of being close to family though. One of the major issues in moving to WV instead of one of the Carolinas was proximity to family. During that time one of my sisters moved to Delaware, the other followed and then there were three there (one is a half-sister). Visiting them now requires an overnight trip since it's a four-hour drive. Then my younger sister moved from DE to just outside Atlanta, GA. All of them had been in the same location for 10 to 40 years.

The lesson learned is don't plan your location on what you think others will do.