Now that I am pushing 50 with plenty of free time (and a great new girlfriend) I have found myself thinking about it.
Would appreciate thoughts, especially if you have had a child after ER. Thanks!
You asked for advice? Are you sure you want to hear it?
One of the most essential prerequisites for procreation is that you must have absolutely no freakin' idea of what you're getting into.
Parenting is a life sentence with no parole for good behavior.
Having said that, it's probably also one of the more worthwhile things a human being can do with their time. But maybe that's just our DNA reassuring us that we're carrying out our evolutionary biological imperatives. All the people who rationally decided that procreating wasn't worth the investment & effort... well... their genes are no longer with us. Only random mutations can bring back that behavior.
Our decision to start a family was based more on [-]shore duty[/-] good timing than on "should we or shouldn't we?" We turned out to be frighteningly fertile (considering our impulsive behavior when we were younger) so we never went through the protracted agony of trying to start a family. For us it started as an interesting yet light-hearted experience instead of a hardcore commitment.
But even in your 30s you lack the stamina to stay up all night that you had in your 20s. You lack the patience to put up with the fifth or sixth wakeup in six hours. Chronic fatigue will erode your ability to make rational decisions under stress, especially when your kid has a fever or an ear infection or a serious injury. Our daughter's first five years were harder on me than any of my years of sea duty-- and I was awakened far more often by her than by the crew or the general alarm.
Parenting slewed my internal gyroscope 180 degrees on my life priorities. Career dropped right off my top-five list, and parenting took over the top four. Ironically I was also too exhausted with the attempt to balance the two to be able to analyze the decisions that would have allowed some reconciliation, so if you insist on starting a family then admittedly it's far better to do so when you don't have to go to work.
Now that our daughter appears to have launched from the nest (so far so good) I can't imagine having more kids. Even if Heidi Klum or Jessica Alba or Jada Pinkett greeted me at my favorite surf break, begging me for another chance to help her raise a family from scratch, I'd have to regretfully decline.
The good news is that kids are very cheap to raise because you won't be spending your time (or your money) on much else. Goodwill & garage sales will cover 80% of the kid expenses. You'll be eating healthy and cooking at home, so your food expenses will drop. You'll be spending time at the park, the beach, the library, the museum, and the campground-- all good frugal activities. You'll spend a lot of your time teaching them life skills and money management, so you'll hold yourself to a higher standard and lower expenses. You'll possibly even stop smoking, drink less, hang up your BASE-jumping suit, and sell the motorcycle. Nothing improves your behavior faster than having one of your kids call you out on it... either by their learned behavior (when they're younger) or by their teenage challenges to your authority.
We're glad we started a family. I get a tremendous jolt of vicarious life energy from watching our daughter build her own life. I enjoy coaching her and reassuring her and discussing all the options of the decisions she's making for herself. But I wouldn't do it again.
If you're still reading this, then I'd suggest that you "try before you buy". Use a "Baby Think It Over" doll for a couple of weeks or months. Ask the parents of newborns to put together a baby boot-camp schedule for you to adopt for a week or two. (They'll have a lot of fun designing the curriculum.) Better yet, invite them to spend a few weeks with you so that you can shadow their lives. Join Big Brothers. Coach a kid's sports team. Teach a Sunday School class or help out with a youth group.
Then, as REWahoo! wisely suggests, adopt a dog from the local shelter and see how that goes. If you become a parent then your kid will eventually start asking for one anyway.
Sarah, you are an exception to the rule. So are the parents who are too self-centered to devote the time to raising their kids. But generally speaking, the childless singles & couples we know simply do not possess the proficiency at switching gears quickly from "enjoying my life" to "gotta go, one of my kids needs me now".