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Old 09-26-2011, 09:15 AM   #21
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I'm pretty sure my wife will be more than happy when I finally stop talking about it all the time...
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Old 09-26-2011, 09:16 AM   #22
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You people are so gracious! Warms my heart!
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Old 09-26-2011, 09:19 AM   #23
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I'm pretty sure my wife will be more than happy when I finally stop talking about it all the time...
We are still discussing retirement.....right?
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Old 09-26-2011, 09:44 AM   #24
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ER is admired more in some cultures but not others. In Latin America it is viewed with suspicion, and this caused some tension at home for us. Part of that was physical presence (fearing I was there watching what she did during the day) and part social pressure from her friends and family (what is wrong with him, why isn’t he working?). Initially I spent lots of time at the public library, until I set up in home office space with a door. Much as I would love to reduce the space we need to live in, it wouldn't work.

The social part has been more difficult to deal with because you can’t just change people’s beliefs and attitudes. Age helps here; it is much easier to deal with this in our late 50’s than it was in our late 40’s. I'm not really sure anything can be done about that. A friend in Brazil dealt with it by setting up an office and going there during the day. This option was expensive but worked. If we had stayed in Venezuela (our original plan) in our 3 room 186 sq m apartment it would have been painful and ended badly - probably with me going back to work, even if part time.

One thing that is absolutely clear to me, however, is the importance of both spouses sharing the same objectives and being totally committed to FIRE plan.
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Old 09-26-2011, 09:57 AM   #25
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One thing that is absolutely clear to me, however, is the importance of both spouses sharing the same objectives and being totally committed to FIRE plan.
Which is about as common as hen's teeth. Which is why married ERs make lot more compromises than single ones. A married person must keep a much more complicated set of books than a single person.

It is worth it for many, not so for some others.

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Old 09-26-2011, 10:09 AM   #26
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A married person must keep a much more complicated set of books than a single person.

It is worth it for many, not so for some others.

Ha
Count me in the "worth it" column (42 years, tomorrow ).

Luckily, our "books" have had the same results over many, many years.

That's the advantage of starting out without much (execpt each other), and building upon a solid relationship, for the future.

It's been a great trip. I wish the same to everybody...
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Old 09-26-2011, 10:25 AM   #27
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We are still discussing retirement.....right?

ummm...yes!
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Old 09-26-2011, 11:06 AM   #28
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My wife would rather I worked, studied or volunteered, at least part-time. This is probably due to her having a very stressful job and having some 15 years of it. She is constantly bringing up those issues. But I am relentless in my apathy, laziness and indolence.
Despite her difficult job, or maybe because of it, she has decided to study a four year course in something that is substandard to her degree in Psychology, but somewhat related to her current job, even though it wonīt make it any easier. The job, I mean.
Her new plans to study will -no doubt- make our relationship a bit more tense,.
I wouldnīt be surprised if she didnīt blame me for not encouraging her in her studies by me not taking any courses at all.......
I truly donīt understand her. She is up at 6 am to go to work, gets home at 3 30 pm and still thinks that itīs a shame not to do anything productive int the afternoons/evenings.
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Old 09-26-2011, 11:38 AM   #29
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My wife would rather I worked, studied or volunteered, at least part-time. This is probably due to her having a very stressful job and having some 15 years of it. She is constantly bringing up those issues. But I am relentless in my apathy, laziness and indolence.
Despite her difficult job, or maybe because of it, she has decided to study a four year course in something that is substandard to her degree in Psychology, but somewhat related to her current job, even though it wonīt make it any easier. The job, I mean.
Her new plans to study will -no doubt- make our relationship a bit more tense,.
I wouldnīt be surprised if she didnīt blame me for not encouraging her in her studies by me not taking any courses at all.......
I truly donīt understand her. She is up at 6 am to go to work, gets home at 3 30 pm and still thinks that itīs a shame not to do anything productive int the afternoons/evenings.
Vicente, see if you can put her to work giving you a bath. Bring out her inner nurturer perhaps?

Ha
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Old 09-26-2011, 12:04 PM   #30
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Vicente, see if you can put her to work giving you a bath. Bring out her inner nurturer perhaps?

Ha
Clothes on or off
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Old 09-26-2011, 12:10 PM   #31
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Vicente, see if you can put her to work giving you a bath. Bring out her inner nurturer perhaps?

Ha
Iīm sure Iīll need a lot more than that to lift my spirits, anyway. Seeing all of you so cheerful and full of vitality makes me think whether I shluld go see a therapist.
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Old 09-26-2011, 12:14 PM   #32
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Clothes on or off
You bathe with your clothes on?
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Old 09-26-2011, 12:16 PM   #33
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Iīm sure Iīll need a lot more than that to lift my spirits, anyway. Seeing all of you so cheerful and full of vitality makes me think whether I shluld go see a therapist.
Go. The potential benefits far outweigh any other considerations.
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Old 09-26-2011, 12:27 PM   #34
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Go. The potential benefits far outweigh any other considerations.
Thanks for the advice REW, but something tells me that itīs just that I am a bore with no real interests or hobbies aside from puttering with English in a light way, at that. The therapist will send me packing for wasting his time.
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Old 09-26-2011, 12:30 PM   #35
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The therapist will send me packing for wasting his time.
Perhaps, but what if the therapist is actually able to help you? What harm is there in talking with someone about what your spouse sees as a problem - and that you obviously have some concerns about?
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Old 09-26-2011, 12:40 PM   #36
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Perhaps, but what if the therapist is actually able to help you? What harm is there in talking with someone about what your spouse sees as a problem - and that you obviously have some concerns about?
AAhhh REw, donīt get me started..... You are a nice and sensible guy and donīt deserve it. The same applies to all the possible readers of this fine Forum.
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Old 09-26-2011, 01:08 PM   #37
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I've been thinking over what Moemg said, and I now fully agree.

Here is a video that illustrates all the important personal qualities that the average single woman is looking for when she goes man shopping. A companion, someone to help with the occasional physical chore, and an appreciative lover.



Ha
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Old 09-26-2011, 01:16 PM   #38
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A married person must keep a much more complicated set of books than a single person.

Ha
Why? I've been married nearly 37 years and have always taken care of our finances. I don't see how it would have been much less complicated if I had been single.
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Old 09-26-2011, 01:29 PM   #39
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Why? I've been married nearly 37 years and have always taken care of our finances. I don't see how it would be much less complicated if I had been single.
Experiences vary.


Individuals are somewhat like insurance companies, but with fewer policy holders. They have assets, debt liabilities, and contingent liabilities, for which latter they should be making reserves, or buying reinsurance. An example of re-insurance may be an LTC policy, auto and homeowner liability coverage, umbrella coverage, mortgage insurance and life insurance to care for dependent survivors.


Now, please tell me which insurance companies offer coverage for the contingent liability of divorce, which should be somewhere on every married person's balance sheet. To me, this makes it more complicated, but I could be over thinking it. Except it sure seems to describe the experience of most divorced men I have known.


Ha
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Old 09-26-2011, 03:36 PM   #40
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You bathe with your clothes on?
No, but if there is an argument with a DW involved, one could conceivably end up in the drink with their clothes on.
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