Why Lie About Early Retirement?

[scrabbler1]

When I first ERed 5 1/2 years ago, I was a little uncomfortable about telling people, especially those I did not really know too well. Those already in my circle of friends and others I met often already knew I had been working part-time for several years, so fully retiring did not come as a complete shock. Some of the people in both groups asked me how I did it and I usually gave one or both of the following answers (in my sig line): "No kids, no debts" and "I cashed out company stock."

After about a year I rarely had to tell (new) people I am retired. I did have an occasion to tell a new person, the dental hygienist at my new dentist's office (my old one retired, finally, at age 82 after 55 years in the field, the last 25 as my dentist). When I told her I was nearly 51, she told me I was "too young to be retired." I did not respond and she continued with her work, which was fine.

 

[clifp]

For the first 6-7 years I described myself as semi-retired and I'd mumble something about financial planning. This was mainly to acquaintances, friends I'd say I was retired.

The protestations of "you are too young to be retired" when I was in my early 40s were awkward. Now in my mid 50s with a full set of grey/white hair I occasionally hear the you are lucky, but no longer you are too young.

 

[karluk]

I retired at age 60, so admittedly I had less incentive to give an evasive answer than younger retirees who might be expected to still be working, but even so I can't imagine myself lying about such an inconsequential thing, no matter what my age was at retirement.

 

[redduck]

Just a guess, but if you googled his sig line I'd guess you'd run across a blog explaining the process...

Well, I eventually found the blog you were alluding to. But, not before I got stuck reading something from Ayn Rand--and then there were these two pieces right below Fuego's blog address on google that totally side-tracked me.

... 10 Ways that Satan Loves to Watch Marriages Fall Apart ...

biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/.../

My Wife Shows No Affection : I Am Married But Lonely...
+++
p.s.

(I don't think that I'm doing all that well in semi-retirement). And, I have no idea why this is being typed in bold).

 

[splitwdw]

A friend in our corvette club ER'd. He's 42 and looks very young. He tells people that he's retired. Most people think that he got caught in a downsize or lost his job some how and couldn't find a new one. He thinks it's funny and could care less. I bet some people think the same for some of you.

 

[REWahoo]

(I don't think that I'm doing all that well in semi-retirement).

Don't feel too bad. Attention Deficit Disorder can strike at any age.

 

[MBAustin]

Like others who have posted, I am sensitive about perceived "gloating" when so many people are struggling.

One thing I have noticed is that new people I meet during weekday hours assume I was a SAHM all along and never seriously w*rked. Sometimes I correct them, often I just stay quiet. Obviously, that doesn't happen to men. Hmmm...what's wrong with this picture?

 

[haha]

Like others who have posted, I am sensitive about perceived "gloating" when so many people are struggling.

One thing I have noticed is that new people I meet during weekday hours assume I was a SAHM all along and never seriously w*rked. Sometimes I correct them, often I just stay quiet. Obviously, that doesn't happen to men. Hmmm...what's wrong with this picture?

Nothing. Many women see to it that a non-earning man gets thoroughly divorced at the first opportunity.

Ever hear a husband refer to his wife as "a good providor"?

Ha

 

[longranger]

This is all good information to keep in mind for when I retire. Suspect all my family and close friends will be happy for me and know ahead of time anyway. To most others I will say something like I retired from medicine and now work for myself.

 

[youbet]

I enjoy reading threads about the many euphemisms people use to disguise the fact that they are early retired.

I don't want to make them feel bad............ I don't want to make them feel worse by bragging.

There is a wide gap between "hiding" the fact that you have enough passive income to not be formally employed and consider yourself RE'd and "bragging" about how you suceeded in assembling a large FIRE portfolio and retiring early.

I don't hide the fact that I haven't worked for "Da Man" since I was 58 and since then have always referred to myself as retired. But I don't ever mention career success, frugal living, money spent or not spent on family, investing success or similar to anyone other than a few of my closest kindred spirits.

It's fine that you feel proud of yourself for having a successful career, living frugally, investing wisely and making lifestyle choices that were congruent with your goals. But you are correct that other people may not enjoy hearing that they are not as successful or that their lifestyle choices (family, career, etc.) may not take them down the same path as you with the implication they are inferior to you.

 

[haha]

If someone is not known to be a trust fund baby or the beneficiary of a very big option payday, few people will believe his story anyway. Most just assume he messed up in some way, and took an offer he could not refuse and like many others has come to the end of his string. Regarding a woman, I have never seen lack of a job be a dating hurdle for a woman, even a middle aged woman. Marriage yes, living together yes, but going out together no way.

I know if someone started in on his portfolio manager routine, my mind would be saying, "ya, shure, you betcha!". And I was once an ER myself. Clearly I didn't even believe my story myself! People are used to BS, and also used to ferreting out discomfort and hedging.

Even today, most people I meet expect that I am working. Sorry guys, gotta get down to the plant and gut some chickens.

Ha

 

[Ronnieboy]

Just a guess, but if you googled his sig line I'd guess you'd run across a blog explaining the process...

That's funny, I had left a comment on one of the blog posts ($150,000 income $150 taxes). I didn't know it was FUEGO's

 

[hakuna matata]

I will retire this year at age 55, and I don't plan on telling anyone for the most part. I have been running my own office (and will continue to do that but on a very part time basis when I pull the plug later this year). So most people will just assume I have work, etc. Since I work from home that will seem plausible and as I said if the right project comes along I will design it, as I enjoy what I do. But I don't want the hassles of actually having to drum up business, etc.

Like the OP, many of my friends and relatives aren't in the position to ER and I just don't want to rub their faces in it. I learned a long time ago to just not discuss it as it makes things awkward.

I do discuss it with some older friends who are already retired but even then it is on the surface only. For one thing I just never have been comfortable with discussing money with most people.

 

[Ozstache]

Being in your 40's and telling your friends you are retired is like being at a banquet and showing your steak to the starving beggars at the window.

I learned that first-hand.

Awesome way of putting it

 

[audreyh1]

Family was great - they were happy for us and always respected our privacy anyway. We are lucky not to be related to any sour grapes types.

In general played it very low key, avoiding the subject if possible. But if it came down to it we simply said we were retired. We never felt obligated to be up front with mere acquaintances or strangers.

People at work knew what I was doing - I wasn't the first one by any means!

A couple of neighbors we knew very well were a little shocked, but since we lived in Austin at the time we really didn't need to elaborate.

Sure we got plenty of the "you're too young to retire" comments at first, but theses were from people whose opinion we couldn't care less about. We would just laugh. It's really a rhetorical comment and requires no verbal response.

We're still pretty good at avoiding the topic! Now that we are surrounded by mostly retirees, such conversations are super rare. Some assume we still work (LOL!), other's don't. It rarely comes up.

For the "how did you do it?" question - I usually answer with a vague "got lucky" and don't really elaborate.

 

[Katsmeow]

I think it's easier for women to say the R word, mainly because they aren't considered the bread winner, right or wrong.

Not for me. I think that people often think of a non-working woman as being someone who was a stay at home wife. And, I don't really want to be seen that way.

For me, I've just never understand families where the wife never worked (I understand stay at home parents especially for younger children, just not women who never worked during their entire marriage). I realize every situation is different so it may well have a great choice for the particular family. But - for me - I don't want someone to think I'm or was a stay at home wife.

I think because stay at home wives are very common where I am, I don't often get asked anything that would even cause me to have to talk about my occupation or retirement status. And, that bugs me a little. Again, that assuming thing.

 

[urn2bfree]

I just returned from my 30 year college reunion. I had no qualms telling my old classmates I had retired and nobody expressed anything but congratulations and envy. In fact, I joked that my new job was to do whatever I can to make others jealous. Folks were fine with it, and no one asked how I did it.
On the other hand, when talking to those young undergrads, I felt uncomfortable telling them I had retired. I cannot completely explain it, but knowing how hard they have to work to get into my former profession, I felt weird telling them I had gotten sick of my job...I did not want to derail them, even though I recently saw a survey that quoted an unbelievable 90% of current people in my profession would NOT encourage anyone to go into our field. (Physician). Even if that is wildly exaggerated, I am uncomfortable discouraging future docs. Perhaps since they are coming up in the current system it won't seem as awful as it does to those of us who know a time when things were different.

 

[45th Birthday]

The reason I don't like describing myself as retired is that I don't feel "retired" in the traditional sense of not working. I still work, just not for direct pay, and mostly for myself.

Among friends, I don't get the non-understanding of how I can do it financially because my situation is not that uncommon and plenty of them could be FI. Some have asked, "What do you do all day?" I get the sense that if they could figure that part out, they would RE.

When I'm out doing stuff during "working hours," I sometimes get the "Day off today?" question or something similar from people like the haircutter. My answer: "I'm working from home today."

 

[unclemick]

When I retire in a couple of years I will go out of my way to advertise that fact to some folks, especially the ones that always ragged on me for being cheap

49-55.

With others - 'unemployed layed off slacker'. After first pension check at 55 then I could go to monthly luncheon without raised eyebrows.

heh heh heh - also muddied the water with one yr of temp work and she worked an additional year at the same place. Many could not figure out why I had this silly grin all the time.

 

[growing_older]

A relative retired early and let everyone know what a success he was to do so. There was lots of jealous grumbling. A few years later when his investments went bad, he barely stayed retired but got no sympathy and the jealous grumbling continued. He's not the only early retiree and not the only successful person in the family, but his high profile ER sure made him the target for ill feelings. I'm no where near as successful and not even ER yet, but I'll sure be taking a low profile when I do ER. No reason to risk that kind of jealous negative reaction.

 

[Rosie]

I feel less comfortable describing myself as retired with my peers for the same reasons that you do - I don't want to be perceived as gloating nor do I want to make people feel bad that they are not in a position to retire.

+1.

Many coworkers have been thru one (some, two!) layoffs since I left my Fine Former Employer nearly four years ago. The biotech industry is in a very bad slump and many of them regret their career choices. I managed to move out of the research track some time ago, which is the main reason why I could RE. Anyways, I'd just as soon not make a big deal of it.

 

[martyp]

When I ER’d 3 yrs ago at age 55 I had no qualms about telling people I was retired. I might have encountered about half a dozen people (including my mother) whose initial reaction was disapproval but they didn’t make a big deal about it. Sometimes I get the “you look too young to be retired” comment but it is never given in a negative way. A few times I’ve explained how I did it but in the context of promulgating the values often espoused in this forum. That is LBYM.

Everyone I know knows that I worked hard for 30yrs at my engineering profession. If they were somewhat surprised by my decision to ER it was mostly because it seemed like an abrupt decision. I also have no problems explaining how I came to my decision. I also think everyone knew or expected that I would put the same energy into retirement that I did in my w*rk. And, in fact, I have put a lot of effort into doing activities to enjoy myself such as traveling, taking care of the house, keeping up with friends, taking classes, exercise, hiking, dancing, book club, and plain old relaxing. I’ve also put on four 6-week science classes for seniors (molecular biology, paleontology, engineering, psychology) to the point that I’ve changed my LinkedIn page from “retired engineer” to “science educator”. But this w*rk is entirely volunteer w*rk.

Of course I would never rub it in to the face of someone who is having a tough time making ends meet. I have a few young friends who have been unemployed and I’ve given them advice about writing their resumes and interview techniques. I guess I’m fortunate to have a circle of friends and acquaintances who are supportive of whatever I do. Maybe being comfortable with myself and my decision helps others to be comfortable around me. I would hate to be embarrassed to be anything other than myself. That doesn’t mean I am inconsiderate of others circumstances regarding financial affairs or anything else. I think there are tactful ways to discuss most things without being deceitful.

 

[Rosie]

Ever hear a husband refer to his wife as "a good providor"?

Ha

My husband, for one. I was the breadwinner for several years, and I was a very good providor(sic), thenkewverymuch.

 

[RetiredAndFree]

I think it's easier for women to say the R word, mainly because they aren't considered the bread winner, right or wrong.

I think you may be reflecting a thought process that reflects a specific generation. In my case, a child of the 70's and 80's, I'm confident I based more of my self worth on my career than did my husband. Hence why he didn't struggle at all taking on the adjective 'retired' while it took me over a year to be comfortable doing so.

 

[martyp]

I think you may be reflecting a thought process that reflects a specific generation. In my case, a child of the 70's and 80's, I'm confident I based more of my self worth on my career than did my husband. Hence why he didn't struggle at all taking on the adjective 'retired' while it took me over a year to be comfortable doing so.

My DW is still w*rking and struggling a little bit to define what retirement means to her. I suspect that women who have a career with some status value that maybe even more than men. Particularly from our generation when women having a career became both more accepted and attainable.