Emotional Connection to the your house?

[jabbahop]

we will be selling our home in a couple of years when all three boys are in college. We designed and built the home to raise our family so we do have a special connection to it and it will be sad to see it sold.

The kids are NOT happy about the prospect of selling as that is THEIR home too. Unfortunately the high cost of the home and the long Vermont winters make it a poor fit for us going forward.

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

OP, you have been fortunate to have been isolated from major life disruptions so far. I hope your fortune holds.

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[W2R]

I recently moved into my "Dream home" after living in the same house for thirteen years. Sure, 13 is not 25 but it is still a big chunk of my life. The house I moved out of, was the first that I had bought all by myself after my divorce, and I paid off the mortgage by myself too over the years. It meant a lot to me as a symbol of my independence and capability of providing for myself. It was a modest home and the resulting savings helped my LBYM efforts as I prepared for retirement.

What helped me to emotionally detach from that house, was to make a list of EVERYTHING about it that I really liked and that made it special to me. That list evolved into a list of things I wanted to have done in the Dream house too, such as the door with keypad entry (I'm getting them installed on all four doors of my Dream house next week! ). Other aspects of that house were already present in the Dream house. I really thought my prior home was special, but in fact it turned out that over the years I had *made* it special - - the house itself was more ordinary than I had thought.

During the first week of this month I completely moved out and had it professionally cleaned. Afterward it seemed so drab and impersonal. I was able to completely detach my feelings from that house at that time. I also thought nobody would ever make an offer on something that bleak and impersonal but they did, and it is already under contract.

 

[Which Roger]

I'm somewhat emotionally attached to my house, but in a different way than most who have replied to this thread. My attachment comes not from memories, but from all the work we've done on the house over the years (remodeling, landscaping, etc). Since the vast majority of this was done with my own 2 hands, I would find it hard to walk away from it all. On the other hand, I don't feel much attachment to my community, and don't "need" to be here like I did when I was w*rking, so those things may someday more than offset my attachment to the house.

 

[38Chevy454]

Having moved around the country chasing work, I have no attachment to houses. Some were better than others, but I am just not a very sentimental person and do not get emotional attachment to stuff.

For OP, just pack those memories in your head rather than attaching them to the house. Look forward to the new chapter in life in a new location and chance to experience new memories.

 

[sheehs1]

I am emotionally attached to my house. It is not just "a house". For me it is a "home"…my home. It is because I invested myself in it as I am sure many here have. I planted or had planted every bush and tree, created all the beds, arranged for additions and improvements and raised my daughter and step sons here.
I have pondered the thought of moving…but just can't see myself doing it. Not yet.
I suppose if I were not so comfortable in it…especially with a first floor master suite, I'd be more inclined to move. But, I can not replace this house anywhere for what I have in it. It would be double or triple the cost. And it's paid for. .

I have pondered the thought of a week-end getaway and continue to look. But it is hard for me to spend any money on something I don't absolutely love. The ones I love are exorbitantly expensive!

 

[Meadbh]

During the first week of this month I completely moved out and had it professionally cleaned. Afterward it seemed so drab and impersonal. I was able to completely detach my feelings from that house at that time. I also thought nobody would ever make an offer on something that bleak and impersonal but they did, and it is already under contract.

Delighted to hear that your former home is under contract, W2R. I recall that you had listed it for sale several years ago, without success.

The first home I bought was a modest older character home in a lovely neighbourhood. I made several improvements to it over the first 10 years and enjoyed them, but the ongoing "fix me" needs helped me decide when to stop investing too much in it. I sold after 20 years to make a long distance move. I have good memories and photographs and I kept a copy of the real estate brochure. I had an emotional moment when the moving van pulled away from the kerb and I turned the key for the last time. But once I got on the road I quickly focused on the future.

 

[marko]

This is an extremely sensitive subject for us.

The house I grew up in and still own has been in our family for over 150 years. I don't feel as much an owner as a caretaker, however there will be no heirs after I'm gone.

My brother still lives there as does Mom, but the thought of selling the place is almost like selling a member of the family.

It is not so much about memories as it is about feeling like I'd be betraying an old friend who's been there through good times and had our back during some pretty bad times. Almost like it's a living being... I know it's weird!!!, but that's how I feel.

The current house I live in was my grandfather's home and, while we've been here 25 years doesn't have quite the sentimental attachment as does the other place.

In both situations, I do know that selling them will be on the horizon someday for any number of reasons. I expect them to be very sad days indeed and hopefully far in the future.

 

[Bamaman]

My wife and I will like to move out of our lovely but over-taxed state of Connecticut to somewhere else warmer and more retiree friendly. Not now but perhaps in 5 years.
The thought of moving and having someone else live in our house disturbs me. This is the house where my family was raised.
Time to turn the page and make new memories.
My wife calls me a "sentimental marshmallow" which I am I guess.
So does anyone else feel like this about moving from the "family" house?
Any suggestions on "how to grow a pair"?

It's natural to fight change. And memories are memories. But five years of paying Connecticut property taxes and other taxation ought to motivate anyone to get out of the region you live in.

After many years in one place, it often takes quite awhile to get the property ready for resale. I say get moving, because no one ever knows how many years they have left on this Earth. And you want to have good health long enough to enjoy life.

We downsized 11 years ago--knowing nobody in MegaCompany was ever going to work to age 65. And we now have a 6 mile sunset water view out our front door--living on a large lake. We're perpetual world travelers, as my wife's bad back will eventually keep us at home.

And remember that change is often really good for all parties involved.

 

[Options]

It's natural to fight change. And memories are memories.

...

It may be how be related to how a person is oriented. Timeline therapy posits that people relate to time in one of three ways, or a combination thereof: living in the past (and cherishing memories), living in the present (and being fully immersed in life now), and living in the future (and being goal oriented). It's important to know that none of these orientations are bad, necessarily, although by orienting too much in one manner may miss fruits of the other orientations.

I've known for years that I have always had a very strong future orientation, and so for me I not only "embrace" change (buzzword alert), but actively seek it, pursue it, and create it. For this reason I have no attachments not only to what I live in, but where. Quite recently, I have become very aware of how detached I'm becoming from California, where I've lived most of my life.

I know many past oriented people who talk about their high school, college, or other past years. Nothing wrong with this, except when it prevents you from changing when you should be changing. Living too much in the past or the future can prevent you from enjoying the present, but this is common sense, isn't it?

 

[athena53]

So, quite a while ago, but during the income years, DW and I and four sons, made 22 total, lock stock and barrel moves, always because of promotions. Still have emotional attachments to our homes in Martha's Vineyard, and on Cape Cod, as well as our home in Saratoga NY...

You're not only older than I, you're tougher! 22 moves! We moved 2 weeks ago and even though we love the new house, the whole process (making improvements to last house to sell, decluttering, staging, marketing, finding new place, all the negotiations, riding herd on packers and movers, unpacking, getting sticker shock on work we want done to new house, adapting to new area) has been brutal. One of my moves was a gold-plated move with a great relo package and it still had its stresses.

But, to the OP- do what you need to do to hold on to the memories. One great suggestion I read about (in "Rightsizing Your Life" by Ciji Ware, which I highly recommend) is to have someone to do a video of you as you go through the place and point out all the things important to you and tell their stories. (In the example she mentioned, it was a woman who had put her heart and soul into making the family home a showplace.) DH and I moved to our previous house right after we married 13 years ago so there were a lot of memories, but neither of us had a hard time leaving it. We thoroughly enjoyed it, but it was time to get something smaller. It is weird to think of others living in it, but since they were the only ones to make an offer (out of 40 showings), we're grateful. The new place feels like home already.

 

[freebird5825]

I am still living in the modest 1700 sq ft "out in the country" house that my late husband and I bought in 1984 as newlyweds. I have "almost moved" many times after he passed in 2004, while still w*rking, and now FIREd.

Why do I want to move ?

I have very little in common with the locals. It snows like hell here. I'd love to get a waterfront property to spend the rest of my days on the planet.

So why am I still here ?

I live in one of the most beautiful places I have ever been, good old upstate NY. It is wide open and free of a lot of the horrible weather and urban/suburban people problems I read about in the news. The Adirondack Mts state preserve is less than 1 hour away. Lake Ontario (very ocean-like) is 1.5 hours away.

I have a nice little lake less than 4 miles from my house to keep my boat at a very small private boat club. I have a backyard that is completely private.

If I get antsy in East Nowhere, I can travel to many places in NY and other states (PA, NJ, MA, VT, CT), all within half a day's drive. I can go to another country (Canada) in less than 3 hours.

And quite frankly, I don't feel like going through the hassle of moving. I don't want to list the house and wonder who will buy it, I don't want to inherit the unknown problems of another house, and I definitely don't want to pack and move.
I may feel differently in a few years, but at the age of almost 57, I am content to stay right where I'm at.

Mr B loves the house and location. He especially loves the peace and quiet. It is now our home. We are nicely snuggled in here.

 

[Koolau]

Probably not the record on the forum, but I'm transmitting this from the home I came to directly from the hospital - almost 70 years ago. Full disclosure, this is now my home-away-from-home as I live most of the time in Hawaii. Off and on, all my life, I have transitioned to and from this house - about a dozen times in all. Currently, it is slated to remain in the family and be available to me. That, of course, could change. All around the place are pictures, toys, light switches, wooden doors/knobs, furniture, old stains and BB indentations in ceilings (sorry about that, mom) that remind me of my time(s) here. I've never felt any particular attachment to the other places I've lived. I certainly have some fond memories made in those places, but there is no more than a fleeting feeling of nostalgia when I revisit them. I don't know how I would feel about the "loss" of this homestead. I think it would hurt. I think it would hurt a lot. YMMV

 

[kcowan]

Five years ago, I had to sell the family home after my brother died. It was a bungalow and had been in the family since 1937. I went through the place and discovered all kinds of family heirlooms. For example, my mother's wedding dress in the cedar chest and a diary from when she was 18. Living 2300 miles away made keeping anything impractical. In 10 days, I had disposed of all the content, and then listed it and sold it in 3 days.

It has been torn down and replaced by a 3-story house. But I still have pictures. I have been in our current place for 18 years.

 

[Accidental Retiree]

Freebird, you are feeding my hankering for the East Coast!

We just moved a year ago back to SoCal, after over 30 years in the SF Bay Area. I had pangs of missing my old house for a long time, even though I really love the new house.

Mostly, though, I miss all the plants we put in, especially the Japanese maples. It is hard to enjoy gardening here in an oven--and a drought.

I am still living in the modest 1700 sq ft "out in the country" house that my late husband and I bought in 1984 as newlyweds. I have "almost moved" many times after he passed in 2004, while still w*rking, and now FIREd.

Why do I want to move ?

I have very little in common with the locals. It snows like hell here. I'd love to get a waterfront property to spend the rest of my days on the planet.

So why am I still here ?

I live in one of the most beautiful places I have ever been, good old upstate NY. It is wide open and free of a lot of the horrible weather and urban/suburban people problems I read about in the news. The Adirondack Mts state preserve is less than 1 hour away. Lake Ontario (very ocean-like) is 1.5 hours away.

I have a nice little lake less than 4 miles from my house to keep my boat at a very small private boat club. I have a backyard that is completely private.

If I get antsy in East Nowhere, I can travel to many places in NY and other states (PA, NJ, MA, VT, CT), all within half a day's drive. I can go to another country (Canada) in less than 3 hours.

And quite frankly, I don't feel like going through the hassle of moving. I don't want to list the house and wonder who will buy it, I don't want to inherit the unknown problems of another house, and I definitely don't want to pack and move.
I may feel differently in a few years, but at the age of almost 57, I am content to stay right where I'm at.

Mr B loves the house and location. He especially loves the peace and quiet. It is now our home. We are nicely snuggled in here.

 

[6miths]

I am more eager to move on from our current house of 20 years and it is DW and the 4 kids who are more attached. I see the acre lot and the 100 year old house as a bit more of a burden than they do. There is no way we need this room as the kids move on and as nice as it would be to have the continuity and the creek and great woodlot for the grandkids to run around in, it just doesn't make sense. Looking forward to a state of the art bungalow on a manageable size lot with lower taxes and utilities.

 

[imoldernu]

I live in one of the most beautiful places I have ever been, good old upstate NY. It is wide open and free of a lot of the horrible weather and urban/suburban people problems I read about in the news. The Adirondack Mts state preserve is less than 1 hour away. Lake Ontario (very ocean-like) is 1.5 hours away.

You know that I too, have an emotional connection to upstate and the Adirondaks... How many times have I "put in" at Old forge, for the ride to big Tupper, Raquette or Blue Mountain?
Would have been my choice area for retirement... came close to buying a business on Long Lake, until DW found out about the 65 mile trip to the hospital in Gloversville.
Truly a different part of the world. Wonderful country that was saved by the state government through the creation of the largest forest preserve in the United States. Article 14... the best part of the NY State Constitution.

The Adirondack Park is a part of New York's Forest Preserve in Upstate New York, United States. The park is big, covering about 6.1 million acres (2.5×106 ha), more than the National Parks of Yellowstone, Grand Canyon, Glacier, and Great Smoky Mountains combined.[2] Within the park are more than 10,000 lakes, 30,000 miles of rivers and streams, and a wide variety of habitats including wetlands and old-growth forests.

A secret to most of America... well kept by the 150,000 year round residents.
Won't make it back there, but many, many happy memories that I now own.

 

[Music Lover]

I'm somewhat emotionally attached to my house, but in a different way than most who have replied to this thread. My attachment comes not from memories, but from all the work we've done on the house over the years (remodeling, landscaping, etc). Since the vast majority of this was done with my own 2 hands, I would find it hard to walk away from it all. On the other hand, I don't feel much attachment to my community, and don't "need" to be here like I did when I was w*rking, so those things may someday more than offset my attachment to the house.

It's the same for me. I bought my house in 1997 and have done extensive renovations and upgrades entirely myself...gutted and redid kitchen, built double garage, replaced all flooring, doors, and windows, built a sunroom, 3 decks, and gutted and finished the basement. I've made it "mine" and have no desire to move. That being said, if a large amount of money fell out of the sky, it probably wouldn't bother me to move.

Last year I was driving with a friend and he pulled down a side street saying he had to stop at a friend's for a couple minutes...turns out that his friend lives in the house I grew up in. I moved out at 20, and my parents moved out when I was in my mid-30's. While it was interesting to see the house I grew up in, there was no emotional attachment.

 

[freebird5825]

You know that I too, have an emotional connection to upstate and the Adirondaks... How many times have I "put in" at Old forge, for the ride to big Tupper, Raquette or Blue Mountain?
Would have been my choice area for retirement... came close to buying a business on Long Lake, until DW found out about the 65 mile trip to the hospital in Gloversville.
Truly a different part of the world. Wonderful country that was saved by the state government through the creation of the largest forest preserve in the United States. Article 14... the best part of the NY State Constitution.

A secret to most of America... well kept by the 150,000 year round residents.
Won't make it back there, but many, many happy memories that I now own.

It is truly magical in the Adirondacks. I always feel like I'm going back through time to a simpler way of life whenever I visit there. One of these days I'm going to rent a small lakefront cabin and disappear from civilization for a week. Mr B has no interest in doing that, so I will have to recruit a friend to join me.
I go to Old Forge quite often. Travel time 55 minutes on dry road.

 

[Accidental Retiree]

It is truly magical in the Adirondacks. ....One of these days I'm going to rent a small lakefront cabin and disappear from civilization for a week. Mr B has no interest in doing that, so I will have to recruit a friend to join me.
D

Pick me, pick me!

 

[seraphim]

A place is a place filled with old memories. It's often time to find a new place to fill with new memories. The old memories won't leave you. Live in the present for the future; don't be hung up on the past and forget to live now.


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[seraphim]

Freebird

Pick a place you have to fly into aboard a pontoon plane. Surely you can explain it to Mr B in such a way that he'd rather be your companion than someone else *grin*.




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[ABQ2015]

I get emotionally connected to my houses. I'm single and don't have kids so it has nothing to do with memories of family although I do have pets. But I am a real homebody and have made upgrades to the two homes I've owned. Also my homes have been older houses with charm and character and in a nice older downtown neighborhood. And I spent years buying antique furniture and accessories piece by piece to complement the homes. I put a lot of time, money, and myself into establishing my sanctuary.

My previous home in the same neighborhood is now a rental and I feel a little bad every time I drive by it as if I deserted it and now the owners don't appreciate it enough to even live there. And it was a darling 80 year old bungalow! Maybe I should have stayed there and just added an extra bedroom and bath rather than moving to a larger home. My sister always buys brand new homes in subdivisions and has no problem moving on. Guess I'm just a different type of person, maybe a little too different

 

[Jimbo125]

Our house was not new when we bought it. (In fact 250 years old).
I have always viewed our ownership as just being stewards until we hand it over to another family. There has been many families that have grown up here and I hope there will be many more

 

[ABQ2015]

I should add that as a child, my family moved about once a year. I went to eleven different public schools. That probably has some influence on my emotional attachment to homes and aversion to moving.