Do you feel guilty about ER?

[mountaintosea]

I really don't understand this guilt thing? Very strange. I've been retired around 10 months and still loving it.

 

[harley]

"Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness". As written in that most sacred of documents, the US Constitution. Everybody has the right to those things, and why should I feel guilty if I achieve them?

Now, I do sometimes feel bad that people I care for will not enjoy the freedoms I have, but it says somewhere in the Bible (or the script of Jesus Christ, Superstar) "the poor will be with us always". Poor by my definition meaning lack of FI. I worked hard to get where I am, and I got lucky in many ways too. I'm thankful, but not guilty.

 

[Khan]

"Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness". As written in that most sacred of documents, the US Constitution. Everybody has the right to those things, and why should I feel guilty if I achieve them?

Now, I do sometimes feel bad that people I care for will not enjoy the freedoms I have, but it says somewhere in the Bible (or the script of Jesus Christ, Superstar) "the poor will be with us always". Poor by my definition meaning lack of FI. I worked hard to get where I am, and I got lucky in many ways too. I'm thankful, but not guilty.

Actually, that's in the Declaration of Independence.

 

[Moemg]

No, Do you feel guilty still working and taking time away from your family and wasting gas by driving (probably alone ) to work and letting your health slide because you do not have time to work out and getting stressed and taking it out on your loved ones because you are working ?

 

[Khan]

No, Do you feel guilty still working and taking time away from your family and wasting gas by driving (probably alone ) to work and letting your health slide because you do not have time to work out and getting stressed and taking it out on your loved ones because you are working ?

Guilty that I have lost weight, lowered BP, and become happy?

 

[harley]

Actually, that's in the Declaration of Independence.

That's what happens whenever I get pompous. I end up looking like a fool.

But I still don't feel guilty.

 

[BanDit1]

After 33 years with the same employer, and busting my butt for my pension, I ER'd at age 56. In no way do I feel guilty for that!!

It was easy with my siblings, since I am the oldest. They never gave it a second thought.

Most of my real friends were from work and they either retired a year or 2 before me, or will be doing so soon. I do remember my own "jealousy" as my friends started to retire before me. But the knowledge that I would be there soon prevented that "jealousy" from being directed outward. I knew I just had to wait for my turn.

I agree with all the comments on "contributing to society". It's such an ambiguous term, and it means something different to everyone. No matter what, we all contribute in our own way.

 

[Gardnr]

I agree with all the comments on "contributing to society". It's such an ambiguous term, and it means something different to everyone.

I honestly think it's mostly used in this context by those who are just flat out jealous and want to tear down those who have done the things they know they should have down, but didn't have the discipline to do.

It's like that "retiring is unpatriotic" B.S. article a while back.

 

[Walt34]

Why on earth would I feel guilty about working 29 years and then collecting the pension promised from day one?

At the moment I'm working again, mostly for toys, but it's optional and should be reduced to part time soon. If not, then I am free to decide whether to continue working or quit.

 

[Leonidas]

I would have to have done something wrong to feel guilty about.

As for contributing to society, I think I did enough of that for a couple of lifetimes. And I figure that my new role as a full-time housedad and capitalist investor means that I am still making a contribution.

No, not feeling guilty at all. Every time a former co-worker proclaims his jealousy, I just laugh and marvel at how well everything has worked out so far.

 

[militaryman]

DANG!! This got entirely too long !! SORRY!!

This is a bit hard being that I have not retired yet but I will make a couple observations....

1. Seems about half the retirees responding to this thread are saying something to the effect of " NO WAY! I worked 30ish years for "XYZ corp" and why would I feel guilty about taking my defined benefit?!"

To me (please note my bolded statement "to ME") that is not "ER" ... THAT is just plain old "R" . I mean who defines the age for the cutoff between ER and R? Surely not the Social SecurityAdministration! For example, let's use the Federal workforce ...... As a rule of thumb all long time Federal workers can retire between 55-57 depending on birthdate. So 55-57 surely is not early either as that is the norm, at least for all my peers. As a Federal worker i have always looked at it as "the max I will HAVE to work is 56yrs and 8months" as that is my Min. Retirement Age that I can get full medical benefits and an unreduced annuity. So in my mind anything a day later than that I would label "LR" (Late retirement)

To me "ER" is when I "luck" (lottery/inheritance) or work my buns off to be able to leave the workforce substantially earlier than most other people. I would never look around and see a 55 year old and think "oh, how nice they could retire early" especially since by the time I reach 55 I will have 37+ years under my belt.

2. Given what was said above (in #1) I would say that, for ME (please note my bolded statement "for ME") ER is somewhere at 50 or below.

Would I feel guilty if i could "luck" into or be able to work hard enough to amass enough (don't see it happening) to get to "ER"? It depends .... I would feel guilt depending on how I handled it.

"Whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required"

I have a brother that is every bit as much as worthy of catching a break as I and I would feel guilty if his family did not benefit from my "windfall" be it a lottery or just a "windfall of life" that has shined on me vs someone else. I mean he is my brother, of course i would need to hook him up and if I did not I would feel like a schmuck.

I would feel guilty if I used funds that would, in all probability, greatly increase the quality of life for my children (educational opportunities) so that i could retire a year or two early.

There are probably a couple other things that I would find myself doing in an ER situation that would allow me to feel substatially better about having the privelege of ER. Not necessarily monetary but related to giving of my time.

I understand there is a cutoff for this type of behavior/reasoning and I think it is probably different for each person to know, in their soul, (geesh that sounds stupid deep) where the "guilty cutoff" switch is.
I guess you can tell I am not the type to have the bumper sticker that reads.... "I'm spending my children's inheritance"

So........ guilt free ER (again FOR ME) would come with some requirements but again anything after 50 will feel less and less to me like "ER" because I will have worked several decades for it. I would still probably help out family and others in substantial ways but after 50 I would probably not feel the need to delay retirement a year or two so that I could be able to give that help. If I knew at 45ish I could retire and help family substantially or I could go at 42ish and provide just for my DW and my needs then I'd stay for the extra 3 years.


Ok, stepping off the box......

 

[Milton]

Do you feel guilty about ER ... having too much fun, life shouldn't be this good?

An emotionally / psychologically healthy person shouldn't feel guilty about enjoying themselves, provided only that no one else is harmed. Surely we've matured beyond the tyranny of Webers' Protestant work ethic [see generally http://www.anxietyculture.com/puritan.htm].

So much has already been said about early retirees' contributions to society that I have nothing useful to add on that topic.

 

[Nords]

I would have to have done something wrong to feel guilty about.

As a marriage veteran and a parent I'm frequently under pressure to feel guilty in spite of my clear conscience...

 

[militaryman]

As a marriage veteran and a parent I'm frequently under pressure to feel guilty in spite of my clear conscience...

I hear that --- I'm definitely NOT talking about guilt someone would like to inflict onto me. Rather based on a sense of responsibility that is engrained I would not feel "right" unless certain things were "taken care of" to enjoy an ER. Not sure I am passing any of this on though because my 15 y.o. daughter displays no sense of guilt as she grabs everything she can to "enjoy herself" and does not care what it costs those around her. All in good time I guess.

 

[Milton]

my 15 y.o. daughter displays no sense of guilt as she grabs everything she can to "enjoy herself" and does not care what it costs those around her. All in good time I guess.

Perhaps you and spouse should have a chat with your daughter. From what I have observed, such entitlement attitudes often become more entrenched as time passes (although I'm sure there are exceptions).

 

[militaryman]

Perhaps you and spouse should have a chat with your daughter. From what I have observed, such entitlement attitudes often become more entrenched as time passes (although I'm sure there are exceptions).

LOL We do chat quite often ...... Quite a different personality than her college aged sister, but isn't that always how it seems to go......

 

[Nords]

LOL We do chat quite often ...... Quite a different personality than her college aged sister, but isn't that always how it seems to go......

Our 15-year-old is about to turn 16, and I'd call that age-appropriate behavior that's not worth worrying about. Of course it should still be called attention to whenever it happens and compared to adult standards.

I'm glad to hear that they improve by college age. That's what you're implying, right, that they improve?

 

[Gardnr]

I'm glad to hear that they improve by college age. That's what you're implying, right, that they improve?

Maybe.....maybe not. But at least they move out - hopefully!

 

[militaryman]

Our 15-year-old is about to turn 16, and I'd call that age-appropriate behavior that's not worth worrying about. Of course it should still be called attention to whenever it happens and compared to adult standards.

I'm glad to hear that they improve by college age. That's what you're implying, right, that they improve?

I hope the 15yr old improves by college age but for my two girls I had one that never gave me the issues with "self promotion" that this one does. They are just two totally different beasts. The 18 yr old would volunteer to just eat the pickle and some chips off your deli sandwich plate so you would not have to buy a separate meal for her. She is a real sweet-heart. Course..... she could be playing me, because her acting that way just makes me want to reward her more!

 

[rickier55]

I'm surprised at all the negative responses.

I retired about 3 years ago - and I was more than ready to. But I still had moments when I felt "guilty" about retiring - perhaps some of it was what one person here referred to as "survivors guilt" with respect to those co-workers still working there.

And perhaps some guilt that I'm sitting around "doing nothing" as close friends and relatives are still slaving away.

Those feelings have disipated over the last couple of years - except when I think about my Dad who's in his 70's and still works 2-3 days a week - so yeah occasionally I feel guitly - but it seldom lasts long. (And I feel pretty happy a lot more often).

Rick

 

[Eagle43]

No. I should have done it earlier. Life is good.

 

[megacorp-firee]

Do you feel guilty about ER?

e.g.

- should still be w*rking, contributing to society?

- having too much fun, life shouldn't be this good?

...Vick

have not read the other posts....
my answer
HELL NO
for you martyrs, ... be my guest and continue to 'contribute to society'... I gave at the office.
there is NO such thing as too much fun ... an oxymoron
Life should be as good as you can make it.
that's my lie and I'm stick'n to it.

 

[Texarkandy]

This particular thread hasn't much interested me muchtill a phone call I had today.

I'll be ready to modestly semi-ER within a year should I so choose at 49 with DB COLA'd pension, investments, health benefits, paid for house, etc

I was recently on the phone for a long time with an old buddy known since childhood, just talking about stuff, this & that, & his business he's been trying to build for 15 to 20 years. While it's provided income, things just never "took off" for him.

While we always talk about how his business is doing & what's going on with that, and my "job", I really couldn't talk with him about my Semi-ER plans (& the concomitant excitement I have about it) knowing how many hours a week he's worked diligently for that many years & the prospect that the business "taking off" or retirement is nowhere in his forseeable future. I'm increasingly noticing a distance between us that seems to be related to that issue.

Is that guilt? Has anyone else dealt with anything like that with close friends as regards their own ER.

 

[Rambler]

Is that guilt? Has anyone else dealt with anything like that with close friends as regards their own ER.

I talk about my plans for ER in a year or two (at 48-49) with my sis and her husband...they just don't believe its possible, or that I'll do it. They don't believe it, because they can't do it and therefore can't understand how it can be done. I do not feel guilty about that. To an extent, I will be able to FIRE because I have been fortunate. But I have also used that good fortune wisely, have worked my @$$ off, and I have made different choices about spending and saving than they have made and are making. No guilt here.

R

 

[DayDreaming]

...While we always talk about how his business is doing & what's going on with that, and my "job", I really couldn't talk with him about my Semi-ER plans (& the concomitant excitement I have about it) knowing how many hours a week he's worked diligently for that many years & the prospect that the business "taking off" or retirement is nowhere in his forseeable future. I'm increasingly noticing a distance between us that seems to be related to that issue.

Is that guilt? Has anyone else dealt with anything like that with close friends as regards their own ER.

Here's a thread I started about that topic:
very early retirement - impact on friends