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Old 12-27-2008, 05:33 PM   #101
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I think we become more eccentric, crazy, and grumpy as we get older.....plus, I saw the grumpy old men movie
Well, I did volunteer to meet, but then she said she found someone under her nose.
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Old 12-27-2008, 05:36 PM   #102
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Well, I did volunteer to meet, but then she said she found someone under her nose.
She likes her men short?
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Old 12-28-2008, 06:30 PM   #103
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The pre-packaged solutions for recovering from a breakup all come out of the same small world that gave you the first 2/3rds of your life and left you feeling helpless.

In my opinion, this is the time to do some serious consideration about the things you really like... and a lot of the things you like you might not even know exists! My point is there are a million different life styles just waiting for you. Don't be too quick to fall back into the old patterns again.

I wonder about this-- if living in a foreign country really allows a person to "become" different? Or is it merely the outside veneer that appears different and so feels different. Does a person end up finally going down the same blind alleyways, slipping into the same rutted roads. Just wondering. I don't have any answers, of course.

I've seen this happen though, recreating the same life you had before divorce. New house, new wife, new job but basically the same dynamic going on. It's distressing to notice myself falling into the same patterns again as well, but sans husband. At least I'm aware it in myself sometimes; that's some relief and protection. I think a lot of people are sleep walking through their lives.

I really don't want to look around in ten years and wonder out loud -- How in hell did this happen again?
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Old 12-28-2008, 07:02 PM   #104
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[quote=Oldbabe;764997]
I've seen this happen though, recreating the same life you had before divorce. New house, new wife, new job but basically the same dynamic going on. It's distressing to notice myself falling into the same patterns again as well, but sans husband. At least I'm aware it in myself sometimes; that's some relief and protection. I think a lot of people are sleep walking through their lives.

/quote]


I really notice this happening with older widows & widowers . The just get a replacement and return to their lives no growth required . I did a lot of soul searching after my divorce so my second husband was totally different than my first and so was our relationship . Widowhood does not require the same insight since the marriage did not fail just ended .
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Old 12-29-2008, 12:25 AM   #105
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Hobo,

If I remember correctly you said that you married and later divorced a young Indonesian woman. You also said that you have a couple of young housekeepers, with whom you do not have sex.

So what is missing here? I doubt it would be hard to live a celebate life in the US and avoid disappointment, unless the celibacy itself is annoying or impossible.

Maybe you might give us the rest of the story? What is better about Indonesia that has anything to do with living single and FIRE? Is it just that a young woman is willing to marry an older man who may not have much in his own country, but is relatively wealthy there? (Or switch the sexes as one wishes.)

It seems kind of like the nookie theory of happiness. I am not knocking that, but I do wonder about the whole story.

I can't help but suspect that money unaccompanied by local smarts and a local power base might tend to disappear.

ha
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Old 12-29-2008, 10:10 AM   #106
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I definitely don't remember you wanting to meet Buns.....and no, I like my men tall
Nookie theory of happiness......I always learn something new here
I don't think we have to create a new life in a new country to have an internal shift in our thinking and way of living. Just spending some time in reflecting and learning how to be true to ourselves would be enough.
I thought I would have to move to NC to create the life I wanted that would nurture me and I have ended up doing it in NJ.....not to say that I will never move from here...but sometimes, all it takes is inside work.
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Old 12-29-2008, 12:39 PM   #107
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Nookie theory of happiness ? That's funnae !
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Old 12-29-2008, 10:06 PM   #108
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[quote=Moemg;765012]
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Originally Posted by Oldbabe View Post
I've seen this happen though, recreating the same life you had before divorce. New house, new wife, new job but basically the same dynamic going on. It's distressing to notice myself falling into the same patterns again as well, but sans husband. At least I'm aware it in myself sometimes; that's some relief and protection. I think a lot of people are sleep walking through their lives.

/quote]


I really notice this happening with older widows & widowers . The just get a replacement and return to their lives no growth required . I did a lot of soul searching after my divorce so my second husband was totally different than my first and so was our relationship . Widowhood does not require the same insight since the marriage did not fail just ended .
You know i really can't blame them for wanting that comfort back again. I certainly am not criticizing those who find another partner right away. They could be very happy! Kudos to them!

But some of us tend to be deep thinkers,maybe to our own detriment, and want to figure things out before making any more serious commitments.
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Old 12-31-2008, 06:06 PM   #109
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[quote=Oldbabe;765483]
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But some of us tend to be deep thinkers,maybe to our own detriment, and want to figure things out before making any more serious commitments.

and that is the smartest thing to do . I spent a lot of time after my divorce figuring out why I married who I married and how I contributed to the problems . I also wrote a list of the things I wanted in my next mate . It worked I got everything on my list and my second marriage was blissfully happy .
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Old 01-05-2009, 09:19 AM   #110
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Oldbabe and Haha, You both kind of asked the question, "Is it better to live life in a different country when you are single – and why?".

Well obviously the first prerequisite is you are unhappy with your life in the US. Many single people in the age of early retirement dislike the social mechanisms commonly used in the US for meeting new people. Most of the common ways have been listed above.

But I was also really tired of other parts of the US lifestyle. Much of the social life revolves around work. If you don’t work, your day-to-day activities can be pretty boring – especially if you are on a budget. I was really tired of dialing 1-800 numbers with answering machines waiting for hours to talk to someone; tired of cooking and cleaning for myself. I was even got tired of my friends who I had known for years, but who seem distant after I got divorced. Every day was like “groundhogs day” – the same thing happened over and over again.

The next important step is to find a country that suits you. I’m one of those people who never plan a trip in advance – I travel from place to place and quickly leave the places I don’t like and spend more time in places that suit me..

In my travels, I discovered the Indonesian people to be very friendly, receptive to meeting foreigners, and to my eyes the women are very attractive. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and assuming one of your goals is to find a new partner in life, it is essential that you find the people your newly adopted country reasonably attractive.

Now why is a foreign country better for older single people? The broadest answer is because as a foreigner, you face a lot fewer social barriers and customs that you “must follow”. Have you ever noticed how much social customs rule your life in the US? The kind of clothes that you wear, the kind of car you drive, every part of your life is controlled by an unwritten rule book. It is very difficult to break out of those social customs.

In a foreign country, there is a language difference. People don’t expect you to wear the same clothes that they wear, in fact they really expect you to act a lot differently. This means you have more choices and more freedoms – and hence fewer opportunities to fall into the old relationship traps. Fewer social boundaries mean you can accept or reject most activities simply because you are a stranger in a foreign land. No one has written the social rulebook.

For me, I really wanted my free time so I can read books, do some writing and keep my own schedule. I want to stay up late at night and sleep late in the morning. I want the opportunity to do what I want without a schedule. I also like pretty girls in my life – I like to hear them laugh. Plus, I want some of them to be candidates as a girlfriend and eventual spouse. I want to walk outside and see and talk to people I know. The single life in the US can be very isolating.

Money is another factor that cannot be denied. Even on a modest retirement income, you are considered wealthy. The young women have heard stories of other women who are happily married to men of European decent. These men have a reputation for being kind, interesting, and generous. Plus, it is socially acceptable for an older man (or women) to meet, talk, and show a romantic interest with some younger person of the opposite sex.

I know this explanation does not fully describe why I am happily retired living outside the US. Undoubtedly, my personality and preferences also enter into the equation. However, for anyone who is single and is having trouble finding happiness in their current surroundings, remember the world is a big place and happiness can be found in many places.
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Old 01-05-2009, 10:30 AM   #111
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Good post Hobo, thank you.

Ha
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Old 01-05-2009, 10:35 AM   #112
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Originally Posted by Hobo View Post
Oldbabe and Haha, You both kind of asked the question, "Is it better to live life in a different country when you are single – and why?".

Well obviously the first prerequisite is you are unhappy with your life in the US. Many single people in the age of early retirement dislike the social mechanisms commonly used in the US for meeting new people. Most of the common ways have been listed above.

But I was also really tired of other parts of the US lifestyle. Much of the social life revolves around work. If you don’t work, your day-to-day activities can be pretty boring – especially if you are on a budget. I was really tired of dialing 1-800 numbers with answering machines waiting for hours to talk to someone; tired of cooking and cleaning for myself. I was even got tired of my friends who I had known for years, but who seem distant after I got divorced. Every day was like “groundhogs day” – the same thing happened over and over again.

The next important step is to find a country that suits you. I’m one of those people who never plan a trip in advance – I travel from place to place and quickly leave the places I don’t like and spend more time in places that suit me..

In my travels, I discovered the Indonesian people to be very friendly, receptive to meeting foreigners, and to my eyes the women are very attractive. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and assuming one of your goals is to find a new partner in life, it is essential that you find the people your newly adopted country reasonably attractive.

Now why is a foreign country better for older single people? The broadest answer is because as a foreigner, you face a lot fewer social barriers and customs that you “must follow”. Have you ever noticed how much social customs rule your life in the US? The kind of clothes that you wear, the kind of car you drive, every part of your life is controlled by an unwritten rule book. It is very difficult to break out of those social customs.

In a foreign country, there is a language difference. People don’t expect you to wear the same clothes that they wear, in fact they really expect you to act a lot differently. This means you have more choices and more freedoms – and hence fewer opportunities to fall into the old relationship traps. Fewer social boundaries mean you can accept or reject most activities simply because you are a stranger in a foreign land. No one has written the social rulebook.

For me, I really wanted my free time so I can read books, do some writing and keep my own schedule. I want to stay up late at night and sleep late in the morning. I want the opportunity to do what I want without a schedule. I also like pretty girls in my life – I like to hear them laugh. Plus, I want some of them to be candidates as a girlfriend and eventual spouse. I want to walk outside and see and talk to people I know. The single life in the US can be very isolating.

Money is another factor that cannot be denied. Even on a modest retirement income, you are considered wealthy. The young women have heard stories of other women who are happily married to men of European decent. These men have a reputation for being kind, interesting, and generous. Plus, it is socially acceptable for an older man (or women) to meet, talk, and show a romantic interest with some younger person of the opposite sex.

I know this explanation does not fully describe why I am happily retired living outside the US. Undoubtedly, my personality and preferences also enter into the equation. However, for anyone who is single and is having trouble finding happiness in their current surroundings, remember the world is a big place and happiness can be found in many places.
One of the best posts on here in a long time, thank you..........
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Old 01-05-2009, 01:40 PM   #113
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Great post. Damn almost makes me want to book my tickets for Thailand or perhaps Bali (Indonesia) now.
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