Feelings of failure upon approaching semi-retirement

[doxiemama]

I took a year LOA. Right before I the year was up. I debating going back to work I calculated that if just worked another 3 years between stock options, salary, bonus and profit sharing I would have more than $1 million (although much less after taxes). It was hard walking away from that kind of money.

Well this was back in 2000, Intel stock immediately crashed, bonus and profit sharing were slashed. If I had gone back to work the stock options would have been worthless, I wouldn't have diversified my portfolio, and probably would have ended up with very small financial gains.

Of course pensions are much more secure than stock options, but stuff happens. More years in retirement is the bird in the hand.

Great story and lesson in it.

 

[Birdie Num Nums]

It's a commonplace observation that men attach their self-esteem to their work....

I question this premise of your post. "Commonplace"? By whom?

 

[Al in Ohio]

I question this premise of your post. "Commonplace"? By whom?

I wouldn't stay commonplace either. Maybe a worrisome percentage of poor bastards, but the perception of being commonplace I believe only exists amongst those who have bought into that sorry yoked attitude.

 

[brewer12345]

Did you say something?

Yeah, who farted?

 

[brewer12345]

I'm 3 weeks into ER and definitely have the feeling that I could be still contributing in my field.....I think it's related to the OMY syndrome which I think is as much about needing to feel necessary as it is the money.

I'm toying with doing some part time w*rk, but what it to be exciting and useful. Not just for the money....of course that reduces the number of opportunities. I could always just volunteer for something that is unrelated to my experience, but is worthwhile.

Over the weekend I was contacted by an old boss who I have not heard from in a few years. He has a grand scheme planned, but would not go into details. I was happy to hear from him because he is one of the most engaging, bright people I have ever met. Pretty clearly he is looking for help in a potential new adventure. Gut check time for me. I think if it were sufficiently interesting and I could do it without moving or giving up too much of my life I would be interested. But I am liking being my own master too much to just sign on to whatever.

 

[steelyman]

I'm 3 weeks into ER and definitely have the feeling that I could be still contributing in my field.....I think it's related to the OMY syndrome which I think is as much about needing to feel necessary as it is the money.

I'm toying with doing some part time w*rk, but what it to be exciting and useful. Not just for the money....of course that reduces the number of opportunities. I could always just volunteer for something that is unrelated to my experience, but is worthwhile.

Maybe ask yourself, "Would I do this for free?". If the answer is "no", it might be the One More Year thing.

 

[HFWR]

Yeah, who farted?

The dog.

 

[scrabbler1]

The dog.

The late Buddy Hackett would surely agree. Remember his quip, ""Women never fart … but they're often around dogs that do."

 

[Shawn]

None of that will matter when you are dead. At 54 you are not a spring chicken. I feel sad for you that you are staying in a career you are not excited about just to "run up the score."

I hope you do keep your health well past the next 5 years so you can finally enjoy some of those athletic/outdoor activities.

Actually, it will matter a lot when I am dead. Even if I retire today, the most likely scenario is that I will leave a decent estate to charity. More if I run up the score. So I do not understand why this is considered a bad thing. There are positive outcomes to being "the richest person in the graveyard." Of course, the positives (e.g., charity, being in a position to help family/friends - and myself if needed) must be weighed against the negatives (e.g., unpleasant work, less time for retirement). The negatives may win. I am selfish, not the late Mother Teresa.

I do not need to retire to be active or enjoy life. While I currently don't have the time to spend 6 months hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, I exercise every day. There is a reason my resting pulse is between 35-40. I may be rotten meat tomorrow, but at 54 I still consider myself to be a spring chicken today.

Lunchtime ... gotta go running.

 

[Mulligan]

Actually, it will matter a lot when I am dead. Even if I retire today, the most likely scenario is that I will leave a decent estate to charity. More if I run up the score. So I do not understand why this is considered a bad thing. There are positive outcomes to being "the richest person in the graveyard." Of course, the positives (e.g., charity, being in a position to help family/friends - and myself if needed) must be weighed against the negatives (e.g., unpleasant work, less time for retirement). The negatives may win. I am selfish, not the late Mother Teresa.

I do not need to retire to be active or enjoy life. While I currently don't have the time to spend 6 months hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, I exercise every day. There is a reason my resting pulse is between 35-40. I may be rotten meat tomorrow, but at 54 I still consider myself to be a spring chicken today.

Lunchtime ... gotta go running.

You do bring up a good point, or at least in relation to me, anyways. When I was working I was way more efficient with my time. I probably got more things done when I was working than now when I am retired. I wake up slowly usually around 7:30. By the time I have drank my coffee, read the paper, fixed breakfast, scanned the internet and showered, it is noon already. When I was working that would all be done in 45 minutes before I went to work.


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[Walt34]

I wake up slowly usually around 7:30. By the time I have drank my coffee, read the paper, fixed breakfast, scanned the internet and showered, it is noon already. When I was working that would all be done in 45 minutes before I went to work.

That's about what I do and I like it a lot better than working.

 

[Mulligan]

That's about what I do and I like it a lot better than working.

I agree, Walt 100%! But still it is almost shameful how lazy I have become, and yet I still enjoy it.


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[obgyn65]

Same for me. My identity is my work. Status is also important if I want to be honest. This is why it is so difficult to FIRE even if I can afford to. However, relatively new hobbies, such as volunteering abroad, are becoming more and more important in my life.

At one time, my identity was my work. But that changed when I refocused my life - started cutting work hours in 2002, eventually getting down to 2 work days a week. I've started several new hobbies in the last ten years, and it seems that these hobbies are my new identity. I think that if one has a passion for their non-work pursuits, their need for recognition from work soon passes.

 

[jjquantz]

Same for me. My identity is my work. Status is also important if I want to be honest. This is why it is so difficult to FIRE even if I can afford to. However, relatively new hobbies, such as volunteering abroad, are becoming more and more important in my life.

This is interesting to me because I have found that the environment in which you are located can play a tremendous role in this. When I was teaching in small town and then college town Iowa the communities I lived in saw me not only as a teacher but also as a golfer, a musician, a member of an arts board, etc. There were many roles that I played in the community and my self-identity was focused around those roles that I played outside the workplace.

When we moved to the DC area about 8 years ago my engagement in these external activities went away due to lack of connections and lack of time due to the new employment situation. Combine that with the dramatically different emphasis on "who do you work for" out here, I found it difficult to figure out how to maintain this self-identity outside work. I am finally meeting other musicians and have found a regular golf group so things are improving, but it is still a bit odd to me that everyone else places so much emphasis on the employment role.

 

[Ronstar]

Same for me. My identity is my work. Status is also important if I want to be honest. This is why it is so difficult to FIRE even if I can afford to. However, relatively new hobbies, such as volunteering abroad, are becoming more and more important in my life.

Since your volunteering is in your profession, I would think that it would greatly provide the satisfaction you need post RE.

 

[Sanbenito1]

I agree with OP that men seem more tied up with work=identity than women. We study and work hard in our careers with the end goal of retiring (because what's the option- die at our desks?). When we achieve that goal earlier than most of our peers, haven't we 'won' the race? I achieved everything I wanted in my career, but I still (after 3 months of retirement) feel awkward telling people I'm retired.

 

[Ozstache]

I was in the military and had visible status through the rank I wore on my shoulder and the positions that I held. I too was concerned that I would miss it, but six months into ER now and I couldn't give a flying toss about any that. Status is just another form of vanity IMO, and I can quite happily live without it.

 

[LoneAspen]

I've never been the kind that got any kind of satisfaction from status at work, or defined myself by my job. I'm more than happy being a worker bee, and then leaving all my problems at the office when I walk out every day.

I'm sure I won't have one tingle of regret whatsoever when I finally walk out that door and never look back. I'm so sick of what I've been doing for the past 25 years, I can't wait to hang it up.

I'll get far more satisfaction pursuing the things in retirement that I've wanted to do for years, and not one of them have anything to do with the IT field, or recognition.

 

[Letj]

I've never been the kind that got any kind of satisfaction from status at work, or defined myself by my job. I'm more than happy being a worker bee, and then leaving all my problems at the office when I walk out every day.

I'm sure I won't have one tingle of regret whatsoever when I finally walk out that door and never look back. I'm so sick of what I've been doing for the past 25 years, I can't wait to hang it up.

I'll get far more satisfaction pursuing the things in retirement that I've wanted to do for years, and not one of them have anything to do with the IT field, or recognition.

+1

 

[nun]

I worked in aerospace, Government labs and academia running programs and delivering instrumentation. There could be a lot of pressure, but it was always cool because I got to be involved with astronomy and cool optics stuff. But as I've got older I'm felt increasingly anxious and the pressure got to me. ER is partially a way of protecting my sanity.

 

[AnIntentionalRoad]

I agree with OP that men seem more tied up with work=identity than women. We study and work hard in our careers with the end goal of retiring (because what's the option- die at our desks?). When we achieve that goal earlier than most of our peers, haven't we 'won' the race? I achieved everything I wanted in my career, but I still (after 3 months of retirement) feel awkward telling people I'm retired.

I've been retired for 2 years and have used a number of euphemisms to describe my current state of ER. I still haven't figured out if I am fully comfortable being ERed at (now) 44.

When I've told new people that I am ERed they either look at me with a" oh, so your are unemployed" look or they want too many details about how I did it and then want to classify me in as " oh, just another 1% er".

 

[ER Eddie]

I question this premise of your post. "Commonplace"? By whom?

It's a common observation. I must've heard it hundreds of times.

 

[Nords]

It's a common observation. I must've heard it hundreds of times.

Every day, somewhere a retired four-star general is crying himself to sleep because he "only" made it to Vice Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. And, heck, some have made it to White House cabinet positions while one made it to President.

You can always judge your life by society's standards (whatever they may be) and find yourself lacking. You can also judge your life by your own standards and decide whether you'd rather retire (to enjoy your own life) or keep working (to enjoy whatever sort of life that leads to). You've worked hard to have these choices, and you should do whichever one pleases you more.

Then you can choose to feel happy instead of feeling like a loser.

I suspect that some sort of "distancing" is also occurring. You're mentally (and emotionally) saying goodbye to the workplace and psychologically separating yourself from it. Meanwhile whoever else at work is aware of your pending semi-retirement is also distancing from you because... after all... there's no longer the shared [-]misery[/-] camaraderie. They're sure not looking forward to having you show up a few days a week, all happy & smiling, to tell them how you've been enjoying your semi-retirement without being chained to a cubicle.

 

[seraphim]

'Common' does not necessarily equate to 'accurate'. It may equate to 'stereotyping'.

 

[haha]

Actually, it will matter a lot when I am dead. Even if I retire today, the most likely scenario is that I will leave a decent estate to charity. More if I run up the score. So I do not understand why this is considered a bad thing. There are positive outcomes to being "the richest person in the graveyard." Of course, the positives (e.g., charity, being in a position to help family/friends - and myself if needed) must be weighed against the negatives (e.g., unpleasant work, less time for retirement). The negatives may win. I am selfish, not the late Mother Teresa.

I do not need to retire to be active or enjoy life. While I currently don't have the time to spend 6 months hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, I exercise every day. There is a reason my resting pulse is between 35-40. I may be rotten meat tomorrow, but at 54 I still consider myself to be a spring chicken today.

Lunchtime ... gotta go running.

You seem completely sensible to me, but maybe marked by the circumstances of your childhood. But even here, you went in a good direction. it might have led to crime or to giving up or to spending all your time trying to game some dole schemes. You owe no one any explanations .

Ha