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Old 02-10-2008, 09:37 AM   #61
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I was starting to think "my there really are good parents out there", and it than I read this crazy article. I guess it isn't quite as a bad as Brittany's mom writing a book on parenting, but what are these parents thinking.
Letting a kid live at home rent-free?!? Where's the incentive to move out? Even if the rent is just saved and gifted back to the kid to deposit in their IRA (assuming they have earned income)...

These parents are their own worst enemies-- either in denial about saving for retirement or not wanting to be empty-nesters.

Spouse had one of those car conversations Friday with our kid (no electronic distractions, no eye contact) about leaving the nest:
Spouse: "... after all, you'll be starting college in just 930 days, right?"
Kid: "Mom, don't you pay attention to the counter on the desktop? It's only 920 days! I can't wait!"
Spouse: "So you've been counting them down, eh?"
Kid: "Oh, I am so outta here."

I don't understand wanting to artificially prolong the child-raising experience. You've worked hard to launch them, so take vicarious pleasure from their successes... after all, you taught them how to make it happen.
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Old 02-10-2008, 09:37 AM   #62
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The two best things you can give your kids are (in order):

1) A work ethic
2) An education

The rest is redundant and may be counterproductive.
Good genes!!
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Old 02-10-2008, 11:15 AM   #63
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Good genes!!
From "What Do You Owe Your Kids?"

You've heard it on every airplane you've ever flown. "Place the oxygen mask over your own face before assisting children." The rationale: If you pass out, you won't be able to help your kids. That same principle should govern any proffer of goodies to grown children, says Michael Eisenberg, a Los Angeles C.P.A. and lawyer. If you're overly generous, you'll have to do without that new kitchen, the trip to Peru you'd planned or a longed-for tummy tuck.

Well, I for one would hate to make do without that upcoming tummie tuck, so now that I finally have been given a good reason I will know to say no if I am ever approached.

Ha
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Old 02-10-2008, 11:34 AM   #64
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From "What Do You Owe Your Kids?"

You've heard it on every airplane you've ever flown. "Place the oxygen mask over your own face before assisting children." The rationale: If you pass out, you won't be able to help your kids. That same principle should govern any proffer of goodies to grown children, says Michael Eisenberg, a Los Angeles C.P.A. and lawyer. If you're overly generous, you'll have to do without that new kitchen, the trip to Peru you'd planned or a longed-for tummy tuck.

Well, I for one would hate to make do without that upcoming tummie tuck, so now that I finally have been given a good reason I will know to say no if I am ever approached.

Ha

My daughter will not ask me for money but if she tells me some tale of woe I start throwing money at the problem but now I'm getting good at saying 'I'm sure you and your husband will figure that out ".
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Old 02-10-2008, 12:27 PM   #65
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Nords.. it sounds like you are a good dad (& yr. wife a good mom) raising a good kid.. even if you have had some hurdles. Hats off and best of luck.

Living in Italy I come up all the time against a traditional culture of dependence. They can't believe I left home at 17 (even though financial support was there for me).

I saw my grand-nephew (! can't believe I actually have a grand-nephew- by marriage, tho') of 3+ being spoon-fed by dad, mom, and grandma. He was perfectly capable of feeding himself. Likewise, I was playing with the kid in the kitchen where there's a wall of opaque glass tiles they use as a white board. We're drawing away together with markers and when the area's full I encourage him to erase so he can draw more. Dad (my nephew) pops in and sees the kid erasing and.. takes the eraser OUT of the kid's hands and erases it HIMSELF. He and mom have put themselves into the role of the kid's slaves, and don't tell me the kid doesn't know it.

Certain people WANT to create a kid -for whatever reason- that is dependent on them. For me, that would be my worst nightmare.. I told the nephew that he should celebrate and encourage every little thing the kid can do for himself (to an appropriate level, not being an ogre) unless he wants to end up with a 40-y.o. living at home. That I would sooner cut off my finger, or the kid's, rather than spoonfeed them ad infinitum. It's hard saying such stuff to a parent not being one myself, but I really feel strongly about it and had this rare personal occasion to express it. To see the literal tears of joy in the grandma's eyes (my 50-something SIL) at the selfish "opportunity" she had to "baby" this kid.. eccch. These parents are spoiling their kids to make up for something THEY lack, not to empower the kid. Empowering or "raising" the kid is the last thing they really want, IMHO.

I met an unmarried couple in Bologna. The guy owned an expensive condo and office condo in the center. Audis, expensive vacations, etc. Financial consultants, tax atty.s in their 30s. Every weekend each went to their 60-70-something respective "mommies" and dropped off their dirty laundry and picked up their week's worth of clean laundry and mom-prepared food since otherwise they would starve and go without clean underwear. It was sickening.

This is universal here. Our yoga teacher is the same.. a 30-40 y.o. (another CPA-type) living with mamma. I forget the context but at one point I just had to say "you know what? I clean my house and I do my own laundry and I have since I was 17. You have all these nice white togs that I'm sure you find clean and perfumed and ironed and folded at the bottom of your bed every day.." Her eyes widened, but she said "you're right". It just didn't occur to her that it might be any different for anyone else! But she claimed it would be "impossible" to get her mother to stop doing her laundry. Boh!?
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Old 02-10-2008, 07:11 PM   #66
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I think the biggest problem is that the parents, for whatever reason, are enabling their kids' behavior instead of teaching them how to live independently. Every bit of training I had to give or take in the military was designed to produce a graduate with skills who could immediately start hauling their weight, and that's pretty much the philosophy we've followed with our kid.

But hey, I'm ER'd now, we're only a few years away from being empty nesters, and I don't have to be so zealous. If this is how these people want to live their lives (while continuing to work and pay into SS & Medicare) then it's their own darn fault choice.

So I'd like to help those parents who just can't cut the apron strings. What address should I send my dirty laundry and my menu requests to?
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Old 02-10-2008, 07:58 PM   #67
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I think the biggest problem is that the parents, for whatever reason, are enabling their kids' behavior instead of teaching them how to live independently. Every bit of training I had to give or take in the military was designed to produce a graduate with skills who could immediately start hauling their weight, and that's pretty much the philosophy we've followed with our kid.

But hey, I'm ER'd now, we're only a few years away from being empty nesters, and I don't have to be so zealous. If this is how these people want to live their lives (while continuing to work and pay into SS & Medicare) then it's their own darn fault choice.

So I'd like to help those parents who just can't cut the apron strings. What address should I send my dirty laundry and my menu requests to?
My parents said '18 and out' from birth (though I did return over college breaks).

Can any of those perpetual parents come over here and do housecleaning?
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Old 02-10-2008, 09:21 PM   #68
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Good genes!!

OK, 3
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Old 02-11-2008, 10:37 AM   #69
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Did anybody else catch the fact that the financial planner suggested they refi to a $200,000 mortgage, which counts $30,000 leftover as a safety net?
Is that wise? If you look a couple of paragraphs up (in Balance income and outgo), you'll notice that the financial planner mentions that they spend about $25,000/yr. more than the husband brings in.
I understand that their refi may be slightly less (if they're really lucky), than the rate they'll earn in a money market account.
But who here thinks that they'll blow through the $30k very quickly? :confused:
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Old 02-11-2008, 10:51 AM   #70
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I saw my grand-nephew (! can't believe I actually have a grand-nephew- by marriage, tho') of 3+ being spoon-fed by dad, mom, and grandma. He was perfectly capable of feeding himself. Likewise, I was playing with the kid in the kitchen where there's a wall of opaque glass tiles they use as a white board. We're drawing away together with markers and when the area's full I encourage him to erase so he can draw more. Dad (my nephew) pops in and sees the kid erasing and.. takes the eraser OUT of the kid's hands and erases it HIMSELF. He and mom have put themselves into the role of the kid's slaves, and don't tell me the kid doesn't know it.

Certain people WANT to create a kid -for whatever reason- that is dependent on them.
WOW. That's insane!
Our 3 year old boy has been walking over to the TV, setting up the LeapsterTV on the TV for almost a year now. If he wants to play it, he just gets up and connects it up, and switched the TV to the proper video input.

I can remember seeing this on an episode of a TV show. A boy that's the same age as this other boy (who's being spoon fed by his mom), gets his mother's breakfast ready for her (although he eats some of it himself). The babying mom's response is that she's rather shocked.
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