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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts
Old 03-08-2006, 07:05 PM   #41
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts

Sam,
Do you think any of your "peers" feel guilty because they spend more money then you do . . . live in a bigger house, drive a nicer car, take more lavish vacations, etc?

If they don't feel guilty spending their money to buy things that you probably live without, why should you feel guilty spending your money to buy free time.


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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts
Old 03-08-2006, 08:12 PM   #42
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts

You guys have really made me feel better about my initial reaction. I've been reading your responses for the last couple of days, and I think that you touched on every emotion I felt, every response I've had...and you described some family situations so similar to some of mine that I cringed in response to your stories.

I think the one aspect of this that will be toughest to handle is the one of family members who just don't get it. I only have one sibling, as does my wife, and we've found ourselves not seeing them as often as in the past because they always seem to drop hints about their latest financial problems. We find it so hard to "bite our tongues" that we've been avoiding them more often than we really should...kind of sad, but it's better than saying some things we'll regret later on, I suppose.
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts
Old 03-08-2006, 08:44 PM   #43
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts

Quote:
Originally Posted by SamHouston
they always seem to drop hints about their latest financial problems.
It could just be their attempt to relieve a little pressure from a problem that's always on their minds... but it's hard not to be suspicious when the subject keeps coming up. It's not as if you can say "Gee, that sounds tough, what's the next step?"
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts
Old 03-08-2006, 10:49 PM   #44
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts

"Thats a bummer.

Got any beer in the fridge?"
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts
Old 03-10-2006, 11:17 PM   #45
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts

I've been made fun of for years for eating PB&J's for lunch 9 out of 10 days at work instead of going out for $10/day. It used to bother me ever so slightly in the beginning... but now I almost enjoy it. When they start making their comments I sorta smile inside knowing they just don't get it.

I know, it sucks for them in the long run, but it's their fault... not mine.

-Jay
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts
Old 03-12-2006, 10:56 AM   #46
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts

Quote:
Originally Posted by fire5soon
It used to bother me
I know, it sucks for them in the long run, but it's their fault... not mine.

-Jay
Jay - remember the old quote, "What you think of me is none of my business!"

- Ron...
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts
Old 03-12-2006, 12:34 PM   #47
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts

Most of the family and friends response upon FIRE was disbelief (rather than doubt). Now the phone calls are coming in for investment advice. I suppose some might be holding out that I'll take another job eventually.

Many years ago my brother and BIL asked for $$ (after stiffing other family for other "loans"). Said "no" to both but gave advice worth 10 fold (pay yourself first, dollar cost average ...). No $$ requests since.

Also was on the asking/begging side. Paid my father and FIL 10% interest on 5 year loans. Used the $$ to buy real estate at auctions in the early 1990s. Never missed a payment. FIL said "it was the best investment he had". If any family came to me with a similar proposal ... I am IN. But ask for a hand-out and you'll get an ear full.
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts
Old 03-12-2006, 03:10 PM   #48
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts

Quote:
Originally Posted by rs0460a
Jay - remember the old quote, "What you think of me is none of my business!"

- Ron...
Or the corollary: If I want any $hit from you, I beat it out of you... :P
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts
Old 03-13-2006, 10:41 AM   #49
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts

I hate to buck the trend here, but what's not to believe about some of you?* If they knew you made 6 figure salaries (I know this is true for at least some of you), but saw how you drove old cars all your working life, never upgraded your house, rarely went on vacations, etc., then why are they surprised?* The money didn't just vanish unless they also knew you had a gambling problem, which you don't.

I would think they're just as likely to reflect on how you "suffered" for 20 years not enjoying all the things they did and maybe remarking "I hope it was worth it" in your direction, as they go to a job that maybe they actually do like.

Yes, i believe there are going to be a lot of people envious of you reacting just as was described here.* But I think there are also some folks who are going to completey understand what you did, but still not get it.* *

There is no win/win scenario when you look at the entire lifespan unless you just made a sick amount of money (meaning enough money to do all the things they did, yet retire early too). As i save a lot myself, i am definitely not partaking in some things that others with similar income as me get to enjoy right now.

I hope folks dont get offended.* But i'm just not buying the notion that you guys are now the subject of everyone's envy.*

Let me remind those that dont know that I'm all for ER and i'm saving quite a bit myself.* So i'm not one of them, per se.

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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts
Old 03-13-2006, 10:50 AM   #50
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts

Az has a good point. My partners know how much money I make and I know what they make. I don't think they are sitting around envying my part time schedule and soon to be ER. They like their lifestyles or jobs or both.
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts
Old 03-13-2006, 02:57 PM   #51
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts

Quote:
Originally Posted by Martha
Az has a good point.* My partners know how much money I make and I know what they make.* I don't think they are sitting around envying my part time schedule and soon to be ER.* *They like their lifestyles or jobs or both.*
*
Absolutely. I used to love business lunches in Victor Rosselini's 410, or dinner at Canlis. What I hated was much of the actual work, and many of my fearless leaders. If I had found a job I liked and a situation with enough autonomy to not have to learn political skills that were probably not possible for me at that time, I would still be having salmon steaks in Champagne Sauce for lunch.

What do they say? “too soon old, too late schmart”

Ha
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts
Old 03-13-2006, 06:05 PM   #52
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts

Hopefully my portfolio will allow some splurges from time to time, but frankly, I've got a bit of extra cash now, being a werkin' fool, and I'm just as happy to slap a steak or slab of salmon on the grill than to go to a "fancy-schmancy" restaurant...
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts
Old 03-15-2006, 05:06 PM   #53
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts

Quote:
Originally Posted by HFWR
Or the corollary: If I want any $hit from you, I beat it out of you...* * :P
Or the even more risque* "If I wanted any lip from you, I'd unzip my zipper"...

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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts
Old 03-16-2006, 03:28 PM   #54
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts

Quote:
Originally Posted by dsc
Or the even more risque "If I wanted any lip from you, I'd unzip my zipper"...


haha...im gonna use that one tonight on the old lady....
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts
Old 03-16-2006, 03:36 PM   #55
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts

Quote:
Originally Posted by thefed

haha...im gonna use that one tonight on the old lady....
I would advise you don't. This is man funny, not woman funny.
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts
Old 03-16-2006, 03:37 PM   #56
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Re: Guilt Trips & Other Doubts

I just keep my mouth shut around the extended family. *Although we are far from retiring I'm sure that my extended family (i.e. aunts, uncles and cousins) would be jealous if they knew that DH and I haven't had a mortgage payment since 2001 or that our net worth is $9K short of $1 million (considering that we're 36 and 33). *

I find that my extended family is happier to hear if you're having PROBLEMS rather than success in life (probably because my own cousins are such screw ups). *Sad but true. *Thank goodness my own parents aren't that way....I always tell my mom she must have been adopted since she's nothing like her brothers and sisters. *
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