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Old 10-29-2013, 03:34 PM   #21
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there is no simple answer as you have already heard from almost everyone.

Looking ahead, think about how much you might need your kids/grandkids in the future. As you look forward to your 70's and 80's, think about what you would do if you need help. We have had family members (parents) go through cancer treatments, another time a stroke required family help for months. The good news is that kids living nearby all pitched in making recovery much more pleasant.

The other challenge is that kids move, manytimes being transferred by their company. So, I'd be flexible in your plans......they probably will change a few times in the years ahead.

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Old 10-29-2013, 03:49 PM   #22
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We would love to live closer to our kids and granddaughter. But our daughter is in NYC and our son and granddaughter are in North Carolina. We are in northern Virginia which is about a 4 hour drive either way. We end up driving to NC every month to 6 weeks. We do not get to NYC as often. Not an ideal situation but a reasonable compromise.

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Old 10-29-2013, 06:46 PM   #23
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I'll bet many people suffer through this same decision. My take:

I left home when I went to college and never really went back except for visits. My parents visited me (up to 1,800 miles away) only sporadically and it was up to me (first by myself and then with wife, then family) to go to them. This for financial and later health issues. They both died when my children were small. My six siblings are all over the place.

I met my wife in her hometown but a year later moved 500 miles away. We travel back to see her parents (she now 4-5 times a year), and they travel here and also to our summer home to see us several times a year. Their health is slipping, so she visits more often and a few times a year accompanies them on a trip somewhere. One sibling is near the parents and the other not too far.

One generation later, our kids are both in college 1,000 miles away from us, but only 100 miles (30 over water) away from our summer home. They spend the summers there, and we visit them at college several times a year. Who knows where they will settle, or when.

We are now planning to buy a winter home 1,200-1,400 from the other houses/college. We asked both if they would mind if we sold the now primary home, and they both said they would not want us to. We were a little surprised, but think they probably need some sense of stability right now. Doubtful if they will return there, but you never know.

So, for us the answer to this has been fluid and will remain so for a long time. It makes me realize we should get rid of more stuff so we are more portable.
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Old 10-29-2013, 08:42 PM   #24
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My grandparents lived across the street and my grandmother lived next door. I had the best childhood ever growing up with all of them nearby!

I probably would have been ecstatic at the thought of a lake house and quickly changed my mind when they moved and I couldn't see them daily.

My advise is not to ask your grandchildren for their input because they might not realize the impact immediately and change their mind.
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Old 10-29-2013, 08:59 PM   #25
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I see my son who lives very close and my granddaughter at least weekly. It is very important to me. If we had to live in North Dakota I would still be much happier than if I lived in Huntington Beach all alone.

People who have corporate lives may have to move, but if they are already at HQ maybe not.

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Old 11-06-2013, 05:04 PM   #26
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Our DH and SIL are just about 100 miles distance from us currently. A distance of 100 miles is to far for drop bys, but plenty close enough to allow for a long, one day visit.

Sometimes we meet halfway to hang out or have a meal, sometimes we go there, sometimes they come here. We're seeing them once a month on average, which seems about perfect given that about 75% of those visits are sleepovers.

I hope that helps.
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Old 11-07-2013, 06:41 AM   #27
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Our older son, wife and two grandsons live approx. 2 hrs from us. Fortunately we see them at least two times a month for 2-3 days at a time. Our younger son lives about 1500 miles away. We were lucky enough to visit him twice in the last 6 months and hoped to see him at our home for Thanksgiving, as usual, but not going to happen this year due to other commitments he has.
All that being said we now find out that older son and family are moving 2000+ miles away in the next six months. I am extremely close to two grandsons (ages 2 and 5) so this is going to be difficult for this ol' nana. DH and I will be planning a few long vacations over the next few years where we will visit younger son, continue on to visit older son and then return home. We will then rinse and repeat. These vacations were not on our bucket list a few months ago but now they are the priority vacations. Go figure! And hopefully the older son and family will be back near us once his three year gig is up. Younger son I think will be remaining 1500+ miles away for our lifetime since he married a warm-weather CA girl.
Of course all this gives us a chance to purchase a vacation home wherever we want to which isn't a bad thing at all.
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Old 11-12-2013, 01:48 PM   #28
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A bit late to the thread...

I'm not retired - have a long ways to go, unfortunately. But I have thought about this a lot. I have wanted to move near my parents (they are mid-70s now), my sibling, and his 4 children (grown) for several years. They all live near each other and I think we miss out on so much family stuff being 7+ hours away.

My MIL, 80 y.o., is recently widowed living in a trailer park over 55 community in FL.
There is no family in FL with her. The pros are that she has a lot of activity around her. Swimming, biking, cards, dances, etc. Lots of other widows and old folk to pal around with. When she visits us, DH and I are at work, one kid is away at college, the other is in HS and busy. We try to take off time when she is in town, but only get so many vacation days a year and so we budget them carefully. We also reserve vacation days to go down to make fixes to her home and such.

My parents, OTOH, are not in a retirement community, but they have lots of church related activities and my dad is an avid golfer and has golf buddies he is out and about with a lot. Mom takes salsa and line dancing and other classes that interest her. They also are always attending family events - birthday parties with the great grandkids, football sundays with my brother and their (grown) grandsons, NASCAR tailgating, etc. My brother goes golfing or plays tennis regularly with Dad.

Having seen both options - I hope to have my parents set-up. My parents were lucky. Of there two kids, one of them moved from a high cost living area to a lower cost of living city in southern NC. They cashed out their large home equity and paid cash for a great house near my brother and his family. I hope we make it there, to. And that my kids follow. Ultimately, I'm not sure I want to be far from my kids (or one day - grandkids!)
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Old 11-13-2013, 11:06 AM   #29
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Not an easy answer...many good write ups.

In our case we are within 10 minutes of my parents and 5 hours of my wife's parents. We are lucky to have a close, but small families. We are staying in our current home due to help we need to offer to all 4 parents....still living on their own between 85 and 92 years old!

We have put down future "roots" on a temporary basis to test out a community. We own a home in central FL in a 55+ active communitiy and use it today as a vacation home. We love it. We think we will move full time. For now needing to stay closer to elderly parents is our plan.

Our only child lives 1500 miles away from us and is 3 years into post graduate school work/career. Our take is come and meet at the FL house if you want to see us and come "home" if you want to see the grandparents. Seems to be working so far.

We chose a central FL location with good access to 4 major airports. This offers our future location as an attractive meeting point hopefully for our family of the future.

Again, if someday grandkids we hope to still be on the map to come and visit vs. us trying to outguess the locations/needs of a future family and their locations.

Who knows....each day offers a new twist and staying in touch does not today need to be face to face at all.

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