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Old 09-02-2008, 11:27 AM   #21
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I was kind of planning to drive my car/wheelchair off a cliff. I think the trick will be waiting just long enough to enjoy myself, and not waiting long enough that I forget I want to drive off a cliff.
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Old 09-02-2008, 11:38 AM   #22
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Sorry that I have been out of town for the holiday weekend and have not been responding.

Maybe wrongly so, but I feel that this really highlights a big gap in our society in providing for the elderly, and maybe it's a good choice to have children after all (of course not the only reason, as we have fully explored in other threads). We have no kids. I have no sibling. DH has a sister who is not married and doesn't have kids. DH and I each had a grandparent dying of Alzheimer's. I am just worried that whichever of us that ends up living longer will have a very uncertain life, especially if our minds are gone by then.

I will look at the links above. It's so nice to have a board to bounce ideas off of. Thanks.
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Old 09-02-2008, 02:18 PM   #23
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Maybe wrongly so, but I feel that this really highlights a big gap in our society in providing for the elderly, and maybe it's a good choice to have children after all (of course not the only reason, as we have fully explored in other threads). We have no kids. I have no sibling. DH has a sister who is not married and doesn't have kids. DH and I each had a grandparent dying of Alzheimer's. I am just worried that whichever of us that ends up living longer will have a very uncertain life, especially if our minds are gone by then.
Don't necessarily count on "family" to help make the needed decisions. It's great if it is so, but I'll give you a "black swan event" based upon my/DW's situation.

Due to our situation of having a disabled "child" with none of our family wanting to "get involved" over the years, we have had to go it alone. Even when approached by my DW, her sister (who would oversee our estate trust, and would not be involved with any day-to-day interaction with our son - her nephew) said it would be "too much responsibility".

Well - that just forced us in to some decisions that while will be good for the lawyers, will remove any residual estate value to our respective "relatives".

We've set up estate documents to provide each other the respective end-of-life documents (living will, SNT for our son, pour-over/trust documents, etc.) Hopefully, either my DW/me will remain "intact" to execute the needed end of life decisions when the time comes. History (mental/physical) of our respective family's prior generations lead to this conclusion.

As designed, our estate will be liquidated and fund the subsequent trust(s) for the benefit of our son, for his lifetime. As designed, the trust's investments will be put into a conserative fund (think Wellesley ). Since he is already on SSD/Medicare (due to his disability) and his income needs are generally met by SSD and will be supplemented by the SNT, the "residual estate" will continue to grow in value over an expected 20+ years beyond our lifetime (along with using the features of a streach IRA to delay withdrawls and provide supplemental funding to the trust).

The end result (at the time of my son's passing) is to have a "very healthy trust value" that will be distributed sometime in the second half of this century. Of course, tax implications are unknown for that time far in the future, but hoping they would be somewhat the same as existing for charities (little/no tax on estate bequeaths), it will be totally going to the "betterment of society" as it will be going to our named charities (of course, in case of their changing their charitable focus over the next 50+ years, we've specified "areas of concern" that we wish to support).

Sometimes it can be done with family. And sometimes you have to pay the lawyers (and an external management group we have on retainer - to watch the lawyers ) to act as family.

Nothing is ever perfect...

Just another story for consideration.

- Ron
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Old 09-02-2008, 03:20 PM   #24
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I was kind of planning to drive my car/wheelchair off a cliff. I think the trick will be waiting just long enough to enjoy myself, and not waiting long enough that I forget I want to drive off a cliff.
Now that's the problem.

The way things are, one has to go sooner rather than later.
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Old 09-02-2008, 06:05 PM   #25
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Ron, thanks for sharing your story. My parents' families had a lot of internal conflict, too, so I learned early on that you cannot depend on family entirely. It sounds like you have a pretty good plan, though.
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Old 09-03-2008, 01:31 PM   #26
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You guys pretty much listed what my wife and I have already done...POA's, lists in deposit box for trustees/executer, etc.

One thing you guys did forget, (which we already have made up in the deposit box), is your obituary! Who else could do such a good job?
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Old 09-03-2008, 01:49 PM   #27
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One thing you guys did forget, (which we already have made up in the deposit box), is your obituary! Who else could do such a good job?
I've drafted both mine and spouse's-- and my version of hers should hasten her half-hearted commitment to submit her own draft to the archives.
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Old 09-03-2008, 02:52 PM   #28
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My wife plans on living til she's a hundred, me probably not. I plan on not having to worry about it, oddly enough so, seemingly, does she. One of us is probably going to be SOL.
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Old 09-03-2008, 03:30 PM   #29
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One thing you guys did forget, (which we already have made up in the deposit box), is your obituary!
Other than the estate "legal notice", at least for me, there will be none.

Goes along with my wishes for "burial". It will be at a site about 50 miles away that does "natural burial". That is, your ashes are put in an environmental box and placed at the base of an established tree.

May sound funny, but you can get a "family tree" where you and your relatives can "reside" till you're "consumed" . The only thing that records your life on this earth is a small tag on the tree, with your name.

Another thing is that the ashes of my pets (ok, I'm strange) will also be put around the same tree for "recycling". Sure, they could go in your casket, but there is no need to buy a "box" that dosen't mean much to me.

That's the least I can do to reduce my "footprint" on this earth (didn't know me before I got here - won't remember me after I'm gone). That's why an obit dosen't mean much, either.

- Ron
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Old 09-03-2008, 04:28 PM   #30
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One thing you guys did forget, (which we already have made up in the deposit box), is your obituary! Who else could do such a good job?
At that point in time, I will be in the "I couldn't care less" category.
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Old 09-03-2008, 04:42 PM   #31
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An extended family member is going through this right now (mom's 1st cousin; 65 yrs old, never married; no kids).

He's been a drinker his entire life and it's finally caught up to him - he's had several mini-strokes over the past few years and he's reached the point where he's confused most days about where he is, who the relatives are, etc. Unfortunately, mom's brothers and sisters (my uncles and aunts) decided to take matters into their own hands and, after wrapping up his legal affairs here, they shipped him off to the country of his birth in Eastern Europe so that his own aging sister could deal with him. Problem however was that dear old sis is not so young anymore and is taking care of her own disabled husband. Plus, he has a stubborn streak and doesn't like being told what to do, told not to drink, etc. so he decides to come back to Canada. So, now he's back at the hospital since he has no place to go (aunts and uncles got rid of his apartment along with most of his things).

Very said situation. None of the extended family want to look after him because it's like looking after a small child. I think he should buy one of those apartments where it's an assisted-living facility with meals provided and a nurse and doctor on call. Problem is he's too cheap and he wants to live on his own (which won't work because he wonders off down the street and it's just a matter of time before he gets killed by a car). He's financially well off but is too cheap to pay for an assisted living facility AND he thinks everyone in the family is after his money.

Don't know how this will work out but I don't think it's going to have a happy ending at all.
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