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Emotional Connection to the your house?
Old 07-16-2015, 02:54 PM   #1
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Emotional Connection to the your house?

My FIRE date was July 10th. Yes I am enjoying it immensely so far. However, here is my dilemma. My wife and I will like to move out of our lovely but over-taxed state of Connecticut to somewhere else warmer and more retiree friendly. Not now but perhaps in 5 years.

We have lived in our house for 29 years and raised two beautiful daughters now on their own. We have friends and enough to keep us busy. The thought of moving and having someone else live in our house disturbs me. This is the house where my family was raised. Memories come forth from every spot in the house. I see the front yard where my oldest was so thrilled to show me that she can do a cartwheel. I see the spots where our beloved pets are buried. The old sugar maple in the front yard still has the carvings my five year old made with her initials. On and on...

My wife thinks I am nuts. Although she will feel a little bad when we move, it is just a house. Time to turn the page and make new memories. She calls me a "sentimental marshmallow" which I am I guess.

So does anyone else feel like this about moving from the "family" house?

Any suggestions on "how to grow a pair"?
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Old 07-16-2015, 03:01 PM   #2
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Any suggestions on "how to grow a pair"?
Google has a lot of them. Here's one: The Simple Guide to Growing Some @#$%ing Balls
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Old 07-16-2015, 03:04 PM   #3
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Awww, you are just a softie (unlike REWahoo!) and that's okay.
Once you realize that those memories can be taken with you, to the next house, you'll feel better about leaving that house behind.
My DH is a bit like you, more attached to things like that. I'm always looking for the next adventure, and while I like my "nest", I'd ditch it in a heatbeat for something I considered a suitable trade.
You'll get there, don't worry about it, and remember your memories are in your head, not in the yard.
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Old 07-16-2015, 03:09 PM   #4
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Or take pictures of things to spark your memories. Then you just look at the pictures and remember.
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Old 07-16-2015, 03:11 PM   #5
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"My wife thinks I am nuts. Although she will feel a little bad when we move, it is just a house. Time to turn the page and make new memories. She calls me a "sentimental marshmallow" which I am I guess"

Different people have different emotion levels.
I don't think your nuts at all to have a strong emotionel attachment to the house/area.

My Dad passed away on 10-10-10 & sometimes when I think of him, I get a little misty.

Nothing wrong with you at all.
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Old 07-16-2015, 03:12 PM   #6
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I am like that; DW is not.
When I sold the very first car I bought, I was moping for a period of time.
When we sold our first house (kids were growing up) I was down for a longer time.
When we sell the current house to move to a smaller one storey house, it will be tough. But you get over it, and I have decided it's what we must do to stay within our retirement budget.
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Old 07-16-2015, 04:39 PM   #7
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I lived in my old house for 25 years...

When I got married, she came with two kids... we lived there for 2 years and she wanted something different... I thought I would have some emotional attachment to the house.... but when I moved I really did not...

I had driven by the old house twice in the first 6 months, but then have not done so for the last 4 plus years... and it is only 2 or so miles away...


You will be surprised how quickly that feeling goes away when you realize that the memories are still in your head and the property is just property....
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Old 07-16-2015, 04:46 PM   #8
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My DH is a bit like you, more attached to things like that. I'm always looking for the next adventure, and while I like my "nest", I'd ditch it in a heatbeat for something I considered a suitable trade.
You'll get there, don't worry about it, and remember your memories are in your head, not in the yard.
Same here. In fact, I feel the same about the kids, but every time I bring it up they all get mad at me.
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Old 07-16-2015, 04:54 PM   #9
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DW gets more emotional about a house than I do. When we moved from our old house she wanted to take lots of pictures but hasn't looked at them. We don't have kids so there aren't those milestone memories associated with it either. In another three years we'll have been in our retirement house for the same period of time we were in the old house and a few years after that we'll probably move again to a CCRC.
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Old 07-16-2015, 05:43 PM   #10
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She calls me a "sentimental marshmallow" which I am I guess.
Sounds like a good thing to me.

I envy anyone that feels at home... I haven't felt that way in a very long time.

Giving yourself five years to get used to the idea of relocating should help ease the emotional attachment to your home.
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Old 07-16-2015, 05:45 PM   #11
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My FIRE date was July 10th. Yes I am enjoying it immensely so far. However, here is my dilemma. My wife and I will like to move out of our lovely but over-taxed state of Connecticut to somewhere else warmer and more retiree friendly. Not now but perhaps in 5 years.

We have lived in our house for 29 years and raised two beautiful daughters now on their own. We have friends and enough to keep us busy. The thought of moving and having someone else live in our house disturbs me. This is the house where my family was raised. Memories come forth from every spot in the house. I see the front yard where my oldest was so thrilled to show me that she can do a cartwheel. I see the spots where our beloved pets are buried. The old sugar maple in the front yard still has the carvings my five year old made with her initials. On and on...

My wife thinks I am nuts. Although she will feel a little bad when we move, it is just a house. Time to turn the page and make new memories. She calls me a "sentimental marshmallow" which I am I guess.

So does anyone else feel like this about moving from the "family" house?

Any suggestions on "how to grow a pair"?
You are like DH and me, in that our house is the only one our kids lived in before they went to college and it is also the only one DH and I ever bought. It has all those same memories tied up in it. I think we are still here more because of inertia at this point. We don't plan to move because it is in a great location, walkable to everything within a mile at the most, picturesque old town, perfect size for us, etc., etc., plus that darn inertia. But most of our friends are long gone and the taxes top $8k a year now and will never go down--the biggest slice of the fixed expenses pie.

I think you are worrying in advance about the emotional impact and it won't be that bad once you do it, especially every year when you get that lower tax bill from your next residence.
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Old 07-16-2015, 07:07 PM   #12
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I don't think I have an emotional connection to the house we live in, but from a practical standpoint, it would take an enormous amount of time and energy (and money) to recreate the things we have here, and for that reason, I don't plan on moving. For example, we spent a lot of time working on my big vegetable garden, my wife's flower garden and fish pond, my many fruit trees and shrubs (which are now all bearing fruit). Also, we just finished a long list of improvements to the house (new metal roof, new windows, new shed, new screen porch, new appliances, etc.). We did all this stuff so that we could enjoy the house and yard for many years to come.......so to move now would be crazy. I'd never be able to find something set up like this, or if I did, it would cost more than I'm willing to pay, for sure.

I'm not thrilled with the winters here in Michigan, but we just leave for a few months and rent a place down south, and come back in the early spring. That works for us.
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Old 07-16-2015, 07:27 PM   #13
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So, quite a while ago, but during the income years, DW and I and four sons, made 22 total, lock stock and barrel moves, always because of promotions. Still have emotional attachments to our homes in Martha's Vineyard, and on Cape Cod, as well as our home in Saratoga NY...

That said, we are totally happy with our house in our CCRC... less than five minutes to everything and anything... shopping, doctors, hospitals, and everything we want in life, as well as being in a friendly small town with a low cost of living... 6 minutes away from rural, and 3 minutes away from the crossing of the 2 major Illinois highways... US rte 80 and Il rte 39. We've been here for the past 11 years.

The other factor that is just as important... the house. Built for seniors. State of the art for ease of living and safety. No need to remodel or adapt anything.

Home is where the heart is.
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Old 07-16-2015, 07:33 PM   #14
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We lived in our house for 25 years... DD was 4 when we moved there and DS was born after we had been there 2 years... so it was the house that we raised our family in. I guess that I was more excited about our next chapter in life (retirement) when we sold it and moved out to get too emotional about leaving the "family home"... but the pictures and memories we have of that home are no different now that we live somewhere else.

You'll get over it.
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Old 07-16-2015, 07:36 PM   #15
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Yes. We recently decided to stay in the house we raised our kids in, until we need the one-story job with the wide doorways for our wheelchairs...

We have a few other reasons besides sentimentality: a good location in a great town, low taxes, mostly decent neighbors. Still w*rking, and I walk there and back most days.
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Old 07-16-2015, 07:47 PM   #16
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I am more like your wife. It isn't that I don't have sentimental feelings. I do. I just don't have to stay in the house to trigger them. Those feelings can be easily triggered from photos, keepsakes, and other memories. Perhaps go through the house and take a lot of pictures that could help to later trigger memories you wanted to keep fresh.
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Old 07-16-2015, 07:54 PM   #17
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I just can't believe any sane person would leave Connecticut.
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Old 07-16-2015, 08:13 PM   #18
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I like the idea of taking pictures to preserve the memories. When the day comes, it will be sad but I believe everyone is correct in saying that it will get better as you start a new chapter and the memories slowly fade of the old homestead.

Gumby - were you being sarcastic about Connecticut?
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Old 07-16-2015, 08:37 PM   #19
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Gumby - were you being sarcastic about Connecticut?
Not one bit. I am in CT by deliberate choice, not because I was born and raised here. Long ago, when my dad was in the Navy, we lived in Groton (early 60s). In the early 1980s, when I was in the Navy myself, I also was stationed here. When I left the Navy, the young wife and I moved away for work, but we came back as soon as the opportunity presented itself. We have now lived happily in Milford since 1989, and I don't expect we'll ever leave. It is a wonderful place to live. Yes, it is expensive and the taxes are high, but that's the price we pay to live in such a great location, and my retirement budget takes that into account.

I have seen most of the United States and I have lived in 14 different states. In my opinion, Connecticut is far and away the best.
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Old 07-16-2015, 08:45 PM   #20
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I was at someone's house and they had framed drawings of all their previous houses .I thought this was a great idea . I am sentimental about all my houses .
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