Year 2 retirement blues

[Gotadimple]

I always say that once he's gone we won't get another dog because we won't want to be tied down in retirement... especially while we're young and healthy enough to travel, etc. But I can see how there would be something missing without that cute little fur-ball running around the house.

In all of life we make choices. Being able to do as we want at the drop of a hat, or caring for another being because they bring joy and perspective (AKA keeping the attitude adjusted).

As you say, something would be missing without the furball making noise, dragging in dirt, or cuddling with you on the couch. (Yes you can do all of that with a spouse/partner, but it's not quite the same)

- Rita

 

[Lisa99]

[-] So what happened to the RVing? We are thinking of doing the same and so, was wondering why it wasn't a good fit. WRT your situation, it is not a bad thing that both of you are wired differently, just see what you have in common and focus on those; however, still take your time to do what YOU enjoy separately.

DH isn't a detail-oriented person and had no interest in learning how a 40 ft. Fifth Wheel worked.

I was starting to resent being 100% responsible for keeping the rig running and us safe so we agreed it was better to sell it than cause a problem in our marriage. I'm good with traveling by car and like hotels so all is good.

 

[kcowan]

She does, however, walk or pet-sit or volunteer in shelters any chance she gets. That way she can at least get her dog-fix.

We still have many travel plans so no pets for the foreseeable future.

Ditto. Always had dogs, then downsized to condo and had 2 cats. Been petless since June. We do have a condo cat that visits every day or so.

 

[harley]

Thank you everyone for your kind, thoughtful and thought-provoking answers.

Several posts brought me to tears - you seem to know me much better than I know myself.

I'm the one in the family that seems to always "take charge". So looking back I see now how I treated each loss as a responsibility; to take care of the arrangements, making sure everyone else was ok, basically tucking my feelings away so they can't hurt me. (sounds awful in black and white but it's a defense mechanism from a not great childhood)

Your kindness has given me a lot to think about and you've given me permission to just chill, which I've never given myself.

It's funny, I don't know a single person on this forum personally, but I feel safe sharing and I am immensely grateful for that you're here.

Sometimes it's easier to talk to people that aren't emotionally involved in your problems. At least that's been my experience. And just to let you know, different people react to loss and change differently. MY DW's parents have been gone since 2001 & 2004, and she has just in the past couple of years moved out of the grieving process. She still misses them, of course, as they were extremely close. But she now has given herself permission to enjoy her own life, although she sometimes has a hard time figuring out how. But that's just life. None of us really are in control, although some of us think we are. We're just moving with the current and trying not to bump into anything too hard. Give yourself time to feel your feelings. Your retirement (and life) will shape itself if you let it.

 

[Car-Guy]

I've had a few ups and downs in my 5 years of retirement too. Sometimes it takes some time to find yourself with all the new found time. Since you live in Vegas, just don't start hitting the casinos for something to do. For a start, if you like dogs, get another one or two. Puppies will keep you pretty darn busy for a while.

 

[Sunny]

I emphasize with the concept of being happy we don't have to work, have tried many of our plans and found many to be meh, and struggle with what to do to feel happy, fulfilled, and have a meaningful life.

Others have mentioned some great thoughts, I'll just throw a couple out there that may help:

Mystery Shop or Audit: It isn't all fun and games, you have to sign up with a lot of companies and make sure they are legitimate, write reports, the pay per hour isn't great but beats McDonalds. However, it is something that can be quite fun and who doesn't mind a bit extra spending money? We've done a lot of shops some weeks, none other weeks. You are in complete control of when you do this, and the jobs we have had! Typical retail, but also church services, performing both revealed and unrevealed audits, video...have been quite interesting.

Coursera or other online classes: Take a lot of free classes online, your schedule is still your own and you are not locked to a classroom. Try some you may not even like, sometimes you will be surprised.

Check your local library: Most have programs for adults that go far beyond book clubs, and even volunteering, such as helping non-native speakers practice their English.

Boardgame nights: Somebody already mentioned Meetup to find a chess club, but most game stores have board game nights, and may fans have other nights at coffee shops, churches, etc.. Even if you are not a board game player, modern ones are quite a bit different and the socialization is fun as well.

Fun continuing education through public schools: Typical stuff like candle making, drawing, etc. but I'm going to a UFO class that runs for 3 weeks in late March! I don't even believe we have had ET come here, but hey, you never know. Should be interesting. Also signing up for a storm chaser class.

 

[dvalley]

I have a long list of hobbies and interests that I don't find time for now while I'm working but it's all I think about doing when I retire. Most of them circle around building stuff, woodworking.

Oh and in case no one has offered, I'll volunteer to swap places with you if you'd like

 

[Lisa99]

I've had a few ups and downs in my 5 years of retirement too. Sometimes it takes some time to find yourself with all the new found time. Since you live in Vegas, just don't start hitting the casinos for something to do. For a start, if you like dogs, get another one or two. Puppies will keep you pretty darn busy for a while.

Zero interest in gambling and not really all that interested in shows; they're super expensive.

After writing the post and getting so many great suggestions I started really thinking about what I love doing. That thought and investigation led me to a PC based game called Cities: Skyline.

It's an incredibly complex simulation game where you start with a piece of land that has water on it, a budget of $70k and one highway.

From there you build your "city". You have to bring in water, electricity, sewage, industry, residential... everything a real city needs. But what they've left out is the pesky people. In SIM City it's more of a reality game with people. Cities is completely different. There are no people that you have to 'build' it's just the city planning and development side of it. And since it's a PC game are no "in game" purchases that are so annoying with most iPad games.

I started last Thursday and haven't slept much since. My city is called "Springdale" and I have 38,000 citizens and the city has a budget surplus of $3.9 million!

I haven't had this much fun in a very long time. The game pushes every one of my buttons. It's complex so satisfies my learning, it's single player (I don't like multi-player games), I can 'pause' my city so if I choose to do something else for a week my city doesn't burn down (constant care and feeding of a game is a nuisance), and there is a community of ardent players to interact with.

Bottom line - I've found something to do that I enjoy, is free after the one-time purchase of the game at $40, and it highly stimulates my brain. Retirement is awesome again cause I sure couldn't do this while working!

 

[ER Eddie]

Zero interest in gambling and not really all that interested in shows; they're super expensive.

After writing the post and getting so many great suggestions I started really thinking about what I love doing. That thought and investigation led me to a PC based game called Cities: Skyline.

It's an incredibly complex simulation game where you start with a piece of land that has water on it, a budget of $70k and one highway.

From there you build your "city". You have to bring in water, electricity, sewage, industry, residential... everything a real city needs. But what they've left out is the pesky people. In SIM City it's more of a reality game with people. Cities is completely different. There are no people that you have to 'build' it's just the city planning and development side of it. And since it's a PC game are no "in game" purchases that are so annoying with most iPad games.

I started last Thursday and haven't slept much since. My city is called "Springdale" and I have 38,000 citizens and the city has a budget surplus of $3.9 million!

I haven't had this much fun in a very long time. The game pushes every one of my buttons. It's complex so satisfies my learning, it's single player (I don't like multi-player games), I can 'pause' my city so if I choose to do something else for a week my city doesn't burn down (constant care and feeding of a game is a nuisance), and there is a community of ardent players to interact with.

Bottom line - I've found something to do that I enjoy, is free after the one-time purchase of the game at $40, and it highly stimulates my brain. Retirement is awesome again cause I sure couldn't do this while working!

Ha. I like playing some videogames, too, so I can relate. Sounds like you are a successful city-builder.

I'll just add a predictable caution: for some people, videogames can become more a compulsion than a healthy entertainment. I say that not to spoil your fun, but because you might be somewhat vulnerable to that sort of thing, given your losses, sense of boredom, feelings of being lost in retirement, etc.

Have fun. Gaming has a lot of cognitive benefits that people don't recognize, and it's often unfairly targeted in the media as a scapegoat, imo. Just be aware that some people get carried away with it, and it causes them to neglect other, more important areas of life.

 

[Lisa99]

Ha. I like playing some videogames, too, so I can relate. Sounds like you are a successful city-builder.

I'll just add a predictable caution: for some people, videogames can become more a compulsion than a healthy entertainment. I say that not to spoil your fun, but because you might be somewhat vulnerable to that sort of thing, given your losses, sense of boredom, feelings of being lost in retirement, etc.

Have fun. Gaming has a lot of cognitive benefits that people don't recognize, and it's often unfairly targeted in the media as a scapegoat, imo. Just be aware that some people get carried away with it, and it causes them to neglect other, more important areas of life.

Great caution! I still love playing pickleball, hiking, and spending time with DH... and I promise to not let my house fall apart

We're leaving tomorrow for a week in Arizona to play in several pickleball tournaments and I won't be taking the computer with me so I don't foresee how gaming could become a problem since we have other interests.

I've never been a 'gamer' before, so this is fun and unique. Once the newness wears off I can see how it will continue to be an enjoyable way to pass the time but not all encompassing.

 

[Sunny]

That thought and investigation led me to a PC based game called Cities: Skyline.

I have that game!!! Although I have yet to get into it. I bought it probably a year ago and haven't given it a fair shake yet.

I am an avid game player, from tournament chess in my younger years to social boardgaming these days and yes, video games throughout my life. I love it when you have a new game that allows you to dive deeply in and enjoy for hours on end. I actually prefer online multiplayer games, but not the twitchy first person shooters that are all the rage now. Haven't found a really good one in years though. If you can find a good mulitplayer game it actually allows you to have social interaction. Not face to face, but I still have a handful of friends I've never met, or only met on vacations, that I've been playing with or bumping into each other in games for the last 15 years.

Great caution! I still love playing pickleball, hiking, and spending time with DH... and I promise to not let my house fall apart

Still? I don't ever recall hearing about pickleball before. Just googled it, very interested. My wife and I are not really gym people but need to find a way to be more active. I used to do racquetball but nearly losing the use of my legs and a back surgery put an end to that. Disc Golf was great fun for awhile, but aggravates a shoulder injury. Wonder if Pickleball could be tolerated. Off to go look for local courts.

 

[Lisa99]

Wonder if Pickleball could be tolerated. Off to go look for local courts.

With your racquet sport background you'd be awesome at pickleball! Try out this URL to find the closest place to you to play. Places to Play Pickleball

 

[ivinsfan]

Zero interest in gambling and not really all that interested in shows; they're super expensive.

After writing the post and getting so many great suggestions I started really thinking about what I love doing. That thought and investigation led me to a PC based game called Cities: Skyline.

It's an incredibly complex simulation game where you start with a piece of land that has water on it, a budget of $70k and one highway.

From there you build your "city". You have to bring in water, electricity, sewage, industry, residential... everything a real city needs. But what they've left out is the pesky people. In SIM City it's more of a reality game with people. Cities is completely different. There are no people that you have to 'build' it's just the city planning and development side of it. And since it's a PC game are no "in game" purchases that are so annoying with most iPad games.

I started last Thursday and haven't slept much since. My city is called "Springdale" and I have 38,000 citizens and the city has a budget surplus of $3.9 million!

I haven't had this much fun in a very long time. The game pushes every one of my buttons. It's complex so satisfies my learning, it's single player (I don't like multi-player games), I can 'pause' my city so if I choose to do something else for a week my city doesn't burn down (constant care and feeding of a game is a nuisance), and there is a community of ardent players to interact with.

Bottom line - I've found something to do that I enjoy, is free after the one-time purchase of the game at $40, and it highly stimulates my brain. Retirement is awesome again cause I sure couldn't do this while working!

This is great to read and I think it seems like a great stress reliever. It takes so much concentration that you can't dwell on things that are upsetting or causes you stress, it sounds perfect for you right now.

 

[iloveyoga]

First, I am sorry for your loss. I have enjoyed reading your posts and all the great ideas.

When I first retired, my DH advised me to pretend like I was on vacation until I adjusted. Good advice.

I try not to do anything that requires an alarm clock, that is one of my rules.

I have built my schedule around my yoga classes, that helps me with defining the days and weeks. My DH and I try to walk at least 2 miles outside every day. My family loves to travel so that is part of the schedule too. I work about 10 hours a week for my son who owns his owns HVAC business.

Four years in I love it. Best wishes to you.

 

[Rambler]

I've not had to endure the losses you have, but I did have a sense of profound loss for a while when I retired. Loss of the job meant loss of who I was, or who I had become. My former work crosses my mind most every day, even now, four years in. However, those thoughts now are mostly fleeting.

I get it on the RV thing, to a point. I wanted an Rv that could be used for both local mountain/lake/stream camping and cross country stuff. DW fell in love first with a TT that was too big for the local parks, and then an even bigger diesel pusher that I have to do the driving. I often want to relax when I get to the destination...driving a big rig (if you aren't a pro) is a lot of work and takes al lot out of you. DW wants to go-go-go as soon as we get to where we are headed for the day. I'd also like to get a small TT for the local stuff, and we can afford it, but permission has not been granted...not sure why. This year, I'll be looking for some Commercial RV parks that are reasonable close, in th mountains by lakes and streams, where we can take the big boy and park it for a week and maybe do some trail runs and swimming with the dogs. If that doesn't work out, I'll likely suggest to DW that we sell it. We both love it, but it's a lot of work if you can't enjoy it. Oh yeah, our other problem is that we've only used the big pusher as a way to go visit the kids...enjoyable, but not the reason we bought it. This year, the kids are moving to places so far that we will have to fly to go see them or drive 400-500 miles a day in the RV for 5-6 days straight...each way...not my idea of fun. I'm curious about the OP's reasons the RV didn't work out.

 

[Carpediem]

I'm curious about the OP's reasons the RV didn't work out.

Fyi....Here is the OP's RV response on page 4 of this thread:

DH isn't a detail-oriented person and had no interest in learning how a 40 ft. Fifth Wheel worked.

I was starting to resent being 100% responsible for keeping the rig running and us safe so we agreed it was better to sell it than cause a problem in our marriage. I'm good with traveling by car and like hotels so all is good.

 

[Sunny]

With your racquet sport background you'd be awesome at pickleball! Try out this URL to find the closest place to you to play. Places to Play Pickleball

Thanks. Ended up checking out a place listed at that link and now we are signed up for a beginner class starting later this month.

 

[pedidiva]

Such a lovely thread. I have learned a great deal. Thanks you so much.

Pedi

 

[Jerry1]

I started really thinking about what I love doing. That thought and investigation led me to a PC based game called Cities: Skyline.

I started last Thursday and haven't slept much since.

I haven't had this much fun in a very long time.

Be careful!

 

[Lisa99]

Be careful!

No worries! I haven't played in almost 2 weeks and I've survived.

We were in Arizona for a pickleball tournament then my back went out. I've been flat on my back in bed for almost a week (other than to hobble to take care of the bodily functions). Just started moving around gingerly yesterday.

 

[Gotadimple]

No worries! I haven't played in almost 2 weeks and I've survived.

We were in Arizona for a pickleball tournament then my back went out. I've been flat on my back in bed for almost a week (other than to hobble to take care of the bodily functions). Just started moving around gingerly yesterday.

See! This is what happens when you start having too much fun. Get well soon.

- Rita